Chapter Seventy-One: You Can’t Always Be Strong

Chapter Seventy-One: You Can’t Always Be Strong

Entering my room, I felt a sudden heaviness in my heart as I took in the surroundings. It was nothing special, just a simple, rustic space. The carpeted floors felt soft beneath my feet, and the large walk-in closet stood empty, a stark reminder of the absence of those who used to fill it. The walls were bare, lacking any paintings or decorations, and the egg-shell white wallpaper with the pattern of green diamonds only served to intensify the overwhelming green theme of the room.

I tried to push the obvious aside-- to focus on anything else. So, I made my way to the edge of the room, past the chairs and dining table, and opened the sliding doors that led to the outdoor bath. The steamy water greeted me, reminiscent of the cave I once bathed in with Oswell and his group. The towering walls provided privacy, but the view of the northern ocean lay unobstructed before me.

"My lord, you seem tense," Tris spoke up, her concern evident in her voice.

"It's something like that," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant, but she could see right through me.

Since Gretchen and the captain were going to have their meeting soon, I agreed to send bird clones to index the city, which would take about two hours—including time to regain the expended biomass. It was a mere distraction, and Tris knew it because she asked to take command over them.

When it came to her...I couldn’t hide anything through my façade. Before I knew it, she had led me to the bed, sitting me down with a determined expression.

"It's okay," she said gently, taking my hand. "You don't have to pretend with me."

And then she said the words I didn't want to hear, the words that broke down the walls I had built around my emotions. She knew. She knew everything because [Deduction] gave her constant updates about my mental and physical health, and I couldn't hide from her. It was overwhelming, and I couldn't hold back any longer.

From the moment I killed the pirate captain...Tris knew I was putting on airs. I said I was okay. I even told Primrose I was fine when we searched the pirate ship.

But...

I wasn’t alright.

I was the furthest thing from being...

"I don't..." I started to protest, but the tears were already streaming down my cheeks.

"It's okay, my lord. You can cry," Tris reassured me.

"I've already shed enough tears," I tried to argue, but my voice cracked with emotion.

But Tris didn't give up. She held me close, offering a haven for my vulnerability. And then Surtr emerged from the bracelet, a comforting presence that beckoned me to let go, to be weak. Its voice was deep, but the lion’s words were deeply profound.

And so, I did. I let myself be weak, fragile, and broken. I clung to Surtr's neck, finding solace in the lion's flaming warmth, and Tris held me tight from behind, whispering soothing words that slowly calmed the storm raging within me.

And then, as if compelled to share my pain, I opened up to them both. I spoke of Sekh-- of everything we had been through together. I relived the memories, the laughter, and the tears. And in that moment, I felt the depth of my love for her, the void her absence had left within me.

Of course, they knew about that. Tris had my memories, and Surtr had Sekh’s. But I wanted to reminisce about her. And they silently listened.

"And in Aetos Village... We went at it all night," I confessed, my voice trembling with emotion. "She was in such a mood, and... I miss her so much..."

“Let it all out,” rumbled Surtr. The lion laid down, and I rested against its body while it turned its large head to look at me with flaming eyes.

Tris laid beside me, and I kept talking until my heart yearned for rest.

I woke up from what felt like a deep dream. Sekh was there... She didn’t speak, so I knew it was just that. A dream. A figment of my mind.

But she smiled.

She looked at me, and...her eyes were always the brightest silver, but they shined like beacons in the darkness.

But the dream ended. Fantasies would always conclude.

“Did you enjoy your nap, Lord Springfield?” asked Surtr, who licked its large paws and rubbed its face.

“Yeah... Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to use you as a pillow.”

“I can do far more than slaughter your enemies to the last pathetic weakling.”

“Tris?” I turned to the praying woman. She looked up and stared at me as if I was the only thing that mattered in her eyes.

“It’s been three hours, my lord,” she said, giving me a quick report. Plymoise was indexed, but Captain Caulk and Gretchen weren’t together. He was at the shipyard talking to an engineer, and she was back at her office. The meeting must've already happened based on their actions.

Damn, I missed it. But that’s fine.

“Tris, devote some of your resources to keeping an eye on the two. I want to know if they about the war, their plans, or if they decide to meet again.”

“Of course. How do you feel? I still detect an ounce of stress.”

“Talking helps a lot, I mean. But... It’s hard for me to not feel like this.”

Tris crawled closer and kept a perfect smile. “I believe I can help with that.” Her clothes were replaced by white lingerie, complete with matching stockings and a garter belt. A pair of blond lion ears twitched on her head, and her human ears disappeared. That fluttering tail surprised me just as much. Tris was undoubtedly cute, though.

“Your mental and physical well-being is of the highest priority,” she said, leaning forward, letting her generous chest bounce slightly. “According to my data, you seemed happiest when it was time to copulate. Lady Sekh’s bosom was also a point of comfort I did not fail to notice, but you also found solace rubbing her ears and tail. That is why I have this secondary appearance the Conduit has declared Lionfolk Mode, modeled after the Dark Lord of Tyranny. What do you prefer, my lord?”

“Prefer?”

Did I even deserve to pick one?

Did I even deserve to pick anything at all?

Just what the fuck was wrong with me?

Surtr had been right. The only way for me to not heal Sekh was if I died. And I wouldn’t die. The world’s best recon was sitting in my lap, rubbing against me while I played with her fluffy ears.

Tris loved me so much that she assumed I would accept her offer. My prior refusal caused her no shortage of heartache.

That was proof I was flawed. Too flawed. And I didn’t like it.

