Volume 1 - CH 2.4

5

They proceeded with their shopping in the confectionery ingredients selling area in the upper floor while talking about flavors, shapes, and such, and were done after about 30 minutes.

Now they just had to meet Miki—however, they oh-so unluckily got stuck in traffic. There were lines formed for both the escalator and the elevator, making it seem impossible to immediately get to the second floor where Miki was.

They joined the line for the time being, but somewhere on the front queue jumping happened each time the line moved forward a bit, forcing them to step back and leaving them unmoved from their initial position.

He understood in his head that for it to be crowded was a given since it was Sunday, and that he should just accept it, but he was getting irritated nonetheless.

Sandai’s face was gradually turning into a scowl. And then Shino tugged his sleeve. 

“…Let’s just use the stairs,” Shino said as if to mutter and pointed to a corner of the floor. “It’s over there, so…”

The stairway quietly lay in that empty place.

“…The stairs, huh.”

“Yeah.”

“The line doesn’t look like clearing either. Sure, we can take the stairs.”

It was also certain that continuing to stand in line would just be a waste of time, so Sandai decided to go with Shino’s suggestion.

They went down the quiet, empty stairway. Tac, tac—Sandai was the first to set foot down on the second floor along with the echo of his footsteps.

In the next moment—

“Kya!”

—He could hear Shino’s scream.

Sandai turned around in surprise to find Shino diving at him, seeming to have broken her posture.

“Oh no, I’m falling down.”

That was a very monotone voice, but Sandai had not even the time to notice such a thing. He hurriedly caught Shino in his arms in order to save her.

“Watch out!”

And then—

Thud—his back ate the floor hard.

While enduring the coming pain, Sandai slowly opened his eyelids—only for him to open it even wider in surprise. After all, there was Shino’s face right in front of his eyes with her eyelids closed.

Late did he notice the soft, slightly sweet feeling overlapping his own lips. He nervously checked, and found that it was Shino’s lips.

“…??”

He couldn’t fathom it. He had only caught Shino in his arms to save her—yet he was kissing her for some reason.

After a good ten seconds with their lips overlapping one another, Sandai’s eyes caught the sight of Miki rushing towards them.

Having attracted a glance from Shino, grinning, Miki said, “Miki was waiting around wondering when you’re gonna show up, but… really… you did it flashily, huh? Are you okay?” 

After her own pupils dilating as wide as a cat’s at night, her cheeks taking on a reddish pink color like peach petals, Shino broke her gaze from Miki, and went to give a follow-up attack to Sandai whose mind was coming to a stop.

He overlapped her lips on his again.

The second kiss was brief. After immediately making a ‘chu’ sound of lips parting, Shino’s face pulled away.

“…Thanks for saving me. It’s a coincidence, but we kissed, huh. We did… something you shouldn’t do unless you’re lovers. Fujiwara, I… calling you like that makes some kind of distance, so I’ll call you by your first name from now on, okay? Sandai… I like you.”

That was too sudden of a confession. Sandai’s head instantly went blank, only to realize that he was also making an idiotic face like his soul had come out out of him.

“As for the answer… looks like you can’t give one immediately, huh.”

“Wh… Why…”

“I mean I just can’t help it. The reason is… I can’t explain it well, but… because I thought you were a good person.”

“It’s such a light…”

“It’s not like it was light, you know? It’s my first time confessing to a guy, and I needed a lot of courage. And so, how do you feel about getting my first kiss and confession?”

“…H-How?”

“Wasn’t it a bit sweet? Earlier I secretly applied a sweet flavored lip balm, and so I think it was probably sweet.”

“It was slightly sweet, but…”

“Fufufu, then I’m glad. It’s just awful if I got thought of as stinking in my first kiss.”

“That’s not the prob… Yuizaki… umm…” Falteringly, Sandai was trying to put out words, only for Shino to get a little miffed and pull his cheeks.

“Call me Shino, not Yuizaki.”

“It-It hurh…”

“Say – it.”

“I-I goht it. I goht it… H-Hino.”

“Now all good.”

