CH 142

Hwawoon made a look that he was right and said,

“So shouldn’t you go back now, Your Majesty?”

Yihan then showed an expression that he got him, then relaxed his eyebrows, making a very innocuous look.

“Oh, is it because you’re afraid I’ll do something to you if I stay here?”

“No, that’s…”

“Don’t worry. I will only sleep quietly.”

Hwawoon, who only understood everything at this point, furrowed his brows, making a straight face, and raised his voice a little.

“That’s outrageous, Your Majesty.”

“Outrageous…?”

“I am unable to serve you because of my condition, so you must go to another’s quarters.”

Still looking clueless, Yihan blinked once more and answered.

“… Why should I?”

Caught off guard by Yihan’s reaction, Hwawoon hesitated, unable to answer right away. And Yihan, finally realizing in his mind why Hwawoon had been asking him to go back, spoke with a somewhat sullen expression.

“I’m here just to be with you, not to spend the night with someone.”

“But, Your Majesty.”

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have come to a concubine’s chamber every day while in this Myeonghawon. … If it’s because you’re uncomfortable with my presence, I’ll just go back to Jungcheon Hall.”

There was no lie in Yihan’s words. It was no secret that the current emperor had far too few concubines for his position, and that he rarely visited them at night. That was why the entire palace was buzzing over his recent visit to Seojeong Palace for several nights in a row. It was rare for the current emperor to visit only a concubine consecutively, much less every day.

However, Yeon Hwawoon, who had gotten such a favor, once again asked the Emperor to visit another person. There was no way Yihan’s expression could be good. Hwawoon, who had no way of knowing Yihan’s mind, only said what he had to say.

“… How could I not see that you’re treating me more than I deserved, Your Majesty?”

The phrase “more than I deserved” stung Yihan’s ears painfully. Yihan thought his heart couldn’t be expressed in such words. It was as if the Emperor had casually bestowed a gift on a concubine. The word undeserved seemed to imply that Hwawoon had accepted his heart in such a way.

“However, if I dare to act audacious because of that, how could I face the Empress and the other concubines?”

Like someone who didn’t have the slightest idea of how the Emperor felt, how desperate he was, how many things he had ignored to bring the word love to his lips; Yeon Hwawoon, sitting there, continued to say such heartless words.

Yihan was upset. His heart ached. Even though there were days when he acted whimsically and hurt Hwawoon, Hwawoon had never given a proper answer to his confession. Moreover, he didn’t show even the slightest hint of jealousy, which made Yihan feel like the excitement he had felt earlier when Hwawoon had said he was happy to spend the night with him quickly subsided.

Is this how it is? Is it normal for someone, who thinks of someone special, to get their hearts broken over something so childish and insignificant? It was obvious that being a concubine shouldn’t have jealousy, but Yihan felt weird as if he wanted Yeon Hwawoon to break all those laws.

Hwawoon carefully grasped the arm of the emperor, who was only pouting his lips because he couldn’t make up his mind, then rose to his feet and said.

“Why don’t you go to Yeonju Palace tonight?”

Yeonju Palace was Biyoung’s residence. Yihan lightly shook off his hand.

“No, I don’t want to.”

It wasn’t that Yeon Hwawoon was wrong; there was nothing wrong with what he said. It was just that Sung Yihan didn’t want to do so.

“The sick cannot serve you at night, Your Majesty.”

“Who called you the sick? And who said I would do something to you? I said I will only sleep with you!”

“Your Majesty.”

“You only call me Your Majesty, but you really have no intention to listen to me!”

And now Yihan turned his back to Hwawoon, acting like a child. Hwawoon was stunned in an instant, and soon broke into a small laugh. He suddenly found the Emperor’s pouty cheeks to be cute. Even though he was perplexed with this side of the Emperor, who he always admired, he was inwardly liking it.

The Emperor looked so lovely and adorable. He felt unbearably happy and sad at the same time, knowing that he, who had never dared to hope for even his gentle smile, was now standing beside him and seeing things he had never imagined before.

Why was I never Yeon Hwawoon in the first place? Why could I only get this close to the Emperor after taking someone else’s body? Why do I have to keep deceiving this person to get such a precious heart?

The more days she spent with Yihan, the closer the distance between them, the harder it was for Hwawoon to keep himself from becoming more and more selfish and greedy.

In silence, Hwawoon approached the emperor and sat back down on the bed. The emperor’s back in front of him looked so large and strong that Hwawoon felt the urge to stay in his arms forever and turn a blind eye to his sins.

“Your Majesty…”

“Don’t call me. I don’t want to listen to you.”

“… I was wrong.”

Yihan’s back jerked as he listened to Hwawoon’s voice. He was grumpy because he didn’t like what Hwawoon had been saying, but when Hwawoon admitted his wrong in a weak voice, he felt like his irritation had died off.

Hwawoon continued.

“I… I don’t even know my place…”

“You…!”

However, Hwawoon couldn’t finish his words. The Emperor turned in an instant and looked at Hwawoon again. Yihan looked back in bewilderment as he had never meant to make Hwawoon to humble himself again like this. In his eyes, once again, he saw Hwawoon’s face with a clear sorrowful expression that he couldn’t quite make out.

Again. It’s that face again. The look of being submerged in a very very deep well. The kind of look that can’t seem to be reached, no matter how hard I try to reach it.

Seized with an unaccountable anxiety, Yihan quickly reached out his hands and grabbed Hwawoon’s shoulders. At first, he thought this face was because he didn’t believe Hwawoon and insulted him. Then, he thought it was because he was being whimsical, pushing and pulling him around. And the next, he thought it was because Hwawoon was uneasy because Yihan was being uncertain with his feelings.

But no, those didn’t seem to be the case. Even after the Emperor admitted his feelings and confessed to him, Yeon Hwawoon still had that face. Why? What’s the problem? The wind of anxiety began to blow once again in Yihan’s head as he lost the answer he thought he had caught in his hands. Feeling that he he would lose him if he let go of his hands, Yihan grabbed Hwawoon’s shoulders stronger and said,

“What’s with your place?”

“Your Majesty?”

“You are a person of this nation, an imperial concubine.”

“…”

“The Emperor’s, my only…!”

My only.

Yihan paused for a while. Although he had confessed once before, there were still some things that he found it hard to express through words. Those were his sins, his denials, for too long. But as he hesitated, Yihan still looked at Yeon Hwawoon. At his plaintive face, which made him look like he was trembling with fear that Yihan would abandon him. 

“… You are my only lover.”

Therefore, Yihan said it out loud. He wanted to convey it. He wanted Yeon Hwawoon to know how desperate he was that he couldn’t help but admit his heart even though there were a million reasons he shouldn’t have it. He wanted Hwawoon to know that he didn’t want to see his anxious face anymore.

“There’s nothing you can’t say to me.”

At that moment, a great desire bloomed in Hwawoon’s heart. It was his heart and his language. Hwawoon wanted to tell the certain emotion that bloomed in his heart. Just as the Emperor had conveyed his love to someone insignificant like him, so Hwawoon wanted to express to him honestly about his worthless feelings.

In fact, from a long time ago. From the first moment, which Hwawoon didn’t even realize. Perhaps he already had that feeling for the Emperor, the man who had never failed to dazzle him from the beginning until now.