Chapter Eighty-Five: Relationship Growths – Part One

Chapter Eighty-Five: Relationship Growths – Part One

“Irisa? It’s me...” I knocked on the door and peeked in. She was there, sitting in the bed with her lion curled in her lap.

“Mi—Mila! Umm—It’s—”

“I’m sorry, Irisa.” I closed the door and sat beside her. Her eyes were reddened from her rubbing, and her nose was runny.

“But—”

Suddenly, I hugged her. And we fell to bed. She was like putty in my arms as a torrent of emotions unloaded over my chest.

And the girl I loved...showed me her weakness.

She confessed to me a bunch of things.

How she couldn’t focus on her training with Dad because she was worried about me.

How she couldn’t finish her meals because her appetite was gone.

How she dealt with the nightmares infecting her dreams that showed my death.

How she still couldn’t get over killing those pirates on the boat.

How... How she was so afraid...that my desire for revenge would drive us apart...

How she wasn’t confident she could keep up with me, Sekh, Surtr, Niva, and the others...

Irisa was so tormented by a dozen different feelings she spiraled into a crippling depression every night, after dark, without fail.

She kept her harrowing thoughts to herself and dealt with them without wanting to worry anyone.

“Mila... I’m so scared...” Irisa hugged me tighter. “You’re so strong. And I’m not. You can fight. And I can’t."

“What do you want me to do? Say it. Say anything, and I’ll do it. I swear I'll make you happy.”

“No... You won’t... It’s impossible for you...”

“Try me. I make the impossible possible. If I can’t, then Tris'll think of a way.”

And then...

Irisa asked me something...I couldn’t hope to give her...

“After the Heptarchis... After this is done...and we find Grandma and Grandpa... And when Sekh is back... Stay with us... You’re happy with us, right? With mom and dad? And Niva and Primrose? We can live as a family. We can be happy. Ignore Meruria and the others. Please, stay with us...”

“...You know I can’t do that.” I swore I felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

“But why?!” she cried.

“Lyudmila Vredi Springfield only exists because I swore my revenge.” Without it, Sekh wouldn’t have sensed my soul and summoned me. I wouldn’t have met Mom, Dad, or Irisa, and Tilde would be elsewhere. Niva would probably be fed to a pack of wild animals because Noelia was a bitch. Primrose? Probably inside Aetos. Erin? My sweet little sister’s life would be hell. Karen would probably die if I wasn’t here, but Erin would have had to survive alone.

Chax and Ginnie? Dead. Probably after birthing the next generation of goblins.

“I love you with all my heart. I love Mom and Dad. You know I do. But...I’m sorry, Irisa... I cannot forgo my revenge. If I do, it means forgetting myself. It means ignoring a vow to free Sekh from her curse.”

“But... But... Mila!!! What about me?! I can’t follow you when you do that! I’m not strong enough. I don’t have the courage! I’m just some weak oni... I’m only good at one thing...and that’s not enough to help you... Even if I was brave enough to follow you, what could I do? I can’t...handle killing... It scares me... I know I’m naïve. I’m being dumb... An oni as old as me? Still feeling so afraid? I still act as if I'm a little girl! And I-- I..." Irisa cried and whimpered. She hugged me tighter. “I don’t want you to leave! I don’t like that fate keeps dragging you away... Why do you have to go to the Heptarchis?! Why can’t Lady Plymoise protect Plymoise herself? You said you wouldn’t leave for a while, but you’re about to... You’re about to leave me again!”

Is it time? Should I bring it up? Her life should be hers, not mine.

“Irisa... You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re important to me. I won’t let you talk like that about yourself... I just won’t... But I don’t want your life to revolve around me. Are you training with Dad because you want to get stronger? Or is it because you want to help me? Is it for self-growth, or is it for me?”

“...”

“You’re your own person, Irisa.”

“But--”

“You’re your own person,” I repeated it. My heart hurt. “Just please, don’t let your life revolve around me. I know...that might be hurtful.” Irisa tried to push me away, but she suddenly pulled me back.

I wanted to say more, but maybe silence was the correct choice. I held Irisa closer to my chest and let her vent her heart. Eventually, she fell asleep. Irisa’s lion jumped on the bed and curled next to us, and I remained awake to gently rub her back throughout the night.

Morning eventually rolled around, but we did not move. We didn’t get out of bed when Delouise knocked on the door, and we were still in bed when the lunch call happened. I told Tris to let everyone know I was comforting Irisa.

I told Mom and Dad what Irisa confessed via waypoint messaging. We talked about that for a while. Dad confided and said Irisa didn't have any heart in their training. She half-heartedly gave up. Him, Mom, and Erin were there for her. Irisa often hugged Mom and wandered to her room multiple times to hug her.

