CH 1

【01】

For a long time after Cen Feng's death, Xu Zhaixing have been having recurring dreams.　　

In the dream, a teenager was sitting in a closed room while turning over a book. The charcoal at his feet was burning silently, devouring the last remaining oxygen. Xu Zhaixing was standing outside, desperately beating the invisible door.　

But she couldn't do anything.　　

Cen Feng looked up and smiled at her. He threw the book into the brazier, which then burned in a lick of flame. Xu Zhaixing helplessly watched him be engulfed in the flames. And then she woke up crying, shivering with pain all over her body.　　

Cen Feng had passed on already for half a year.　　

For half a year, the name Cen Feng had rarely been mentioned in the endless entertainment circle. Even though when he had just died, his news had dominated the headlines of all major portals for a whole week. As if the whole world was treating him unfairly.　　

At that time, all of her friends who knew that she liked Cen Feng came to comfort her.

They repeatedly talked about everything Cen Feng had suffered, sympathizing with him and his fans. At the end, they told Xu Zhaixing to take it easy. That after all it's just one idol, "you and him had no chance to begin with, it was all up to you to spend your money." 

Xu Zhaixing, who used to bare fangs and brandish claws to fight with others and support Cen Feng, didn't refute anything.　　

People are always forgetful. The netizens who had condemned the cause of Cen Feng's depression disappeared under capital interference, and even his fans already got a new idol. Xu Zhaixing gradually stopped mentioning him. As if she had never loved a teenager with all her strength.　

Just sometimes, she would stare blankly into space dazedly. And when she comes to her senses, she would burst into tears.　　

A colleague asked her："Zhaixing, what's wrong with you?"　　

What's wrong with her？　　

She didn't know, but she just felt her heart ache, empty and painful, like it was being cut off by a knife.

......

A light rain started pouring down by evening, when Aunt Zhu, the nanny taking care of Father Xu, called and said，"Zhaixing, will you come back for dinner？I made chicken soup for your dad."

Xu Zhaixing was dragging a makeup case down the stairs："Tonight, my client, the bride's family is in the suburbs, so I won't be back. Please eat with dad. By the way, Aunt Zhu, my classmate bought me something from abroad. It's honey, take a bowl for Dad to eat before bed."

Aunt Zhu replied then hung up.

Father Xu had been paralyzed in bed since he suffered a stroke seven years ago. In the past years, Xu Zhaixing personally took care of him. After two years, her career progressed, and she made some money to hire a nanny for father Xu.

While waiting for the traffic light, a woman carrying a child next to her was making a call："I have already handed in the second financial statement. How can I get a budget change now? President Chen has already passed the approval! "

She was hugging her child while holding an umbrella. The mobile phone in her hand was unstable, so she simply put down the little girl in her arms. "You told me it was useless! What did you do earlier?"

The little girl, about three or four years old, was holding a yo-yo in her hand. Perhaps the rain dampened her hands and the yo-yo slipped out，rolling forward along the pedestrian crossing.

The little girl chased yo-yo down the crooked ground. An off-road vehicle not far away drove with a whistle. Her mother was still on the phone. Xu Zhaixing looked up after closing Wechat. By the time she came to her senses, people had already rushed over.

She just remembered pushing the little girl aside when she felt a severe pain in her waist. Her internal organs seemed to have moved a bit, and then a sweet smell came to her throat before she lost consciousness.

It is said that before people die, the most important people and things you cared about will appear in your mind. Life and death can be instantaneous. Xu Zhaixing didn't even have the time to review her life and directly died.

The screams of the crowd, the crying of children, and the sharp sound of brakes shrouded in the dusk after the rain.

......

Xu Zhaixing had a dream.

Dreamed about many years ago, when her mother hadn't died yet of esophageal cancer and her father had not yet gone bankrupt and had not yet gotten a stroke. She still leads an enviable and affluent life and can pursue her dream without any worries.

Dreamed about the limited edition Barbie doll in her room, the beautiful clothes she made for the doll herself, and the gold award from the youth costume design competition she put on her desk.

Dreamed that she got an offer from the Royal College of Art when she was in her third year of high school. But just when she was happily preparing to study college abroad, her mother found that her esophageal cancer was advanced.

Her father's venture capital failed, and the loss was more than 10 million. In the end, even the money for her mother's medical treatment was not available. And those relatives who had always been enthusiastic about them, closed their doors and refused to meet them. Including second uncle Xu, who had tricked her father into venture capital.

Father Xu sold the company's assets to treat her mother's illness, so she gave up going abroad, took the college entrance examination, and was admitted to an Art and Design University in city B.

But her mother's illness has reached an advanced stage, and no amount of money can save it. Her mother passed away, and her father went bankrupt with his hair turning white overnight. He suffered a sudden stroke and was paralyzed in bed.

That year, Xu Zhaixing had just turned eighteen.

She was already adding to the burden of the whole family.

She saw herself struggling in the mud. While her classmates of similar age were facing love and food tourism, and chasing stars, she was facing the debt collectors and bank loans, and her father's large medical expenses.

She didn't want to give up her dream of designing. So she worked while attending school, and felt tired every day to even breathe.

In the winter of freshman year, she went home late for an hour because she had to hand in her design work. Her father who was paralyzed in bed wanted to drink water. He was struggling to get a glass, when he knocked over the bottle of boiling water.

When Xu Zhaixing returned home, her father who had fainted with pain was sent with a 120 call to the hospital. The doctor told her that he was severely scalded.

