Chapter 46

She had wanted to get some fresh air because she felt stuffy at home, but hadn’t wanted to go out in a dress. That was why she had borrowed Lianne’s clothes. She wanted to be inconspicuous.

Ercella slowly stepped out of the carriage. She walked carefully, thinking that her sprained ankle from yesterday would be quite painful, but it was bearable. She was a little slow because of it, but it wasn’t bad. She wandered around the city without an attendant.

“Miss, here! Buy this necklace! Oh, it would be perfect for a pretty girl like you!”

“…Oh, I’m fine.”

“There are bracelets, too. I’ve got some from Conrad!”

“…Thank you, but I’m fine, really.”

The merchants tried to lure her in from their stalls. Only then did Ercella fully realize that she was wearing a commoner’s attire. She spoke with awkward honorifics and politely declined. It felt strange to treat commoners with respect and not as subordinates.

She rarely went out, so she didn’t have many plans. Also, many people assumed her to be a maiden or a young wife because of her braided hair. Ercella felt free. It was as if the things that had been tying her up were removed.

“My, how lovely! Your parents must have raised you dearly. Come here and try this. It’s dried fruit but it’s very sweet.”

Ercella was stunned by that call. She was very embarrassed inwardly because she had never been called by such a lighthearted gesture, but she slowly approached the vendor.

Various kinds of dried fruits were displayed on the cart. She was surprised to find cherries, plums, grapes, tangerines, and other fruits that were out of season. The old man grinned and handed her a prune,”These were imported from outside. Try it.”

“Thank you,” she habitually said and quickly put the prune in her mouth. When she started chewing, the smell of fresh prunes spread in her mouth.

Even though it was obviously dried, the pulp was soft and chewy. Her eyes widened because it was more delicious than she expected.

“Isn’t it good?”

Nod, nod.

Her head moved up and down when asked by the old man. The gradually increasing sweetness was very satisfying.

“How about a handful?”

“…How much are they?”

She thought it wouldn’t hurt to buy some prunes. Lianne might nag me, but she’ll love it when I give her some. I want Vicente to have some too, even though he doesn’t enjoy sweet things.

Vicente was not honest, so even if they were very delicious, he wouldn’t show his fondness for them in front of Ercella.

‘He’ll simply say it’s good, won’t he?’

At first, she felt reluctant, but when she imagined her son’s face finding it to be delicious, she laughed automatically. Then the remnants of past memories began to scatter her thoughts again.

Ercella shook her head and tried not to remember. She had come out because she didn’t want to be depressed like before. She decided not to think about anything like that right now.

“One silver penny.”

“Yes, pack them.” Ercella took out a silver coin from Lianne’s pocket and handed it to the old man. In actuality, one silver coin was too expensive for commoners to buy with, but Ercella, who had no sense of money, had no idea.

Even now, she had a lot of gold coins in her pocket. The old man filled a bag with prunes and handed them to her. Ercella took the paper bag and continued her stroll.

As she walked, she hid the bag of money deep inside her pocket just in case. She feared that if people found out she had so much money, she’d become a target for thieves.

It’s still daytime and the guards are out there, but I should still be cautious. Thinking so, she took a prune out of the paper bag and ate it.

“Delicious.”

It was so delicious that she ate another. Usually, she didn’t eat a lot of dry fruits since she didn’t like them, but now that she tried prunes, they seemed to be better than she expected.

I’ll tell the chef to put them on the table from time to time. After thinking about trivial things, she wandered around and looked at the items on display.

Ercella also bought a cheap bracelet for eight pennies. The reddish-brown bracelet contrasted her pale white wrist.

As if it was polished, the bracelet glistened in the sun. She was happy that it suited her well. Forgetting her sore ankle, Ercella entered a store she had spotted.

She stopped by many places where commoners frequented, not just jewelry stores or dress stores, and was surprised to see many pretty things. Some of them matched her taste, such as cute crystal glasses, handmade candles, and handkerchiefs with luxurious embroidery.

Come to think of it, Vicente will participate in a hunting competition when he’s ordained as a knight. Usually, women would give knights handkerchiefs or cufflinks.

Will he like it if I give him a handkerchief? Ercella smiled slightly and bought a cloth without embroidery. Accordingly, she also purchased a bunch of threads of various colors. Ercella thought that she needed to practice embroidery since she wasn’t very good with her hands.

