Chapter [B4]: to 4

Chapter [B4]: to 4

I stood in a room filled with the most powerful people of the empire. Yet that thought barely even came to my mind right now. With the death of the emperor and the loss of the Azure Dragon, the Azure-Jade empire was the closest it had ever been in its history to collapse.

Around me stood the four Divinities. Closest to me was the Shie matriarch, and Liuxiang’s great-great-great-grandmother. The young and sharp looking lady had a cold and tense expression drawn across her face. Next to her was the Yue clan head, the water divinity. I was told he had handed off all governing responsibilities to his heirs and did not participate in politics. The man stood scratching his head, as if unsure what to make of the situation.

Next to him was the Huo patriarch. The clan old man had belonged to.

The clan Yang Shen had been born in.

The Huo patriarch had a burning aura all around him, little gouts of fire bursting as his control slipped from bottled rage. His brow was creased so much, it seemed like it’d leave wrinkles etched into his features. All of which was in stark contrast to the last divinity, the Tu clan head. The oldest cultivator I had ever seen, older than even old man, with his body shrunk and back bent, and wrinkles covering all his features. He wore a simple orange cloth and had a bald head, much like a monk, simply seated nearby in meditation.

And somehow, among these people, I stood there, gathered besides them across a map of the empire.

Next to me, Elder Tian Feng stood, head bowed in respect to the Divinities.

“They’re attacking from the north and west, which we’d expected, given the demon stronghold over the lands in each of those directions. The celestial peaks are holding and resisting the attack from both of those fronts, and holding the lands,” the Huo patriarch said, circling the map.

“The problem, is the southern front,” he added, highlighting an area to the south.

“The sea had always been a barrier, how have the demons breached it?” The Shia matriarch asked, quirking an eyebrow in question.

“Ships. The demons do not swim well, but with guidance, it seems they’re capable of managing ships. Half of them sink, drowning the army, but the half that survives is a problem,” the Yue patriarch said, scratching his chin in thought.

“We’re not ready for this war,” the Huo patriarch said. “They’ve caught us off guard and landed a blow at our very heart... I fear this time...”

The shoe matriarch snorted. “Is that all the courage you boast of? I for one, do not intend to roll over and simply let the demons conquer our lands. I will protect my home even if I’m the last one standing,” the shie matriarch said, a phantom snake slithering around her neck which she gently caressed.

“You do not get to say that, Zhuihu. Not when we all know that you were the first who was ready to—”

“Children. It is not the time to quarrel,” the Tu patriarch interrupted, speaking for the very first time. I faced the old monk, hearing his voice for the first time. “The heavens require us. They ask of our aid. We must perform our duties.”

To my surprise, the Divinities did not speak back, simply nodding at the words of the old man. The Tu patriarch opened his wrinkly eyes, enough that for the first time I could see his pupils, and found in them a brilliant golden glow that mesmerized me where I stood. There were deep secrets lurking in them, ones I could only hope to glimpse at from where I was.

“We have called upon the earth, and raised a barrier around the entire empire. It will hold the demons back, preventing them from burrowing into the earth and striking us from beneath. To continue this, we will need to return home and enter secluded meditation. Sea child, it shall be your task to hold the enemy lines from the south.”

The Yue cracked his knuckles in response, grinning.

“Fire child, you protect the west. That is where the demon Yang Shen will most likely be leading his army from. He is your kin. You will be most suited to hold him back.”

The Huo patriarch nodded at that.

“Poison child... help the celestial lords in the north. They will require your assistance and cunning. Make sure they are supplied and prepared for what is to come.”

The Shie matriarch gave silent acknowledgement.

And then, to my surprise, the Tu patriarch turned to look at me.

“Vassal Child. Do you know your purpose?” The Tu Divinity asked me, making me freeze.

I did not know what he meant, and so I simply looked at him, unsure of how to answer.

“You possess the spirit of the Lord of North. Speak to the Divine Beast, they will guide you towards the location of the Azure Dragon,” the Tu Divinity said, before glancing at Elder Tian Feng.

“Dream child, you must have seen this path. We had been plagued by similar mirages, but trying to alter these paths often leads to unintended outcomes. Who can alter fate, after all.”

Elder Tian Feng bowed his head. “But, this does not mean we must not try. Guide the child on his path. If... this war is to be won, we will require him for it,” the Divinity said.

“Elder, your wisdom is grand, but should we really let the Azure Dragon in the hands of a child?” The Huo patriarch asked, glancing at me. “He has proven that he is a talent seen only in centuries, blessed by one divine beast, but no matter how talent, he is a mere child still. Would it not be better for one of us to head to seek the Azure Dragon. If anything, the Xuanwu should come out and join strengths with one of us as well, bolstering our powers. The child has done his part, but this war is no game. The existence of the empire depends on it.”

The Yue patriarch nodded as well.

“We have to concur with the Huo patriarch. We know the child and see his potential, but this is not the time to be staking the fate of our existence into the hand of children.” The Shie matriarch said.

