CH 33

“Of course not.”

I didn’t fight with Cassadin. I was just avoiding him.

To think that I decided to become his nest, only to avoid him like this. I could laugh at myself. But I didn’t have the certainty that I would be able to look him in the eyes.

It was because I couldn’t forget those eyes glazed with madness, and I felt my breath get caught in my throat from his obsessive gaze.

Was I really this much of a scaredy-cat? A bitter laugh gurgled inside of me from shame.

“Aren, is something the matter? You don’t look well.”

My face must have also shown this, as Father was looking at me with a concerned expression. I attempted to smile in order to reassure him that I was okay.

“It’s nothing.”

Hearing that, Father’s eyebrows furrowed, and he drummed the desk a couple of times.

T-tap, t-tap.

His steady beat reminded me of raindrops falling down on a rooftop.

Father continued to play the melodic beat for a while quietly. It seemed that he already realized I was lying with his quick wit.

“Aren.”

“Yes, Father.”

“If there is something you have on your mind, then I’m here to listen.”

Father stopped drumming the desk and gave me a faint smile.

“I’m always on your side.”

It was just one sentence, but it held much more meaning inside of it. It was an unfathomable amount of affection and absolute trust. Father’s warm ray of kindness was enough to melt my frozen heart.

Because I’ve been thinking that I had been tricking Father this entire time, I decided to tell Father about the events of my past life. Of course, since I also did not know how I returned to the past, I used the excuse of a ‘dream.’

“Father, I’ve actually dreamt a very long dream.”

“Dream?”

“Yes, a dream so terrible that I never want to dream it again. In fact, it’s closer to a nightmare than a dream. In that dream, Father was called to the battlefield, never to come back, and I died a miserable death. The nightmare was so vivid that I must have made you worry, Father.”

I tightly grasped Father’s hand on top of the desk.

“I see. What a horrifying nightmare.”

His voice sounded as if he were calming a frightened child.

“Aren, a nightmare is merely a nightmare. Us being here, alive and well, is proof, isn’t it not?”

A nightmare was just a nightmare. And I nodded in agreement to Father’s claims.

‘He’s right. The past has already passed, and I’m here now, breathing and alive.’

I still don’t know how I returned to the past, but the fact that Father and I were alive, unlike the past. That was the unchangeable truth.

So there was no longer any reason for me to avoid Cassadin.

Leaving Father’s office, I immediately went to knock on Cassadin’s door.

Knock knock.

“Cassadin.”

It was the first time I’d looked for Cassadin since ‘that day.’ I played with my lips under the urge that I needed to control my expression.

But the closed door had no thought of opening.

‘Is he mad?’

There was no way Cassadin didn’t know I was avoiding him. So it might be that he wasn’t opening the door on purpose, despite knowing I was outside.

So I cleared my throat and called out his name in an even gentler voice.

“Cassadin.”

But the door still remained closed. Even after bringing my ear up to the door, I couldn’t hear a single sound inside, much less a person.

I started to get an uneasy feeling, so I burst open Cassadin’s door.

“…”

The wardrobe and other furniture were all where they had originally been. Even the clothes that I gifted him, and the bed that was large enough to fit several people.

However, the owner of the said room was not there.

…Cassadin had disappeared.

The room, without its owner, felt desolate. Feeling my blood run cold, I called out his name one more time.

“Cassadin.”

Without the owner’s name, the call wasn’t returned.

Cassadin stopped for a moment and looked back. For a moment, it felt like his sister had called his name.

Shaking his head, he turned around. The black robe he was wearing must not have been enough to cover his sparkling appearance, as the people in the square were all stealing glimpses of him.

In case someone recognized him, Cassadin pulled up the black robe even further.

For the past few months, he stayed at the Earl’s mansion, and Cassadin learned many things. Like how Aren learned about Cassadin, he also learned about Aren and more.

Gaining information was nothing for Cassadin. Not only was he a free man now, but he was also a family member of a noble family.

Being a noble had many benefits. He could buy poisonous herbs that only grow in the north from a black market merchant that only traded with nobles, and obtain normally unobtainable information just with the single reason that he was a ‘noble.’

“I’ve heard the Grand Duke Damian filed a lawsuit against the imperial house.”

“I have also heard the news. They say that it’s not long until the trial.”

“I worry that the empire will see bloodshed.”

Not to mention, just walking through a highly populated area could give him a large picture of what the current big issues were.