She even said her mind was a swirling mess as she tried to find out why her prediction was wrong or why she failed to even consider the option that I’d refuse her offer.

“Surtr... I’m weak, aren’t I?”

“You lack experience others should have.”

“Haha... You don’t mince your words, do you? Can you forgive me? I was about to do something...so dumb...”

“There’s nothing to forgive. Learn from your mistakes, and I cannot be happier. You’re in a unique position. Untold eons of knowledge and experience lay within reach. You will never have to face the unknown alone because you merely need to ask and express your concerns and fears. You have those who would listen to your every word around you, and you have those who will teach you what you don’t know.”

“Surtr?”

“Yes?”

“I love you. I want you to know that. Please...don’t hate me...”

Surtr turned its head and gave me a big lick across my cheeks. “I’ll never hate you if you yearn to always be your best. I shall defend you to my dying breath and slaughter your enemies to the last soul. That is my promise as your guardian lion and my oath to our Dark Lord of Tyranny.”

“Tris, I love you too. I’ll fluff your ears anytime you want, okay?” Suddenly, I wrapped my arms around her stomach and kissed her neck's nape. Her tail continued to dance as she put her fingers over mine. “I...promise I’ll be the best I can. So... I’ll make you happy. I swear I will. I won’t ever make you feel like that ever again. You have standards of me, and I promise I’ll meet them.”

“I’m already the happiest in the world, my lord. Your mission is complete. Being with you has brought the most joy... I love you, my lord. For now and forever, I’ll always love you.” She turned around in my lap. Her lingerie vanished before, allowing me to gaze upon her perfect figure.

Suddenly, I saw a collection of waypoints to my right. My confusion was gone after a few seconds...

“Is that...?”

“It is. Please recall the night after you encountered the siblings responsible for the monster train incident. You, Lady Sekh, and Lady Irisa went into the mines. Lady Sekh heard them, and there was an encounter. She wanted to murder, but you had better ideas, and Lady Sekh struggled with her feelings for the rest of the day.”

In the waypoint-recreation of that scene, Sekh straddled me. She cried and begged me to punish her because she felt she had disobeyed and disappointed me again. Her shattered, tormented psyche went haywire...

The only way I calmed her was by admitting my love.

And I had ended the night by punishing her—I merely patted her head and fluffed her ears.

Tris rubbed my pointy ears and kissed my forehead. “And that’s your punishment, my lord,” she whispered, her breath tickling my lips.

“Please keep one thing in mind. To Lady Sekh and Lady Irisa, your happiness is something they wish to maintain. I feel the same as them. Don’t refrain from doing something that brings you joy because Lady Sekh isn’t currently here,” said Tris, who turned around and leaned her back against my stomach. She took my hands and placed them on her ears.

She loved having them rubbed.

“You’re right... Sekh... She wouldn’t want to see me like this, would she?”

“She wouldn’t,” replied Surtr.

“I know Sekh’s going to be okay. I know we can...bring her back. And when she’s here... I’ll apologize for my weaknesses. And then I’ll welcome her home. And I’ll do anything she wants. And Mom and Dad... And Irisa and Erin and Niva. Prim, too. If I act... If I let my self-pity consume me... It would be hard on them. Especially Irisa. I love her so much. And I know she’s sad. And that’s why I need to support her. And I can’t do that if I’m sorry for myself.”

“You’re understanding it, but make no mistake. Should you need to cry, cry. It is never a mistake to show your emotions. Keep that in mind, Lord Springfield.”

“I will, Surtr. Thank you.” I planted a hand on its head and gave my fluffy, intelligent lion a bunch of loving rubs. “Oh, there’s one more thing. Be ready for a fight tonight. After dinner, we’ll be heading out. And I need you to remain materialized from here on out until further notice,” I said, summoning my revolver and rifle to my body. From now on, I had to have them equipped since they were my primary method of fighting.

“As you wish. I will gladly spill more blood in your name.”

I also told Tris to mark a location for me because that was our immediate destination once we left. She stared at my lips, then asked what was on my mind because she felt something strange. I couldn’t hide anything from her, so I wondered if it was better to remain a High Elf or cosplay as a normal elf. I wanted to do what was best for my family.

Tris immediately suggested I remain a High Elf because they were rare. You’d have to live a long time to evolve one without being born as one. And if you were, you’d undoubtedly have power and influence over the naturalistic world.

But I had none of what a person believed a High Elf should have. Instead, the mere appearance of being one offered my family protection.

“There’s one thing I’m curious about, Tris.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know the best way to ask this... How...humanoid are you?” While in her previous evolution, Tris was born as a blank slate. The memories I shared with her gave her a head start, but she was still akin to a newborn. Over the weeks and months, she learned from watching me, Sekh, and Irisa while receiving special tutoring from Tilde.

“The Conduit was essential in teaching me. I learned much from her wisdom and aged experience, my lord. And Lady Sekh and the others were invaluable to my progress,” she said with a smile, holding a hand to her heart. “It is thanks to them... I can feel a wide range of emotions, but I still have much to learn before I am worthy of becoming your Aspect of Wisdom. I am but a mere fragment.”

“But you’re my fragment, Tris. A priceless jewel...” I kissed her blushing cheeks, and after sharing a vocal expression of our love, we remained like this until dinner was ready.

She asked which ‘mode’ I preferred—Lionfolk or Human-- and Tris was happy at my answer.

It made me wonder why there was even a Human Mode in the first place, but Tris likened it to a failsafe. I suppose it didn’t matter since she’d remain a Lionfolk from here on out.