CH 48

Translated by Addis of Exiled Rebels Scanlations

Editor: Mimosa

Xiao Ke sat on the bed after returning to the room, and his head hurt because of how angry that person made him. If it weren’t for the fact that he had promised the other that he would never leave him again, then Xiao Ke would’ve definitely changed and left already if they had gotten into a fight. If you don’t sleep with me, why am I still here?

He sat leaning against the bed for more than an hour, but there was no movement outside. Xiao Ke felt so angry that his heart felt like water. What is wrong with this person? Is his brain really wooden, ah? Do you not know how to coax, ah?

Zhou Zui also did not know how to coax so he sat there for a long time, and the more he thought about it, the more unpleasant he felt. He felt very regretful. Professor Xiao had been doing this every day for who, ah? It was all for him. If he were to give up halfway, then he would feel ashamed facing Teacher Xiao’s pure heart. Zhou Zui got out of bed to walk out, and he pondered for half a day at Xiao Ke’s door before he knocked gently on the door.

Xiao Ke heard him knocking on the door but did not intend to pay attention to it.

Zhou Zui’s voice came through the door as he asked tentatively, “Professor Xiao…You’re asleep?”

Xiao Ke lay down on the bed and did not say a word. I was afraid you wouldn’t come, as long as you came, I would be relieved.

Xiao Ke felt really angry today and didn’t open the door for Zhou Zui, who obviously had the key. However, Xiao Ke did not give any instructions, and he did not dare to open the door but clutched it in his hand. After asking a few questions at the door without getting any response, Zhou Zui sat down on the sofa, and there was no sound from the room Xiao Ke was in until late at night so he guessed that he was really asleep.

Zhou Zui touched his phone and sent a message to Xiao Ke, [Professor Xiao, I was wrong.]

However, Xiao Ke has already fallen asleep. He had not been able to sleep well every night which made his body already very tired, but he also wanted to leave that wood to dry out all night and slept soundly in the room.

Zhou Zui had no choice but to go back to his room and finally sent Xiao Ke a message, [Don’t be angry.]

Xiao Ke woke up in the morning and saw the two messages to which he grimaced as he did not intend to care. After a good night’s sleep, he was not very angry but wanted to take advantage of this time to make Zhou Zui rethink about how he overthought over nothing. Who am I? What’s our relationship? You don’t need to feel like you owe me anything, because in this world, we are a unified existence. Zhou Zui could never understand this, and Xiao Ke was determined to get this concept into his brain. 

The next time, Zhou Zui did not dare to talk to Xiao Ke as Xiao Ke sullenly kept ignoring him without looking at him. He didn’t even get out of the car when he arrived at the store entrance, and let Zhou Zui get out before he drove away.

Mr. Zhou felt very hurt as Professor Xiao never had a cold face towards him which was very unpleasant.

Xiao Ke was doing it on purpose. Professor Xiao has been gentle and soft all year long, you don’t think that I don’t have the temper to teach you a lesson? Xiao Ke had decided to go back to his parents’ house today. He would have gone back anyway even if this fight hadn’t happened, but Zhou Zui didn’t know this.

The couple was watching TV while eating watermelon when he went back, and Old Xiao cut the watermelon into small quarters that he poked a toothpick into to eat. When he opened the door, they both looked at each other and were a little surprised to see him.

“Why can’t I come back?” Xiao Ke brought in all the fruits and changed his shoes which he moved to the balcony.

Dr. Xu asked him, “Are you on summer vacation?”

“Yes, I am.” Xiao Ke went to wash his hands and sat on the couch to eat watermelon before he asked Dr. Xu, “Aren’t you going to the hospital today?”

Dr. Xu said, “I’m off work today.”

Xiao Ke hadn’t been home for two weeks, but he didn’t feel the warmth of family and missed them. The old man and his wife were doing what they should be doing which was discussing the case broadcast on the legal channel, and Xiao Ke couldn’t even intervene if he wanted to as they didn’t want to include him.

“Can you also give me some respect, you two?” Xiao Ke laughed as he poked a piece of watermelon to eat and said to his parents. “You are not welcoming me.”

“How can we welcome you?” Dr. Xu gave him a look that showed that she obviously did not care much. “Why are you so nosy? You have to set off a firecracker or something?”

Xiao Ke covered his heart while feeling that his status recently at home dropped to as low as the ground since his father did not love him, and his mother did not love him so he was nothing.

However, Dr. Xu had said that, but he still went to buy crabs in the afternoon which were June’s fresh yellow ones that were half cut in the middle and fried with flour.

Xiao Ke has loved this since he was a child.

