CH 4

I'm sorry, but I just can't.

Translated by Dawn

I’m sorry, but I just can’t.

“Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?”

When Mizutani said that, I first suspected it was some kind of a trap.

Of course, it was. The situation where the most beautiful girl in school asked a dull high school boy to be her boyfriend was something that only happened in manga and anime. For it to happen to me in real life, there must be something wrong here. There must be a reason.

However, Mizutani’s face was serious to no end.

From our conversation up to this point, I could tell that she was not the type of person who would trick others.

In other words, Mizutani was seriously asking me for a favor like this.

…..Hm, wait a minute.

If I thought about it, I had an idea why Mizutani was asking me to play the role of her boyfriend.

But, unfortunately, I still couldn’t figure out why she chose me.

“Is it because of that boy?” (+)

At my words, Mizutani’s eyes widened.

Then, she quickly looked down.

“You’re so perceptive, Aizawa.”

“Well, I can’t think of anything else.”

“….That’s right.”

Mizutani exhaled as if she had given up.

I looked out the window on the opposite side.

From left to right, a residential area flew by.

“Is he stalking Mizutani or something?”

“I think calling him a stalker might be a bit of an exaggeration…but he’s persistent, Yamamoto. He often tries to go home with me like that. I’ve told him no many times.”

“……Well, just by looking at him today, I got the impression that he was indeed persistent.”

Too much self-confidence was a problem, too.

That shaved head – apparently named Yamamoto – didn’t seem to think Mizutani hated him, even though she rejected him so much.

Mizutani nodded.

“Un. So I thought if Aizawa played the role of my boyfriend, that guy would give up on me…What do you think? I’m grateful if you can help me.”

“Even if you say that…”

I knew Mizutani was in trouble.

But the situation was different from when I raised my hand in the classroom or when I approached her on the stairs.

That one was over if I saved her on the spot, but this one would probably take longer.

At least until Yamamoto gave up on Mizutani, I had to pretend to be her boyfriend.

If I were in Mizutani’s shoes, I would be able to choose any guy I wanted.

It didn’t have to be me.

If she asked them to be her boyfriend, most of the boys in the class would accept.

“Just out of curiosity, why me?”

“That’s……sorry, I can’t tell you.”

Mizutani quickly looked away.

I wonder if she had something to be guilty about.

“…Anyway, I think there is no one else I can ask to do this kind of thing but Aizawa. You helped me today, too.”

“I didn’t help you in any way.”

“Do you want me to buy you milk tea again?”

“…you want to make me a diabetic?”

Mizutani put her hand over her mouth and giggled.

Some of the passengers who had been watching our exchange on the opposite of us now turned away and came to their senses.

……Well, I felt bad for Mizutani. But, I’d already decided on the answer.

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it. What Mizutani is asking me to do is too much for me.”

I didn’t know why she had such high expectations of me, but I knew for sure that I was not the kind of person who would be considered “no one else but Aizawa.”

“…That’s true.”

Mizutani looked down and muttered.

Then she quickly looked up and smiled faintly.

“I’m sorry, that was a weird thing to ask. You can forget what I just said.”

“…Ah.”

“…Really, Aizawa, you don’t need to worry about it. I’m just being brazen for asking you to do this.”

Mizutani assured me as if she could see right through me.

“I know.”

***

I was in the second grade of junior high school.

At the time, I was trying to have a fun school life and thought I belonged to the so-called “extrovert” group.

One day after school, I think it was.

After the teacher called me in to talk with her in the staff room, I went to the classroom.

The people I usually went home with were supposed to be waiting for me there.

“Akito is a….”

I was about to open the door to enter the classroom when I heard my name.

I probably should have opened the door without hesitation.

But then the devil got in my way.

I was curious to know what they were saying about me behind my back, so I listened to them without opening the door.

I heard three voices clearly.

“He’s kind of dull. He’s not a bad guy, though.”

“I know, right? He did not fit in very well with us…”

“Well, he’s not a funny guy. He’s smart, and he always helps me copy my homework, which helps, though.”

“Hey, that makes it sound like we’re hanging around him for his homework!”

“Aah, my bad. Forget about me saying that.”

“Wow, you’re the worst.”

“Eh, is that how you see me? Give me a break.”

The voices of the three of them laughing at each other seemed to be slowly fading away.

I know. They had no malice toward me.

They were just trying to make a topic of conversation, with me as the topic.

I opened the door with a bang, here, and would say,

“I heard you. Next time I won’t let you copy my homework.”

When I said it in a cheerful voice and jokingly, they would end up laughing and apologizing to me.

And that was it.

But even though I knew that in my head, I couldn’t move my body.

Like a defective robot, I couldn’t get my strength right.

……maybe, now that I look back on it.

The lack of malice probably did me a lot of damage.

I realized that words like “not fit in very well” and “dull” were their honest assessment of me.

Well, I was disgusted with them, but I was equally disgusted with myself.

I wondered if I was just worrying about how to act in class and flattering people who didn’t match up with me at all.

I thought I was getting along with them, and in return, I expected them to treat me as an equal. I thought that would make me one of the “cool” guys in the class. I realized how shallow I was for being so calculating.

That was very not me.

I wonder what I was doing there, being so insignificant and so concerned about what others think of me.

I felt from the bottom of my heart that I was a boring person.

In the end, I couldn’t open the classroom door that day.

They were waiting for me when I was called to the staff room, and if you only look at the facts, it meant that I went home alone because I had reneged on my promise.

I went to bed with mixed feelings of guilt, disgust, and sadness.

When I arrived at school the next day, the three of them started to tease me for leaving on my own.

I felt like I just wanted to apologize and let them go away.

Anyway, I was sure that I could no longer relate to them in the same way as before.

Something had definitely changed.

I became less and less involved with the three of them and gradually began to act more and more alone.

When I reduced my involvement with people, there were certainly fewer moments when I could truly enjoy myself.

But the stress was also noticeably reduced. It was like a calm sea.

Surprisingly, I had come to think that this was not so bad, and I still did.

***

….So it should have been the right thing to do to refuse Mizutani’s request.

So why was I still worrying about her?

I was in the middle of studying after dinner right now, and I needed to focus on the math problem in front of me.

I threw down my mechanical pencil and leaned deeply against the back of my chair.

I looked up at the stain-free, white ceiling of my room.

I couldn’t get my head around it.

Mizutani’s face came to my mind.

The bored look on her face when she was lying on her cheekbones in the classroom.

The cold look in her eyes when she casually declined Yamamoto’s invitation.

The way she covered her mouth with her hand when she laughed at my joke.

Those serious blue eyes when she asked me for a favor.

“…I guess today’s not the day.”

I closed my notebook.

As I was packing my textbooks into my bag to get ready for tomorrow, I noticed the milk tea in my bag. I remembered that Mizutani had given me this.

—Ah, I see.

I knew she was conscientious, which was why I was so concerned about her.

The kind of girl who would thank me like that would go out of her way to ask me that…

I was a bit of a simpleton if I do say so myself.

I shouldn’t get too involved with people.

If I got involved with people, even a little, I would start to feel affection for them.

If I did, the possibility of getting hurt would only increase.

…Oh well.

Mizutani also said it was okay to forget about it, so let’s just say I had forgotten about it for now.

So, tomorrow, I would just go back to my normal routine.

The only thing that would be added to it would be the slightly troublesome job of being a class representative.

I opened the lid of the plastic bottle and put my mouth on it.

I slurped down the light brown liquid.

The milk tea, which I hadn’t had in a while, tasted awfully sweet.