Pretending to be out on a walk, Cassadin listened to what the people around him were saying. Though some of it was useless information, he could filter what he picked up.

‘You don’t even know who the real enemy is. You are trying to kill the wrong person.’

But it was hard to know whether what Aren said was the truth or not. If he asked, his sister would tell him.

But he hesitated. To Cassadin, who had f seen the ugliest sides of humans for a long time, trusting someone was like voluntarily putting his throat against a knife.

‘Meeting you at my lowest state made you my salvation, but was my existence salvation for you?’

Or was it the opposite?

‘Who set that standard for dirtiness?’

The way Aren caressed his face with affection and kissed his forehead pierced deeply into his heart.

His sister, whom he felt was sinful just from looking at how brightly she shone, started to avoid him since that day.

‘Sorry, Cassadin, but I’m busy right now.’

How did he feel after seeing his sister make excuses and avoid his eyes?

It wasn’t emptiness or distress.

Joy.

He was happy that she had finally realized his dark inner intentions.

Cassadin stopped walking for a moment and looked up at the sky. The clear skies had become dark with stormy clouds at some point. And it wouldn’t be odd for rain to start pouring at that very moment.

“Has anyone seen Cassadin today?”

Realizing that Cassadin had disappeared, I gathered all of the servants in the mansion and asked them about his whereabouts.

“Is Mister Cassadin not in his room?”

“He wasn’t in his room. Did anyone happen to see him leave the mansion?”

“I hadn’t seen him at all.”

“Me either.”

“I believe no one has left the mansion today.”

“We’re sorry that we weren’t of any help.”

The servants must have been clueless, as they all shook their heads. Hearing the answers of all the servants, I massaged my temples and let out a deep sigh.

‘He’s able to sneak into the Imperial Palace, so it would be child’s play for him to sneak past the servants.’

If he wasn’t in his room, then where was he? It was clear that he went out, but no one had seen him.

If Cassadin left like this and wouldn’t come back, then it would be Father who would leave for the battlefield once again, and my plans to drag Damian down would fail.

Looking up through the window in uneasiness, I saw the skies darken with stormy clouds. The state they seemed to be in, with rain about to fall at any moment, was just how I felt inside at the moment.

“…It seems like it will rain soon.”

At the same time that a servant muttered that to himself, the skies started to pour down large raindrops.

Plop. Plop.

The small number of droplets soon became many, and then they became too many to count.

Shwooooooo.

The rain seemed ready to soak everything within its boundaries. Staring up at the indifferent skies, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Find him.”

It was definitely my own voice, but the flat and tired voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.

“Do whatever you need to do, however much money it takes.”

“…”

“We must find Cassadin before it’s too late. Do you all understand?”

“Y-yes, Miss!”

With my command, the servants all scattered to their places. I even called for the mansion’s knights. I also put on a robe and made preparations to go out.

“M-Miss!”

“Where are you going in the middle of all this rain?!”

The servants and knights all went pale as they persuaded me not to go.

“How can I call myself an older sister if I stayed inside when my one and only younger brother disappeared?”

“We will prepare for a carriage right away.”

“It’s fine.”

I waved a hand to express my refusal.

“I don’t need a carriage. I will be going alone.”

All the servants shook their heads and refuted.

“It’s dangerous!”

“Who knows when this rain will stop?”

“We will all be mincemeat if Master finds out.”

A few of the servants were already on their way to report this to Father. And watching them take their leave, I begrudgingly complied.

“Alright.”

It might be quicker to travel in a carriage than to walk in order to find Cassadin. So I agreed to the servants’ urges and got on the carriage.

“Giddyup!”

When I entered the carriage, the coachman started the horses. Sitting down, I clasped my hands together and prayed to a God I didn’t even believe in. Please let us safely find Cassadin and return home.

After finishing my prayer and dropping my hands to my knees, I turned my head to the scenery outside. The rain seemed to have no intention of stopping anytime soon.

The wheat fields and hills that I could see outside were no different from usual, but they felt oddly depressing. Maybe it was because of the rain.

Thinking that Cassadin could possibly be out there, I made sure to take in every last person I could see. Just like the people rushing back home away from the rain or the people shaking from the cold of it.

But I couldn’t see one hair that belonged to Cassadin.

How much had the carriage traveled? Time continued to pass until darkness had completely engulfed the skies. One by one, lights started to shine through the houses.

Just as I was massaging my tired eyes from looking out the entire time, someone caught my eye.

“Wait. Stop the carriage.”