I looked down, clenching my fist. I did not like that. Having to give up Xuanwu, or sit by the side, but I understood the point. I was by no means anywhere close to their power. I could barely even channel Xuanwu’s power on my own, much less bring out it’s full potential.

“You can try,” the Tu patriarch said, before glancing at me. “Call upon the divine beast, child of old.”

I looked at the divinity, gulping, before I gave a nod. I closed my eyes, reaching within myself as I found the familiar presence inside of me. I did not have to say anything, and Xuanwu manifested around me, through me.

Power flooded me, harmony thrumming through my spirit as the power of a divine beast flooded my body. The silhouette of Xuanwu formed around me, the giant spirit turtle-snake looking down upon the divinities.

“Who seeks to command our strength?” Xuanwu asked.

The three divinities regarded each other. “Water is where I belong. I will be the most suited to do so,” the Yue patriarch said.

The other two did not deny the claim, as the man stepped forward.

“Lord of the North, it is an honor,” the Divinity said, bowing.

Xuanwu grunted, before his form began to flow into the man. Power rushed out of me, flooding the Divinity, as he stood, fists clenched, veins throbbing and a chilling cold spreading from him.

Then, light began to leak from his body as cracks formed in his skin. The man visible began to shake, teeth clenched hard, and I noticed his fists starting to tense hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

The power continued, not stopping, flowing endlessly into the man. He gasped, falling to his knees and the flow stopped. Within a moment, Xuanwu returned to his spectral form, presiding over from above me, looking down upon the kneeling Yue Divinity.

“You are not suitable,” he claimed, looking down at the patriarch. His gaze travelled to the remaining two. “None of you can hold us. Your spirits are tied, to this empire, to your own transcendence. We will break you.”

The kneeling divinity slowly pulled up to his feet, bowing. “Honored Divine Beast, apologies but... how? How is a mere child... holding all of that?”

I watched in confusion, feeling rather surprised myself. I knew how vast Xuanwu’s presence was. Like a tall mountain, or the crashing waves of the ocean, there was so much vastness to it. But somehow, I’d never had to think about how I’d managed to fit all that inside my own spirit.

“A child burdened with two spirits. It is his gift for having eternally carried another soul inside of him. And for the path he found within it. None of you would be able to hold the Azure Dragon. Not even Yang Shen could, he had to resort to distorting and capturing them. But Lu Jie can.”

I simply stood, not control of my own body or expressions, for which I was partly glad, but the surprise on the Divinities’ faces would’ve been multiplied ten times on mine.

“The emperor who held the power of the very heavens lost.”

“He was tricked,” Huo patriarch spat with anger.

“He was. But even in power, he was matched by Yang Shen. If we wish to win, there must be Harmony. Our sibling, we must go meet him directly. Bring him to his senses, and return together, in a singular vessel of power,” Xuanwu proclaimed.

The Divinities looked at each other in surprise.

“We’ve wasted enough time. The enemy approaches,” The Tu head said, glancing at the rest of them.

“Child, head to the Cradle of Dragons. In the valley between all celestial peaks, it is the birthplace of the Azure Dragons, and the seven celestial dragons. You will find him there. Find him, and bring him back. You are our only hope,” the Tu patriarch said.

I felt Xuanwu’s power return into me, regaining control as I simply looked at the old monk. After a little bit, I found my resolve steeling and I gave him a nod.

“Let us depart then,” the Tu clan head said, and one after another, the divinities all left. Heading for battle, and to protect the empire.

I glanced sideways, looking at Elder Tian Feng who stood next to me.

“The Tu clan head said you had seen visions... is that why you had helped me?” I asked.

“Not entirely. We had... simply followed the visions of fate, and they had led us to you. But destiny is not predetermined. No one could’ve foreseen this outcome,” Elder Tian Feng said.

I nodded, still feeling somewhat unsettled.

I was not a huge fan of fate and destiny or what not. But it seemed that this battle and responsibility was impossible to escape.

“Let us make preparations. We will need to depart soon,” Elder Tian Feng said and I nodded, following behind him.

For now, my path was decided.

I needed to head to the Cradle of Dragons.

Things began happening rapidly. There was no time to despair or grieve the death of the emperor. In fact, there had not even been enough time for many to realize the emperor had died at all, and the news had been curbed down with terrifying swiftness, so for now, only those important enough to be at the castle at the time of, and those perceptive enough to feel the changes in the heavens knew.

But despite all that... snow fell upon Azure city, the city of eternal spring, the beating heart of the empire. Not a single person in the empire could not have known, even if they were not aware of it consciously. We’d all felt it. Every single person had felt the fall.

And the timer to the end had begun ticking at that very moment.

I tried not to grimace too much as I walked across the palace courtyard, heading towards the carriages. It’d been decided that it was best that I headed back to the seventh peak first. To gather supplies and get anything I might need. There was also the matter of all the money I’d earned in the auction. I’d left a significant chunk of it in the care of the Lord and his manor in the capital.

