Chapter 5

Vicente couldn’t say anymore because the meal was served at the same time as Ercella finished saying about cutting down all tutors.

On the table were cream lamb stew, Caesar salad, baguettes with butter, and baked potatoes with melted cheese.

Ercella looked at Vicente’s eyes on the all-white food. The food on the table was purely Ercella’s taste. She knew she had a peculiar diet.

Even though Harsen is used to it now, she has no idea how disgusted initially he was at her greasy diet. Ercella smiled awkwardly realizing she forgot to tell Clifton to serve her food differently than usual.

“I’ll prepare something else…”

“I’ll eat it.”

Vicente picked up the spoon without hesitation. Ercella looked sheepish at his resoluteness.

Ercella took a bite of the stew, thinking she should tell Clifton to prepare a regular meal tomorrow. The creamy soup was delicious as always.

Thinking so, Ercella carefully watched her son taste the stew. One may never know, he might like it if he takes after her.

However, Vicente had a regular taste. He tried it several times before finally putting the spoon down. She felt guilty because he didn’t touch the other dish either. Her guilt flashed on her face.

Why do I have such a taste..?

For the first time in her life, she was disappointed by the diet she had never regretted. Every new step with Vicente felt like a challenge.

“Can I ask you what you’re going to do after breakfast?”

The authority she had previously imposed on him disappeared because of the sudden guilt she felt. Vicente also seemed to be thinking about what to do with the suddenly empty schedule. He stared at Ercella without opening his mouth.

“Well, if you don’t have anything to do, why don’t you join me in the back garden?”

At his gaze, Ercella said casually. It wasn’t planned, but it would be nice to spend some time together.

“… Do you mean Mother’s garden?”

Vicente’s answer came out a little slow. For instance, when he said, “Mother’s garden?”, he probably meant “With Mother!?”

There were not many gardens in the first place. Ercella nodded shamelessly, ignoring his reluctance.

“Yes, the roses must be in full bloom by now, so it will be really beautiful.”

It’s May now, so it must be full of bloomed roses. Wouldn’t my ice-cold relationship with Vicente melt a little if we enjoy the beautifully bloomed flowers together? She thought that it was a really good idea.

Vicente looked at her without showing any positive or negative response. He never answers her readily, and seemed to be trying to figure out what Ercella intended to do. Am I still asking too much? Ercella swallowed a bitter smile and shook her hand.

“I’m not forcing you.”

Unlike her cool words, her shoulders were drooping. Ercella didn’t know where the confidence that Vicente would accept her offer came from. Trying to hide her disappointment, Ercella pretended to naturally take a fork for the salad.

“No, I’ll come.”

She thought she was rejected, but heard an unexpected answer. Her pupils grew round.

***

The garden was as beautiful as ever. Starting with small grass flowers blooming everywhere, red roses were scattered over the greenery.

It was clearly May. Anyone who sees the joy that nature brings will raise the corners of his mouth. Ercella, who likes beautiful things, also smiled. She wanted to go down and walk through the garden.

After a while, Vicente came, ready to go with her. He was dressed in simple plain clothes.

“Shall we go down?”

Having said that, an arm stretched to her. Ercella was staring blankly until she noticed that he meant to escort her.

It was a private outing, not a public one, so she was taken aback, but he reached out without hesitation. Ercella looked surprised at his unexpected gentlemanly manners. Come to think of it, Lianne said that he excelled in his lessons, but was this also included?

“Thank you.”

Ercella smiled and overlapped her hands over Vicente’s outstretched arm. Anyway, there was nothing wrong with accepting his kindness. Vicente led her gracefully, glancing at the pale back of her hand for a second.

The garden was beautifully decorated because of Ercella’s devotion. If it were the ladies of other families they would’ve been impressed, but seems like Vicente was more insensitive than she thought.

He was only looking ahead as if the splendid colors that met his eyes did not inspire him at all.

They barely had a conversation. They had a very formal exchange, ‘How are you?’ and ‘I’m fine.’ Ercella was too shy to boast about the garden, so she kept her mouth shut.

After a long walk, staring ahead only, she suddenly stared at his side profile.

It’s been years.

Walking side by side with my son. It’s been years since we’ve been together for no reason.

Vicente was way over her height before she knew it. He will be an official knight soon. It’s hard to become a knight at a young age, but in the past, her son, the successor of a military family, was knighted at only fifteen.

“I’ll be on my way then.”

