Chapter 105: Battling with Emotions

Zachary was devastated on hearing that he wouldn't be part of the squad heading to Sweden the following day. Although he had given everything he had in the practice session, the coaches hadn't even considered him as a bench candidate.

His mood was at an all-time low.

He left the pitch as soon as Coach Johansen released them from training. He didn't even take part in small talk with the rest of his new teammates. He couldn't guarantee he would be able to rein in his raging emotions while hanging out with them.

He returned to the dressing room and quickly took a shower to calm himself. But not even the cold water provided an ounce of relief. He still felt enraged. He was furious at the coaches for not considering him even after performing better than most during that day's training.

He dressed in silence and walked out of the locker room before his teammates returned from the pitch. He didn't want to face them while still in a volatile state of mind. He feared he would get into an argument or, worse, a fistfight with some of them if he lingered too long. So, he did the best he could to avoid the worst situation possible and started walking towards the stadium's exit.

He knew that the right thing to do was to calm down and reign in his emotions, but his mind wouldn't listen to him. All he had to do was think about was how he hadn't been picked for the squad—then, his temper would spiral out of his control once more. He had some self-awareness of what was happening to him. He had experienced a similar state of mind on multiple occasions during his previous life. It usually came to him when he experienced a major setback. He would lose control of his emotions and lash out at everyone around him.

In his previous life, while at TP Mazembe, he had even gotten into a fight with one of the assistant coaches after failing to make it into the starting line-up. So, he was well aware he had anger management issues. He thought he had overcome his psychological problems after returning to the past. But it seemed he'd been wrong all along.

"Why is this happening to me all over again?" Zachary mumbled to himself, quickening his pace through the stadium tunnel. His previous life's psychologist had ascertained that the trigger of his anger episodes had been the death of his grandma. But in his new life, she was still alive and well. So, what was the root of the problem? He mused, trying his best to push the negative thoughts out of his mind.

After walking through the tunnels leading to the stadium's exit for a few minutes, he had, to some extent, regained some control over his emotions. But he knew that it wasn't nearly enough to keep himself in check while interacting with others. He could still blunder and punch someone if they said the wrong phrase. So, he quickened his pace until he'd almost broken into a full sprint as the exit appeared in front of him.

But to his horror, Coach Johansen was waiting beside the entrance. The coach was leaning on the wall, arms folded across his chest, seemingly anticipating his arrival.

[Why is he here? Isn't he supposed to be in his office finalizing the game plan for tomorrow?] Zachary wondered, slowing down his steps and facing the coach.

Zachary's emotions threatened to spiral out of control once again after he came face to face with the man who'd left him out of the squad. But he forced himself to take a deep breath, balled his fists, and in some way managed to calm down before he could do or say anything he would regret. In the meantime, Coach Johansen watched him silently without saying a word.

"Coach," Zachary intoned, trying his best to keep his tone at the very least neutral.

Coach Johansen regarded him for a moment more before saying: "Let's talk in my office." He then led the way back into the tunnels.

A few minutes later, Zachary settled himself in a chair beside Coach Johansen's desk. He silently observed the gangling red-bearded coach clearing the five-by-seven cards, where he drew the game plans, from his table. He then settled down in his chair and returned to his silent observation of Zachary.

The silence that spanned across the next few seconds was unnerving.

"So, why did you leave the pitch early today?" Coach Johansen asked finally.

"Coach, I—" Zachary couldn't seem to find the right words to explain himself.

"Was it because you were disappointed that you didn't make the squad for tomorrow?" The coach probed, his tone flat.

Zachary didn't like the look on the coach's face. He could feel that the coach was about to deliver either some bad news or a harsh judgment on him.

"Coach," Zachary intoned, his emotions getting the better of him. "Clearly, I've been playing better than most during training. You must also see that I'm a better player than a large part of the midfielders. So, why was I left out?" He couldn't help but voice out his doubts.

He had been working tirelessly since graduating from the academy. He had soldiered through physicals on a daily basis to keep himself in shape—and even attended the Rosenborg training sessions before signing the contract. He'd done all that in the hopes of quickly earning a spot on the Rosenborg starting squad.

