Chapter 157 - We Need to Talk

"We need to talk," Alexa took the little nightingale with her under a tree, while Magnus prepared the horses for their departure. 

A little earlier, as soon as day dawned, Magnus called for her to perform an appropriate farewell to Ulrich and Johannes. He had made mounds of earth and placed crosses on them. They said a respectful prayer, and Magnus promised to help their families throughout his life.

Coming from a person like him, Alexa knew he meant it.

Alexa discreetly buried a coin in each grave, just in case.

As they prepared to leave, Alexa took the time to continue her conversation with Alexander. 

They had never been serious about their marriage, and the only time they did, Alexander said he wanted to annul the marriage.

"Why do you want to annul our wedding?"

~ Does it make any sense that we are husband and wife? ~ Alexander's response didn't take long, much to the Princess's surprise.

"What else makes sense in our lives, Alexander?" she asked.

~ If being a princess is important to you, then we can stay married. I know it must be your only reason for accepting all this nonsense. But there's no other reason for this. The only thing I have to offer is a title ... I'm supposed to be a Duke soon, when Magnus becomes the regent. It's the tradition in Holstein. Then you will be a Duchess. Is that what you want? ~

"OH!" Alexa was confused. She didn't even know how to answer that. "Alexander, I am no dowry hunter. Your father very much wanted me to marry you, perhaps because of the prophecy. Perhaps because he thought I would feel safer to continue cooperating and help fetch Master Petrus de Languedoc's elixir."

~ In short, I am a nuisance in your life. And I don't want to be a hindrance to your life anymore. ~

"It would be ridiculous to say that we are in a comfortable situation. But it's temporary," she said.

Perhaps Alexander was feeling dejected because he couldn't help much. Alexa didn't want him to feel bad about it. "Please, husband, don't think so. Our marriage shouldn't differ greatly from most nobility weddings. "

~ What do you mean by that? ~

"We don't know each other well. But it's quite common. At least, I know a little about you. And all the things I know just make me think you are someone I would like to meet. Whom I would like to be friends with."

~ Hm, ~ he didn't sound very convinced, and Alexa tried to explain, 

"Well, I was told that you are very kind, that you eat little and have beautiful handwriting. Your father admires you. He seems to think you are literate and smart. Balbo also appreciates you as a student. He seems to be proud to deserve your trust. Most intriguing, Father Agnello always talks about you with a smile. He always asks how you are…"

~ I'm glad that other people I know have such high regard for me. But Alexa, about our marriage ... I will ask the Pope for annulment. ~

Yes, marriages were indissoluble except on special occasions and with papal authorization: in case of non-consummation, by close kinship, or if one of the spouses was a murderer. And it was usually the husband who filed for divorce or annulment.

"You mean you don't want to stay married to me?"

~ Haven't you had enough of the experience of being stuck with someone else without being able to get rid of that fate? When did you want to be somewhere else, with someone else? I can't imagine what it's like to live this for the rest of your days. I can't wish that, for you or for me. ~

Alexa was speechless. But she knew one thing: she wasn't prepared to argue with him and turn their relationship into something ugly and full of bitterness. Feeling guilty and nervous, she tried to justify herself,

"I know I made the decision myself, Alexander. Even when you asked me not to do it, I thought I was doing it right. And so I invaded your body and your life. Forgive me."

~ I can never be grateful enough, Alexa, for the sacrifice you are making. You gave part of your life to me. We can't even know the consequences of that. However… And for that very reason, I don't want to see you unhappy. And so I know that, despite what my father planned, you are not my wife. That's what I want you to know. ~ 

The feeling wasn't good. Alexa felt bad about Alexander's words, and she couldn't explain the reason to herself.

"It's not a good thing to hear, Alexander. Wow. I have to accept what you say, but I don't know how to respond to it."

~ Please say that you think it's the wisest way. How unfair it is for me to be your husband when I don't even have a human body! ~ He in turn explained, and his voice showed his restlessness this time.

A bitter pang of shame crushed her heart. She had probably humiliated him in many ways lately, and that was the actual reason behind Alexander's decision.

Magnus, however, was coming towards them and they fell silent, without reaching the end of the conversation. 

Alexa would like to apologize to Alexander for bullying him for being a bird. But that was something she preferred not to do in front of the First Prince. However, Alexander said something she really couldn't wait for,

~ Alexa, I told my brother about it when you were sleeping. I told him I want our wedding annulment. ~

"What? Did you? How did you say that to him?!" she exclaimed in shock.

"Yes, he said things to me last night. I realized that he wanted to talk to me and scribbled the alphabet on the ground. So Alexander spelled out a message for me," Magnus explained, understanding the context quickly. His brows were frurrowed and he looked embarrassed, clearing his throat,

"Ahem, I wouldn't want to be involved in this conversation, but Alexander asked me to write a letter to our father about his desire to cancel the marriage. I believe Alexander is doing it because he's thinking of you, um... milady. "

'The bastard doesn't even know how to treat me anymore!' she blinked looking at one and the other, just wishing it was just a nightmare.

"I'm so glad that you decide it by yourselves," she said without even thinking, full of spite and resentment, and went to one horse.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Magnus talking to Alexander, but Alexa was too far away to overhear them. She didn't know what to do with that bitter feeling sprouting in her chest and was choked in her throat, flushing her face and bringing tears to her eyes.

'Does that make any sense?! Why should I be sad? It's freedom! I might as well just spur this horse and go riding right now, leaving these two von Wuttenfal and all this mess behind! I could tell my brother to come to England, and together we can rebuild our lives! Magnus and Alexander, these two ungrateful princes, could go to hell along with the curse upon their house! I don't care!'

But it wasn't that simple. At least every night she was, linked to Alexander and he to her, as prisoners.

'Ah, I don't want to regret making it all! I expected to have a nice wedding and build a family with him… '

Alexa knew the utter motivations behind her actions. And even though she tried not to think about it, the maiden knew what was the biggest impediment of all. But what did she want, anyway?

Unable to contain her pain, feeling her spiritual fatigue reach an unbearable limit, Alexa let the tears run down her face.

Magnus came toward her, but stopped when he realized that Alexa was crying. Ashamed, the maiden wiped her face with the back of her hand, and called out sharply,

"Are you going to be long? We have already said our goodbyes to Cymric. What else are we waiting for?"

Magnus tied his hair bun again and came towards Alexa. Romeo was keeping a safe distance, brooding, or ashamed. She didn't care.

"Alexa," called the Prince, causing her to look down at him next to her horse. The maiden felt terrible because she knew that her red and swollen face showed that she had cried.

"I don't know how he said that to you. He was unable to explain the reasons to me, since we have limited communication. But I understand Alexander's woes. So... Please don't cry. He's doing it for your sake."

Alexa swallowed, feeling angry this time. And very sorry for herself.

"Isn't that just what you think, the von Wuttenfal family? Isn't everything you do 'For everyone's sake'?"

"Stop this. It doesn't matter. We are talking about your wedding."

"This is ridiculous. You were there to marry me in his place, and now you are here, to undo the wedding in his place. "

"Yes! That is exactly why the three of us know it cannot work. Alexander is just being brave to say that for all of us! Unless… "

"Unless what? " Alexa didn't like the pause that Magnus made, nor his raised eyebrow as if he had reached an unpleasant conclusion. In addition, her nose was congested and the last thing Alexa wanted now was to blow her nose in front of the First Prince. No matter he was as slovenly as she was.

"Unless you want to stay married to Alexander. Do you?" Magnus's question was uttered with defiance and sarcasm.