CH 39

Yun Qingci was stunned.

He had never thought that Li Ying would have such a big reaction.

Prime Minister Yun was also really shaken.

Hearing Liu Ziru’s voice calling for a doctor, Li Ying pressed his lips and waved his hand.

He stood up straight and wiped his mouth. When he put away the silk handkerchief, the contours of his lips were still stained with red.

“I’m fine.” His tone was casual and a little muffled, yet his eyes were deep as he looked at Yun Qingci: “But what is the reason?”

Realizing that Li Ying did not blame Yun Qingci, Prime Minister Yun breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to look at Yun Qingci, who stubbornly said: “The reason, the reason is… I don’t want to torture each other anymore.”

It was exactly the same as what Li Ying said to him at that time.

Prime Minister Yun pursed his lips and said, “Now that this matter is out in the open, will Your Majesty consider it?”

He has always supported Yun Qingci’s separation; it was just that the timing of Yun Qingci’s letter was not good. His original intention was the same as Liu Ziru’s. When Li Ying’s health improved and he wasn’t endangered by stimulation, they would discuss their peaceful separation. 

After all, Yun Qingci’s name was written in the Li family’s book. As long as Li Ying did not erase his name, he would remain the Lord Empress.

Therefore, Yun Qingci’s letter of separation won’t take effect.

Yun Qingci didn’t expect that his father would be willing to speak for him after everything that happened. He lowered his eyelashes quietly and said no more.

His gaze fell on the blood on the ground, and there was a strange feeling in his heart.

It was difficult to describe, because in his eyes Li Ying had always been very strong; except for some headaches, he had never looked sickly.

In fact, he didn’t look sickly now either. His back was straight and his eyes were still unfathomable. If he hadn’t seen him vomiting blood with his own eyes, Yun Qingci would’ve kept feeling that Li Ying was indestructible.

“Ah Ci,” Li Ying said, “Can you give me some time?”

Yun Qingci glanced at his father instinctively, and Prime Minister Yun bit the bullet and said, “Your Majesty, let’s cut through this mess quickly…”

Since Li Ying was fine even after vomiting blood, it meant that his stress resistance was far from weak. As the emperor, he shouldn’t cling to these childish affairs. This was what Prime Minister Yun had always taught Li Ying.

That was also the reason why he didn’t want Yun Qingci to marry Li Ying.

Because a good emperor, as Prime Minister Yun saw him, and the lover Yun Qingci wanted to have were not destined to be the same person.

Even if it was like the previous Emperor who loved Empress Wei deeply, there still were three palaces and six courts.

Yun Qingci didn’t listen to him in the past, but now he finally was ready to open up to him. The most important thing was to pull him out of this muddy water.

Anyway, Yun Qingci had already angered some people, and things couldn’t get worse.

“We can’t cut it.” Li Ying looked at Yun Qingci and said, “Ah Ci, let’s talk.”

Yun Qingci glanced at his father again, and Li Ying said, “Don’t bother teacher with a matter that concerns only the two of us.”

He meant their previous life.

Yun Qingci bit his lip, and as soon as he was about to agree, Prime Minister Yun suddenly knelt down: “Your Majesty, forgive the old minister for many things. Today, please see the old minister as a father only. In fact, last time Qingci was injured, this minister thought it would be better to separate peacefully, but…”

“But Qingci didn’t want to.” Li Ying lowered his eyes and looked at him. Prime Minister Yun’s words were almost the same as in his previous life, but in his previous life, he begged him not to leave Yun Qingci, and in this life, he begged him to let Yun Qingci go.

“If Qingci is unwilling, you come to persuade me to reconcile with him. If Qingci is willing, you persuade me to separate. It doesn’t matter what I think, does it?”

Prime Minister Yun didn’t have any memories of his previous life. These words made him shocked and puzzled. Li Ying seemed to be complaining about him and seemed to be aggrieved.

Did he try to be smart and end up with an egg to his face today?

He oozed cold sweat and said, “This old minister means that if the two of you stay in the same place, the pain will be much greater than…”

“I don’t feel pain.” He stared at Yun Qingci. He knew that Prime Minister Yun had no memory of his previous life, so he actually said these words to Yun Qingci.

Yun Qingci also understood it. He glared at Li Ying involuntarily, bent over to help his father up, and said, “Let’s talk.”

When he came, he thought that it was Li Ying who was reluctant to separate and deliberately used his father to put pressure on him. But now it turned out his father had never said from beginning to end that he would not allow him and Li Ying to separate.

He just said that Li Ying was in poor health for the past two days and asked him to slow down a little bit.

The two moved aside. Li Ying walked very slowly; Yun Qingci chose a corner to stop, turned around and waited for a short while before the latter walked closer.

“What do you want to say?”

“In our previous life I wanted to be separated and you didn’t want to. I don’t want to be separated in this life. Can you also give in to me?”

“In my previous life, I was crazy, harmed myself for you, and lost my reputation. Everyone said that I was paranoid and cruel. I was abandoned by the whole family and gave up everything for you… Then I even gave you my life…”

“You ask for justice.” Li Ying slid out a short dagger from the cuff of his right hand, and Yun Qingci backed away instinctively: “You, what are you doing?”

Li Ying stared straight at him and raised his arm. His wide sleeve slipped off, revealing his smooth forearm. The dagger was about four fingers long, narrow and sharp, and it pierced mercilessly. The whole four finger length entered Li Ying’s flesh. Yun Qingci’s pupils contracted. Watching the short dagger sliding in slowly, Li Ying said softly: “Then give me a chance to go crazy for you, self-harm for you, lose my reputation for you… lose my life for you.”

