CH 38

Life on the frontier of Seanno Barsheikh ④

Translated by KaiesV

Edited by KaiesV

Little by little more people started talking to me. Knowing what I had done so far, they laughed at me. I was comfortable with that, but—— The more people smile at me, the more guilty I feel.

The things I’ve done in my life haven’t changed, and I wonder if it’s okay for me to live like this, where I feel safe—— That kind of guilt tightens my heart.

On the contrary, those who look at me as if they are glaring at me or want to say something to me—— I was sometimes relieved to see those people look at me.

With those thoughts, I really didn’t think anything of it in the past, I just trusted my sister-in-law like a fool. I lived my life without even thinking that what I was doing was wrong.

I am sure that if Ihmut and the Duke hadn’t taken the side of Ottilie Shefinko, I would have been in a much more difficult situation.

I had made a big mess, and there was no way to make amends to that woman who had gone to a neighboring country. She didn’t even accept my apology in the first place. To make an apology and have it accepted is only self-satisfying in the first place.

「…What are you thinking about again?」

「There is nothing she can do for what I have done to her. There was nothing I could do to help her, as I had always assumed, or rather, we had always assumed, that she was a “villainess”—— Even if we wanted to make amends in the first place, she wouldn’t want anything to do with me other than the bare minimum necessary.」

「Well, I guess you’re right. I wouldn’t want anything to do with someone like that either if they did that to me. And the more I hear about it, the worse it sounds.」

…Cody, who I’ve gotten to know a little better since then, didn’t change his attitude when he found out I was royalty and the details of what I’d done. And he make his opinion clear to me.

Cody’s words are a sting in the heart when I think of my past.

「…I thought Cody told me that she was indeed the only one who had the right to do anything to me. So I knew I didn’t have to leave it at that. I just wonder if it’s okay for me to be accepted by Cody and your friends and have a good time. Besides, I can’t do anything about it.」

「If the noble doesn’t want it, you don’t have to make that kind of amends, and the only thing Seanno can do is not to do the same thing.」

She doesn’t want me to make amends. She even doesn’t want me to get involved in the first place. That was the attitude. So there’s really nothing I can do for her myself.

Then, I can only do what I can do not to do the same thing, and if someone tries to do the same thing as me, I can stop them. And if someone is trying to do the same thing as me, I have to stop them.

……I am sure that is all I can do.

But even if I thought that way, I still wonder if I should stay like this. Is there anything I can do? Do I have to punish myself? Is it okay for me to live like this? I keep thinking about such things.

——I’m still so worried about it, how I should live my life. That’s what I keep thinking about.

When you think about it, Ottilie Shefinko was straight up.

No matter how many assumptions people made about her, she still argued back with aplomb. She was not desperate, and she spent her time in a nonchalant manner. Even in a place full of people who hated her, she still found something familiar in such a situation and thought about the future.

I found out after that graduation party how Otilie Shefinko lived her life.

My sister-in-law had evaded her, so she was evaded by those around her and then befriended by the commoners. The royalty and nobility were not on her side, so she made friends elsewhere and lived happily ever after.

Even after entering the academy, she never wavered in her core. It was because she was like that that Ihmut liked her and people around her spoke up.

Looking at her objectively, there was nothing “villainess” about her, only a dignified Duke’s daughter.

When I thought of her strength, I feel ashamed of myself for being so troubled now.

To be honest, I can’t decide what is the right thing to do. Still, my life will certainly go on, and I have no choice but to keep thinking about it so that I don’t have any regrets from now on.

First of all, as Cody says, I will try not to repeat the same thing.

——And I would live in this frontier town. Little by little, as the years go by, the things I did to her fade away. Still, I will live with the regret and penitence of what I did to her in my heart.