Seeing her bag full, Ercella took a larger paper bag and put the things together in it. Fortunately, it was still light because it only had a few things.

Ercella decided to end her shopping. If her bag got any bigger, it would become difficult to carry around.

Suddenly, she stopped walking. She pondered what to do. The market was still endless, but she might forget her way if she went any further. As she was contemplating, she heard a soft voice behind her.

“Did you sneak out?”

She raised her shoulder and slowly looked back. Her lips opened slightly, “Sir…Juan?”

Ercella stuttered his name. It’s the guy I met at the bookstore last time. His gentle impression with his brown hair and similar brown eyes was quite memorable. Juan’s lips slightly rose at Ercella’s call.

“Madam Ercella. Good to see you here.” As if he remembered her, Juan also naturally called her name. She simply nodded.

“Why are you here alone without an attendant?”

He didn’t say it directly, but his eyes said, “And in that outfit?” Ercella turned a blind eye and replied, “…Just to get some air.”

“I see.” He stared at her face. Ercella turned her face away when she remembered that her eyes were still swollen. Luckily, he didn’t say much. Ercella realized that he was being considerate by deliberately staying put without asking.

“What brings you here, Sir?” Feeling reassured, Ercella naturally questioned with a lighter heart. Juan scratched his chin and looked down at her. Ercella found it fascinating that his brown eyes looked warm even when he was standing against the sun. A short while later, Juan replied, “I’m here to idle around, Madam.”

Ercella’s mouth gaped at the unexpected answer. He’s here to idle around? Then shouldn’t he have at least one friend around? It seemed like he was here alone.

“Alone?”

“Yes, today’s the day when many markets are open. There will even be fireworks later tonight.”

“Tonight?”

I had noticed that it was more crowded than usual, so today must be the festival that happens once every six months.

The festival was held twice a year, and it was known as a day created independently by commoners to unwind from their daily hard work.

As night approached, fireworks would be set off to decorate the sky. I can’t believe it’s today. Suddenly, Ercella became interested, “What time is it?”

“Well, from what I understand, it’s around 10 o’clock. I heard there’s a great place to watch the fireworks near the clock tower, but there will be no room if you go late. Are you thinking of watching it too, Madam?”

“Yes, it’s been a while since I saw fireworks…” Ercella stopped in the middle of talking. It would be very late if she went to watch the fireworks at ten. She was afraid that the people back home would get worried by then. This wouldn’t be the first time she would be late, but they’d usually be reassured since she’d be accompanied by her attendants those times.

Me being allowed to go outside alone is already surprising enough.

Juan glanced at Ercella, “I guess you can’t see them. Then how about this? When it gets dark, there will also be a night festival, and you can enjoy it instead of fireworks. If safety is your concern, I shall be your guard for the day.”

There’s a night festival, too? She suddenly wondered what kind of festival it would be. Juan’s suggestion was so tempting that she almost accepted it, but Ercella shook her head when she saw what he was wearing.

“How can I treat you as a guard, sir?”

He looked like a nobleman in nice clothes no matter how she looked at it. They looked very expensive. Besides, she couldn’t go around with a guard she didn’t know well. As if he knew the reason for her refusal, Juan smiled,

“I’m not that great a person. Please, be comfortable.”

Ercella hesitated for a moment. The capital city is said to be safe, but it’s also where vicious criminals have been recently active. It’d be even more dangerous at night than during the day. If something went wrong, I can’t face Wendelman, who trusted me and sent me out. Ercella thought for a moment and nodded,

“Then, if you don’t mind, may I ask you to accompany me to the night festival?”

“Of course, Madam.” Juan shrugged as if it was not a difficult thing. Ercella suddenly felt hungry. She realized that she only ate two prunes today. I guess I forgot that I was hungry because I’ve been wandering around all day.

She glanced towards Juan. He noticed Ercella’s gaze and wondered, “What’s the matter?”

“Sir…”

Aren’t you hungry?

Ercella sealed her lips for some reason. It was very embarrassing to ask that to a man she had barely met. As she continued to hesitate, Juan asked again, “Do you have something to say?”

“…N-no, no.”

She smiled awkwardly, and then she moved on. Puzzled, Juan followed her. Then, he suddenly noticed that the woman’s gait was strange. Juan’s eyes reached Ercella’s feet. He then politely held Ercella’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

“It looks like you’ve hurt your foot.”

