Chapter 185 - Dying

"My heart ... hurts for you," he said grudgingly, looking away.

Alexa was not sure what she was hearing. Was that a disease? What was he talking about?

Before she opened her mouth to ask, however, Magnus had already read the question on her face, and said, rather abruptly,

"Yes. It hurts. From the first day I saw you. My heart, this stone inside me, started to beat. It stirred and shivered in my chest. Like a caged animal fighting for freedom. It was so strong that I was sure... I was bewitched. You were the cause. I was waiting for witches, and you had arrived."

Magnus approached her, so close that Alexa's entire body shook. She remembered how he reacted to seeing her, and how it had never made sense. His words mesmerized her, and the intensity of his gaze kept her paralyzed.

"Do you think I joke when I say that, inside my chest, there was always a heart of stone? But now it lives ... and it's dying."

She gasped, crushed by his words.

"Day after day. There was a time when I was not afraid," he continued. "I knew I wouldn't die. But now I do. Because, if I die like everyone else... What would happen next? I don't want to leave you alone. I don't ever want to go before you, not knowing whether you'll be safe. I feel the night is too long without hearing your voice, being next to you, looking at you. Your absence exasperates me! But if I die ... Everything that never was, will be over," he raised his hand to touch her hair, but removed it before he even did so. Alexa missed his touch.

"Magnus, ..." Alexa started, but he made a sign with his finger over his own lips, asking her to just listen to him,

"Every beat this damn cursed heart makes ... And nowadays it pumps harder. Because of you ... Before you, time and death seemed just a far thought, and now, every beat seems to push me to death! I don't expect you to understand, since you can't feel what's inside me. And..." Magnus pulled the hood of Alexa's cloak over the princess's head, to protect her from the early morning dew, "my punishment took time to come, but it came through you. And the fact I am finally going to die after I met you, and for falling in love with you, is just justice being done; the balance being re-established. I'm digressing, aren't I? Just by looking at your face, I know you doubt my sanity."

The princess looked down, exhausted from looking at him and feeling the intensity of his words. He had hinted that she wouldn't like to hear what he had to say, and, in fact, she was afraid of all those words. He was confessing, and at the same time, he hides something. He said he was in love, but ... there was something else, hinted in his speech, which seemed out of place. There was something else he didn't want to reveal.

She twisted the ring on her finger.

The wedding ring.

Magnus looked at the symbol in Alexa's hand, and his voice came out little more than a whisper,

"Every time I desire, l.u.s.t, and crave you, it serves to remind me who I truly am, inside."

"I know I can't possibly understand what's inside you, or even half of your words. Your words don't sound sane, to begin with. But I know a little about death, and I don't feel like death is with you ... But I won't let you die, not because of me."

Magnus laughed bitterly,

"I understand what you mean Alexa. But as for that, as the prophecy says, you can only save one of us ..." Magnus fell silent, thoughtful, while Alexa tried to decipher most of his words.

As always, nothing between them was easy. And she decided, as always, to be as clear as possible,

"Are you saying you love me? Are you saying you're going to die?"

Then Magnus's hands caught her face, and his fingers wrapped around her skull, as he brought Alexa to his chest. He was still cold as a dead man, but she heard his heart pumping steadily.

Alexa clung to his clothes, and wished to speak. There was a lump in her throat, which prevented her from asking the thousand other questions swirling in her mind. She didn't expect him to talk about love and fear, and she didn't even expect to find that love and fear went so close together. Right in the Magnus' heart of stone.

And in hers, too.

A strained silence fell over them. The waves of the sea were getting stronger while they held each other.

Stroking Alexa's hair, the Prince said,

"I love you Alexa. But don't take advantage of that. Don't do such thing, never. Because I never knew what I can do."

°°°

She wiped her damp eyes and hugged herself, as if she could still feel the coastal wind blowing around her. She looked at her hands, to be sure where she was, and saw the clean bandages on both hands of the second prince, her husband, instead of the wedding ring.

Alexa felt ashamed of the last memories in her mind, and sat on the bed with a feeling of guilt.

Daylight was coming in through the bedroom curtains. The Prince was in the castle again, in Holstein. But not in the tower.