In the evening, Xiao Ke ate several of them, and Dr. Xu gave him another half which was put in his bowl. She said, “Don’t eat it after this, it’s too cold and you’ll get a stomachache later.”

“It’s okay.” Xiao Ke said.

Old Xiao ate his meal and left the table which left Xiao Ke and Dr. Xu behind. Dr. Xu gave him a piece of spare ribs and looked at him before she asked, “What’s wrong with you? Did something happen?”

Xiao Ke blinked. “No, why are you asking all of a sudden?”

“Don’t pretend with me,” Dr. Xu said calmly. “I don’t see you anymore except for when it’s over.”

Xiao Ke paused before he shook his head with a smile and said, “It’s true that Dr. Xu still has love for Little Xiao, but I’m really fine. It is really not bad. There, I told you, do not worry about me, I am thirty years old.”

“Oh,” Dr. Xu also did not ask deeper questions, and Xiao Ke would not say anything so she never asked anything more. “Not good, if there is something you need to tell me, it doesn’t matter if you are thirty or forty. As long as we are still alive, you are our child.”

This phrase touched Xiao Ke’s heart. He never thought about things far off into the future. He was really against the idea of his parents leaving him one day. Xiao Ke pulled out a tissue and wiped his fingers. The corners of his lips quivered as he smiled and said, “Then I hope I can always be a child.”

Dr. Xu just smiled and didn’t say anything. Xiao Ke didn’t even leave after dinner, but stayed on the couch while grumbling that he had eaten too much and played games with his parents as he deliberately ignored the phone vibrating in his pocket.

Throughout the day, Zhou Zui sent several messages asking him if he would return, but Xiao Ke did not reply to him. This time, after seeing that it was almost dark, he could not sit still and called him.

Old Xiao pointed to Xiao Ke’s pocket, “Your phone is ringing.”

Xiao Ke smiled and said, “I know.”

“Conflict?” Old Xiao stole two glances at him before he said, “What kind of person have we not seen so far, what kind of temperament, ah? Already fighting? Does he get physical?”

“What do you mean ‘get physical’?” Xiao Ke burst out laughing. “What year is it, Teacher Xiao? Besides, if he really did get physical, I could still beat him up. Did I learn martial arts for nothing?” 

Old Xiao looked at him but didn’t say anything else. In his pocket, Xiao Ke’s phone started ringing once more. Xiao Ke originally wanted to draw it out for a bit longer, but upon thinking of Teacher Zhou’s unhappy expression, he couldn’t bear to. It had been about long enough. Thus, he walked out to the balcony to answer the phone. When he did, he made a soft “Yeah”.

Zhou Zui’s tone was extremely careful as he called out, “Professor Xiao?”

As soon as Xiao Ke heard his voice, he couldn’t help but laugh as he struggled to keep his face and voice tense when he answered, “Yes?”

Zhou Zui asked in a low voice, “Where are you? Are you coming back tonight?”

Xiao Ke opened the window and poked his head out to talk on the phone as he gently picked at the glass crack, “What can I do if I don’t go back? What difference does it make?”

“There is a difference,” Zhou Zui’s voice sounded so honest and sincere as he spoke in a coaxing whisper, “I was wrong.”

The smile on Xiao Ke’s face could no longer be suppressed, and he pursed his lips to push the smile back as he asked him, “Want me to go back? What do I need to go back for?”

Zhou Zui answered honestly, “I want you to come back and sleep with me and sing me a song, okay, Professor Xiao?”

He was actually not angry anymore, but he just wanted Zhou Zui to remember this so he had pretended to be for so long. He gave a laugh and said, “Still at the store? I’ll pick you up?”

“Yes.” Zhou Zui answered immediately.

After Xiao Ke finished with the phone call, he said that he wanted to leave, and his father and mother did not pay attention to him nor did they even raise their heads as they only said “Drive slowly”, Xiao Ke put on his shoes and waved his hand before he ran downstairs.

After showering that night, Zhou Zui very conscientiously returned to the master bedroom and didn’t dare to make noise. Xiao Ke had already finished showering and was lying in bed while reading a book. Zhou Zui walked around to the other side of the bed,without daring to breathe too heavily. Xiao Ke didn’t look at him and didn’t respond to his presence. Eventually, Zhou Zui couldn’t stop himself from scooting closer. He gently removed the book from Xiao Ke’s hands and hugged him. He very seriously admitted his faults, “I was wrong. I drove myself into a dead end. Don’t be mad at me, Professor Xiao.”

Xiao Ke’s nose was on Zhou Zui’s collarbone, and he opened his mouth to grind his teeth onto his collarbone, “What if you do this next time? Are you a child? I’ll get dressed next time and leave, then I won’t be waiting for you at the door.”