Xu Zhaixing remembered that it snowed that night.

She squatted in the corridor of the hospital, holding a stack of expensive medical bills, crying silently while covering her face.

She couldn't hold on.

She felt so tired.

She took the fruit knife from an aunt next door, and decided to find a place with no people around to die.

It was snowing heavily that night, and it was extremely cold. She sat on the cold stone steps, crying while pointing the knife at her heart.

Across the street is a building with a huge LED screen.

When the lights turn on, the tip of the knife will pierce her heart.

Xu Zhaixing raised her head in the diffuse white light, and saw a teenager on the LED screen.

He was wearing a white sweater and was playing the piano. His black hair was fine and soft and like a noble and gentle prince, he was smiling in her direction.

Such a beautiful smile, like a ray of sunlight shining into the dark night. It warmed her cold and desperate heart.

People are really amazing creatures. Her courage to commit suicide suddenly disappeared. Like she seemed to have gotten a scare, she hurriedly dropped the knife in her hand and looked up at the teenager who played the piano.

The picture on the LED screen only lasted for ten seconds. No one knows what kind of power these ten few seconds gave her in this ice-cold and desperate chilly night.

The man playing the piano was named Cen Feng, a star who has just debuted. A gentle smiling teenager.

In those days that she couldn't hold on, Cen Feng was like the only light in her whole life.

No matter how difficult the situation is, just thinking about him will make her get through everything.

With this light, she walked through the most difficult period. Although the debt is still not paid off and her father is also still not cured, everything is getting better and full of hope.

Like Cen Feng, her pale and powerless life has returned to being colorful.

She hopes that one day, she can stand in front of Cen Feng with her work* and proudly tell him: Brother, look, I did it.

She wanted to tell him, thank you for showing up, thank you for playing the piano for me, thank you for letting me not give up myself, thank you for making me be such a person.

But it turned out that this young man who had given her so much hope had already stepped half a foot into the abyss of death.

How ridiculous.

Every day, she shouted and shouted, protect brother, protect our baby. But she didn't even knew that he had depression.

She didn't even see the pain hidden under his strong smile.

Still self- absorbed in drawing strength from his smile and supporting that deceptive disguise.

What's even more ridiculous, is that after tearing this illusion, she couldn't do anything for him except to cry.

She will never see Cen Feng again.

The boy she loved with all her life.

............

......

"Zhaixing? Zhaixing! Wake up! God, are you drooling? My novel! Ah ah my ingenuity! It's all wet with your saliva! You step aside for me! Get up!"

With a buzzing sound beside her ear, Xu Zhaixing felt heavy headed when a fleshy hand slapped her on the face.

"Xu Zhaixing! Get up for me! This is my new issue! Do you know how long I waited in line before I was able to buy it!"

Why is this noisy voice in her ear, sounded so much like that girl on the same table with her in high school?

Xu Zhaixing struggled and opened her eyes.

In an instant, the light of dusk spread in her eyes through the glass windows of the classroom.

Classmates in school uniforms chasing and and fighting noisily, messy desks filled with books, crooked corridors. All of these were strange and familiar. These belong to her memory of many years ago.

Xu Zhaixing closed her eyes with great effort. She looked at her hand inconceivably and touched her waist.

Cheng You was still distressed about the new issue of "Wolf's Temptation" that she queued for several hours. She took out a scented tissue and carefully dipped in the water on the pages of the book, and then looked at it with disgust.

Xu Zhaixing was still unfocused, with tears in the corners of her eyes.

Cheng You was happy for now："It's not a saliva ?! Ah ah, that's great! Ah, that's not it. Zhaixing, what's up? Why were you sleeping and also crying in your sleep?"

Xu Zhaixing struggled to call her name: "... Cheng You?"

They hadn't contacted each other after graduating from high school. She hadn't called this name for many years. She didn't know if she remembered it correctly.

Cheng You leaned in suspiciously and poked her face: "What's wrong with you? How silly?"

The class bell rang in her ear.

Cheng You quickly packed the novel in her desk and took out the book to be used. Xu Zhaixing saw a few big words on the book：High School Mathematics.

High school?

Ten years ago?

Is this a dream?

The high school math teacher, Cao Jumei stepped in when bell rang and walked into the classroom. She still looked like herself, ironed small curly hair which was still popular nowadays, with a thin and sharp voice that has the rigidity and sternness of the math teacher.

"All of you, sit down for me! Every day, and still not thinking about studying! Liu Qingshan! I'm talking about you and you're still laughing! Put your legs down! What kind of place do you think this classroom is? Still raising your crossed legs? Want another cup of tea?"

The class laughed out loud.

Cao Jumei repeatedly patted the podium with the textbook, and started emptying chalk ash unrestrained, "All of you sit down! Let's start the lecture, turn the book to chapter 2.2, today we will study the logarithmic function."

The sound of flipping books sounded all around.

Cheng You flipping through the book, saw Xu Zhaixing still stupefied. She poked her arm with a pen, and with a lowered voice："What are you staring blankly for? Want to be named by Teacher Cao?"

Xu Zhaixing finally felt a little sober from dozing off.

Her fingers stiffly opened the book, and her heart beat faster, staring at the function formula that she had forgotten for years.

It's not a dream, it is true.

She returned ten years ago.

Her mother has not yet gotten sick. Her father has not yet been paralyzed. And her family has not yet gone bankrupt.

Cen Feng......is still alive.

The people she loves are still alive.

Everything is back in time.