Zhou Fang, who’d decided he’d be staying in the capital due to the risk of a journey back, had agreed to take care of and manage it all for me. I had been grateful. I needed to get back quick, and we were only taking as few people as needed with us. A lot of the lord’s men were injured in the skirmish and attack recently and they’d be staying back in the capital as well. Even my spirits were resting inside my core, including Ash which had never done that before, all to preserve their strengths and to reduce our burden back. They’d both changed in the invasion, but especially Labby, who’d even been able to change forms at will again. It was something I’d not even had the time to address yet.

I’d been of half a mind to run back, and to my surprise, the Lord had almost agreed to it. It had been Elder Tian Feng who’d dissuaded us, and told us to preserve our strengths for now.

I had spent a moment being a little surprised how I just suggested to run the distance of effectively a small country casually, but at this point I knew I could and I’d be faster than carriages and I could fly if necessary as well, so it only made sense. Really, the only reason not to was the threat of being ambushed by demons, and I wouldn’t want to be entirely spent by the time I returned, the journey to the Cradle was not going to be all that easy from what I was told, and I’d ultimately ended up listening to reason.

Lord Zhou stood nearby, noticing my arrival. The man look tense as a taut string ready to snap and exhausted like he hadn’t slept in a week, but despite all that, the lord gave me an ever so slight smile upon my arrival.

“We were about to call for you. Are you prepared? There will be no time to rest in between,” the Lord asked me.

“I’m still of half a mind to sprint back,” I replied, honestly.

The lord’s smile widened ever so slightly, as he put a hand on my shoulder. “Let us not. Tian Feng would not let either of us hear the end of it.”

I nodded at that.

I glanced sideways at the others. Yan Yun was returning with us. In a meeting when making our plans, we’d ended up deciding no a group of three people who’d be heading to the Cradle. It was Yan Yun, me and Zhang.

The Lord had obviously offered his own men for my protection and to help us but I’d refused. The more people there were with us, the more we’d slow down. The cradle was not an easy to travel in place, and we didn’t have the time.

In truth, I felt a little uncomfortable bringing Yan Yun with me, but she’d been the one who’d said it’d make sense to bring her. Despite no longer following a lightning path, she was the most familiar with it, and the most knowledgeable on dragons. Her grandfather had also told her of the existence of the Cradle before, so she had a rough idea on what was in store for us. And with Leiyu, she allowed us to communicate quickly and send letters without needing to setup and use complicated scrying formations. And Zhang was there, because there was no one else I trusted with my life more than him.

I really wished I’d had the time to try to think of or come up with a way to send messages over long distances, but unfortunately, that just wasn’t something I’d have the time for, at least, not for this journey. Though it was not like I’d just given up. I was well aware that war times were the times were progress had often been made in the largest leaps and bounds. I recalled the meeting I’d had with the five divinities yesterday and the decision we’d come to that’d be unprecedented otherwise.

All four divinities, and the royal court had agreed to allow craftsmen to use the divine texts I’d given them collectively, to try and increase our advantages and create more weapons and to rapidly upscale production of some really important things so that we could arm our mortals and allow them to contribute as well.

It was grim, and it wasn’t something I’d actually hoped would happen, but that was the silver lining in all of this. More people than would ever otherwise be possible, scholars , researches, craftsmen and blacksmiths from all over the empire were gathering, learning, and perfecting on my crude ideas and the front of knowledge I’d brought into existence to create things, and make massive leaps in technological expertise. Already they’d improved on the design of the weapons, but more importantly, how to improve defenses of carriages, how to maintain supply chains, how to build stronger walls and faster. Everything we’d need to fight this war.

Even the old man had ended up staying back. I knew he wanted to help, but given that he’d lost his cultivation almost entirely, and was much more frail now, he had not insisted. I felt a little bad but I also felt glad knowing that he’d be safe in the capital. It was one less person I’d have to worry about the safety of.

As I was about to step into my carriage, a presence stirred around me, making me pause. I turned around and descending down from the skies, I saw Liuxiang. I stared, openly surprised at her arrival.

“Lu Jie, let us... let me come with you,” Liuxiang spoke, looking at me with a determined expression.

“Liuxiang? Don’t you have to stay with your grandmother?” I asked.

“I have already informed her. I’d been listening to her all this time, but... with everything that’s happening... I cannot wait anymore to help the people I had been working so hard to gain the ability to help,” she said, clenching her fist. It was the most emotion I’d ever seen on her.

“So... please, let us come with you,” she asked.

“Well, we do have just enough space to hold one more person,” the Lord said, looking towards me.

Liuxiang looked at the lord happily, and I gathered myself. “Alright, then... I’d be happy to have you with me on this journey, Liuxiang,” I said. “It’d be like old times.”

“I find it a little hard to believe that was just one year ago,” Liuxiang said.

I laughed at that. A frustrated and amused laugh.

“Old times?” Yan Yun asked, looking between the two of us with confusion.

“I’ll tell you on the way,” I said to Yan Yun, remembering our foray into the save where we’d first found Sheldon and saved the villagers.

So much had happened since then. Despite everything happening right now, that memory managed to bring a smile to my face.

It’d be good to see Sheldon, and Twilight, and Zhang and Granny Lang, and everybody else. Though not the circumstances I’d hoped for, I found myself longing to be back home.

