CH 45

In the loving eyes, in the expression that just gazes lovingly at me—— Why am I horrified? I wish I could have just accepted that love without questioning it. I wish I had had the spirit to just accept Aloige, including those feelings.

Then I would have been able to feel happiness even in this state.

…I am probably as mediocre everywhere as I was in my previous life. That’s why I am afraid of the changes in Aloige and the way he have come to know me.

「…Aloige, you know I’m scared of you, right?」

「Of course.」

「And you don’t think anything of it?」

「It’s adorable when Louise is scared, so I don’t mind.」

I don’t care if I am afraid of Aloige… how he pours out his free love to me.

Aloige is smart. He does everything with ease. He is basically equal to everyone. But… I was reminded once again in these situations that I am not the only one who is not equal. I was aware of being cared for from the start, and I felt loved. But I honestly didn’t realize how much… he thought of me as special.

「…I’m afraid, Aloige. You… you wouldn’t curse me out in a situation like this.」

「Because I don’t have to curse you, Louise.」

Aloige smiles.

I have never seen Aloige get really angry. Maybe Aloige doesn’t really get that angry no matter what happens. And no matter what happens, he is unmoved.

…Aloisi just wants me to be there.

「…Aloige knew that Ottilie Shefinko-san was not a “villainess,” right?」

It is a question that is akin to a certainty.

It is what I honestly thought when I looked at Aloige now.

「That’s right.」

「…Why didn’t you stop me?」

「Because I wanted Louise to do what she wanted to do.」

I had isolated Ottilie Sheffinko so much, and I had acted on my assumptions about her—— Maybe Aloige knew.

He knew and didn’t stop me from being wrong. I didn’t blame him for that while remaining convinced that Ottilie Shefinko-san was not a villainess… Is it love to give me freedom? Maybe that’s also because he was thinking of me… but I am afraid of Aloige that I don’t blame him for my actions and don’t care what happens or collateral damage they may suffer in my actions.

「Did Aloige do either of these things? As the Crown Prince or down.」

「Yeah, I’m not sure which one is better. Either way, as long as Louise is there.」

Ahh, he’s truly frightening.

Aloige’s unusual love for me. And that he will surely continue to affirm it no matter what I do in the future.

If only Aloige had stopped me—— I’m thinking like an eight-year-old that it might not have happened that way.

「Is Aloige going to laugh at me like that when I get mad at you for why you didn’t stop me…?」

「Anything Louise says is fine with me, because I don’t have a problem with it.」

If I am who I am, it doesn’t matter what I say. It doesn’t matter what I do… Aloige says that if it’s my word, it’s my attitude, whatever it was.

But I am sure it is not a relationship of equals, and I am not sure if it is love. I guess no matter what words I say, Aloisi will not be hurt. He just accepts them because they are my words. Maybe he is more than happy with anything…

Is such a relationship sane? No, probably not.

If my significant other makes a mistake, I prefer a relationship in which I can correct that mistake. But Aloige would never do that to me.

I’m sure I may never feel at ease with Aloige from now on. Aloige may continue to terrify me. I may never, ever be able to accept Aloige in this way.

…But I can’t leave Aloige, who says I should stay. Because I have nowhere else to be. Because I am afraid.

I also didn’t know how Aloige, who said I should stay, would behave if I tried to leave.