Chapter 106 - Not That Kind Of Rule

ELRETH

Elreth had taken beast form to leave Aaryn because she wanted to move quickly. And she wanted an excuse for not talking to him more. But she threw the beast off before she was halfway home. She needed to think.

What was wrong with her? Why did she keep letting her emotions rule and lashing out?

Images of the faces of the elders when she'd torn into them twisted her gut. Then she flashed on everything she'd said to Gar the night before and she groaned. That was twice she'd used her rank to set people down and she knew it was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

And Aaryn? The way his face opened in shock when she'd given him that parting shot… she groaned and started jogging.

If there was anything she admired in her father, it was how he'd ruled as a male, not as King. He'd never held himself apart from his people, and only used his dominance when an Anima's behavior was dangerous, or downright defiant. Usually he persuaded, encouraged, or negotiated with people to bring them alongside. It was why the people loved him. He was real—and he didn't see his position as a state of power, but as a responsibility to others.

She saw it that way too. Her cheeks flushed as her words to Gar echoed, and the force with which she'd come down on the elders beat at her.

What was she doing? Why was she letting these things cross her lips. She knew being Queen didn't mean throwing her weight around so that others would give her what she wanted. She knew that!

And the truth was, while Aaryn could be emotional at times, too, she had a feeling he'd already figured this part out. That his leadership wasn't marked by forcing others to bend to his will, but by working with them to find the best solution.

It was how he was with her, too.

She'd been so wrong to pose that question about his motives for wanting to mate her. She knew it wasn't true. She was going to have to apologize. She knew Aaryn loved her—and even though he was dominant, he'd always put himself below her by choice. He believed in her to rule the people, yet here she was, either falling over weak and doubting, or lashing out to make people do her bidding.

This was not the kind of Queen she wanted—needed—to be!

She slowed to a walk as she neared the end of the trail to the royal meadow.

Even though her father could drive her crazy, the truth was, he was an amazing ruler. The best the Anima had ever had. It was why she'd entirely dismissed the idea of taking dominance this early. He was good for the people. Even in the areas where she disagreed, or thought he should do more, she knew the truth was that no one could do everything. There would be elements of her rule that she would look back on with regret, she was sure.

Her father was, by all accounts, the best and most dominant ruler the Anima had ever had. Though he claimed his father was stronger, Elreth doubted it. She suspected he admired his father and still remembered him with a child's eyes. Because that was how she'd seen her dad until recent years. And even now, when she was fully aware of his faults, she thanked the Creator that he was her father. How would she ever measure up?

He was an amazing male: Strong, patient, loving, and hilarious. When he wasn't being gross. She let out a deep sigh.

She still needed him. She was Queen, and she still needed her daddy. What did that say about her?

Shrugging off the uncomfortable thought, she reached the end of the path through the trees, and instead of heading straight for the cave, she turned towards her old tree house where her parents now lived. Perhaps part of the reason she kept falling over was because instead of asking people for help, she kept trying to handle everything on her own.

Well, she was going to accept her weakness now, and go to her father for advice, because this was one area where she wanted to rule as he had, and she knew it was stupid not to let him teach her how to do it.

He'd always told her humility was the key to good leadership—knowing your own strength, but not trumpeting it for others. Let them trumpet it for you.

She sighed again and knocked on her parent's door, then opened it. "Hey, it's me. Are you guys home?" she called as she slowly swung the door open.

"Come in, El," her father's deep voice replied. She had to step all the way in to find him, sitting at the dining table, his hands around a steaming cup of kaf. Which meant he wasn't sleeping. Which meant things were bad.

He never drank kaf.

"How are you doing?" he asked, turning in his chair to look at her as she crossed the living area towards him. Elreth made herself look at him—really look at him. And what she saw disturbed her to her core.

He had dark circles under his eyes—eyes that has already been lined, but now seemed tight and pained with it. In fact, his entire face seemed to drag for the floor in lines of grief and anger.

Elreth's stomach dropped. Her parents were still fighting? She hadn't seen them fight for more than a day, maybe two for… well, forever.

"Dad!" she said, hurrying over to him. "You look terrible."

"Well, thanks, El, that's definitely helpful," he said dryly, pulling out the chair at the end of the table for her as she approached.

"Where's Mom?" she asked, looking around.

"Your mother has gone for a walk. She wanted to be alone for a while. She'll be back in an hour or so, I'm sure. Did you need her? Are you just saying hello, or do you  need some help?"

Elreth took the seat and reached across for his free hand, squeezing it. He squeezed her back, but then let go and took another drink from his kaf.

This was definitely bad.

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