CH 76

Tears fell down without him realizing it. It was that person. It was Yihan. The one Hwawoon desperately looked for even in his dream. The only person who became the light to Hwawoon and stood by him in the long and fearful darkness was none other than the Emperor in front of him. When he realized that, Hwawoon couldn’t help but shed tears because of the warmth that was more than he deserved.

“Does it… does it hurt a lot? I’ll call the doctor, hang in there.”

Yihan, flustered by Hwawoon, who shed tears as soon as he woke up, was uncharacteristically restless. Hwawoon, who quietly held Yihan’s sleeve, opened his mouth with a smile that Yihan had never imagined. 

“I’m fine…”

“But…!”

“Because I could meet Your Majesty… Because Your Majesty is by my side…” 

Because he met Yihan after a long and hard life. Because Yihan was by his side even though he crossed the threshold of death. 

“I’m fine.” 

Therefore Hwawoon, he was really fine.

***

Jaran was thinking about the appearance of Hwawoon she saw today until the night deepened. She wasn’t only thinking of the moment he hugged Biyoung and got hurt instead. Jaran was recalling a wider landscape than that moment. 

When the hawk first appeared and Changgyeong Pavilion turned into a mess, Jaran saw Hwawoon looking at the emperor’s position faster than anyone else. While everyone was panicking because they couldn’t protect their bodies, she watched Hwawoon looking at the emperor and the empress from time to time, as if he were looking at the safety of them in the distance, protected by the guards. 

Although it was a short moment, Jaran was sure then. If His Majesty is in danger. If a situation that should not happen ever happens. That man will throw his body for His Majesty without any regret.

What Jaran thought was important was not limited to sacrificing his life. The important thing was that he thought of the emperor so generously that he would give his own life, that he would consider the emperor first in any situation and do anything for him. 

Someone who would not hurt the emperor even if they held the weakest part the emperor had. A person who would rather value and protect that weakness. So, someone who would not take advantage of the Emperor for their own. Jaran had been waiting for such a person for a very long time. 

“I will not die after His Majesty. I will not reject this ridiculous favor from him and, by all means, I will survive any disgrace. Only once everything is fine. If I could stay safe next to His Majesty. Then I will do anything not only for me but also for his happiness.” 

Jaran recalled her night, where she had made a promise while biting her lips to bleed a long time ago. The night, which was so long as though it would not end, eventually ended and the person, who seemed to never come, slowly revealed his figure.

Regardless of the disturbance of the night, Jaran’s night was deepening. 

***

“Your Majesty, are you really sure you’re alright?” 

Hwawoon asked Yihan the same thing over and over again as if he had nothing else he was curious about in the world. The one, who didn’t even know how pale his face was right now, kept asking him the same question, so Yihan, who had been feeling uncomfortable since earlier, opened his mouth again.

“How could a bird have hurt me? Not only me, but the empress, and also Sukbi. Except for a few dancers, everyone including court ladies are all safe.”

“I’m so glad no one else was hurt.”

As Hwawoon closed his eyes as if he was truly relieved, Yihan was filled with heat inside. In the end, Yihan, who couldn’t stand it, said again. 

“Is your hurt not counted as hurt?” 

“… Pardon?”

“How can you say you’re glad when your back is so messed up like this?”

Hwawoon blinked as if he didn’t understand Yihan. It was because Hwawoon really didn’t understand what he was saying. 

Of course, it was true that he was hurt. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand the situation itself. However, Hwawoon couldn’t understand why the Emperor sounded so angry about his injury. 

Although he was injured, Sukbi was safe thanks to him. If Hwawoon had not taken the injury, Sukbi would have suffered serious injuries on her face, not her back, and she would have felt a pain that could not be compared to the pain Hwawoon was enduring now. Therefore, Hwawoon sincerely thought it was fortunate that it ended with a slight wound on his back. It was the same how fortunate it was that the Emperor and the Empress were safe. 

