Chapter 60 - A Fool

"But sir…" The driver hesitated.

"Let her walk for two kilometers. We'll stop and wait for her there."

And so, Lu Mengjie watched the car drove off, leaving her all alone. She knew that Si Hongqi would not leave her just like that. She knew him so well. He would be waiting at a certain distance for her so she continued to take her time to think as she walked on the side of the street. 

She felt so guilty. It was her first day of being in a relationship and yet, she was already wavering after being kissed by another man. Why was she so unwilling to let go of Yong Liwei? If it was just because of his beauty and his body, she would have long let go just to try to work things out with her childhood friend who she thought was her first love. Si Hongqi weighed heavier in her heart, not because of the love she thought she has for him but because of her papa's shadow. Aside from that, they have been friends since childhood. They may not always be together since Si Hongqi grew up in another country but when he came to the mainland to take over his family's business, she would sometimes skip a few classes during her high school days just to visit him. That was ten years ago… she has been bothering him for ten years ever since he arrived on the mainland.

She kicked a stone. If she was not with Yong Liwei, maybe she would have accepted that brave kiss he has given her earlier. If she wasn't so immature, maybe things would end up well for them. Maybe… maybe… She could only think of the possibilities that could happen if she wasn't rash with her decisions. She has already made her choice and as much as possible, she didn't want to regret anything but why did it felt like she was already regretting it? If she waited… if she was patient enough… if only she tried to look at Si Hongqi himself instead of someone else's shadow… If… if… if only…

Her sight became blurry because of the tears that formed. Smoky rings formed in the cold air as her breathing became heavy. "Lu Mengjie… you're a fool," she breathed out. She wiped her tears away and raised her head to look at the starry sky. She may have admired her mother but there was one thing that she has never liked. "I don't want to love two men like my mother…" 

Having two men in her heart would only cause suffering. She knew how things unfolded between her parents. Even if no one said it out loud, she has always known that her real father was just her mother's second choice. She wouldn't have ended up with him if her papa was alive. Her mother wouldn't have opened her heart again if her papa didn't reveal the truth. If her mother was only patient enough, if only she hasn't played around with Lu Xian Yu, her love story with Xia Sinian would have been better. There would be no heartbreaks and at the same time… she wouldn't be born.

She stopped walking as she realized that she was unconsciously taking the same path her mother took. As she thought of this, the decision to continue her relationship with Yong Liwei finally wavered. While their feelings for each other were not that deep, she should stop. She didn't want to follow the same path as her mother. It would be her first… Breaking a promise with someone. Whatever she told Yong Liwei would end up becoming nothing but empty words. That was fine. Their feelings for each other haven't fully formed. She still has a chance to avoid the mistake her mother made.

She looked ahead. It was far but she could see a small light coming from the car that was waiting for her.

"Si Hongqi..." He was the man who truly loved her. The man who loved her for years. He was so patient with her, the man who went along with all her lies. She was finally seeing him for himself, not because of someone else's shadow.

"Hongqi…" she whispered. She took a step forward and was ready to run to him but was held back when a strong arm was around her body, securing her. Her mouth and nose were covered by a cloth, a handkerchief. It smelled of chemicals and realizing what it was, she tried not to breathe the foul tang of chloroform. Her body squirmed, trying to break free.  Kicking. Her scream was muffled by what was covering her mouth. She tried to fight against the numbing influence of the drug until blackness began to drip over her senses.