Chapter 383 Regrets (1)

"Did you... ever love her? Harold's mother?" She asked carefully.

"With all my heart." He didn't hesitate to answer, surprising Alicia.

In all the versions of the story she had heard about the king and Harold's mother, he had simply taken advantage of the poor woman. But she could not conclude for now because he may have loved her as he claimed, but did the woman love him too, or had he truly forced himself on her like the tales said?

The king continued in a whisper, "Maria... was the best part of my existence." He looked visibly hurt now, and Alicia could tell by his entire countenance as soon as he said her name.

Maria. It was the first time Alicia was learning her name.

"I have never talked about her with anyone before or mentioned her name in many years. You... really are strange." He said with wonder.

"If you loved her, why didn't you protect her?" She asked, ignoring the words he had said.

Sadly, he responded, "I would have. I should have."

"Did she love you too?"

It almost sounded like an interview or maybe a therapy session, but Alicia was really gentle and curious and for some reason, he could easily open up to her.

"You... must have heard the rumours."

She nodded. "I have."

He shook his head. "They weren't exactly lies," he confessed.

"What does that mean?" she asked inquisitively, hoping it didn't mean what she thought it meant.

"Harold. He reminds me so much of her." He smiled sadly, and she could tell he was picturing the woman again.

"The hair. The eyes. The looks. He is a splitting image of her."

Whenever the King talked about her, Alicia always noticed how pained he look. It was a mixture of pain, sadness and regret.

"How do you feel whenever you look at Prince Harold? Do you remember her?"

He nodded. "It hurt me. But it also gives me hope. But... it hurts me more."

"If her village had been intact, she would have lived a long life. She would have been a great physician. She wouldn't have met me. She wouldn't have birthed a child she wasn't alive to raise."

"Did she... love you too?" Alicia asked so she could know how to feel about it. Whether he had forced himself on her, whether it had been a one-sided love on his part, whether she had reciprocated, or whether it was a Stockholm syndrome on her part, she was curious to know.

She could tell Harold had never had this kind of conversation with the king before, and she hoped that with his answers, Harold could finally get closure on the kind of life his mother, Maria, had had with the king. She did hope it was a good one.

"I don't know." He said honestly and sniffled, making Alicia sit up in alarm and her heart racing at the thought of the king crying, but thankfully, when he looked at her, he was not crying; he only had his still broken look and soulless eyes.

"I think sometimes, I was blinded by my feelings and try to convince myself that she did care for me. But who would truly care for someone who ruined their home and their lives? Who would?"

Those words touched Alicia more than they should have because, right now, she was living in Amber's body. Would Amber have wanted this? Being in the midst of the people who had ruined not only her life but the lives of her entire family.

She tried to shake the thought out of her head. She felt guilty, but did she have a choice? She had tried to run away several times. She even tried to have herself drowned. But she had still ended up with these people.

"What about the queen? Didn't you love her?" Alicia asked curiously, choosing to not think about that for now. Instead, she wanted to focus on something else.

She could not imagine how hurt the queen must have been. She had two sons for the king already, yet he went ahead to get entangled with a 'slave,' whom she had just realized that he loved when he still had a wife!

"Don't you regret hurting her? The Queen."

The king snorted, almost as though the question was funny and unbelievable.

"The only thing I regret... was marrying Arya."

That startled Alicia. She hadn't tried to guess the relationship between the king and queen, but she hadn't expected him to say that. Also, she hadn't expected him to open up to her about it.

It seemed like his thoughts had been filled to the brim and he needed to let them out. Fortunately or unfortunately, she had presented herself.

"I did not have a choice because it was what my father wanted."

"The queen's father must be powerful?" Alicia said, indulging him. If the queen behaved the way she did and always raised her shoulders because she was a noblewoman, coupled with the fact that she had mentioned her father having been involved in getting rid of witches, she guessed he was indeed a powerful man, and the king confirmed it.

"He should have as well been the king. I would have left the throne for him." He said sadly.

Sir Zealot is the worst thing that has ever happened to him. He was the worst thing to happen to the Moon Kingdom.

And he never regretted being the one who had actually been responsible for his father-in-law's death. He would never regret that.

Alicia could vaguely guess how things had happened for him. She had seen too many soap operas and dramas to not know that sometimes there was usually a powerful aristocrat whom even the king had to listen to. In this case, it was probably Lord Zealot. And judging by how the queen behaved, he was most likely a nasty old man. But she tried not to jump to conclusion since the Queen's brother seemed reasonable and so were his offsprings.

But then, the king seemed like a really powerful man, so she could not understand how or why someone else could control things on his behalf.