“…”

“…You don’t have to think too hard about it. I just wanted to convey my feelings, and of course I’ll be happy if you like me, but I also intend to just give up if you don’t. Probably… I will cry a lot, but I don’t want to become a high-maintenance woman so I’ll come to terms with it,” Shino said with a smile, her lips quivering slightly. It was completely obvious that she was enduring and holding back her uneasiness.

Although it is something that Sandai as the one on the receiving end of the confession doesn’t understand, the act of confession is something that scares one to the point of cruelty. Approval, rejection, postponing, ignoring… it doesn’t matter which; after all, there will always be a result one way or another.

Neither can it stay in limbo, nor can you guarantee that you’ll get the answer you want. You’ll be left only to feel scared and scared.

That is why it is often said; that confession requires courage.

Sandai didn’t remember much from this point forward. They headed back to the apartment and did their original goal of confectionery making, but his consciousness was blurred.

He couldn’t tell the taste of the confections even when eating it, nor did the conversation that Shino and Miki were having at a hearable distance from him enter his ears.

“…Miki was surprised, y’know?”

“About what?”

“Well, to think you even went for confession.”

“What are you saying? Weren’t you the one who said momentum was important, Miki?”

“That’s about the kiss, Miki’s not saying it’s about confession…”

“…Eh?”

“Look there, Onii-chan is going blank. He’s like a broken robot. It’s not weird now even if there’s a sound effect like ‘beep boop boop bop’ or something like that, you know? You’ve gotta think about Onii-chan’s capacity.”

“Could it be that… I’ve done it…?”

“Miki didn’t think your head’s gonna be this slow, Onee-chan.”

“S-Shut up! It-It all looks good! Going blank just means he’s conscious of it… probably.”

“This is why no experience in romance is frightening…”

Sandai’s gaze was locked on Shino’s lips. He would remember the feeling of the kiss everytime those lips moved, and then his head would blank out again.

“Onii-chan, see you later~.”

“…Yeah.”

“See you later, Sandai.”

“…Yeah.”

Although unsteadily, Sandai saw Shino and Miki off at the station, and then sat down on the bench on the platform after the train they’d boarded was out of sight.

He softly touched his lips with his middle finger, and his body temperature suddenly shot up; even the beating of his heart could so clearly be heard.

“What’s this development…? What the hell?” feeling strangely uneasy and bittersweet, Sandai writhed and yelled. Passersby were startled and turned to look at him, but he didn’t have the leisure to mind that.

“Like… Kiss… She… She said she likes me…”

Shino had certainly said so; not in the sense of liking him as a friend or a person, but as the member of the opposite sex.

The face, the expression of Shino when they’d kissed would come and go inside his head. As it repeated over and over again, it became etched into the back of his mind and wouldn’t leave.

I’ve got to calm down somehow—immediately after returning to his apartment, Sandai tried to distract his mind by studying without taking a single break, or by binge watching late-night anime.

Though, none of those worked, and his mind remained unsettled.

With his exaltation still not calming down, Sandai slipped into his bed. Then, finally, he realized that Shino had sent him just one message.

>Sandai, I’ll stop contacting you until you can give the answer, okay? ‘Cause I’ll look like I’m rushing you, and I feel bad.

Shino told him that she’d give him the time to think alone. This was a very appreciated thoughtfulness, and Sandai patted his chest down in relief.

However, even if they stopped exchanging messages, there would still be the physical closeness of distance due to their back-to-back seating relationship at school on weekdays. Willing or not, they would be aware of each other’s presence.

Not sure what kind of face he should make, Sandai thoroughly avoided Shino at school.

It turned into a blatant avoidance without any holding back even from the viewpoint of an onlooker, but it never did become a problem, nor was there another student catching interest.

After all, there was the accumulation of the agreement of ‘not getting involved with each other at school’ from before that had been kept ongoing, so it was not at all unnatural even if Sandai was strangely avoiding Shino.

Then days passed.

Sandai was still unable to give a clear answer, but with the passage of time, he was gradually regaining his calmness and gaining a bit of leeway to think.