Zhou Zui used a little more force to hug him tighter.

The first time when Xiao Ke showed his temper, Zhou Zui also remembered clearly. As he slept that night, he did not dare to let go of Xiao Ke and just kept holding him with closed eyes. He did not see any reaction, and could only hold tighter.

Xiao Ke was afraid that he would be uncomfortable, and saw that he was fast asleep so he gently pushed while trying to distance himself from him. Zhou Zui did not let go and buried his face in the front of Xiao Ke’s body as he was unwilling to let go.

Xiao Ke’s smile faded, Why was an old thing so pampered? Thus, Xiao Ke raised his hand to gently rub the back of his head as his fingertips scraped against his scalp one by one, and the short hair stubble still felt really good.

What was actually unexpected was that Zhou Zui actually naturally fell asleep in Xiao Ke’s arms with a steady and long breathing pattern without any fluctuations. Xiao Ke looked down at him with his mouth slightly open as he was very surprised.

If  he had known that a fire between them could have this effect, why did he stay up for so many days without any sleep?

This night was a turning point, and the progress from this day onwards progressed by leaps and bounds.

Zhou Zui no longer resisted physical contact when his eyes were closed, and although he still slept restlessly a lot of the time, he could feel Xiao Ke’s warmth and catch his scent even with his eyes closed.

Xiao Ke wanted to laugh every time he thought about it since it was amazing.

During the summer, Xiao Ke did not go anywhere and spent the entire vacation doing important things. During the day when he was at the store, he was busy with work as he looked at the data to create the model in order to write the paper and submitted articles several times to the journal. At night, he put his Teacher Zhou to sleep while patting his back and smoothing his hair, and saying a few words of love that would not wake him up if things went well.

The air was sticky during the summer with a bit of a sweet taste and breathing every breath was sweet and smooth.

On this day, Zhou Zui was doing tattoos in the store as usual. Xiao Ke came downstairs after writing something and went around to Zhou Zui’s side to pour a glass of water.

Xiao Ke poured a cup for him and fed it to his mouth.

Lu Xiaobei’s client was a cute girl with black hair just above her ears that was quite trendy. Both wrists had a tattoo, and the left had something that Xiao Ke did not recognize while the right had a gray kitten that was drawn according to the picture she gave.

Mr. Lu had always been quiet, but he took the initiative today to talk to her and asked, “Beauty, is this cat yours?”

“Yes, it’s my little baby.” The little girl was in pain and hissed out, “Haha,” but still answered him.

“What kind of cat is this?” Lu Xiaobei asked her.

“It’s a folded-ear.” The little girl said.

Lu Xiaobei made an “Oh” sound, and then dilly-dallied before he opened his mouth after a while, “Hey, beauty, I have a picture. Can you help me figure out what breed this cat is? I think it looks quite similar, but I don’t know anything about cats.” 

Xiao Ke raised his eyebrows when he looked over as he rarely saw Lu Xiaobei say so much which was quite unexpected.

The young girl was very quick to agree, and Lu Xiaobei took off his gloves in the middle of the tattoo before he took out his phone to find a set of photos and handed it over as he asked, “I want to buy a cat like this, see if you know the breed.”

“You want to buy a cat, ah?” The little girl smiled and took it, “That’s too cute! The cool guy has a cat…”

“Not me, I want to send it to someone since his cat died.” Lu Xiaobei touched his hat and asked her, “Is it the same or not?”

The little girl looked at a few photos before laughing and shaking her head, “No, this is a blue cat! How are they alike? They are not the same at all!”

“Oh, is it a blue cat?” Lu Xiaobei asked again, “Where should I go to buy one? I see that for some cats, you have to go to the cattery to apply for them, do I need this one? Is it good to buy?”

The girl covered her mouth and smiled with a knowing expression and said, “You’re giving it to your girlfriend, right? It’s romantic! Don’t worry, this is a good buy, someone in my circle of friends is looking for a home for a little blue cat that’s the same as this kind of kitty, but it’s been a few days so I don’t know if they found one, shall I ask for you?”

“Okay thanks,” Lu Xiaobei nodded and said after a while, “Or you should still show me the photos first, I want it to look better and more beautiful, price does not matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s more expensive.”

“I understand! I understand!” The little girl was excited, “I’ll get you the photos first so you can see! After you look at them, then I’ll ask. I think it’s okay. My classmate owns that cattery, and they’re very reliable. Handsome man, you’re so romantic, ah, ah, ah, I’m dying!”

