CH 28

It wasn’t possible to harden my heart just by hardening my expression. He is someone like me and someone similar to Merilly. A cute person who tried to make me laugh despite having a more unfortunate past than anyone else.

Right, to be honest, I didn’t hate Frinel either. It was accurate to say that he was on my likable side. However, my decision that I didn’t want to have a relationship with anyone hadn’t changed. No, it couldn’t change.

Unfortunately, the wounds I received from the people of Marquis Hamilton haven’t healed. I could do nothing, even if people swore about me for becoming a coward. This wasn’t the time to play love games, and even if I had time to do it, I didn’t want to feel the pain of being betrayed by someone I believed to be loving me again.

“No way, do you love me” Eventually, I had no choice but to be sarcastic. “I think you misunderstood that I opened my heart because you heard about my past—”

“You…” Frinel cut me off in a hurry. “If you call this feeling love, it’s love. If you call it friendship, it is friendship.”

“…What if it’s nothing.”

“If you say this feeling is nothing… Yes, it will be nothing.” He laughed bitterly and recited low. “Because I’m a complete weakling in front of this feeling.”

My eyes flickered weakly at his sincere confession. That person’s sincerity was softening the blade that had been forged only for my revenge.

Without knowing what I was thinking, Frinel continued to speak. “So just… can you listen to me…?”

He searched his head for the right words and added them with difficulty. “I’m not asking you to accept my heart. Just at least… so that your body won’t get hurt…”

“You may feel like that because of your longing for losing your mother early.”

“What…”

I continued, keeping the cold tone as much as I could. “Our situation is similar. Maybe you’re looking at your mother through me.”

“Lady Lobelia.”

Frinel shook his head resolutely, calling my name. But I gave him no more time to speak. “It’s an illusion, Your Royal Highness.”

“Do I look like a fool who can’t tell my feelings apart”

“You can be mistaken even if you’re not a fool. There are many different kinds of ‘love.’ Motherhood, infidelity, sibling love, love for friends…”

“Lady Lobelia, I”

“It was unavoidable that I told my past to Your Royal Highness. I said it was inevitable. It’s not because I have other feelings for Your Royal Highness.” Then I continued to push Frinel coldly. “Or, just because I’m a single mother with a child, did you think I would give my heart easily if you said so?”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Why? Are you hurt? I’m actually this selfish.”

“No,” Frinel replied firmly. “I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.”

“…What”

“I’m worried that your heart will be hurt by what you say.”

Our eyes met in the air. It made me swallow my dry saliva. Even in this situation, he was worried about me. Don’t be so kind.

I felt like I was going to cry, so I tried to turn my head to the side. Don’t look at me like that. It was hard to face Frinel, who looked at me with those eyes.

Endimion used to look at me with the most adorable look in the world too. But what about the result? Didn’t he say crazy things about loving both of us?

“I’m different from Marquis Hamilton.”

He came a step closer to me.

“In my life, these feelings… It’s my first time feeling it.”

He thought if he took one more step, he would be able to get closer, but Frinel didn’t dare to stand before her. It felt like only this much that she allowed him. He then poured his heart slowly and carefully.

“I miss you if I haven’t seen you, I want to help you with anything, and I’m worried that your nose will be bleeding again.”

His blue eyes, trembling like a wave, turned to Lobelia. “I want to draw a smile on your face.”

Until now, he had lived his life creating a flirtatious image like a playboy, but he never wanted to look like that now. Frinel lowered his voice with the most serious expression on his face.

“It was only three months ago that we met, and the saying that there is neither probability nor narrative in love is true. Even I’m astonished.”

He let out a chuckle.

“I thought I would never have these feelings. But…”

Patricia was always threatening his life; Lawrence was his rival, not his brother; And even the emperor, who was a bystander. In the imperial palace, where there was no human warmth, Frinel grew up extremely lonely. All he could trust was Alter, a precious person who didn’t have any other purpose.

To Frinel, who had no power to protect anyone, having a precious person was nothing but a luxury. So he froze his heart again and again. Even if he smiled, deep inside his heart was already rotten because of loneliness.

“My heart, which I thought was frozen, reacts to you.”

But his heart began to beat again.

“You make me greedy again for the things I gave up.”

Lobelia made him desire the power to protect her.

Frinel extended his hand with a wistful gaze. “…It may be sudden, but” his hand was about to reach her shoulder.

“That’s not love. No, it shouldn’t be.”

“…What?”

“Just as your wish, Your Royal Highness.”

I made direct eye contact with Frinel and smiled brightly.

“Flirtatious, slyly, like the image you made before.”

I continued with an indifferent attitude, implying that all the confessions he had made so far meant nothing to me.

“I’m more comfortable when you are like that. Don’t put more burdens on my mind.”

And finally, a smile disappeared from my face.

“Because it’s already heavy enough.”

“…Lady Lobelia.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t give the answer you want. I don’t love you, Your Royal Highness.”

“W-wait—”

“Please go back now.”

With those words, I turned away from Frinel in the coldest way. With a coldness that makes it seem as if I completely turned down someone’s heart and tore it apart without receiving wounds myself, I maintained a cold attitude.  

As soon as I turned around, I pressed down my lips together. Although I had tried to hold it in, this also hurt me as much as Frinel’s wounded expression.

I walked back to my room as quickly as possible, feeling that my tears were about to come out. As soon as I arrived, I closed the door and leaned against the wall. My weakly trembling hands wrapped my face.

I couldn’t help but admit that he was a good man. And also the fact that I was attracted to Frinel. That’s why I felt sorry for him even more. He is a man with many scars, so he must have been hurt by me.

However, to my surprise, tears did not come out even when my eyes turned. Is it because it did not hurt as much as what I had suffered? This curiosity made me tremble.

No, I have to be selfish. Because I don’t want to get hurt anymore. Whatever he did in the future, I should continue to think only of myself and Merilly.  

I dropped the hand that had covered my face. I didn’t deserve to be sad for hurting him. Getting Merilly back and revenge was my sole purpose for coming back from the dead. It was for the better. After all, I’ll soon be participating in the debutante.

It was soon the social season. During the social season, nobles from each territory would stay in townhouses in the capital and participate in various balls and tea times. Therefore, the debutante was also held during the social season.

It’s enough to prepare for the trail while watching their stupid expressions. I intended to formally put the Hamilton family on trial. After getting my daughter back in such a legitimate way, the three of them… They will be punished in the most humiliating way.

Humiliating. It was the deadliest fear for nobles. Working on my mind, I sat down at the desk. Just then, One’s voice came from the drawer.

<Older Sister, Older Sister!>

Hearing his urgent voice, I hurriedly pulled out the communication device.

“One?”

<Ah, it’s not urgent.>

“…I was surprised.”

<Still, I think I should report it.>

“What is it?”

For some reason, ominous energy brushed my back coldly.

<Big Madam and Marquis Hamilton for a while to see the townhouse before the social season.>

“Then?”

And the foreboding was always,

<The atmosphere of the March…>

Exactly right.

<It’s gotten weird.>

My eyes widened to the side at his words.