Chapter 142 - The Man in the Nightmares*

*WARNING: This chapter discusses a sensitive issue like rape and sexual assault. The details are not much but it may disturb some viewers. However, I have tried to address this issue with utmost respect towards real life victims and in no way disrespects them. If there is anything which may offend some of you, please do let me know so that I can rectify it. Those who are uncomfortable by the slight description, please skip the first few paras and skip to the second set of dots*

.....

The night was cool yet Somi was perspiring heavily in her sleep.

"No…" she mumbled, struggling with the air as she pounced on something invisible. "No...no stop!"

She was writhing as the dream grew more sinister. It was always the same nightmare. Her body was motionless in it but her mind was awake. She could not lift even a finger, yet it felt like she was fighting with her might. In the midst of the battle, that man's face came to view.

The face of that man was still clear as day. He was pinning her down. She tried to get free, but her body was still while her mind screamed in terror.

"No...please...stop…" she pleaded but he enjoyed her desperation. Her screams and pleading turned him on even more.

"No one can save you," he sneered as his hands trailed down towards her private parts, tearing off her panties. 

"No…" she begged. 

"This is what you get for defying me," he warned. Her heart pounded in fear as he prepared to do the worst.

"No…"

He forcibly pulled her legs apart. She tried to cover her legs but her wretched body would not move. His manhood was very close to her.

"Please...no…"

Hyun where are you? She thought wildly. He was not there. He was far away, oblivious of what was happening.

The man's rod was now touching her private part. He slapped her hard across the cheek. 

"Wait till everyone finds out that the Nation's True Love was defiled by me," he let out a manic laugh as he pierced through her walls.

"NOOOO!"

.....

Somi woke up, scared and sweaty. Her hands were shaky and clammy. Her heart was beating wildly. The darkness was engulfing her, making her pant heavily as she scanned around, trying to remember where she was. For a moment she thought she was back in that place. Looking around in desperation, it took her a while to realize that she was in her own house.

It was another nightmare, she realized. But it was not a nightmare. It was a reality for her. A never ending curse which refused to leave her. She could still feel that vile man's touch on her body. That man who had lusted after her and resorted to cross the limits of all evil…

The face would not stop haunting her. It kept on popping inside her head. The monster destroyed every shred of life in her, leaving only an empty shell behind. 

Somi got off the bed and aimlessly wandered towards the mirror on the wall. She stared at herself. The beautiful face which captured the hearts of millions was staring back at her. The face of her which made people crazy for her. A face which women were dying to have. Plastic surgeons use this face as a model for their services. The face which captured hearts worldwide.

She hated it. She loathed every bit of that face. It brought her nothing but calamities and depression. Sometimes, she felt the urge to slice it off or burn it down. 

She stared at the pair of scissors on the dresser. Her hand reached out for it, picking it up. Staring at it for a few minutes, she looked up at the mirror again.

Will my nightmare end if I ruin this face? She wondered. Clutching it tight, she brought it close to her face. She felt the sharp edge touching her face…

CRING! CRING!

Her doorbell suddenly rang, startling her. The scissors dropped on the floor, bringing her out of her rage filled reverie. An irritation crept up in her mind. Who dared to interrupt her at this hour? Was it a crazed fan?

Storming towards the door, she slammed it open. 

"Who the hell is it-"

Her voice faltered upon seeing the intruder. It was Hyun Jung.

"You," she said. "What are you doing here?"

He was completely drenched by the rain. He had left, hurt and disappointed when she could not tell the name of the man who wronged her. She never knew his name and only knew his face. 

"I'm here to tell you that I won't leave you," he announced. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Hyun…" Somi started. "We can't be together. I'm not the same person you had fallen in love with-"

"The girl I'm in love with," Hyun Jung cut her off. "Is a good person. A little whacky, but a good person. One trauma does not change her soul."

"Hyun, I was raped," she stated, with tears in her eyes. She could not hold back anymore, breaking down completely. "That man violated me and tore my soul apart! I'm not pure anymore!"

"That man didn't tear your soul," Hyun Jung said sternly. "He ripped his own soul apart. And pure? What is this purity you speak of? A girl who is aiding her friend in taking down the most dangerous criminal organization. A girl who protects her staff with all her heart and pounces on wrongdoers. Only a girl like that can have a pure soul."

His words, his acceptance of her was too much to bear. It made her confused and overwhelmed. She knew his words were genuine, yet she could not help but feel that they should not be together. It was too much to bear. 

Somi turned around, trying not to cry but the wretched tears would not stop flowing. Hyun Jung stepped towards her.

"Somi," he held her shoulder. "What happened was not your fault. It was that man and that man alone. Don't ever blame yourself. And if you think that a monster like that will rip us apart, then you're dead wrong. All you have to do is give our relationship another chance."

When Hyun Jung had left her apartment that day, she thought he would leave for good. She hoped that he would forget about her and live a new life with someone else. But he was so stubborn.

"Hyun, if people find out…" she sobbed. "Your mom...she will not like it if you choose someone like me…"

"Somi, there is nothing wrong with you," Hyun Jung said firmly. He clasped her hands. "I don't care about what people say. I love you and I always will. And if you're worried about my mother, then you should know. She had endured an abusive marriage for almost sixteen years. She knows what it is like to live under the shadow of a heinous beast like that. I know she will love you with all her heart."

Somi broke down. "Why do you want to be with me?" she asked tearfully. "I can't escape my demons! I'll only make you miserable. I still get nightmares of that man. I'm still broken Hyun…"

He pulled her into his arms. "All of us have our own nightmares," he consoled her. "We can't escape our traumatized pasts. The sadness won't go away. But if we punish ourselves by isolating ourselves and reject every ounce of hope, then we'll never heal. We'll lose and our demons will win. We have to get over this."

He pulled back and held her shoulders. "I know a psychiatrist," he said. "Doctor Ji Wook. We were in the army together. He specializes in psychological trauma. I've talked to him and he had agreed to give you therapy sessions. He will also maintain complete confidentiality. If you allow it, then he will give you private sessions to overcome your trauma."

"No," she shook her head. "I can't do it. I can't go to therapy. I know it won't help."

"Did you try?"

"No," Somi replied. "I just know it won't work."

"Somi, if you don't try then you will never get over this!" Hyun Jung insisted. "Just try and go to therapy. The pain won't go away but it will give you strength to face it. Please just listen to me."

"Hyun," she said. "I understand you want to help me. But this is my battle and I don't have the courage to go through therapy. Please, don't force me."

Hyun Jung felt helpless. As a police officer, he knew most rape victims do not want to go to therapy out of fear. The stigma was inescapable as they are judged by the society and judicial system. The victims become too scared and volatile. Their state of mind makes them feel like the offender, as if they had wronged everyone. 

The criminals take advantage of this and smear the victims' character, which further traumatizes them. They get trapped in their own minds and refuse any sort of help in fear of backlash. He had seen countless times when the victim even withdrew their cases in fear of backlash. He had hoped that Somi would at least try to take a step.

But he was not surprised by her reluctance. The only thing he could do was find that guy. He did not want to make Somi draw a sketch of that man since it may cause more grief to her. He would have to investigate the matter himself.

And he knew the right person who could help.