Xiao Ke knew that something was up with Lu Xiaobei these days, but he was tight-lipped this time. Up until now, Xiao Ke did not hear him mention who the other party was, where they met, and how developed the relationship between them was. However, looking at the situation now, he seemed genuine as he was asking about cats to give to the other.

Lu Xiaobei looked at the photos and was indeed very satisfied so he let the girl help him ask, and then ordered two at the same time. He ordered one that looked like the blue cat, and one with a big round face like “Garfield”, which he could pick up in two days.

After the little girl left, Xiao Ke played with Lu Xiaobei’s bald head. After playing with it and shaking it, he sighed and asked, “Why do I think Master Bei is quite attentive?”

Lu Xiaobei tilted his head and asked him, “Brother Xiao, have you ever had a cat? I’ve never had one of those things. I can’t stand the sight of a hairy thing.”

Xiao Ke shook his head, “I’ve never had one either, my Old Xiao is allergic to fine hair.”

“Oh, fuck.” Lu Xiaobei scratched his bald head in annoyance.

Master Bei thought, Since one died, I will give you two, if two is not enough, I will buy eight or ten. As long as you do not fucking pull the face again. Crying so much over just a cat.

Xiao Ke was lucky enough to see the two cats since Lu Xiaobei picked up the cats and brought them back to the store first. The kittens were small enough to fit into his pockets. Xiao Ke looked at these kittens and thought that they were really cute.

Zhou Zui was doing Dharma eggs on someone else’s arm but looked at Xiao Ke twice to see him smiling at the cats so he asked him, “Do you like it?”

Xiao Ke hurriedly shook his head. “No, I’m just looking. I do not want it.”

Xiao Ke was afraid of how the minds of those men who followed one-track worked, in the case that he came back from work one day to suddenly find a cat in the house which would be enough to break people.

Before the end of the summer, Xiao Ke had celebrated his thirty-first birthday. It had been a year since he fell in love with Zhou Zui, but he was still in a mess and disheveled last year as he was drunk alone in a bar when he first met Mr. Zhou. The value of Zhou Zui’s coolness was one hundred percent, as his fierce personality at that time conquered the young drunk Xiao Ke, Professor Xiao.

A year still passed by very quickly, but this year Xiao Ke had learned a lot.

On his birthday, he took Zhou Zui back home to meet Old Xiao and Dr. Xu. Both people still did not know much about the profession of tattoo artist. When coupled with Zhou Zui’s own temperament, they always felt like this person was too aggressive, and secretly said to Xiao Ke afterwards, “I think you two are not that suitable.”

Xiao Ke laughed and reassured them, “Actually, he’s not like what he appears to be, he’s just an older kid with no temper.”

Old Xiao and Dr. Xu were still not completely at ease, but they respected Xiao Ke’s choice as they believed that Xiao Ke was capable of judging others and taking responsibility for his own life.

The group also found a place for them to get together in the late fall and early winter. Old Cao still teased Xiao Ke with his mouth just like last year, while Zhou Zui didn’t bother to pay attention to him except for when he sometimes frowned and told him to “shut up” when he got really upset. Last year in the mountains, Xiao Ke and Zhou Zui stayed in separate rooms, but they stayed in the same room this year.

When they shared a room, Xiao Ke made a joke about Zhou Zui that he told Fang Xi, “I’ll have a room to myself.”

Zhou Zui did not say anything at that time, and it was only when Fang Xi finished dividing the rooms, and the others asked him about it that he said mildly, “I’ll share with Xiao Ke.”

Old Cao snorted and said, “Xiao Ke won’t share a room with you.”

Zhou Zui took Xiao Ke’s room card before he walked away with his bag and said as he walked, “No, we’ll share.”

That winter, Zhou Zui also had his birthday which was well-remembered as it was a very lively day. That day, a group of people stayed until late at night and filled Zhou Zui with a lot of wine, but the man was not drunk. After the party, Xiao Ke did not go home and dragged Zhou Zui back to the store. The whole street was dark as the streetlights had long since gone out, but only their store was lit up.

Zhou Zui meticulously did the preparation work step by step as he oiled the machine and adjusted the color. Zhou Zui said that the tattoo artist nowadays was more into the usage of the motor machine, but he was still more used to the old coil machine. He said that he had been using it for too many years, and the coil machine was more like a paintbrush than a motor machine.

Xiao Ke bent one leg and had one foot on Zhou Zui’s knee with his ankle in the hands of Zhou Zui.

He sat upright in the tattoo chair with a straightened back, and Zhou Zui looked up at him deeply as he said in a deep voice, “It’ll hurt.”

