CH 40

「I said something cold the other day. I told you, go home……that……I also reflected on it, but Carol……are you angry? 」

Oh, so that was it.

But those words of rebuke were because I said something extreme. Wilhelm-sama’s anger was only to be expected.

I, too, reflected on the matter. Therefore, I am here with a renewed state of mind.

「It is alright, Wilhelm-sama. Carol is not angry」

「I-Is that so……I am sorry」

「No, I deeply apologize for saying terrible things without regard. My mother also scolded me after that. I was scolded to refrain from any behavior where I use my death as a shield……」

「I see……」

From then on, I reflected on that as well. I should only speak out my thoughts after giving it a careful consideration.

I would never become a good woman if I recklessly speak words influenced by emotions.

「Then……I would like to ask one question」

「Yes? 」

「Why did you take the entry test of the Order? 」

I thought I would probably be asked about it.

Captain Anastasia did say she could not judge by herself. Naturally, the news would be passed to the captain of the knights, Wilhelm-sama.

And, during that time, I would surely be asked about my true intentions.

I might have been able to answer with confidence had I not talked to Lilia yesterday.

I am someone without a center. My purpose would forever be blurred.

I had lost sight of what to do from now on.

「……I do not know」

「Huh? 」

「Lately…I…do not know myself. Even if one does what they think is best for oneself, it will only seem strange if seen from another’s perspective. But.……I truly do want to join the Chivalric Order」

「Why is that? Carol is a noble daughter. You do not need to join the Order」

「I wanted to train myself, both in mind and body. And I wanted to become a good woman. I thought, if I could be a good woman, I could surely become Wilhelm-sama’s wife」

「Uu……」

「And I thought a good woman was a splendid person. Then, I remembered the tour I had around the Order together with Wilhelm-sama. I admired the knights’ strong way of life」

「Hm……」

At my words, Wilhelm-sama folded his arms.

I closed my eyes as I reminisced and breathed out a big sigh.

「Then……to protect this land, to fight in behalf of its weak people, you do not have ambitions like these」

「Yes. My friend gave me a frank advice as well. Every one of the knights has a strong desire to protect the country, she said. And that, to enter the Order where such honorable knights serve just to train one’s mind and body would be a great amount of disrespect」

「That would be so……After listening to what has been said, I will have to fail Carol」

「……My apologies」

I was halfway into my preparations, but my entry test came out a failure.

However, if Wilhelm-sama thought of my welfare and decided so, then I would accept it wholeheartedly.

「Carol」

「Yes」

「I am truly sorry……I spoke in roundabout manner the other day when I said, “I am a person who cannot look after his family”. My indirect expression was probably the cause for this」

「No, such a thing……」

「But I am happy to be treasured by Carol. Still……think it over once more, whether you are truly alright with me」

「I-I am……」

「Think about it. I am not telling you to give your answer right away. But your feelings should not run you either. Think it over properly once more」

Wilhelm-sama’s voice sounded serious.

My heart was decided, but I was perhaps being told to set my feelings aside and think more clearly.

However—I am certain it will not change.

「……I understand. I shall think about it later this evening」

「Hm. Sorry, I said something odd. Shall we eat? 」

「Yes」

I ate my lunch together with Wilhelm-sama.

Today’s boxed lunch was delicious as well. As expected of Chris.

Wilhelm-sama looked puzzled while eating the macaroni salad I made. The vegetables were thick, after all.

「Fuu……it was a treat」

「I am glad you enjoyed the meal」

「The cook is as skillful as ever. I would want to recommend her as a Palace Cook」

「My household will be troubled. Well……for Chris, it may be better there」

It called to mind the image of Chris this morning. She was also scolding the ever-so-brilliant1Robert today.

I might not know what the circumstances surrounding my parents were, but scolding those who kept up with their rude attitudes like that would be tiring. Perhaps, it could not be helped because of the head chef’s position. But if there were better people for the job, that person might change.

Though, if that would be the case and Robert would start throwing his weight around, it would be troublesome.

「Oh? Is it not going well with Albert? 」

「Elder Brother always whispers words of love, but it ends up scattered to the winds. It is the usual」

「Then, did something else happen? 」

「Yes……」

Although it was a matter of my household, it might be good to talk to Wilhelm-sama.

In a sense, it was like exposing the secrets of our House.

「Actually, Chris……the head chef’s subordinate is someone with a poor attitude. Chris would scold him every day」

「Hou? Such a fellow, should he not be dismissed? 」

「I thought so too. But, somehow, he is still at my home. I have not heard of the details though……」

「Hm. There may be some reason behind it」

「Yes. But I could not so easily hear of it……」

Suddenly, Wilhelm-sama went hm, and his brows drew into a frown.

Then, as he stroked his beard, he looked like he remembered something.

「……By any chance, would that man be called Robert? 」

「Did you know him? 」

「Indeed……So, it was about Robert. Good grief, so that was the case」

Ha~a, Wilhelm-sama heaved a sigh.

How on earth did they know each other? No matter how I looked at it, it was unlikely for Robert and Wilhelm-sama to interact.

「You two were acquainted, Wilhelm-sama? 」

「Yes. I know him, to a certain extent」

「What do you mean? 」

「……Elizabeth did not tell you? 」

「No, I have not heard anything from my mother」

Wilhelm-sama went hmm, stroked his white beard, and seemed to consider something.

I would like to be informed of the circumstances, if possible.

「……Since Elizabeth did not speak of it, I cannot tell you of my own volition」

「I see……」

「However……do not go near Robert as much as possible. That is all I could say」

「Yes……」

Even without being told, I had no intentions to approach him.

But I did not want to worry Wilhelm-sama, so I nodded.

「Really, that Robert……that guy still causes some trouble」

「……? 」

I could not understand at all, but it seemed there was quite a complicated situation surrounding it.

If I asked my mother, I wonder if she would tell me.

[1] I forgot to note last chapter, “highly-praised” and “ever-so-brilliant” were meant to be sarcasm regarding Robert’s poor behavior, in case it wasn’t clear enough ;;