“Oh…” Ercella then remembered something she had forgotten. When she lifted her skirt and checked her foot, she could see the swelling clearly. Looking at the redness on her foot, she remembered the pain. Ercella raised her eyes and glared at Juan.

“Now what?” Juan was confused.

“I forgot about it, but now thanks to Sir, I feel the pain again.”

Ercella smiled brightly and thanked him. Of course, Juan was well aware that it was not thanks. He looked hurt, “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re being unfair.” Juan led Ercella to the front of the fountain square, “Sit here for now.”

Ercella sat on the fountain ledge as he said. Juan went somewhere after telling her to wait for a moment, and after a while, he returned with a bandage and a container that looked like medicine in his hand.

“You went to buy these? I’m fine, you didn’t need to…”

“It’s too late to say that. The money has already left my hands.”

“You should’ve told me beforehand.”

“You don’t really leave the last word.”

Ercella flinched at that. Harsen came to mind. His cold words that she did everything she wanted came to her mind. Juan knelt at her feet and found her to suddenly be sullen.

“Pardon me.”

Juan carefully pulled Ercella’s foot out of her shoes. He was wearing thin cotton gloves, perhaps he thought that he should not touch her feet directly.

He began to bandage Ercella’s feet tenderly, as if caressing a face. Ercella, who was watching the process silently, laughed aloud, “You’re really clumsy. And why did you buy the medicine if you were going to wrap the bandage first?”

“…Ah.”

Juan alternatively looked at the bandage and then the medicine placed next to him. With a bewildered look, he began to hurriedly pull at the bandages that he had sloppily wrapped around her foot.

“I’ve never done this before.” He seemed to be making excuses in embarrassment.

“Seems likely.”

Juan’s laidback and playful impression had slightly changed. Ercella felt sorry for making fun of an innocent man, but it was honestly fun to see that straight face shrunken with embarrassment.

“You must’ve been brought up preciously.”

“You mustn’t make fun of people.”

Juan, who had regained his composure, applied the medicine and finished bandaging, then released her foot from his hands.

“What’s that?”

“With those bandages wrapped, I figured these shoes won’t fit. I bought it in a hurry, so it might not fit perfectly but it’ll still be convenient. I tried to match the color with your other shoe, so it won’t look weird.”

The shoe in Juan’s hands was indeed a similar color to the amber shoes Ercella was wearing. I didn’t expect him to be so thoughtful. Ercella looked at Juan again. Moreover, how did he match the size of the shoes so perfectly with just his eyes?

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.”

Ercella stretched out her legs and looked down at her shoes. Although they were different designs, they were so similar that they could not be called out from a distance. After taking off the gloves, Juan straightened his bent legs gracefully. Then he reached for Ercella, but she was still motionless, only staring at him. She suddenly wondered what kind of person this man was.

“Your foot must still hurt.”

Juan sighed lightly in understanding. He sat next to Ercella. She obviously thinks that I’m a stubborn person.

“You should have been a scholar. Your expression looks like you’re curious about me.” He shook his head with one hand on his forehead, wondering what Ercella’s sparkling eyes meant. He pretended otherwise, but even his shaking head looked graceful. Juan touched his chin as if mulling over his words, “After graduating from Gracyvan Academy, I went to study abroad in Rentua to become a scholar. But eventually, I returned to Grania without becoming one. My classmates are still studying abroad, which is why I don’t have any friends here, so I’m alone in the capital.”

“So far away? Studying in Grania would be enough, so why bother all the way there…”

A scholar. No wonder he knew so much about neologism, thought Ercella. He must be a really smart person, considering that getting an admission in that school is already hard enough, but then graduating is even harder.

She couldn’t understand why such a person had to study abroad in Rentua, not Grania. Except for medicine, the level of education would be higher in Grania. Thinking that, Ercella impulsively blurted out the question.

Juan’s eyes stiffened a little,

“…Well, let’s just say I ran away.”

“Ran away?”

“Yes, if I may be honest. Even though my father caught me and I had to return.”

After those words, Juan said no more. Looking at his face masked with a smile, he seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it, so Ercella also decided not to ask any more questions. This time Juan asked, since Ercella was quiet, “Madam, you know the new Ludelsian language, right? Do you perhaps know of Heteron’s theology?”

