Chapter 281

Chapter 281

I had a phone call with Jin-Seo, had a brief and meaningless conversation with her, and then returned to the underground chapel. I went there because I had nowhere else to go besides the underground chapel.

I could have returned to the dormitory, but I didn't feel like going there today for some reason. I didn’t even want to turn my body towards the direction of the dorms.

"Welcome back."

The first person to greet me at the underground chapel was Uncle Jin-Sung.

As usual, he was dressed neatly in a suit and was preparing to go somewhere.

Next to him was Anna, who had recently returned to Korea after fleeing abroad. Unlike Uncle, she was dressed casually, so it seemed like she wasn’t planning to go outside.

"Where are you going?" I asked, but Uncle didn't answer.

Instead, he stood in front of the mirror and adjusted his black tie several times.

Eventually, he nodded slightly as if satisfied, and then belatedly said, "To the memorial service. There is someone I have to meet there."

"Who? A voodooist?"

"No, a Romanican. It was just a personal acquaintance, not a religious one. I knew this guy and another guy, but they passed away recently,” my uncle replied nonchalantly.

He spoke casually and coldly as if he were mentioning the death of someone living in a different world instead of an acquaintance.

My uncle quickly gulped down the cold coffee that was sitting on the table. Then, he cleared his throat and asked, "Did you attend the memorial service too? How was the atmosphere?"

"Well, it was just..." I mumbled hesitantly.

It was difficult for me to say anything since I wasn’t at the memorial service long enough to gauge the atmosphere. Thê source of this content n/o/v/(el)bi((n))

I just went through the motions of praying in front of Oh Hee-Jin's photo and then quickly escaped from the cathedral, so I couldn’t really comment on the atmosphere.

"How do you feel?" My uncle suddenly asked.

At first, I didn't understand what he was asking, so I hesitated to respond.

However, I soon realized what he meant. He was asking how I felt after attending the memorial service.

However, even after understanding what he was asking, I still couldn't help but hesitate to respond. It was because I didn’t know how I was feeling at the moment either.

I pondered deeply in an attempt to identify the feelings that I was experiencing at the moment.

Back when I saw the long procession of people who came to mourn the deceased clergymen, saw Han Dae-Ho with a severed arm, saw the photo of Oh Hee-Jin smiling, and back when Jin-Seo called me...

During those moments, I felt a vaguely uncomfortable sensation that I didn’t really understand.

However, no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't express those feelings in clear words. It was because the feelings were the result of two conflicting emotions.

"I feel a bit dirty and also a bit frustrated," I said.

"Is that so?" my uncle said.

He slowly nodded and continued, "What do you think would make you feel a little better?"

"..."

"Do you think you would feel less frustrated if you started a Holy War? Or maybe, do you think you would feel better if you went to the underground prison and saw your mother?" My uncle asked.

There was no hint of sarcasm in his response. He wasn't demanding a specific answer from me, he was just asking out of genuine curiosity.

I looked at Uncle as he groomed himself in front of the mirror, and wondered if stirring up a Holy War would relieve the dirty and suffocating emotions that I was feeling.

It wouldn't. I had long abandoned the shallow and naive desire to start a Holy War for revenge against the Romanican church.

So, would going to the underground prison with the help of Sung Yu-Da and seeing my mother make things better? I couldn't be sure of that either.

Even if I were to see my imprisoned mother, and even if I successfully rescued her, I knew I wouldn't be able to shake off this dirty and suffocating feeling for a long time.

I was the leader of the Voodoo Cult. If I wanted to maintain my disguise as a clergyman of the Romanican church and live an ordinary life, I had to deceive and manipulate everyone at every moment.

That said, I didn't want to reveal my true identity to others. If I did that, I would have to drift away from the many connections I had made while living as a clergyman of the Romanican church.

"I won’t feel better no matter what I do," I muttered with a nod.

At one point, I had wanted to become a clergyman of the Romanican church solely to achieve my goal. Now, however, the status of being a clergyman of the Romanican church was not just a cassock to achieve my goal.

I didn't want to give up on being the leader of the Voodoo Cult or a clergyman of the Romanican church. No, I was in a situation where I couldn't give up on either of the two.

"If it’s a feeling that won’t be relieved no matter what you do, then just don’t think about it. It’s easier that way.”

"..."

"Why bother thinking about something that won't change no matter how much you think about it? It's a waste of time," Uncle said with an expressionless face.

"That's true," she said, laying me down on the bed.

I lay down following her touch without much thought.

She snuggled up next to me and hugged me tightly. Then she closed her eyes and cuddled with me for a while. Outside the window, the snow was still falling while sparkling in the light.

"You feel cold. And there's a strange smell," she suddenly said.

I was taken aback.

"Why did you ask me to hug you if you were going to be like this?"

"I didn't say I didn't like it. It's not bad," she said.

She then remained silent for a while. I also stayed silent. She seemed to fidget a little, then she dug deeper into my embrace and said, "I've always been curious. What are you hiding from me?"

"There's nothing like that."

"Don't lie," she said firmly.

I kept my mouth shut.

"You don't have to lie. I'm not really curious anymore anyway."

"Is that so?"

"I feel like knowing won't change anything now."

It was a statement that was filled with meaning. I couldn't find the words to respond with and kept my mouth shut.

She buried her face in my chest and said, "Whether you turn out to be a really scary person, or someone with nothing, or even a cultist, I... It doesn’t matter. It’ll still be fine."

"..."

Jin-Seo lifted her head and stared at me as she said, "Just don’t die or leave without a word."

I carefully chose the words to respond with. If the fact that I was the leader of the Voodoo Cult were ever exposed, I would have to leave her side without a word.

I might suddenly die after failing to escape from the pursuit of the Holy See or after unintentionally triggering a second Holy War.

"Right now..."

"Right now, is it difficult to answer?"

"Yes."

"What about later?"

"...I can answer later," I replied.

It was a promise that I couldn't be sure I could keep.

That said, it wasn’t an answer that I gave to reassure her. I also didn’t want to die or leave her side without a word.

But that wasn't something I could decide on my own. At the very least, after meeting my mother in the underground prison, and after the situation gets sorted out to a certain extent, then I would tell her. At that time, I would definitely be able to answer her.

"Yes, that's fine..." she murmured in my arms.

After that, she was silent for a while.

Her shoulders, nestled in my arms, rose and fell rhythmically. She seemed to have suddenly fallen asleep. I carefully got up from my bed, making sure not to wake her up. Then I turned off the lights.

When the light went out, the room became surprisingly dark. Only a faint streetlight was coming through the window, barely illuminating the room.

I cautiously opened the door and tried to leave her room. But then someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned my head.

Jin-Seo, whom I thought had fallen asleep, was standing in front of me all of a sudden. Her expression was not clearly visible in the pitch-black darkness.

“...”

She stared at me in silence for a while and then suddenly approached me. I closed my eyes. I felt a soft and warm touch on my lips.

We kissed like that for a few seconds. Even after pulling away and opening my eyes, the sensation still lingered on my lips.

"When the time comes and you can answer, tell me," she said.

I nodded.

"Goodbye," she said as she waved her hand towards me in the darkness.

I walked through the long corridor and stepped outside. It was still dark outside, and snow and rain were still falling.

There was more snow than rain. The cold wind hit my face along with the snowflakes. It was cold.