Chapter 187: Pinching Penny Pinchers

Chapter 187: Pinching Penny Pinchers

six months ago, in the city of Northguard...

"And how is his exalted cheapness this morning?" The cook was debating if she should reuse the tea leaves from yesterday, or use fresh.

"He's in a fine mood, can't you tell? He refused to have a fire lit in his throne room for the daily audiences, and put on that horrid sheepskin coat of his to keep warm. He mumbled that all the hot air would warm things up and save on the cost of coal." The Baron's manservant had come down to report the daily mood to the household staff. It made things run so much smoother.

The cook nodded. "Right then, yesterday's tea it is and no honey unless he yells for it. I won't have him yelling at me again about wasting money. Can you believe it? I serve him groatmeal every morning, just like a peasant eats, and weak tea and he likes it. Never will figure that man out."

The manservant, Barnabas by name, simply smiled. The cook said much the same thing on the days that his Excellency, Baron Tobias Chintzworthy, Lord of Northguard, and protector of the emperor's northern province of Grultain, was worried about the spending habits of his staff. 'Baron PinchPenny', like many nobles, didn't see the need for his peasants to have a pleasant life. Unlike other nobles, he didn't want to have one either. He was legendary for his niggardly attitudes and love of high taxes. Tax collecting would have gone better if he had more city guard and paid them better. The overworked civil servants could be easily be convinced by a merchant to vastly undervalue the taxable goods for a small bribe.

The large, crumbling castle that he had inherited from his father was in need of repairs, but the Miser Baron preferred leaky roofs and gold in his counting room to slightly less gold and a dry castle. This had the added benefit of chasing off the freeloaders who he would normally be forced to entertain. Random cousins and visiting lords from the provinces only made the mistake of staying with him once. Most of the guest rooms were infested with mold, mice, and bedbugs. If they weren't, the staff put out cheese to attract the needed vermin.

The only part of the castle that was in good repair was the large northern tower and courtyard, and the the surrounding barracks. The Legion maintained a large garrison in Northguard, responsible for keeping peace in the far north of the empire. They maintained their half of the castle and paid rent to the Baron which offset his taxes. Pinchpenney considered it one of the best deals his greatgrandfather had made: trade half of your empty castle for negation of all taxes? Spendid idea! It also cut down on his need for spies and couriers. All of his mail came through the official courier system of the empire, and a few small bribes to the Legion's Intelligence Officer gave him everything he needed to know about that was going on in the north. Most of which he didn't care about in the slightest. This essence is securely nested within the heart of Nøv€lß¡n★

There were two things the Miser Baron cared about enough that he spent money on them: His butterfly collection, and rare tonics and potions only recently discovered by rogue alchemists that were going to change the alchemical industry, and make disease a thing of the past. The butterfly collection had been started by his great-great-great grandfather. The 'rare tonics' were brought to him each month by two trusted merchants who searched the Empire for new and exciting products to bring to him.

He truly didn't want to hold audiences today, it would simply be the same old thing: peasants with not enough food, crafters with not enough workers, merchants demanding payment on bills, some dating back two generations.

At least Barnabas kept them orderly and brought them in one by one. "Alright, who's on first Barney?

Chairs and wine were brought for the three people from Alchemarx. More copies of official agreements were pulled out, along with the reports from certain merchants who felt that selling out their fellow merchants was just business. The Miser Baron was slowly convinced. "Very well, you've shown me the hook, now show me the bait. What do you offer?"

The women all nodded and one spoke. "Firstly, we'll deal with the merchants, showing their union is illegal. Then Alchemarx will pay them all off and get rid of them for you. Our treat. Although we aren't paying interest, and they will have to settle for less than they want. Just details, don't worry about it. Your bills will go away. Next, we fire all of your peasants and replace them with Peasant 2.0, Contract Workers. They can work twice as hard for twice as long, and will never complain about a lack of food. All we ask for is some of the land in your Barony, access to unused resources, and the right to build our own small keep and merchanting village."

Pinchpenny winced. Land? Land was what you didn't get rid of. Still, there was a lot he wasn't using at all, and it just bred bandits and monsters. "No sale, I'll give you 99 year leases with very favorable terms. Maybe a few copper per acre per year."

"That will be difficult to sell to the board, your excellency, but we can push for it. We could possibly offer you something else." A picture was held up of a large butterfly with multicolored wings nearly three-foot across. The glorious bug was sitting on someone's shoulder. "I'm sure that you will be interested to in this specimen. A shepherd seems to have trained it."

Pinchpenny was out of his seat in a flash, grabbing the picture. "Impossible! They are all extinct! Converted to monsters, and killed by the inquisition long ago. How did he find one? Oh, but wouldn't this pretty thing look splendid mounted on my wall! Is he breeding them?"

"Sorry, no. That seems to be the only one."

Pinchpenny stared at the picture. "I must have it!"

The three women smiled at each other. "So we have an agreement then. We solve your merchant problems, stop Gadobhra from rebuilding Rowan Keep, and bring you this specimen. In return we take one quarter of your lands, half your natural resources, and manage our own estates."

The Baron nodded, still entranced by the photo. "As you say, but if you fail in any of the three tasks, the land and buildings revert to me."

The women looked at each other, smiling. "We can work with that. Alchemarx Acquisitions Inc doesn't make mistakes."

Papers were brought out, a lawyer summoned, contracts were signed. By days end several hundred peasants were told they needed to start packing. Alchemarx was getting a late start in this world, but they were hitting the ground running, and time had given them a great deal of information. Such as who had a obsession for collecting rare bugs.