The dagger slashed fiercely. Li Ying pulled it out, then pierced and slashed again. Blood coated his whole forearm up to his elbow. Li Ying looked at him and asked, “Okay?”

Piercing his arm for the third time and slashing it open for the third time, he asked again, “Okay?”

Each of the three blood marks seemed to cut off chunks of flesh. Li Ying raised his hand for the fourth time, as if as long as Yun Qingci didn’t stop him, he would keep cutting like this, even if all his flesh and blood were scraped off the bones.

Yun Qingci grabbed his hand.

He was a little scared and a little dazed.

The entire arm of Li Ying’s close-fitting cotton sleeve was dyed bright red; sticky blood soaked the fabric and dripped down from his elbow.

What Li Ying did at this moment was exactly what Yun Qingci had done before. He remembered what mood he was in when he cut himself. He feared pain, but he hoped that Li Ying’s heart would hurt for him; so even though he feared pain, he still did it.

Other people thought him to be terrifying and extreme, but only Yun Qingci knew how afraid he was of being abandoned.

And Li Ying’s movements were more decisive than his; he cut harder than him. In just a few slashes, a small piece of flesh flew out from under the blade.

Yun Qingci’s eyes turned red.

“Li Ying…” Yun Qingci said, “I cannot love you anymore. Even if you make me stay this way, I will just sympathize with you and feel sorry for myself as I used to be. Don’t you care about it?”

“With the past and present lives added together, we have known each other for thirty-one years,” Li Ying said. “We have been married for sixteen years.”

“I will never fall in love with someone else,” he said, “I don’t have a father who can intercede for me. I can only beg you by myself, Yun Qingci…”

“Stay.”

“I’m here to love you,” Li Ying said. “You are right. I was too greedy before and always wanted to do everything well, but I didn’t do anything well… I was incompetent and useless. But this time, I will do everything I can to protect you.”

“Ah Ci, give me a chance.”

Yun Qingci’s eyes flickered.

“You don’t hate me, do you?” Li Ying said to him: “The person you loved all your life has come back to you, to be a cow and a horse for you… Ah Ci, don’t you hate injustice the most?”

“When you were angered by me, you always had to make me angry. When you were wronged, you had to pay back the grievances in order to be happy. Whoever bullied you, you always had to bully back. You are so domineering, you’re a person who refuses to suffer… Are you going to give up willingly?”

“What good is it for you to let me go?”

Yun Qingci puffed up his cheeks.

He clearly knew that Li Ying was provoking him, but he still couldn’t help it.

Yes, of course he was not satisfied. He paid so much and finally got what he wanted. The man in front of him was now just as crazy as him, even crazier than him.

He even lost his life, but in the end, would his bamboo basket be empty?

Of course he had to oppress Li Ying, and of course he had to pay back all the losses he had suffered in his previous life.

Li Ying took a step forward, his neckline soaked with cold sweat. “Ah Ci, think about it.”

“You said that I didn’t understand love, and that I learned how to love by hurting you. Do you want me to love others with what I have learned from you? It’s clear that I only have feelings for you. If you don’t take the opportunity to enslave me, bully me, and ride on my head for the rest of your life, won’t your contribution be futile?”

He knew Yun Qingci too well.

He knew every dish Yun Qingci loved to eat, every habit Yun Qingci had, and he knew that Yun Qingci’s love and hate were fierce. He was also extremely stubborn. Even if he was willing to open up, he would always feel resentful for what he’d given.

He just needed to magnify that resentment infinitely. No need to tell Yun Qingci how much he loved him; just tell him, look, I have hurt you, don’t you want to hurt me back?

Yun Qingci would rush towards him.

“I, I don’t believe you.” Yun Qingci really was so angry that every word of Li Ying punched his heart. The more he thought about it, the angrier he felt and he couldn’t wait to knock Li Ying’s head off, even though his remaining reason was still telling him to leave. Everything Li Ying said was just to keep him from leaving; as long as he did the opposite, the one who’d suffer wouldn’t be him.

……but, he was so angry!!!

Li Ying took a step forward; his arm hung down and blood flowed from his pale fingers. The excessive blood loss made him feel dizzy, but he had come to find Yun Qingci in his life and wanted to be with him at all costs. 

Nothing could stop him.

“Ah Ci, the concubines made trouble today because I didn’t know that you returned to the Prime Minister’s Mansion last night, and I didn’t know that you would come back from the East Gate today.”

Before Yun Qingci spoke, he continued: “But it was my fault that I let them disturb you. After all, it was me who recruited them into the palace. And if I’d paid more attention to you, I would have known that you returned to the Prime Minister’s Mansion yesterday, and I would have known that Liu Ziru hid the letter of separation. This is my neglect in duty and my incompetence.”

Yun Qingci: “…”

Li Ying said everything he wanted to say.

“The culprit in this matter is me.”

“But from now on,” Li Ying pursed his pale, chapped lips, sweat dripping from his forehead: “You will be the most precious thing in my heart.”

“I swear, in the future, if anyone dares to say a word against you, I will immediately demand his life.”

“Ah Ci… I can give you glory and wealth, and I can make you above the law. No one in this world knows how to love you better than me.”

Yun Qingci once again caught the loophole in his words: “Then you just didn’t want to love me in your previous life?”

Li Ying smiled, a little miserable, but also a little showy: “You are right, I was a coward in my previous life, I was a waste, and I didn’t deserve to love you at all.”

“But now I want to try.”

“As long as you want, I can teach you the art of being the emperor, I can teach you how to manage courtiers, teach you how to sit firmly on the throne… As long as you want, you can take my life at any time.”

His dark eyelashes were also moist, and he looked like he would faint any moment, but he was still holding on.

“Can you, please, not leave me?”