With that thought, I stepped inside the carriage alongside Liuxiang, Yan Yun and the Lord.

The carriage whirred with power as the driver cracked the reins. Spectral steeds rose out of the carriage, and with a jerk we were off to the Seventh Peak.Nnêw n0vel chapters are published at novelhall.com

***

Xiao Ru cursed his luck, cursed the very heavens and the fates as he ran with all he had. His feet were sore and cuts and scrapes lined his ankles. He’d been a fool. He’d been such a fool to think that just because this winter things had been calmer, it’d be different.

He stumbled, almost falling and his heart leapt into his heart. He could hear it now. Hear the creature chasing him through the foliage. His heart thundered so hard, he felt it’d shatter his chest and kill him just from that. He’d prefer that too.

A grumbling growl came from behind him and Xiao Ru’s body stiffened. He could feel the creature behind him, feel its vile presence, the sickening aura of death that lingered around it. He ran harder than ever.

He’d heard of the seventh peak, heard tales of a new lord and elder at the sect, that he was giving protection to everybody. That the man could do miracles, a five fold Sage? A child who was as strong as Lord Zhou? He did not believe such nonsense.

But now, Xiao Ru’s feet carried him towards that direction, as he cursed himself for not thinking. Even if false, at least in the city he could’ve been safe. Sure, he may have died while starving on the streets, but compared to being torn apart and eaten by that thing... even that seemed better.

He knew how things was. Every winter the demons came. And every winter the sect would strengthen it’s protections, if you paid their stupid amounts to satisfy the cultivators, and even then, sooner or later those would fail and you’d be forced to flee to the city and scrape by till winter passed, and try not to starve in the crowded streets.

He’d lost more people than he could count to winter. So many, that long ago, Xiao Ru had known somewhere in his heart that his own fate would be a similar cold embrace of death somewhere on some street. It was his foolish arrogance and defiance to such a tragic fate that he’d decided to refuse. For the past four or fie years he’d build his defenses to fend off any beasts and survive through winter in his village.

At first he’d been mocked. But when the villagers returned, starved and exhausted and saw him still living... they’d changed their tune quickly. Soon, more and more people had been managing to survive on their own. They’d dug holes, and made simple spears and traps for the mindless beast and stuck to the inside of their homes which they’d also fortified.

It’d worked. It’d worked! Xiao Ru had become a hero for the villagers.

But of course not. When this year had rolled out, he’d thought it was a blessing when he saw no demonic beasts coming. His village was small and they barely had anything for the beasts to come seeking them for, and he assumed they’d just not bothered this year. He felt like a champion.

And the heavens struck him for his hubris. Now he would die in the maw of this beast.

Xiao Ru’s feet twisted, sticking on a root as he fell and rolled on the ground. His heart pounded, as he tried to pull himself up but found a sharp pain run through his ankle when he tried. He looked at his feet and saw it twisted badly and starting to turn red already.

He froze, fear filling his heart as his fate was well and truly sealed. Xiao Ru whimpered, tears filling his eyes as he felt the presence close in. The creature slowed down now too, as it closed in, its dark eyes glowing in the dark patch of the forest as it moved closer.

Xiao Ru watched the twisted beast, a bear covered with scars and cuts, with miasma swirling all around it and arrows sticking out of his hide, and he knew he’d seen the end.

The demonic beast growled once more, its terrible aura flowing out and then with a rush it lunged towards Xiao Ru who closed his eyes, accepting his fate.

Bang.

The world shook, a loud explosion echoing through the forest.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Three more shots followed. Xiao Ru opened his eyes, and looked in shock as the bear lay on the ground, alive but injured, blood flowing out of wounds.

Crackle.

An arrow shot towards the creature, bursting out in a swirl of fire that enveloped the beast. It roared, before turning around as it started to run the other way.

Xiao Ru stared in shock. Just what had happened? Had he... had he been saved by some cultivator who happened to be nearby? No matter who, he was beyond grateful. Just who was his savior? He wondered.

He turned, upon hearing footsteps and looked behind. A boy stood there, rather young and his clothes... is that what cultivators wore nowadays? Even Xiao Ru had clothes that were better than that.

No, no that wouldn’t do. This was his savior, and a powerful cultivator. Who knows, maybe they could hear his thoughts and then he’d be losing his head after having just survived.

“O honored cultivator, thank you, thank you for saving this poor foolish mortal’s life. May the heavens bless you,” Xiao Ru said, to the boy.

“Oh, um, sure. Can you stand?” The boy asked, glancing at his ankle.

“No... I have sprained that ankle,” Xiao Ru said, before wondering if a cultivator even knew what a sprained ankle was.

“Yeah I see that. Well, either the Granny or Yin will fix you up pretty quick I imagine. Hop on,” the boy said, lending a hand as he lifted Xiao Ru up.

“My apologies for inflicting myself on you honored cultivator. You are too kind,” Xiao Ru said, truly in disbelief.

“You can stop that. I’m not a cultivator,” the boy replied.

“But... then how did you take down that demonic beast... and with such ease too. I saw that arrow of flames. Surely that was a cultivation art?” Xiao Ru asked.