“I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t read it.”

Heteron was a Rudelsian theologian who was not very famous. Juan looked disappointed at her unsatisfactory answer, “Such a shame. I became interested in it when I first heard of it. I became even more curious when I learned that there was no translation in Granian.”

“Is there none in Helios’s official language?”

“There is, but I don’t know it. Does Madam know the official language?”

“I learned it when I was young.”

Juan opened his eyes wide in surprise. “Do you speak any other languages?”

“I can speak Conradian.”

Suddenly, he burst into laughter, “Did you really not plan to become a scholar?”

“It doesn’t mean very much. And it’s not easy for women to become scholars.”

In fact, rather than not thinking about becoming a scholar, it would be right to say that there was no moment to think about such a thing. If someone wanted to become a scholar, they’d normally postpone marriage, but by the time they returned, there would be no single man suitable for their age to marry.

Dating in the academy would be futile if the families didn’t approve of it. Love marriage was only allowed when the families were of similar status.

Ercella looked at Juan. To her surprise, he was looking at her with a serious face.

“Although it is difficult, as Madam said, because it’s occupied by men, it’s not entirely impossible. Starting with the first female scholar Walcott Penelson, Gracyvan now admits five or six female students every year. Even among them, only a few women become scholars, but it is not an exaggeration to say that their scope is gradually increasing.”

“Are you not upset?” Ercella uttered reflexively. She didn’t know why she asked that.

“Why do you say that?”

“Knowledge is…usually within the domain of men…”

“Then why did you learn four languages?”

“Because I thought that it wouldn’t be right for my life to be led by others…” Ercella stopped talking. She had increased her knowledge to stand on her own feet, to prove her worth. But how was she now?

She depended on Harsen for everything, even her worth. At best, the languages she had learned were only useful when she read a book, and it was nothing she could help others with. So why did she bother to acquire knowledge? She looked bitter.

“Actually, I don’t know. In my life, there’s no need, no use for it. I wonder, why did I study? It was useless…”

“You’re mistaken, and you know that well.” Juan neither ridiculed nor agreed with her words. He just stared at her and smiled, “No knowledge is useless, and anyone can attain it.”

“…….”

“Knowledge is not limited for men.”

“…….”

“That, you already know.”

Ercella was finally able to meet Juan’s eyes. His untwisted brown eyes were very honest, so she could tell how strong he was.

“You’ve just lost your way for a moment.”

Lost my way? Juan’s eyes agreed. Ercella recalled things that she had tried to forget. A life she was unable to take hold of under Harsen’s protection, days she spent running away from the reality that faced her, and the times when she had believed that they were happy in order to show others that she was satisfied with her life.

My life is already fixed like that. So shouldn’t I continue to live like this? To try to change now… Isn’t it too late? I know it’s wrong, but I’m afraid of change. Isn’t that why I didn’t reach out to Vicente until I died?

“…Isn’t it too late now?” She smiled self-deprecatingly. Juan’s eyes were still straight and upright. They were telling her that she was only lost and that she could find her way again.

But Ercella didn’t even know where down the road she had lost her way. I don’t even know where to restart from, or what I had lost along the way. Such was the weight of the time that had passed.

“I’ve aged now…”

Even though it was her second life, she was still anxious and unsure of herself. She was used to walking rather than running, and sitting rather than walking.

“To start over now, whatever it is…”

“Madam.”

For a moment, Ercella paused at the sound of his soft voice. He was smiling kindly, “If you want to do it, you can do it; if you desire it, it will come true, and if you walk down that path and act on it, it will happen.”

His brown eyes filled with sunlight were warm.

“All you have to do is yearn for it.”

It felt like her heart had stopped beating. Has anyone ever told me this before? I was blind, deaf, and a fool who couldn’t do anything alone. I was. I was, indeed…

‘All you have to do is yearn for it.’

As soon as she heard that, it was as if the veil that had been covering her vision was lifted, and the one blocking her ears disappeared. The embers that had long been extinguished in the depths of her heart were ignited again. As if candles were starting to flicker, slowly diffusing the darkness. She finally realized she could completely let go of the dark days, filled with lies.

“For telling me those words…”

Her tears became warm as the sun flared in her heart.

“Thank you, really.”

* * *

From now onwards, I’ll do weekly updates only. I’ve only worked during my vacation and now my semester is starting T_T

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