Chapter 168: Nothing Ever Happens

Chapter 168: Nothing Ever Happens

Leo regarded the cake as he would an enemy while everyone else sang him happy birthday, but he tried not to let it show on his face. After all, despite their differences, the other children had gone to such efforts to make this, and even though they didn’t see eye to eye most of the time, it was still a nice gesture.

It was just too bad that the cake itself was pretty awful. It wasn’t their fault, of course. There was no sugar here and little in the way of sweetness to be found in Sanctuary. He only had the dimmest memories of what sugar tasted like from when he was very young, but he knew that it wasn’t carrot or cream. This cake was a mockery of sweetness, but he was determined to enjoy it all the same, if only because it meant that another year had passed.

Still, when they finished, he blew out the candle and smiled, thanking them all for remembering. The truth was that he didn’t even know if this was his birthday. It almost certainly wasn’t. Half of them had been too young to remember that sort of thing when they’d been rescued by Brother Farbaer and Jordan so long ago.

Leo didn’t even remember the boat they’d been rescued on, but some of the older kids did. They’d told him that one minute, they’d been sailing north with a man called Markez. One second, they’d been looking for a place that still had light somewhere upriver, and the next, the Templar had appeared carrying a child to battle a rotting dragon. It had apparently been a terrifying sight.

The description had been thrilling, but Leo would never know why Brother Farbaer was carrying him that day in the same way that he’d never know his birthday. One day last spring, someone had simply decided that everyone who didn’t know their birthday should get one, so they set about picking one out for everyone and then marking them on a calendar they’d carved into a nearby liveoak so they remembered to celebrate them when the time came.

Not having a birthday had never been a concern of Leo's. At least, not until they came to this ageless place. Now that he never got any older he was pleased to have one, so he could at least keep track of all the growing up he was losing out on.

This candle theoretically made him what? Fourteen? How different was fourteen than eleven for the third time?

He wasn’t sure, but he imagined that given the choice, he would prefer to be aging. Maybe old men like Jordan were glad to stay the same age forever. As far as Leo was concerned, being thirty was already like living with one foot in the grave. He wanted to live, though, and when every day was the same, that bordered on the impossible.

That was why they needed something to mark time. The harvests helped, but really, that was it. Each day was distinct, but given that the weather was never too hot now, and the magic protected them from ever being too cold, it was hard to say what time of year it was on any given day.

So, they made their own holidays now, tracking the passage of time with birthdays and holy days to keep things moving in something that resembled a life. Slowly but surely, the shreds and pieces they knew about Siddrim’s worship blended together and became a new sort of religion to them, and though they didn’t share it with the adults, they enjoyed it.

As he contemplated this, small slices of cake topped with whipped frosting were cut and handed out to everyone. Even Jordan woke up from his nap long enough to join them, though that put a damper on the mood as a whole. The conversations that followed weren’t anything that they hadn’t had a dozen times before, giving Leo all the time in the world to study the man.

On the surface, he was still just as warm and helpful as he’d always been, but the darkness that had spread through him like a cancer had practically taken his eyes now, and not even his polite questions or wide smile could convince most of the children to talk to him any longer than they had to.

“What happened?” another boy said.

“It’s nothing new, of course,” she continued. “There was no accident or emergency; it’s just that every time I... and many of you look at Jordan or the other mage he is with, I see a growing darkness. Brother Farbaer didn’t trust mages, and frankly, I don’t either. I think the sooner we are rid of them, the better.”

What followed was a quiet but spirited debate. Most of them could see a growing darkness in the mage’s soul, but even though some didn’t, all of them argued about what exactly it was that it meant. Was it this place? Was it that book?

“What if he means to do us harm?” Toman cried out, clearly on the side of Cynara.

“I don’t think he means to hurt us,” she said, “But tainting us with his shadows would be almost as bad. If what sister Annise said was true, then we are the last bearers of the Templar’s light. We need to preserve that.”

“But how?” Reggie asked. “There is only darkness beyond the veil that protects us. To leave is to die.”

“So they say,” Rin said, but it was without conviction. No one seriously doubted that the darkness had been defeated in the time they’d been here. They’d all felt Brother Farbaer’s passing, and no one seriously thought that the darkness that was devouring the world could be defeated without him.

After all, how could darkness ever be pushed back without light? Though he prayed that a new light had risen up in some far-off land, Leo, like everyone else he’d talked to, had the sick certainty that they were in. They were twelve tiny flames that stood against the end of the world, and trapped as they were in a place where they could never grow up, they’d probably never be strong enough to do so.

In the end, they held a vote, but less than half of the children thought they should try to leave. Leo said almost nothing the entire time, and it was only when he was prodded to give an opinion after the vote that he said, “It doesn’t matter if we try to escape or not because it’s impossible. You need to be able to work with spells and magecraft, and all that we have is the light.”

Neither the vote nor the words of her peers were enough to stop Cynara and those who agreed with her. They announced that they were going to try anyway, but by morning, Leo woke to find them once again in their own beds.

He never doubted that outcome. While he secretly believed that he could escape this strange prison, he was also sure that no one else could. The light had started to brighten in a few of his friends; at least, he was pretty sure it had. It was normal to wax and wane, but the darkness of the world outside had only grown worse, and baring a sign from the gods or a visit from the ghost of the Templar, he knew that their place was not out there. They were sparks that might one day rekindle a fire or flickering candle flames at best, but they were not a bonfire, and they could not hold back the night.