“No, that’s my fire arrow. Or exploding arrow. I used it because I didn’t want to waste too many bullets, and also that demonic beast is probably just running from the demons too, and got hungry and decided to make you into it’s meal to have enough energy to escape. I didn’t want to kill it,” the boy said.

“Exploding... what? Bullets? And... you didn’t want to kill a demonic beast?” Xiao Ru asked, feeling truly confused.

“Yeah. Bullets, it’s small pellets made of metal. The rifle at my back shoots them really fast and it can hurt even a demon beast pretty badly,” the boy said.

Xiao Ru looked at the boy’s back, seeing the wooden and metal pipe thing. He’d just assumed it was some strange mystical instrument. He glanced at the bow hanging from the boy’s shoulders and the quiver at his waist as well.

I watched Xuanwu’s shadow flicker from underneath, before losing myself to the darkness within the darkness.

***

The world shivered around Xuanwu, before settling once more as Lu Jie disappeared into the darkness.

“Is Great Master going to be okay?” Labby asked nervously, looking up at the divine beast.

“He will be alright. He is simply heading to a part of himself deeper still. There are layers to a spirit, and some are less easily accessible than others. When he has found the answers he needs, he will return to the surface,” Xuanwu said.

“Will he wake up in time?” Yan Yun asked, with some concern.

“If he does not, then we will wake him up. You need not be concerned. And it is not just him that must work. If you wish to support him and accompany him, then you two must also seek the truth within yourself,” Xuanwu said, turning towards Yan Yun.

“You, lost child. Your path is a different kind, but not unforeseen. But it lacks identity. It lacks yourself. You wish to help others, without knowing how to help yourself. We can see the wounds on your spirit and the desires that have shaped you to be who you are, but your answer does not extend to yourself, and thus, is it truly whole? Seek the path you wish to pursue, seek who you are beyond those around you, do not look for your reflection, seek the you that exists outside of existence,” Xuanwu said, the world rippling once more.

Yan Yun bowed her head, as mist rose around her, before taking her away. Xuanwu turned at last to Liuxiang.

Liuxiang bowed respectfully.

“You simply need to stop lying to yourself. You broke one lie, the shell that protected you, the mask was taken off, but did you ever truly find yourself underneath that mask? Your past dictates your present, you are all that exists in the context of all you have been, but what are you if not a shadow of the hand which governs your fate? When you’ve found the lie, then you will also find your truth, and the world will reflect it,” Xuanwu said as Liuxiang vanished as well.

The divine beast paused as he saw Labby looking up at him with sparkles in her eyes.

“...it is still too early for you, child.”

Labby deflated in disappointed, and Ash shook his head, transforming into a wolf before bringing her with him to train together once more.

Xuanwu sighed to himself. There were far too many children to take care of.

As reality settled around me once more, this time more blurry as if looking through a dream or a haze, I saw visions of myself. An older me walked around myself, a small town made entirely out of the creations of my own self.

This was the world I’d made. In the darkness, in the loneliness of eternity I’d crafted this reality to save my sanity. The crutch of existence that had been left behind, and now all that remained of it was an echo.

I looked at myself, looked at the things I had created and was so desperately trying to preserve at the time. The older me had a small girl on his shoulder. Was that my daughter? Or perhaps grand-daughter?

I did not know. I did not recognize her. I could not even see her face, but I found myself reaching out towards her, a phantom pain echoing in my heart.

The vision melted with my touch, fading into nothingness as the echo ended.

My heart sank. Everything I’d built in here... all of it was gone. All that had once been everything to me... it was lost now. And I did not even care. Not outside, not when the memories of this time were lost to me, like a dream that I had once lived.

What did that mean? Was I supposed to give up on my reality just like I had given up on this world as well? This was fake and my reality was real... but to the me who had spent his life in here... this was as real as Labby and my friends are to me. And yet, I had made that choice, chosen to abandon this world and return to them, to the people I truly cared for. To the people I knew were waiting for me.

I did not know what the answer was. All I felt was a sense of frustration as I clenched my fists.

The echoes continued and I moved through my life. The moment when I’d found the tree and been united, when completion had first dawned onto me and I’d grasped the truth of the world in it’s entirety, forming Chi and bringing it into this world once more. I moved back through the time before that, through the places and things that had come before, all the way till I stood at the beginning.

At that moment, that had changed everything.

The day I had woken up, and discovered this world anew, and decided to use what I knew to bring change to it.

I’d never for once thought that I’d be able to truly change the world. Back in that moment, when I’d first realized how much could be done if this world was better understood, how much potential there was here to improve people’s lives and the world at large but a part of me had never believed that I’d be able to achieve it. Who was I to make such changes?

But I’d walked on my path. Not truly believing in myself. Not truly believing that I could ever make a difference but still pursuing that fascination with all the little things in reality.

It was strange, watching myself now. I’d lived and grown up in this world. To the me from before... this had been the norm. This had been the way everything was. But to the me who had forgotten it all, who’d woken up with just the memories of a past life? It was like looking at the world with a child’s vision again. Everything was fascinating and new and exciting and the world felt interesting.