“But wasn’t Her Highness Sukbi safe instead?”

“…”

“I’m only getting a little wound on my back, so isn’t that fortunate?” 

“You really…!”

Eventually, Yihan, who couldn’t stand the answer from Hwawoon who only said things he didn’t like, suddenly raised his voice and soon calmed himself as he remembered the fact that the one in front of him was a patient. Every single word of Hwawoon’s answer really bothered Yihan, but more than anything else, what made Yihan’s mind most uncomfortable was the fact that his answer was not very wrong. 

As Hwawoon said, if he hadn’t stepped forward, Sukbi would have been seriously injured in the face. Apart from that it was possible to injure the most important parts such as the eyes, the scar on the face could have destroyed the person’s mind beyond comparison with the scars left elsewhere. So, no matter how he thought about it, the fact that Hwawoon was hurt instead like this, right, it could have been said that it was a relief.

Yihan sighed quietly and looked at Hwawoon. The outer clothes, which were only put on top of the body with bandage because it could not be worn due to the treatment of the wound, fluttered down as Hwawoon rose, and the thin body entered Yihan’s sight. Hwawoons body, his collarbone, shoulders, which had no bones not sticking out, was so fragile as if it would crush if Yihan grabbed him strongly anywhere. 

Did he even know what could happen with such a body? Did he even know where that brute’s sharp toenails would claw? What would he have done if the toenails really clawed deep and threatened his life? 

When he thought of that, he felt emotional again. He knew it in his head. Even though he could understand why Hwawoon made such a choice, he still felt bothered. He kept getting angry because he couldn’t accept what he understood with his head as if his heart were someone else’s. Yihan was even more upset because Yeon Hwawoon’s words, saying that it was fortunate that he was the one injured, clearly presupposed that Sukbi was a much more important person than him in this palace.

Then, did he want to deny it? That Sukbi was not more important than Yeon Hwawoon? Did he really want to say, ‘it would have been better if she got hurt instead of you’? No, he didn’t think so. However, Yihan also did not want to say that it was right that Hwawoon got hurt instead of Sukbi.

So in the end, the only one Yihan wanted to blame was himself. It was anger at himself, who just stood behind under protection until this happened. Many excuses that he had kept repeating to himself, who had not stepped forward on the spot, lingered in his ears like a buzzing. 

Without a word, Yihan reached out his hand to Hwawoon. When Hwawoon was surprised by the sudden movement, shrinking his shoulders, Yihan tidied the clothes that flowed freely and carefully covered Hwawoon’s body. Only then did he realize that he was facing the emperor in a disgraceful manner and hurriedly crouched his body. At the same time, a terrible pain crept on his back. 

“Ugh…” 

“I told you not to move…! Does it hurt a lot…?” 

Yihan, who was surprised and instantly turned blue, wrapped around Hwawoon’s waist and carefully pulled him into his arms and whispered. 

“Come… lean on me.” 

“I am fi—” 

“Just you know I won’t let you off if you say you are okay one more time.” 

Yihan’s voice that flowed on top of his head was so delicate and soft that it was not threatening at all. The sound of thump, thump, the loud heartbeat could be heard in the ears of Hwawoon, who dared to lean his head into the emperor’s arms. Not knowing whether the sound was his, or it was the emperor’s, Hwawoon crumpled the blanket in his hand, hoping that the Emperor would not hear the sound.

Yihan then said, feeling regret that he could not caress Hwawoon’s shoulder because he might touch the wound. 

“Because you are hurt, your court lady is still shedding tears now and standing restlessly next to your medicine.”

“Ah…”

Only then did Hwawoon start to think of things that he couldn’t really care about because of what happened suddenly. Ahjin was a weak-hearted child. She was a child, who easily opened her heart to him, who had tortured her so much, so how scared and surprised she must have been to see him get hurt in front of her eyes? His heart sank at the thought.