CH 11.1

It was bad of him to think about his body earlier. Just because he uselessly thought whether it would look good or not in His Majesty’s eyes, he couldn’t help but be aware of his status as the emperor’s ‘concubine’. Thus, it was natural for him to get reminded of a concubine’s duty, which was to serve the emperor in bed.

Just by getting reminded of it, his face burned and his breathing got heavy again. Even though Yeon Hwawoon was hated by the emperor, there was no doubt he had served the emperor, since he had lived long in the palace as a concubine.

While continuing to sit there, Hwawoon thought of those nights that couldn’t be his anymore.

Although their number was small compared to female concubines, male concubines had always existed in this nation since old times. And so, since there was no prohibition for man and man to share love, there were some marriages between men amongst normal people.

However, that was only a simple form of situation in this nation. In the past, Hawoon had never touched a man before—whether physically or mentally—so he thought it was something that had no relation with him. That really was what he had thought.

What kind of person is His Majesty in bed?

That thought flew in without Hwawoon’s consent. As he turned his gaze to the bed in the distance, he got so confused because he felt like seeing the emperor and the old Hwawoon mingling their bodies there. 

Would he be gentle? Since he is rumored to be kind to his wife and concubines, would he also make a soft and warm expression in bed? 

And just like a fixed sequence, he was reminded of the emperor’s face he saw at that place on that day.

It was the first time for Hawoon to think of a man’s face as beautiful. It was also the first time for him to think he wanted to stay at someone’s side. He thought it was fine as long as he could see that person, and be useful for him, even though it was only from a distant place. Obviously, it was also the first time for Hawoon to have such a desire for a thing he shouldn’t dream of.

Then, how different are the feelings I felt back then with the feelings Yeon Hwawoon had for His Majesty?

“… How could I think of nonsense just because I’m feeling relaxed?” 

Nevertheless, Hwawoon quickly did his best to crumble the bad thoughts filling his head. It was said that people would have a lot of presumptuous thoughts when they were full and comfortable. It was just like himself now.

Whether the old Yeon Hwawoon slept with the emperor or not; whether the old Hawoon dared to have an irreverent feeling for the emperor or not; those had nothing to do with the current Hwawoon. Because those were meaningless.

Hawoon already left this world, and the disdain the emperor had for him grew bigger after he fell to the pond. Now that even his nameplate was taken out, there was no hope for him to serve the emperor ever again.

If the old Yeon Hwawoon would do any sorts of efforts to bring the emperor to his room, the current Hwawoon had no such thought and he was sure that there would be no chance for him to see that person in the future. 

What kind of color is the emperor’s intimate affection? How does it feel to get that person’s warm gaze? It seems like I will never know about those things. 

***

“…”

Yihan stared down at the concubines’ nameplates that were presented before him. He was thinking about the only one whose name couldn’t be seen among the long line of concubines’ nameplates. A few days had passed since Yeonbin stayed low and cooped up in Jeongan Palace. 

“Is there any news from Jeongan Palace?”

Instead of flipping a nameplate, Yihan asked Officer Wi, who was kneeling, presenting the nameplates in front of him.  Officer Wi bowed his head hesitantly.

“About that…”

“How dare you hesitate in front of His Majesty?”

Only after Eunuch Oh scolded him in a low voice did Officer Wi, who was hesitating, open his mouth. 

“There is no news from Jeongan Palace, Your Majesty.”

“There is no news…”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Even the court lady that is always snooping around every day has never shown herself again since last week.”

The officer’s answer led Yihan to tap his fingertip on the table—he was lost in thought.

Yihan himself had always known of the fact that Yeonbin always sent someone to Gyeongsa-bang for the sake of bringing him to Jeongan Palace.  This led people to address the officer position of Gyeongsa-bang as the position everyone avoided because of Jeongan Palace alone.

On the day when the emperor ordered him to take out Yeonbin’s nameplate, Officer Wi was so worried about the things that would unfold, which led him to be unable to sleep properly all night.

“… Then, I’ll go now.” 

Once again, the appearance of Yeonbin—nonchalantly saying farewell and turning back—vividly drawn before his eyes. Back then, Yihan wondered if he was walking back and would soon pretend to faint in order to get his attention, but Yeonbin hurried his steps and quickly hid his presence like a person who was afraid to see him, the emperor.