When had I lost that? That childlike wonder?

In this life, or my previous one? I’d never truly realized just how fascinating reality itself was, that we exists in this time and moment, in this space, is truly a marvel that is hard to describe. The fact that I live is weird, and I’d forgotten that fact two times.

I wondered what that Lu Jie would think if he saw me now. Would he be in awe? Would he feel disappointed that I never got to retire in a mansion and just make alchemy pills somewhere with Labby and my friends, living a life of carefree comfort?

I thought about it for a second. What would the me from that time period would’ve said to the me right now?

I could almost see myself, standing in front of me, so full of myself, so enamored with the magic of this world, so taken aback all that could be done. The Lu Jie of the old looked at me, at the me who ran a sect, at the me who had all these ties and burdens and responsibilities and people to protect and care for, mired at the very center of the world he had wanted to run away from so very desperately.

I looked at him, and my past looked back at me and then shook his head. “Your shoulders look so stiff.”

I smiled at that. “I have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders now.”

Past me looked at that and grimaced. “Sounds bleh. I hope you’re still experimenting and trying to find how all this magic bullshit works?” He asked.

“Sometimes, not all that often. I remembered some things and it changed my perspective on the so called... bullshit part. But I have not stopped moving ahead on what we wanted to achieve,” I said.

“Good, that’s good,” my older self replied, and then he looked up at me and asked something I did not expect. “Do you like it? The power, the authority? You’re really strong now, right? If you do this thing... if you get the Azure Dragon, that will make you the de-facto emperor. And if you beat Yang-Shen, then you’ll have a stronger legacy than the one this empire itself was built on. It’d be a new empire under you. Does that... make you happy?”

I paused at that thought. Did that make me happy? It was weird how I did not have to think about it for even a second to answer.

“No, I hate it,” I said, meaning every bit of it. “I don’t... I don’t want to do any of this. I don’t want to fight a war, I don’t want to... I want to take Labby and all my friends and run away. I want to abandon this whole thing. We could hide, stay safe somewhere out there. Apparently the rest of the world has fallen, but I don’t believe everyone outside has just died. People must be living there. We could live a quiet and peaceful life. Make a farm, grow spirit herbs, make alchemy pills, and I could experiment and grow my knowledge and library and help those around me and slowly create a town. Similar to the one I’d made here. A small haven for those close to me, cut off from the rest of this dark world,” I said, looking down as I felt exhaustion filling me.

“You must be disappointed,” I asked, looking up at my younger self.

He looked back at me, and then shook his head. “No, I get it. I wouldn’t want to do any of this either.”

I smiled, feeling comforted to have someone understand me.

My past self walked up to me, and then put a hand on my shoulder. “But we can’t do that, can we?”

I looked at him and saw myself in his eyes. I nodded. “Yeah. I can’t.”

“We suck don’t we?” He asked.

“We really do. So selfish, so afraid, always wanting to run away. But not selfish enough... because that would not be a life worth living. I would not be able to face my friends again if I did that. Even if they agreed.”

“I hate this,” my past self said.

“Yeah, me too,” I replied.

“I hate that you sacrifice me over others. I hate that you have to make these difficult choices. I hate that you cannot just give up and live your own life. That you can’t just let things be. That you always have to go out of your way to help others,” my past self said, showing anger and I let him speak.

He clenched his fist, standing there, but then, the anger faded.

“But I can hate you. Because if we were not this way, Labby would not look up to us. Sheldon would not follow us, Yan Yun would not rely on us, Zhang would not be sworn to us. None of our friends would be there if we were not this way,” he said, and I looked up at him.

My past self had a resolute expression on his face.

“That’s why you can’t give up. No matter how hard it gets. No matter what comes next, and who you have to face. Not for me, not for us, but for Labby, and Zhang, and the Old Man, and everyone else who has helped us become who we are.”

“We do not fight for us. We fight for the world that we got a chance to relive, be reborn in, and come to truly love and find loved ones in. And if we have to die fighting for it... that would be a life well lived,” my past self said, as I found my eyes watering. I nodded, my own resolve strengthen, iron will forming in my spirit and solidifying into an unbreaking wall.

I would have to give up on my dream. And perhaps I would not get to live through the happiness I’d found in this darkness... but I had made that choice then and I would make it here again.

I was here because of all the things that had happened before me. All the people, and all the choices.

I looked back at the moment, the point of my rebirth, the pain the confusion the anger and the loss. All of this, born from that one moment.

In that way... I was glad to have lost. If I had not almost died in that spar... would I ever have woken up to the wonders of this world? Seen reality from the eyes of a child once again? Began walking this path to bring change from the knowledge of my past life? Found Labby, found Yan Yun and all my friends?

In a way, I was almost thankful to Li and Lei.

I felt something stir inside me at that too. I put a hand on my chest, feeling echoes of their souls from somewhere within the tree that existed inside of me. They were there... both of them, despite what had happened.

And if I managed to fix this world... they might be able to live again. Not as Li, or Lei. Those lives were gone. Nothing could bring that back. But their souls would not have to exist in the darkness forever.

