CH 7

Speechless Ambiguity?

Ying Ruoyun looked at the cat in his arms and was overwhelmed with emotion. When he was an undergraduate, they would always meet at the corner of the music building after every practice. Sometimes he would feed it, so they got to know each other over time, and every time he practised, it would sit by the window to keep him company.

Later, when he got together with Shu Jingzhi, they adopted the cat.

It was an amusing memory, as Shu Jingzhi was a clean freak and at first, he refused to take it, but Ying Ruoyun coaxed and pestered him into eventually agreeing.

There was some debate between the two about its name. The cat was white and fluffy, and Ying Ruoyun was not very good at naming them, so he kept using the name 'Xiao Bai', while Shu Jingzhi thought it was too casual. When Ying Ruoyun asked him what he thought of it, Shu Jingzhi considered it seriously for a week and said to him, "Let's call it Milky."

"Does it have any special meaning?"

"Milky is its colour, and every time you look at it, it looks like there is a Milky Way in your eyes."

"Don't I have it when I look at you?"

"Is there?"

"Of course," Ying Ruoyun said with a smile, "there are more stars shining than in the Milky Way."

At that time, Ying Ruoyun thought, he was really good at coaxing people, because at that time, Shu Jingzhi was all he had.

He had thought that, according to Shu Jingzhi's character, after the two broke up, the cat would most likely be given away or something, he never thought that he would continue to raise it.

"Is Milky hungry?" Ying Ruoyun said, "Why is it looking at me so... well, like a wolf?"

"It's not hungry," Shu Jingzhi closed the door behind him, "It's just been fed."

"Then what is it?"

"Think about it yourself."

Ying Ruoyun was puzzled, this cat was clinging to him so strongly that he had no choice but to carry it to Shu Jingzhi's study.

When Shu Jingzhi brought him the score, Ying Ruoyun tried to put the cat down, but Milky didn't accept it at all, staring at him with its big royal blue eyes and letting out a pitiful whimper.

Ying Ruoyun negotiated with him, "I have to practise, can I play with you later?"

Cat: Meow! (No way)

Shu Jingzhi gave it a look, "Be obedient."

Only then did Milky jump out of his arms reluctantly.

Ying Ruoyun said, "I'm really grateful that you can continue to raise Xiao Bai, at the beginning it was actually me..."

"I don't want to hear all this useless stuff," Shu Jingzhi interrupted, "it's my cat now, it has nothing to do with you."

"I know," even though he was a little embarrassed, Ying Ruyun said cheekily, "I'm not being pretentious, I just think that I should take on some of the support obligations, after all..."

"Ying Ruoyun, what's the point of you saying this now?" Shu Jingzhi looked at him, his tone indifferent: "When you left everything behind two years ago, did you think about it even a little bit?"

Milky also looked at him expectantly, "Meow!"

Faced with the combined accusations of the old and the young, Ying Ruoyun felt like the worst kind of scum who had abandoned his wife and children. He was so nervous that his palms broke out in a cold sweat, "I..."

He tried to explain, but in the end, he couldn't say anything: "I'm sorry."

Shu Jingzhi said, "If apologies can lead to forgiveness, mistakes will be taken for granted."

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Ying Ruoyun's smile was a little pale, "I don't expect you to forgive me."

"Then what are you expecting?" Shu Jingzhi looked at him sharply.

"I just hope, I hope," Ying Ruoyun's heart was beating extremely fast, "to have your guidance in musical attainment, as pure as it was at the beginning, and nothing more."

"Nothing more?"

"There are no improper thoughts about you." Ying Ruoyun met his eyes, his breath trembling slightly: "I no longer expect you to favour me, to take care of me; I will no longer harass you, I will no longer pester you, I will no longer be a nuisance to your life..."

"That's enough." Shu Jingzhi said, "I don't want to hear it anymore."

Ying Ruoyun bowed his head and looked at the score in his hands, a few strands of stray hair covering his eyebrows.

The images from two years ago suddenly flooded his mind uncontrollably, and he could barely contain them.

Ying Ruoyun thought, no matter how long it's been, I still, I still, there's no way...

Shu Jingzhi pressed him against the windowsill, a wordless ambiguity beginning to fester, his breathing silky and tangled.

"Ying Ruoyun," Shu Jingzhi said, "Ying Ruoyun."

It was raining outside, the thin raindrops hitting the window with a crisp clatter.

Shu Jingzhi touched his lips, and Ying Ruoyun turned his head sideways to avoid it, but Shu Jingzhi squeezed his shoulder and bit into his neck.

Taking in a breath of cold air, Ying Ruoyun glared at him and was about to chastise him, but he took the opportunity to lift his chin and cover his lips, then slipped his tongue in.

The rain seemed to be pounding on his heart and his heartbeat was pounding in the silence of the night.

I can't, Ying Ruoyun's reason told him, I can't. However, his mind surrendered to his pursuit, and he sank deeper. His body temperature gradually rose, his whimpers slowly spilled out, and the sound of exchanging lips and tongues was sultry.

Suddenly there was a flash of blue and a 'boom' of lightning.

Ying Ruoyun pushed him away, gasping for breath and pulling away from him.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and Shu Jingzhi's eyes were getting darker and darker.

Ying Ruoyun said, "Conductor Shu, I've got the score, I'll go back first."

"No." Shu Jingzhi said, "It's not enough."

Ying Ruoyun's ears turned red: "Please don't toy with me again."

Shu Jingzhi said, "I was referring to the music practice."

"Oh."

"Review the score first."

"Mhm."

"Look it over, pay attention to whether the harmony is going to transpose, the melodic direction, the small jumps, the big jumps, the melodic crescendos, the placement of the registers, the structure of the piece, and the connections between the different musical pieces. And most importantly, the development of the melodic theme and the character of the piece."

"Okay."

Ying Ruoyun had always been aware of Shu Jingzhi's compositional talent, but he was blown away every time.

After reading the score carefully, Shu Jingzhi ordered, "Try playing it for me."

Shu Jingzhi leaned against the desk while Ying Ruoyun was seated, with the violin resting on his shoulder.

The music was melodious, the tone moving, curling like a narrative, smooth and agile.

"No," Shu Jingzhi commented, "the mood is wrong."

"If I understand you correctly, this piece of yours is meant to convey a surging and fierce emotional outpouring."

"There is nothing wrong with your understanding, but your performance lacks emotion."

"I think my performance meets all the criteria for this piece of music."

"But it doesn't meet my standards," Shu Jingzhi said, "I don't need mechanical, assembly-line notes that can be replicated perfectly. I need real emotional catharsis, and I need your emotions."

Shu Jingzhi said, "Close your eyes."

Ying Ruoyun closed his eyelids, and he heard Shu Jingzhi's footsteps as he approached him.

He heard his deep voice echoing, "This is a piece I wrote for my former lover. For some reason, he parted from me, and we were on opposite ends of the world."

"I want to tell him."

"When you are with me, you will like me."

"After being separated from me, you will love me."

"Because sooner or later you will find that apart from me, there is no one worthy of your love."

"Having loved me, you cannot love anyone else."