Chapter 105 - Conflicted

Alyssa knew that the trip was short, but she wished that it hadn't flown by so fast. The day after the festival, they all went out to explore the city.

They went to a local aquarium during the day and went to a nice bar that night to drink and listen to more music.

Every second felt fun, even when Alyssa knew that the trip was soon coming to an end.

She loved the nights that she got to spend with Elias in the hotel room. When they weren't blowing each other's minds, they talked and cuddled.

Of course, they didn't talk about what Alyssa desperately needed to talk to him about. But they talked about everything else.

Everyone was pretty tired when they checked out of the hotel and got situated in Elias' car.

No one wanted to leave just yet, but everyone had responsibilities at home. People still had work and assignments to catch up on. Life couldn't be ignored for that long.

"I don't want to go back," Zoe whined from the backseat before sipping on her coffee.

Alyssa chewed steadily on a muffin she swiped from the breakfast area in the hotel. She blinked her eyes a few times, still trying to fully wake up.

She stayed up late last night with Elias, talking about some of their best memories from the past two years.

He liked talking about their past. He seemed to avoid the future, which was what she needed him to focus on.

"Maybe we can go on one more trip during the summer," she said. She wouldn't have to leave until August at the latest, so she could stick around for one more trip with everyone.

Elias didn't say anything as he drove down the highway.

Alyssa figured that he was tired. She sunk back into her seat as her eyes shifted away from him. When she got back home, things were going to move fast again.

She had to start making decisions because she was going to be living a whole new life in New York. She had to know if Elias was going to be a part of that soon.

She was going to ask him soon. She had to. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't run from her troubles forever.

She was an adult now, which sucked most of the time, but this was her life.

She wanted to be a doctor, but she also wanted to be happy with Elias. She hoped that she could have both.

"We should visit Alyssa all the way in New York one day," Cole told Zoe.

"She can be our tour guide," Zoe laughed lightly.

I smiled a little, thinking about how fun it would be to show them around my new home. By the time they came to visit, I would be pretty familiar with the area.

I could show them the less known spots that tourists missed. Hopefully, Elias would be at my side to show them around too.

"You know that I'll hook you guys up," I told them warmly. I hoped that in a year that things were good for all of us.

I hoped that we were all thriving and happy with our lives because things were going to look different for all of us. I wanted that to be a good thing. I needed it to be.

"That's what I'm talking about," Zoe said excitedly.

I was glad that they were keeping the optimism up. It seemed kind of grim up in the front seat. I wondered what was on Elias' mind.

He seemed quiet for the most part, but it was a lot of driving for him. He was probably trying to relax.

"Where do you guys want to stop for lunch?" Elias asked once silence filled the car.

Of course, he didn't have anything to say about New York. He hardly ever said anything about New York.

He had told her that he was proud of her for getting accepted into medical school, but that was about it. It worried Alyssa. Why would he bother talking about a place that he didn't plan to even visit?

A feeling of dread steadily filled Alyssa, and the voices of her friends fell deaf on her ears. What if they were doing all of this fun stuff now because he was planning to break up with her before she left?

He didn't say anything about breaking up, but he didn't exactly say anything about how they were supposed to stay together after graduation. She hoped that she was just overthinking things.

"Babe?"

Alyssa snapped out of her daze when she heard Elias' voice. She turned to look at him with a confused expression.

"What?" she asked, not hearing what they were talking about.

"Are you fine with getting something quick on the way back? Like fast food?" Elias asked her as he glanced at her. He gave her a perplexed look.

"Oh. Sure," Alyssa said with a nod. She didn't care about where they ate. She had bigger things on her mind right now, like losing the people closest to her and possibly regretting every decision she ever made down the line. 

It was great that Zoe wanted to come visit her and see her in New York, but they wouldn't get to shop together on weekends or gossip over coffee some mornings.

It would take weeks of planning just to see each other, and that killed her. She hated that she was going to be so far away, but she loved the idea of going to New York too.

She needed to grow, and she needed to get away for a while. The weight of everything involving her family still haunted her, and she didn't even want to be in the same state as them anymore.

She wanted to build her own life far away, but she also didn't want to be alone. Everything conflicted. Nothing was easy. Adulthood sucked.

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