His low voice brought her back from her thoughts. It’s been barely 30 minutes and he’s already asking to leave. It was a pity, but Ercella decided to be satisfied with this.

It was a great achievement in itself walking together in the garden like today. Vicente also gave way a lot. Ercella recalled Lianne’s words to take everything slowly.

“Alright, you can go.”

“I’ll take my leave, then.”

“Ah, why don’t we go out together tomorrow?”

Oops. Sweetly, sweetly.

It’s not easy to fix old habits.

Ercella waited for Vicente’s answer while recognizing that she had to change.

“I have political sciences class.”

A firm refusal. With Vicente’s schedule on hand, however, the answer wasn’t unexpected. But she also knew that there was no schedule after the political sciences class because she cut down on a large number of his tutors.

“How about going after class?”

“I’m going to do sword training.”

Another failure… Wait, again? I can’t believe he’s going to train again in his free time. Then, all I did was meaningless!

“Rest in your spare time… that’s the point.”

“I have a knight’s exam soon. I shouldn’t be neglecting my training.”

She knew there is quite a long time to call it “soon”, but her son doesn’t slack at all.

Ercella suddenly became curious. I wonder if he really wants to be a knight or is forced to do something he doesn’t want to for the sake of the family.

“You don’t have to become a knight.”

“What are you-”

“If there is something you want to do, you can do it.”

I never wanted you to be a knight. And whatever is a knight? Don’t they receive honor by dying on the battlefield?

My God! On thought, this is a serious problem. Now, Ercella would rather Vicente quit knighthood. Not only was it dangerous, but she now wanted Vicente to live his life. I want him to do what he wants to do. No, even staying at home doing nothing is fine, too. We are loaded anyway!

Ercella’s head was full of thoughts when the cold reaction came back.

“Why are you doing this, since last time?”

“…Vicente?”

“Do you even realize what you’re saying? I am the only child of my father, the patriarch of Bernhardt, so I must go through Bernhardt’s path of succession. And you’re telling me not to become a knight just like that.”

“I just…”

“Does Father know that Mother is doing this? I really hope that he doesn’t find out about this. He would be furious if he found out. Please, be mindful of your words.”

“You…”

Tears seemed to flow in her eyes because of his disdainful gaze. She had no political agenda. In her defense, it was strictly for Vicente. Only for Vicente. I didn’t want you to do any hard work. I just wanted you to live a peaceful life…

“I just didn’t want you to live your life for the sake of the family. Is that wrong?”

“Mother.”

His lips shut tightly and opened.

“Mother is not like that.”

“…….”

“And you don’t need to become like that.”

A voice defining her coldly. He wasn’t blaming or criticizing her for living solely for her family… It was just a very insensitive voice defining her as such a person.

For the family… Yes, I lived for the family… Married for the family.… Gave birth to you for the family…

Ercella’s eyes began to blur. With unfocused eyes, she looked up at Vicente and asked.

“Tell me. Who am I then?”

She wanted to know what Ercella was to him. I don’t know what I mean to you. I’m your mother… But I don’t know what you think of me.

Dry eyes stared at her and a drier voice flowed into her ears.

“You are the person of honor in Visaride and the wife of the Duke of Bernhardt, the sword of the King. You are the noblest woman in the country.”

Her heart started pounding and squeezing. His gaze had no warmth for his mother. It was a gaze that looked through others thoroughly. And Vicente doesn’t see her as a mother…

When he was done talking, Vicente turned his back on her and began to walk back. There was no hesitation in his steps.

Soon after, when even Vicente’s shadow had completely disappeared, a clear stream of water flowed down Ercella’s cheek.

***

“Ercella, I think you… You need to treat your son better.”

Eshahilde, her older sister smiled sadly.

“You wouldn’t know…”

She patted Ercella’s head gently.

“Just how much I envy you…”

Although she accepted her gesture, thinking she was spoiling her, Ercella couldn’t completely understand her.

“I envy you.”

By the time she began to understand her words a little, she was long dead and gone.

* * *

Updated from novelhall[.]com

Every scene is a stab on my kokoro. I have dreams about this one now. The manhwa wasn’t enough and now the novel is slowly killing me.

But *sigh* I’m a sucker for tragedies >.<

I released two chapters today. I shall die for some time… Pray for my health… and sanity….

Let me know my mistakes. I’m sure there are a lot since my brain is working on its last juice.

Don’t forget to