Xiao Ke smiled indifferently, “Professor Xiao is not afraid of pain.”

Zhou Zui held Xiao Ke’s ankle and stroked the scar on his ankle with his thumb. In fact, Zhou Zui liked it as he liked any part of Xiao Ke’s body since every part of it was beautiful. He used to be reluctant when it came to tattooing things on Xiao Ke’s body out of fear that he would be in pain and that he would have no way back.

However, Xiao Ke was never afraid as he was always so persistent and brave, and also unrelenting and passionately naive.

Xiao Ke smiled at him with a slightly raised chin that showed his usual pride and confidence, “Come on, Teacher Zhou, do whatever you want.”

He wanted Zhou Zui to leave him something like the words, “dead yesterday, alive today,” on his own leg as evidence that someone had existed in his life who was someone that he wanted to transform for and wanted to be reborn for.

Zhou Zui had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and Xiao Ke reached out to wipe it away. Zhou Zui looked up at him again, and then adjusted the angle of the tattoo chair to adjust the light.

Mr. Zhou Zui had never used a transfer sheet before and usually drew on the design by hand. He would just hold the coil machine in his hand with the completed diagram in his mind that included a suitable diagram for each body part. He could make the skin and the diagram blend together in a natural and perfect manner.

Xiao Ke’s complexion was very white, and his ankle was so sexy and beautiful. This little scar was already very light in color, so the tattoo was not much of a cover-up so any random picture would make it not be visible. Zhou Zui knew of a hundred ways to make this part extremely provocative and extremely stunning. Since Professor Xiao liked to wear shorts when he was not at work, then he could have given Xiao Ke the most beautiful tattoo.

However, he didn’t.

Zhou Zui picked up the coil machine, and his hand did not stop. Although Xiao Ke was mentally prepared for the feeling of the needle first digging into the flesh, he still gritted his teeth in pain. Xiao Ke bit his lip as he watched Zhou Zui draw onto his ankle without pausing.

Zhou Zui bowed his head and said, “Tattoos hurt since the needle goes into the flesh and brings the pigment into it, then it becomes permanent. I know that it hurts, but the tattoo is not afraid of the pain, and you would not get a tattoo if you were afraid of the pain. Pain in itself is another meaning of tattoos.”

His voice was low and hoarse, but his vocalization was steady and calm. He gently used cotton to wipe a little pigment off of Xiao Ke’s ankle, and then continued to operate the tattoo machine. In the silent night, his voice along with the sound of the machine’s vibrations were burned into Xiao Ke’s heart for a long time.

That was a craftsman, a master of the art, he was polishing the hands of the most satisfactory works, every texture of the skin he carefully observed the treatment, while polishing and explaining, to the work to inject soul.

“I am a craftsman. I have made thousands of designs and have seen so many people. I stabbed something on each person’s heart with indifference. If they hurt, it was hard to feel. I cannot feel. I have always been a cold person.”

“Tattoos are painful, I have tasted it two times. One time was to myself. With each stroke, I tried to pluck away the residue of decay from the body in order to infuse a new person. I want to be good to him as long as the tattoo remains on my body. Until I die, until my skin rots.”

“The next time, it’s you. Every stitch I draw, I’m hurting, my palms are sweating.”

Zhou Zui wiped the area again with a cotton pad, and his movements were fluid and gentle. His eyes carried a deep emotion for his work as they were solemn and reverent.

“I was born with sins, you are good, I am evil. But from today onwards, you have to share my sins and bear my life and destiny together. After today, I will be thirty-seven years old, and I hope to spend another fifty or sixty years with you – in short, as you have said, I will have you for the rest of my life.”

Zhou Zui said each sentence without stopping his hand, his hands on the tattoo machine kept moving in a smooth manner. Finally, he stepped on the switch and the hum of the machine’s vibrations came to a screeching halt.

Zhou Zui sprayed foam onto Xiao Ke’s ankle before he took a clean towel and slowly wiped it off.

Xiao Ke looked down at the place before he pulled his lips into a smile and that smile directly filled his eyes.

It was Zhou Zui’s usual recklessness. His brush had flowed in a single breath to create a few small letters with a strong sense of arrogance. It wasn’t complicated, flashy, or heavy.

–He simply wrote “Sin” onto Xiao Ke’s ankle.

The author has something to say: everything that needs to be written has been written, so let’s stop here. I love the lives of older men and their relationships. There are no extras to see their fate. But there is one extra with the side CP. I’m very grateful for all the support and companionship during this time, every encounter in life is romantic. I wish Professor Xiao and all the good people in the article a good life. I wish you and all the rest a happy life.

Thank you all for the journey.