…Can I keep on not giving an answer forever and wait until we both forget about it, making the confession never happen? thought Sandai as he gazed out the window, but he also immediately realized that this thought was too insincere.

Shino had told him during the confession; that she would just give up if he didn’t like her, and that she didn’t want to become a high-maintenance woman so she would come to terms with it as well.

No matter what form it would take, Shino wished for a clear answer. And yet, aiming for it to die out in course of time was proof that he wasn’t facing Shino’s feelings.

I…

Suddenly, the face of Shino sitting behind him was reflected on the window. Shino was tightly biting her lower lip and hanging her head down without confidence.

The longer he delayed the answer, the more painful it would be for Shino. It was an expression that made him understand that even if he didn’t want to.

I don’t want to see a sad face like that, your smiling face is what I—

Sandai suddenly realized.

He realized that his answer had already been inside him.

Or rather, there was no need to agonize over it to begin with, he had already decided on the answer from the beginning.

However, he was scared to admit it.

He didn’t have the courage.

He was a loner, so he was bad at making a decision that would bring about a big change, making him fall into the habit of trying to run away and keep it closed under a lid.

“…I’m such a total jerk, huh.” Sandai made a bitter smile in such self mocking, and began to use his phone under the desk so the teacher couldn’t see it.

He would just have to muster up the courage like Shino had mustered up hers, do what he could, give all he could.

His loner self wasn’t sure how far he could go with a lover, but he had come to an acceptance that there was no need to be cowardly anymore.

No longer intending to play games, the violent beating of Sandai’s chest reached Shino through the radio wave.

Reflected on the window, Shino picked up her phone while puzzlingly tilted her head, and opened her eyes wide as soon as she looked down at the screen.

Afterwards, Shino gradually broke into a smile—and finally into a radiant smile.

On the last third of September at the beginning of fall in his second year of high school, Fujiwara Sandai, a mere loner, developed into a loner with a girlfriend.

６

The season also began to truly turn into fall. The uniform was changed as well starting October, switching from summer to winter uniform.

On such a day after school, Sandai suddenly passed by Nakaoka and was stopped by her. Nakaoka looked hard at Sandai from the top of his head to his toe as if observing and said, “You have… changed somehow lately, huh?”

“Is that so?”

“How should I put it, it’s like you seem composed, calm, something like that… Could it be that you?”

He was continuing to keep his relationship with Shino hidden at school, but having been observing him occasionally, Nakaoka seemed to have noticed.

“I would say it’s… as you guessed.”

“I see, so that’s why you seem different! When I gave you some advice, you were just refuting this, refuting that, so I was thinking you might be no good, but… looks like it’s gone in the good direction, huh.”

“Somehow, well, you know,” Sandai said and smiled wryly.

“Go enjoy your youth, youngster. Studying should be taken seriously as well as part of a student’s duty, but it’s also okay to turn your attention to something else for a bit. However, just make sure you use contraception, you hear?”

“Co-Contraception…?”

It’d been two weeks since they’d started dating. Their relationship was deepening to a degree, and even he was able to willingly give a kiss now, albeit awkwardly.

However, those were just in the category of a wholesome relationship. It still wasn’t the time to think about beyond that point.

Sandai couldn’t help but blush.

“What’s with that face… are you telling me you’re still a virgin?”

“I-Is it bad? Is it bad to be a virgin?”

“You still have it?”

“I still have it!”

“Then you normally wouldn’t be able to put up with it.”

“What do you think male high school students are?”

“Sexual drive monster.”

“That’s just a bias!”

“Nah, it mustn’t be a bias but a fact. Even at the staff meeting this morning, the student counselor was talking about finding a student watching a porn video on his phone and confiscating it yesterday.”

“Tha-That’s just a part of the students, so…”

“Then have you never bought porn books or watched porn videos?” Nakaoka looked at Sandai suspiciously while stroking her chin.

While knitting his brows, Sandai looked away at the question that would be very hard to answer that would make a lie sound like a lie if he were to lie and say, ‘No, I haven’t.’

“…I’ve gotten rid of them. The physical goods.”

“The physical goods? The way you put it sounds like you have something other than physical goods, huh? Ooh?”