As I felt them, I felt all the other souls connected to the tree. I felt their presences like stars in the skies. I realized something else as well.

It was not just for Labby and those who were alive. But those who had died as well. I felt them, echoes in the darkness, connected to the cycle of rebirth, waiting for salvation from this twisted and broken world.

And that choice was in my hands.

The shadow of my past melted, and I began to sink deeper still.

Time moved in a blur, the world whirring past me as I moved through my life. Beyond my rebirth, in the life of this world. My life in the sect, my life before it, as a farm kid with nothing to his name. And then my life before that fateful night, when demons had arrived.

I moved past it all, past even the darkness and then I woke up in a time I had forgotten almost entirely.

I woke up in my childhood. When I had still had my memories intact, and as one.

The world swirled lazily. The memories I had inherited, out of all of them, this was a past that... I did not remember. I had barely been four or five at this time, and any memories I’d had were gone, especially with my soul situation being so complicated, and so I watched a younger me scribbling onto the ground with a stick, writing down some numbers for a maths question and being bored.

The kids were nearby, playing with sticks and using them as sword. They played a game where one boy would be a cultivator, another would be a beast, and whoever the beast touched would would get frozen, their soul captured till the cultivator touched them.

If the beast touched everybody, the cultivators would lose. If the cultivator did, the beast would lose.

It was a simple children’s game. But I found it silly to participate and so I sat in the bushes nearby, scribbling numbers no one else would be able to read and thinking about how I could use my knowledge to get out of this backwater village.

That was when I’d noticed something. A shadowy figure moving in the distance. I’d been curious and followed in, despite the warnings from adults. Even at my age, I was aware of the Qi in my core. I was not like the other kids my age. And not just because I had the memories of my past life. I knew this somewhere in the back of my find. I was different in a more fundamental way, and that made me arrogant.

As I moved through the bushes I found what the thing had been. It was a bird with an injured wing. I’d moved closer to inspect it but the bird had hissed at me and then, its eyes had lit up with dark wisps and I’d realized something.

This creature had been attached by a demonic beast. It was being tained by miasma.

We’d been warned that occasionally some creatures like that could wander over and to run and let an adult know immediately, and for a moment I considered it... but something kept me where I was.

I gently picked up the bird, moving slowly even as it looked at with anger and hissed in warning, and then I put my hand on the creature.

“Shhh. Stupid bird, let me do my thing,” I told it and then, out of sheer stupidity, I pulled the miasma inside of myself.

The bird fluttered its wings in surprise but then stopped as it realized what was happening. The miasma slowly flew into me. It burned, like acid flowing through me but I kept going, and soon it was all gone.

My veins turned black and my arm ached and burned from the inside, but I put the bird down. The creature flapped its wings to test and found itself free. It looked at me in surprise but did not wait for me to change my mind as it flew away.

I sat on the ground, my body pulsing and throbbing with pain, and so to keep the pain away I pulled the miasma deep inside myself, gathering it together in a small core and then storing it in my spirit.

That removed the pain, removed any hint that the miasma had even been there as the darkness faded and I took a breath of relief.

“Lu Jie! What’re you doing all the way out here by yourself?” My mother scolded as I jumped, I turned and ran back, hoping she’d not seen that.

“Nothing!” I shouted, and returned to my day to day life.

As the vision of the memory faded, and I lived through this lost moment in time, I found my heart thundering.

I had not even realized it, all the way back then. That was when the seed had first formed. The seed that had caused one hand of my soul to succumb to miasma and turn into a demon... and how everything had happened.

That core of miasma had been the crux, as the seed of the tree that would come to be had been planted all the way back then, and it had wrecked my soul. The split in my soul, the memories of a past life and the Qi mingling with the Gu could not handle it.

And so I’d had to have my soul split.

The one with the memories of my past life slept, the miasma core tied to it, and the one that had been awake simple continued with life, albeit forever cut out from his own senses and pieces of his life with gaps in his memories.

That one moment had been the beginning of it all. The reason why I grew up cultivating slower than everyone else, why when I’d nearly died one part of me awoke while the other, the one with all the frustration and anger had sank and become tainted with the miasma, and why I’d found Chi and found the Unity that began the rest of it all.

I felt the souls connected to me, as I watched my own life be determined in a single encounter. Had something known this would happen? Was it fate?

I did not know, and I did not know what to believe in either. Why was I remembering all this now? What did it even mean?

I closed my eyes and seemed within myself. The tree, and my own core, and the three laws and their shining spirit rings.

These aspects formed my spirit, and formed who I was. I did not know the answer, but I knew I would find it somewhere within myself. And so I began to let the darkness take me deeper still, into somewhere even close to myself.

The world shivered, as I sank deeper still.

***

I opened my eyes, finding myself standing in a different darkness. But this one wasn’t quite the same as the one I’d just been. This one was... darker, deeper, the nothingness of it more solid and concrete. The absence of everything more pervasive and ever present. I could feel the nothingness around me, almost feel space and reality itself, with the lack of all that was there in between me and the rest of it.