He believed he deserved the right to, at least, be among the substitutes—that was if he couldn't become a first-stringer. However, the coach hadn't considered him for even a friendly game, whose sole purpose was to prepare players for the new Tippeligaen season. That meant that he wasn't even considered one of the core players for the new season.

Zachary knew that if he didn't get clarity, his mood would sour over the next few days. What would follow would be him falling into an anger episode once more. So, he went against all reason and decided to question the coach about his squad selection.

However, Coach Johansen's reaction surprised him. Instead of getting angry, he smiled softly. What was up with that? He wondered. Was his plight of not being part of the squad sounding like a joke to the coach?

Zachary clenched his fists as he felt anger threatening to stir within him. But he reigned himself in and counted backward from ten to zero, over and over, trying to calm his fragile emotions. He was barely able to prevent himself from punching Coach Johansen's face after it stretched into a grin.

"Zach, you know I'm on your side," the coach said after a moment, still smiling. "I understand your eagerness to join the squad as quickly as possible. I really do. But you have to remain patient while building your fitness in the meantime. You should have heard of the saying that haste makes waste! Haven't you?"

Zachary nodded in assent. "Is my being left out of the squad related to my so-called growth-spurt issue?"

"Yes," Coach Johansen replied. "You've played under me for approximately two years. So, I would have liked to use you right away if there wasn't that particular problem."

"But coach," Zachary intoned, frowning. "I already informed you that I have full mastery over my body. I have been doing training drills, including yoga, to improve my body control and coordination over the past few months. I know that I'll be able to play like usual, no, better than usual, if you give me a chance. That's all I'm asking for."

Coach Johansen held up his hand. "Zach, I've given this a lot of thought. I can't put you on the squad until you deal with your growth spurt problem. That means getting clearance from the medical department. If they say that you are in the clear to play at the professional stage, I'll start considering you for the squad right away."

"Moreover," the coach continued, shaking his head. "You have got to use this time to adapt to the professional stage. My advice to you is to keep on training to improve yourself as you wait for your chance. Try to fit into the club by interacting with the other players."

"Remember that I'm on your side," he added, words coming out of his mouth slowly but steadily. "I want you to perform well as soon as you join the starting squad. But you've got to remain patient and humble in the meantime. Don't start questioning the decisions of the coaching staff, as you did just now. If a coach, other than myself, had been in this chair, you wouldn't have gotten off lightly. Are we clear?"

"Yes, coach," Zachary replied perfunctorily. Although he still wanted to participate in the game the following day, there was nothing he could do to make that happen. The coaches had already made up their minds that his growth spurt was a problem. Maybe, they even thought that his body control capabilities had decreased over the past year due to his growing height. So, they wouldn't be giving him a spot on the starting line-up any time soon.

However, Zachary was sure none of his attributes and skills had declined over the past few months. He could see it on the system interface. His balance-and-coordination and his body control were all at the A+ grading. If the growth spurt had affected him, those stats would have fallen to a lower grade. So, he wasn't worried in the slightest that he would get injured while playing in an official game. But, he still needed to convince the coaches to allow him to show that he was fully fit. And he could only do that in an official game.

"Did you manage to hire a professional fitness trainer?" Coach Johansen asked, breaking him out of contemplation.

"Not yet," Zachary replied, shaking his head.

"Why not?" He asked, frowning. "Your agent had promised to help you find one! What happened?"

"It has only been two days," Zachary answered, not wanting to disclose that he'd dissuaded Emily from getting him a fitness coach.

"Just forget it." Coach Johansen sighed.

"Why not work with Coach Bjørn Peters? He was your coach in the academy. So, you should be familiar with him."

"If it's him, the club will be able to keep tabs easily on your training," he added. "And if your claim of being fully fit holds, you'll get a chance to convince the guys in charge of the medicals sooner than expected. What do you think?" He locked eyes with Zachary.

"That's okay with me," Zachary replied, smiling. Bjørn was an easy-going guy who cared about his students. So, Zachary was sure that he would do his best to help him get into Rosenborg's starting line-up. There wasn't any reason for him to refuse.

"Great," Coach Johansen intoned, smiling. "I'll inform Coach Peters this evening. You can link up and begin working on your fitness with him tomorrow. Work hard during this period. I expect big things from you. So, don't disappoint me."