Chapter 48

At Harsen’s appearance, Ercella was a bit embarrassed. Sweat was dripping from his messy hair, as if he ran to find her. How on earth… No, before that, why is he here?

“Why are you here…”

When he didn’t say anything, Ercella bit her lips. It was barely late, but then she realized that it was around time for Harsen to return home. Ercella glanced at him up and down and was soon startled. He was still in his uniform.

“Did you come straight here?”

He must be tired. She began to worry. Her heart sank when she thought of last night. I wasn’t ready to see him yet, but I didn’t expect to meet him so soon. She didn’t have the courage to see Harsen yet. Eventually, she shifted her gaze from him.

“…What’s the matter?”

“The capital is still dangerous. I thought you were aware of the news that certain criminals were caught in the capital recently, weren’t you?”

Ercella pulled at her lower lip with her teeth at the sudden criticism.

That was ages ago..! Ercella was about to refute him, but shut her mouth at his following words.

“A person who doesn’t know anything about the world went out till late at night without an attendant, not even a single maid…” He paused for a moment and continued,

“How should I proceed with this? Tell me.”

She wanted to say something, but she felt awful because she had nothing to say, everything he said was correct. Still, she felt hurt that he treated her like a child. No matter how sheltered she grew up, she was not dumb. I can discern danger… Feeling dejected, Ercella spoke honestly,

“I came out to get some fresh air.”

“With that foot, where–!”

At his unusual voice, she raised her head. It’s like…

“Are you angry?”

It’s like he’s holding back his anger…

But he was just looking down at her in silence. His cool gaze was a little scary, so Ercella avoided his gaze.

“…or not.”

Still quiet, he grabbed Ercella by the wrist. She was being dragged without much resistance because she had nothing to say either.

When they reached a quiet spot, Harsen silently sat her on a low brick wall. I thought we were going home, but I guess not. Ercella looked up in confusion, but Harsen wasn’t even looking at her. Ercella pouted her lips,

“Why are you here?”

She blurted with puffy cheeks.

“Your foot.”

She heard a low voice.

“It looks like it’s sprained.”

“…….”

Was he looking at my foot? Ercella looked at Harsen with a puzzled look. Come to think of it, when did he find out that I hurt my foot? Did Vicente tell you? Was it during that mess?

Harsen bent his knees at her feet. Ercella stared blankly at his figure. He was a man who was unlikely to bow down to anyone, so it was strange seeing him bend down at her feet without hesitation. The voice that followed woke Ercella up,

“I heard from the physician that you didn’t receive treatment.”

He was staring straight at the bandages wrapped around Ercella’s foot. Ercella flinched. I got treatment, not from the doctor, but from someone else. It wasn’t a crime, but she thought better than to tell him,

“I did it…roughly.”

She looked around.

“It’s a mess. I’ll wrap it again.”

Fortunately, Harsen did not say much and began unwrapping the bandage around Ercella’s foot. The swelling had subsided quite a bit, as if the sloppy first aid had worked.

He began rewrapping the loosened bandages. Ercella was surprised to see the same bandages wrapped neatly on her foot. I guess a knight should know how to do this. It was perfectly done, as if it had been wrapped by a physician.

“Thank you.”

He instantly removed his hands from her feet. She thought he would get up immediately, but Harsen was still looking up at Ercella with one knee bent.

In Ercellas eyes, it looked like the pose for the oath of knighthood. Her chest tightened as she saw his black hair gently blown away by the wind, with his gaze persistently nailed to her.

…What?

Her heart began to tremble. I feel like something like this had happened in the past, but I can’t remember when. However, she was clearly not used to this feeling. Ercella tightly bit her lip at the sudden unfamiliar feeling. The metallic taste of iron spread in her mouth.

Harsen saw that and touched her lips. Her mouth was parted by Harsen’s hand.

“It’s bleeding,” he said, wincing with one of his eyes.

“Oh…”

A slight groan escaped due to the pricking sensation. I must have bitten it hard enough to bleed.

“Just swallow it.”

As he said, she closed her lower lip. His fingertip was slightly caught in her mouth. Ercella quickly parted her lips because his finger felt unclean. He withdrew his hand with an innocent face.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

Embarrassed, she let out a protesting groan. Harsen sighed lightly,

“If you have any complaints, you can tell me. It’s not fun like this.”

“You talk first.”

“What?”

“You have a lot of complaints with me.”

Harsen paused at her words. He didn’t move and instead slowly grabbed her ankle, which was exposed below the hem of the dress. It was a gentle grasp, as if he was afraid of breaking it the moment he used force.