Then I spoke to Tilde via waypoint messaging. She was relaxing in the bath in our room.

“You must decide what’s important. Is it your revenge? Or is it your family? Depending on how the future unfolds, you might have a difficult choice ahead of you.”

You know I can’t ignore my revenge. I told Irisa last night. Why do I have to pick and choose? Why can’t I have both? Revenge first, and then family? It’s not that hard.

I needed to hear Kengu’s words.

I really did.

She held me while I cried and never judged me for it. But she was right. This... It didn’t have to end ugly. It could be amicable, and my love for Mila, Tris, Tilde, and Sekh wouldn’t ever change.

I was always comparing myself to them. They were stronger than me.

They were smarter and...

I was just me.

My obsession with not wanting to be left behind manifested unhealthily. It wasn’t right. I now knew that.

“Kengu?”

Yes?

“I...want to improve myself for my sake. I... I need to go back to what makes Irisa...Irisa.” There was something I wanted to make. A secret project, of sorts, to really test my skill. It might have to wait until we found Grandma and Grandpa, but a new chapter of my life was about to begin.

And honestly? I’d have never realized it was waiting for me if a certain chimera hadn’t run into our family’s shop.

I just wanted to be a better me and figure out my place in the world...

I had spent twenty minutes sitting alone at the table with nothing but my thoughts before Kengu strolled into the dining room.

I followed her to Irisa’s room. She met me at the door, took me by the hand, and escorted me to the bed.

And we talked...

For a long while. About her feelings... And her emotions... And how she wanted to progress from here.

“I’m not ready,” she whispered, her eyes reddened from the crying. “It’s not fair to you or the others. I know how powerful you are. And I wanted to protect you. It...just manifested in a way that no one needed.”

Irisa was a crafter. She had once told me she wanted to become the best blacksmith in the world-- to make amazing equipment that no one else could match. And I thought that was the perfect goal.

“I still love you, Mila. That will never change.”

“It won’t,” I replied. “We’re sisters until the end. There’s no other family I wish to be a part of.”

Honestly? My heart felt relieved. I knew it wasn’t easy. Irisa needed a lot of courage to say what she said, and I was proud of her.

Our relationship would turn us from lovers into sisters, but our affection didn’t have to vanish.

We'd always be family.

We hugged it out. Afterwards, Irisa asked me to make a clone of Sekh. I did, and she just spoke to her-- about anything and everything, including wanting to be her sister, too. We probably spent about two hours just chatting, crying, and hugging.

As sisters did.

I felt even closer to her than I did before.

“I know it’s not easy for you,” Irisa whispered, gently grasping Clone!Sekh’s hand. “You’re probably scared and alone... And here I am, feeling so sorry and pathetic for myself... But I know what you’d say. You’re the Dark Lord of Tyranny...but you’re so protective and caring. I wish... I wish you didn’t have this curse. It’s not right. It’s not fair. You’re struggling so hard...and you’re enduring so much that it’s inspiring me to do my best. Sekh... I want you to be proud of me, so I’ll try my hardest and become the best me I can be.”

Clone!Sekh remained quiet, but Irisa’s heartfelt words did not go unanswered. She touched her head to Irisa and closed her eyes, smiling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. Clone!Sekh expired and turned to slime, which returned to me.

“I still feel her hands. They’re so warm. Mila... This is a new beginning for me—for us. I don’t want to be who I used to be. That Irisa... I won’t pretend she didn’t exist. She’s as much me as I want this new Irisa to be. Sekh probably won’t have it, but I’ll apologize when she returns.” Irisa yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Why am I still tired? It feels like I’ve been asleep for a week.”

“It’s not tiredness. It’s relief,” I answered. “You found an answer to something that’s been bothering you. You’ve been so stressed...and now you can finally relax. You’ll be sleeping good tonight.” Irisa slipped under the covers, and I ensured she was tucked into bed.

“And here I thought a big sister’s supposed to do that for her younger sister,” she said as I rubbed her head.

“Well, I’m about a million years old if you count the void’s time dilation,” I replied.

“Well, being spoiled has its benefits. I... I talked with Tris and Tilde through Kengu and Surtr.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Tilde’s amazing. I thought I was ready, but she guided me through feelings I didn’t know I had. You think she experienced something like this before?”

“Probably.”

Irisa yawned again. The exhaustion just flooded her gentle, cute face. That soft expression suited her far more than tears and reluctance towards the future.

“Go on and get some rest, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay... Good night, Mila.”

“Sweet dreams, sis.”

I lovingly scratched Kengu under the chin before I morphed into slime and wiggled to my room.