Book 8: Chapter 9: Doubts

Book 8: Chapter 9: Doubts

It was evening by the time she reached the dried well.

Xiao Xia poked her head into the mouth and was met with an aura of profound stillness. It didnt have the expected chill, nor the smell of dampness, mold, withered leaves or dust. It gave off the same feeling as Ah Bai: gentle, quiet, kind and melancholy.

Looking into the darkness, Xiao Xia wasnt able to see anything for a moment. Yet she didnt make a sound, not knowing if Ah Bai was awake. For spirits, this was technically still early in their day.

Xiao Xia! Right as she was about to leave, planning to wait for the sky to completely darken, Ah Bais voice came from the bottom of the well. Why are you here?

Cant I come visit you? You said you would come visit me, but you never did. The voice made Xiao Xia exceptionally happy. She never expected her best friend to be a spirit instead of a human. Romance between human and ghost happened a lot in movies, but friendships were very rare.

Sorry, Xiao Xia. Ah Bai was as gentle as before. Thenhow about you come down first? Im unable to go up.

Xiao Xia had long since prepared a rope and tied it to the tree. After hearing Ah Bais invitation, she started climbing down the rope. The walls were dry and rough. She had never gotten good grades in sports before, but managed to smoothly reach the bottom.

Seeing Ah Bais serene yet haggard face, Xiao Xia instantly teared up. She went to embrace her, but only contacted air.

Sorry, I dont have a body.

Silly, its my fault for forgetting your situation. Why are you apologizing? Xiao Xia acted casual and shrugged, glancing around. The bottom of the well was spotlessly clean, but also completely empty. Even Ah Bais remains had been buried. It was like a meditation chamber, without any influence from the outside word.

Why dont you move into the octagon pagoda? Its unoccupied anyway. Ah Bais lonely state made Xiao Xias heart ache. She felt her own life was so blessed in comparison. At the least, Ruan Zhan had always helped her and never harmed her. She had also never sacrificed that much for him.

Ah Bai smiled beautiful and said quietly, Although that place is unoccupied, people often go there. Ive already left the human world. Its best not to bother others. Im buried here, so this place is my home.

But the environment there is at least somewhat better. You wont be bothered by the wind or rain.

Xiao Xia, you know my mana is basically depleted. Im unable to handle the dangers in the forest. When hesealed me here previously, a large part of it was to protect me. That barrier kept me trapped, but it also prevented anything else from entering. Therefore, I reactivated it the moment I got back here. Besides, Ive been cultivating anew these days. Although I cannot recover my innate powers, Ive still increased my mana a little. See, I can set up a simple barrier that keeps out the weather. Its like having a roof over my head, isnt it great?

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Xiao Xia was very surprised as she hurriedly looked up. She knew there was a formation on the walls. Ruan Zhan had shifted it slightly to free Ah Bai. Who would have thought Ah Bai would have moved it back in place from below. No wonder she said she wasnt able to come up.

But theres no freedom like this!

My freedom is wherever he is. Ah Bai said, an incredibly determined expression on her beautiful face.

Looking at the lovestruck woman, Xiao Xia didnt know what to say. How could a woman love a man so wholeheartedly? Perhaps only someone so extremely pure and kind like Ah Bai could make a devil like Si Ma Nan have a shred of conscience and love!

Looking around, she saw no sign of Si Ma Nan. Ah Bai seemed to know what she was thinking and pointed above her own head. Only then did Xiao Xia see a white silk-like band wrapped tightly around a strand of Ah Bais black hair. The silk band seemed to have a life of its own, flowing between her hair like a ray of light through the darkness. It lit up Ah Bais entire face.

Enough, Xiao Xia. Stop sulking. Even if you dont know whether he loves you or not, you should at least know he definitely doesnt hate you.

Xiao Xia sobbed, her heart feeling much better. She had kept this matter bottled up this whole time, without anyone to talk about it with. After telling Ah Bai, it was like she had shed all her burdens. She was now able to examine things objectively.

Thinking of how well Ruan Zhan normally treated her, she suddenly felt she was a little bit of a bully. Yet she still couldnt accept him wanting to erase her memories. It implied that he regretted what happened between them, implied that he wanted to give it up.

Yet if he was giving up, why had the vanished telepathic summons resumed three days ago again? Guilt? Or was it sympathy? The summons had come too suddenly and she had almost responded. Almost relapsing made her realize how much she missed him, and how much she loved him. It hadnt decreased in the slightest despite hating his actions. She started to truly understand Ah Bai. When a woman truly loved a person, she would continue loving whether or not it was worth it, and whether or not it was harmful. Nothing would be able to change it.

Did he love her, or did he just like her? The way he normally acted confused her, and she couldnt be sure. Sometimes his gaze made it seem like he loved her, but sometimes he was so distant. His treatment of her was like a mirage. She could see it, but never touch it.

Perhaps he has some secret difficulties. Ah Bai thought of Si Ma Nan and sighed gloomily. You fell in love with a complicated man, so you have to consider more things. For your sake, and also for his.

Secret difficulties?

Xiao Xia hadnt considered this possibility. She was like a firebrand that burned continuously after she fell in love, trying to melt him and warm him. She never thought about why he would refuse to melt.

What secret difficulties could he have? There are only a few things standing in the way of a relationship: parents not agreeing, materialistic pressures, a third partys interference. His parents are long gone Speaking of this, Xiao Xia suddenly recalled Father Ruans situation, but then shook her head. She knew Ruan Zhans relationship with his father was extremely bad. He wouldnt reject her for his fathers sake. Besides, Father Ruan hadnt appeared yet when he forcibly erased her memories in Hongqing Town.

We dont have any materialistic pressures. He has his own bar and I have a career. Im also not asking for an extravagant lifestyle. There are absolutely no monetary issues. A third party? There doesnt seem to beunless, he already has a wife? Xiao Xia was startled by her own guess.

How could that be? Ah Bai laughed. Any woman would keep a close eye on a husband like him. How could there be a chance for another woman to get involved? Besides, youve been together for so long. Have you ever seen his wife show up?

Maybe his situation is similar to that of Mr. Rochester. Xiao Xias wild imagination was activated, recalling the plot of Jane Eyre. She imagined that Ruan Zhan might have an insane wife he kept hidden in the attic, or back home!

She felt it more possible the more she thought about it, and her heart couldnt help but ache. It turns out he was already married!

Xiao Xia, stop letting your thoughts run wild. Trust me, Ah Zhan definitely doesnt have a wife. Ah Bai interrupted Xiao Xias thoughts. Although she didnt know who Mr. Rochester was, she knew Xiao Xias thoughts had far departed from reality.

Then what other secret difficulties could he have? Unless he doesnt love me, or perhaps he cannot love me! Xiao Xia paused, startled at her second thought.

She couldnt confirm that Ruan Zhan loved her, but she was sure he cared about her. Otherwise, he would have treated her the same way he treated his other pursuers. He wouldnt be at such a loss when faced with her towering tantrum. On that day, a man such as him, who faced enormous danger without blinkingperhaps he did truly love her. But what was stopping him?

Was she allowed to think like that?

Could he be seriously ill, and was on the verge of death? But he was always so healthy, and quickly recovered from his injuries. How could he be sick? Even if he was, he would have known it prior to Hongqing Town. Why were there no symptoms after such a long period of time?

Nope! That wasnt it!

But the words secret difficulties opened Xiao Xias mind. She started thinking of other possibilities that would make Ruan Zhan indecisive.

Why not go back and see? Its clear youve been missing him for a while. Ah Bai said softly. But dont reveal your doubts. Otherwise, a man like him who bottles everything up inside might very well cover things up again!