There was no strength in it, but for a second there, it felt like a shackle, so she felt odd.

“Yes, I have a lot.”

Ercella stiffened at his nonchalant yet heavy words. She did not expect him to reply again. Her ankle slowly became tense.

“A lot.”

As his grip tightened to the point that it hurt a little, a small cry escaped Ercella’s lips. Nevertheless, he did not stop. It was becoming increasingly tight, as if he were checking how far he could cross the line, or that he wanted to crush her thin ankle. When she raised her shoulders as the pain became unbearable, she heard him sigh in resignation.

“But if I tell you, will it make any difference?”

His strong grasp finally loosened. The hand, loosely gripping her ankle, slid down along the foot and was completely retracted.

“What I want from you…”

“…….”

“…I’m afraid it will make you suffer.”

Does he want to torment me?

“…What is it?”

At Ercella’s question, he laughed.

“Something you can’t grant me forever.”

It was a bitter laugh. It was the first time Ercella realized Harsen could laugh like that. There were so many things she didn’t know about him that her heart ached.

She wanted to listen to whatever Harsen wanted, but she couldn’t dare insist lest she’d get a really difficult answer. Was she such a coldhearted person? It was as if he’d crumble any moment she denied him his request. The man who seemed like a solid fortress looked so precarious as if he’d soon disappear.

“Harsen.”

She called his name softly. Ercella slowly reached out and clasped Harsen’s hand. Then she gently stroked his hand. There were calluses everywhere. Ercella sensed the roughness of the palm in her hand. It seemed to represent how he’d lived his life so far.

She burst into tears, pulled his hand and pressed her lips on it. The look of her deeply pressing down her lips looked noble, as if she were performing a sacred ritual. After she removed her lips, Ercella looked at Harsen. His eyes were trembling ever so finely. At the sight, Ercella smiled faintly like a cloud on a gray sky.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He asked, wiping away the tears around Ercella’s eyes.

“For calling you ‘the best choice’.”

His caressing touch paused at her words.

“I don’t know why you’re angry at me, but I want you to know this.”

Ercella didn’t know what Harsen wanted. She wasn’t sure if she could grant his request, so didn’t have the courage to ask him. Sadly, there was nothing she could give him now.

But please know this.

“You may have been my ‘best choice’ at first, but you’re the only one now.”

You are the only one for me.

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“That’s why I don’t regret marrying you.”

I don’t regret it. She repeated that over and over as if declaring to herself. She finally had a vague idea why she did that. Because I didn’t want to regret my decision to choose Harsen. I hoped that this man was my best choice. I just wanted it to be him. I think that’s probably why I did that.

“Even if I were to go back in time, I would still have married you.”

I know we’ll eat away at each other, and I know we’ll be in pain, just like now. I know I shouldn’t have chosen him in the first place. If I go back in time and choose him again, this wretched cycle will repeat again.

So even if I go back in time, I cannot choose Harsen. Yet, why do I want to choose him again? Why do I want to go through that painful time again?

Is it because of Vicente? Or is it purely for the sake of Harsen? She didn’t know.

Ercella looked at Harsen.

‘What a difficult man.’

What are you thinking right now? Were you pleased by my words?

He reached out and gently wiped the tears around Ercella’s eyes. Embracing his touch, Ercella smiled sadly.

‘What a difficult man.’

She thought that again at that moment.

“It’s an honor.”

A familiar laugh flew to him through the wind.

“Likewise.”

“…….”

“I, even if I went back to the beginning…”

Harsen breathed on the back of Ercella’s hand.

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“I would still propose to you.”

Her chest was slowly heating up.

“That is, if my wife accepts it again.”

A dim moonlight, beneath it were him and her. Just the two of them.

‘I like you.’

For a moment, she wanted to say that. But she didn’t. She had habitually said those words because she didn’t want to be hated by him. It was also a desperate confession to herself, not to hate him.

He would know. It was an illusion she used to escape the situation. But did he know that, ironically, she was also being sincere?

I like you.

I like you. He had covered her eyes and ears because of those words. Maybe it was her own fault that he became overprotective of her. She unconsciously knew that she herself walked into his cage. I was falling apart, but there was no place to hold onto. I had no confidence in myself to stand up on my own. I wanted to lean on him.

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Now she knew better than to do that. She had to change. She had to find the exit of the narrow cage herself.

Even if she fell and fell. Even if it would take a long time to fly. Ercella’s blue eyes shone as brightly as they had done in the beginning. Harsen, who saw that, reached for her and stopped before her eyes. Ercella showed Harsen a bright smile,

“I want to see the fireworks.”