“…Please stop it already, spare me from that kind of talk. It’s plain embarrassing, and it’s just not something a teacher should be talking about to a student.”

“Nah, it’s something a teacher should be talking about to their students. Regarding such sexual issues, for example, the regulations don’t directly prohibit sexual relations between fellow high school students, but it is also a healthy desire of youngsters to have romantic feelings for the opposite sex of the same age and to desire their body. However, the deeds, although obvious, come with a responsibility. As a teacher, I have to remind you. I’m not telling you not to do it. I’m just saying be responsible. Don’t become the kind of trash who knocks someone up because they prioritize feeling good and don’t take any measure, alright?”

“I’m… satisfied even if I don’t have sex, so…”

Although it didn’t mean that Sandai was not interested in physical relations, simply kissing and holding hands were enough to satisfy him.

However, Nakaoka dismissed Sandai’s state as ‘just for now.’

“…Sooner or later that won’t satisfy you. Besides, there’s also the possibility of Yuizaki wanting what comes after the kiss. Heart and physical connection go hand in hand. There are people who regard platonic relationships as important, but it depends largely on each individual, such as due to religious beliefs, or mental instability like being too fastidious. Otherwise, physical relations stand as the highest level of expression of love and act of validation… I guess I’m nagging too much, huh. What I want to say in the end is that, go think of your partner.”

“…”

“By the way, make sure you put on a condom, you hear? Don’t go saying things like you don’t use it because you don’t know where it’s sold, alright? It’s usually sold in a drugstore and the like, so go look for it.”

Sandai knew Nakaoka was talking about serious stuff, but it wasn’t any immediate matter anyway and was just embarrassing, so he turned his back on her.

“Don’t be so cold like that… Well, I’ll tell you just one last thing.” Hearing that would be the last one, Sandai turned around without thinking. “Don’t buy condoms at a place that might sell adult toys, alright? I hear places like that also sell ones specifically made to break immediately. If you accidentally buy stuff like that… you’re gonna be a papa at that age, you know?”

I wish I never turned around, Sandai left the school behind along with such regret.

7

There wasn’t much change in Sandai’s activities after returning home compared to before. However, there was just one component added that was different from before.

“…About time, huh.” Having checked the hands on the clock to confirm the time, Sandai tidied up his studying tools and checked his phone. And then he received a message from Shino.

>I’ll be there soon so wait for me~.

Speaking of a component different from before, Shino would now come to Sandai’s apartment every night after her part-time job was over.

Shino had switched from taking the 21:00 train she had previously been taking to the one an hour later to allow that extra hour to be used for boyfriend-girlfriend time.

They were hiding their relationship at school, and if they were to exclude days-off, this one hour would be the only time they would have as lovers during weekdays. It was a precious one hour.

Sandai was waiting in seiza at the entrance when the doorbell rang. It was Shino. Sandai nervously headed for the front door.

“Yoo-hoo!”

“Been waiting for you here.”

“I was impatiently waiting, too! Yah!” Sandai hugged Shino tightly as she came jumping at him, and he went inside with her in princess carry. “…Kiss me,” Shino said at the entrance, and Sandai slowly put his lips on hers despite feeling bashful. 

It was still awkward. Nevertheless, he put his feelings into it to convey it to her.

Shino’s lips tasted like fresh citrus. It was a flavor a little different from usual, but Shino would change her lip balm from time to time, so that was the reason.

“Did you notice the flavor change?”

“Nn… Mandarin?”

“That’s right. The last one was strawberry and the one before was vanilla, but which one you like? I’m trying to see what kind you like, Sandai.”

“You can just use what you like, Shino.”

“I do want to like the flavor my boyfriend likes!”

“I also want to like the flavor you like, but… if I say this, looks like we won’t be on the same page no matter how much time passes, huh. Then I guess I’ll have you put on a lip balm that matches mine. Strawberry.”

The strawberry had a flavor and smell that was like giving the actual feeling of kissing one, and Sandai kind of liked that.

“Okay!!” Shino said with a smile, and began to fish through her pouch, apparently already going to reapply it.