The luxurious room with objects she remembered must have been Alexander's new official room. His presence could no longer be a secret, after Ashgraufelsen.

She sensed Alexander's presence, and he called out to her before she did,

'Why are you crying?'

How to hide her feelings from someone who, despite not being able to read her thoughts, was close enough to recognize her body's reactions?

'It was a sad night, Alexander. We went to meet the rest of the group ... Just to know that they no longer exist in the living's world. '

She realized that they had changed the wound bandages during the night, and stood up carefully.

Stefania, Alexander's other nanny, was there and soon came to help him, with a huge smile and eyes shining with happy tears. Alexa only knew that Stefania existed, but had not yet seen her. The mid-aged maid had a blind eye that was a little disturbing. And when she approached the prince bringing him clothes, Alexa realized that the maid had only three fingers in one hand. In the East, this was not well regarded, and certainly a nobleman's maid would never be maintained with such signs. But she asked Alexander,

'So this is Stefania, who looked after you as a child. I haven't seen her yet because she attends the Prince during the day… '

'Fani! Don't be fooled by the gentle smile, she's fierce. She saved my life at least a dozen times, and that's how she got these scars ... Besides, she hates Magnus, so don't speak well of my brother, and actually avoid mentioning him, close to her.'

'Uh?' That was unexpected, but Alexa smiled back at the maid, who was moved to finally see the Prince awake.

"Fani! Good to see you!"

"Your Highness! Helga told me what happened at Ashgraufelsen! the woman spoke with a shocked expression, but seemed to control herself and tried to be helpful, stating, "The Princess's court was taken by surprise! Both with the news, and with the fact that everyone is forbidden to leave their rooms! And… the new Baron, the father of the Princess, had tried to escape during the night, but was arrested when he arrived at the port!"

"Uh, so it's not over yet," Lex wished she didn't have to keep up with what would follow, but she knew it would be impossible.

"No. And that means that, more than ever, a proud and dignified von Wuttenfal appearance is necessary. God is on the side of the neat ones. It's not possible to be on God's side if you cannot even respect His temple, your body, keeping it neat and well dressed as a Prince has to be. It's in the Bible!"

Alexa felt Alexander 'shrink' in cringe at the personality of the woman who saw him as a child, trying to dress him.

"Who said that? Father Agnello?" Alexa suspected it wasn't in the Bible, while the maid helped the Prince to put the shirt.

Fani didn't reply, drawing attention to another fact,

"Your Highness, I had already suggested shaving you. Can we do that now?"

Alexa was going to say yes, but Alexander said strongly,

'No! It's not necessary!'

'How is that not necessary? This is odd as hell! I have to agree with Fani, it's time to shave. You don't want me to be pulling the chin hairs while I think to myself ...'

Fani passed him a hand mirror, and the Prince looked at himself. Alexa felt the approval of Alexander with what he saw.

'Come on, I want to know what it's like to shave!' she proposed cheerfuly, trying to overcome what she perceived to be resistance. She could almost say that Alexander was enamored of his own facial hair.

'No! You have no idea how long it took to grow! And it must be just an impression, but there seems to be more of them now! How come?'

'Hmmm…' she tried to remain serious, 'Was it less than that?' She wasn't very impressed. But the princess understood the problem, lack of facial hair was Narses' concern too.

'Um, yes, a little bit less. Gosh! There is a lot more, to be honest ... But I think you're right, they ... at least they could be closer and a little darker ... ' he mused, stroking his precious rarified chin hairs.

'Oh yes! Let's shave! Finally!'

Fani waited for the Prince to leave his narcissistic state looking in the mirror while making many expressions for himself, when a guard called to her. She went on again, looking serious, seeming to choose the words carefully,

"Your Highness... 'Your favorite artist', according to the woman's own words, is at the door, bringing 'her favorite fruits', and asking to see you! Shall I prepare your toiletry, or make her enter? Or both?"

"Favorite artist?!" Lex's mouth fell open, and at the same time, he felt his cheeks go red. Not caused by herself, but because of Alexander.

'Do you have a favorite artist, Alexander?'