“…….”

“How about watching them together?”

He looked at her with a confused expression, “If only for a moment.”

Harsen straightened his bent knees and stood up. He extended his hand to her. Ercella overlapped her hand on his. It was cold, but it didn’t matter. She was used to this coolness now.

Suddenly, fear surged in her heart, so Ercella clasped Harsen’s hand firmly. Can I stand by this man until the end? Who knows. But, I hope so. I hope I can remain with him.

There was a scream from the sky.

Stars were falling down. Thousands of stars fell on him and her, leaving their trails on the way.

Her foot didn’t hurt anymore.

* * *

‘Gloria’s Day’ was an annual festival. Ercella, who attended the party at the palace, pouted her lips in dissatisfaction. Eshahilde, who was watching her, smiled brightly,

“My sister must be feeling upset that the Duke couldn’t come.”

“Sister, he doesn’t care if I dance with other people. Does he even know that today is Gloria’s day? He doesn’t even know that there’s a big fireworks festival being held in the palace.”

“He was sent to the border recently, so he’s got a lot of work to do.”

“I hate Lenart so much.”

The ceasefire with Lenart was declared ages ago, but now there’s a border agreement to work on? At this point, it could be said that Lenart and her were sworn enemies.

“Does he even think of me, his wife?”

Eshahilde smiled savagely at Ercella, who was grumbling for nothing. At her mischievous smile, Ercella looked sullenly at her sister.

“You already know how much he thinks of you.”

Yes, it’s a problem because I know too well. He won’t even let me hate him to my heart’s content. Meanie.

“Do you know how much the Duke suffered when you were south in Villene? He visited the palace whenever he had the chance to ask about me. I’m not a princess anymore, but the queen of a country. You made a busy person like me even busier.”

Ercella, who was speechless at her words, groaned and gruntled. He’d often tell me about Eshahilde every time he came. At the time, I thought it was just delivered through someone, but he’d found out personally.

“He didn’t need to…”

“I guess he thought my news would be of some comfort to you.”

“Yes, it was always the same news that you were doing well.”

“Enough of your grumpiness. Besides, I don’t want to bicker with you either. Why don’t you go back to the mansion now? The Duke must be bored without you.”

Bored? Harsen and the word didn’t quite match. If he didn’t have work, he wouldn’t be bored because he would just add more work. However, it was true that she wanted to go back when she thought of Harsen, who would be alone in the mansion.

Strangely, today’s banquet was not fun at all. After hesitating for a bit, Ercella soon curtsied,

“Well then, please excuse me, Your Majesty the Queen.”

Eshahilde knew this would happen, so she patted Ercella’s back. Leaving Eshahilde, who was laughing mischievously behind her, Ercella turned away. The carriage that picked her up rushed to the mansion. Arriving at the mansion, Ercella received the servants’ greetings and headed straight to Harsen’s office. When she opened the door, Harsen was there as expected. Without taking his eyes off the papers, he said,

“Which wind brings you? Were you bored?”

“How can I enjoy it alone when my husband isn’t there?”

As she approached him grumblingly, Harsen grinned and hugged Ercella’s waist. Naturally, she sat on his lap. Harsen, who tucked her disheveled hair behind her ears, kissed her cheek briefly.

“As far as I know, the fireworks haven’t started yet. Shall we go?”

“You’re busy, but you’re good at talking.”

“I don’t have the talent to deal with a grumpy wife.”

In disapproval of the words, Ercella struggled to get out of his arms. But it wasn’t enough because he wouldn’t let go. She sighed in defeat and leaned on Harsen.

“I wish to talk to my wife.”

“She doesn’t want to.”

“Hmm, I see.”

“When would it be possible?.”

“You always have the last word.”

“No way.”

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Ercella glanced at Harsen, who always had the last word. I hate you. You’re always busy. She tried to come up with meaningless complaints inwardly. After mumbling in his arms for a while, she let out a shallow yawn out of tiredness.

Ercella was feeling drowsy, so she kept on blinking her eyes, and rocking her head back and forth. Harsen held the back of her head and laid her in his arms. He heard a faint laugh.

“Let’s go.”

“Next time…”

“…….”

“…Let’s go next time.”

Knowing that she was going to fall asleep, he pulled out the headdress that was holding her hair. The golden strands fell down through the air. Thanks to this, her tired body became more comfortable. Harsen gently stroked Ercella’s head.

“Okay, let’s go next time.”

Her eyes, languid by his hand movements, slowly closed.

* * *

Hey, I’m back from my virtual death. Look at me updating during my exams XD I couldn’t help it, sorry me T_T

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