It took me a moment, a really long and slow moment, before I had a realization.

What I was feeling... was myself. The fluctuations in reality began to settle down a little at that thought. It was difficult to explain what exactly the realization was.

The state of being that I was in right now... I could recognize it. Like waking up and becoming aware in a dream, and knowing it is a dream, and that the reality inhabited in this moment is different from the one present in the waking moment.

It was a sensation akin to being half awake, being in between states. No one realized when they fell asleep, no one could observe the moment of sleep. One moment you’re here, and the next you’re not.

This? This was like existing perpetually in that moment. In that point where you go from being somewhere in between two states of mind to completely into the other. The moment of sleep and transition into the world of dreams.

It was... trippy, to say the least. This wasn’t my first rodeo with dream worlds, but dream worlds mimicked reality. Being in your spirit was a lot like lucid dreaming. It was the most awake part of dreaming, not all that different from being awake itself on its own.

But this? This was... peering into the darkness. No, not the darkness.

Peering into my subconscious. The part of me that I did not control and could not be aware of. It felt like the darkness embodied that. The nothingness here embodied that.

I could picture it here and now, in this moment, if all of my self was a sphere, a ball of light and energy, then the thoughts and everything that was me were merely fluctuations of that sphere. Additions and changes of states in the moment.

Falseness.

Just being here felt like I was having a breakthrough. Even before I realized I found myself crossing my legs and meditating in the darkness, observing emptiness. Observing the void, absence of all that I clung onto into life.

Even death was not still, in death you have the absence of self. But in life, you create the absence of self by existing only in the present moment, only in the thoughts, the words that continue to pour into your mind one after the other, a stream of existence, a stream of thoughts. One thing into the next, like a river that began to flow somewhere in your childhood and never stopped outside of those moments when you close your eyes, and let the darkness embrace you and become nothing.

And so I stopped.

...

Things began to melt.

My sense of self began to dissolve itself.

Some questions arose from within the darkness. Within myself. Who was I?

Was I an alchemist? No, no that was merely the path I’d chosen. Something akin to a job but not even that. A tool, a method, a source of information and knowledge to use.

Was I smart? No, I knew and had known in both my lives people much smarter than me. Yin was smarter than me, understanding so many different concepts, translating things from a language she used only with her grandfather. Researching and helping her village in her own ways and constantly seeking more. Liuxiang was smarter, aware of the world, aware of the politics of the empire and able to swiftly and deftly handle situations and keep her calm in all those moments. Qiao Ying was smarter, without that man I would not be able to even be a sect elder. I did not have the training or qualifications, things had moved far too quickly to even settle into the role and without his immense support to make sure everything that I wanted to do could actually happen, none of this would occur. Names upon names came, of people smarter than me. But the fact that others could do more did not change what I was, and so I thought over the question again.

No, the answer was still no. In this darkness... in that ball of light that was my soul, my essence being distilled down to the most bare minimum bar nothing else... it had no inherent trait that could be compered. It simply was.

Was I Lu Jie? I then asked myself.

I remembered my mother’s face... the mother from this life. The mother I’d never gotten to know as well as I would’ve liked. My memories of my childhood were particularly vague, the split memories and dual perspectives did not help with recalling past events either, but I felt the love I held for her, the grief I had for her loss. It was like I’d lived my life having lost a part of myself that I hadn’t even realized used to be there.

But still... despite her, despite my family and the name they had given me, despite the attachment and the fact that this was the only identity I had any longer was this name... I found an answer that surprised me.

No, I was not.

The name... my name... it was a way to call me, a way to reach for me and a way to refer to myself. It was a name, in all the worth that a name has... but it was not me, it could never be me, it represented a fluctuation, a part of myself, that sliver of light, the self that I was distilled into a fractional thread. Like reality collapsing down to a single point, so you saw the one point and thought it was everything the thing was, when in reality, it was simply just a tiny representation of the whole.

I felt another part of myself break away from me. It melted into the darkness, dissolving into the nothingness... into myself.

Who was I?

The one answer that left, when all else broke away, when the darkness consumed it all, was...

Me. I was me.

There was nothing that could describe all of my existence in this moment, as I sat and looked upon my soul. As I close my eyes and just sit, and look inwards, I find the myself that is indescribable, that exists in this moment, observing, existing and living, the part of me that is alive. The part of me that is the self that defines who I am, the immortal soul which can have no words.

The sphere of light settled, and then began to collapse into a singular point. Into myself. Like a start failing to support itself once the forces keeping it stable end, the trappings of my reality fell apart as my soul collapsed into itself.

And then, when it formed that singular point containing not just one piece of me, but all of myself, then the three spirit rings of my soul began to resonate through the darkness. Unity, Genesis and Harmony birthed something anew, a fourth, something unnamed, something that was not yet defined, and with that collapse cam an explosion.

A big bang exploded in my soul, and in the blink of an eye my soul expanded to consume me, and not just me, but all of my reality as well. It spread outwards and outwards, continuing to flow before soon it consumed all of the reality in this space.

And just like that, my inner world manifested once more.