CH 56

Li Ying grabbed his hand.

Yun Qingci had never practiced martial arts or held a sword. The skin on the back of his hands was very soft, and his palms were even softer.

These hands should have never touched spring water, but they repeatedly made soup for him. Prime Minister Yun had never tasted Yun Qingci’s craftsmanship in his previous life.

The only person fortunate enough to be treated with his undivided attention was Li Ying.

From the first day of marriage, Yun Qingci would make clothes for him, and only for him. But because Li Ying had been loved for too long, he gradually began to feel that he deserved it, and, being busy with the state affairs, he ignored Yun Qingci peacefully.

Yun Qingci’s face was still buried against his chest, and after Li Ying squeezed his hands, he obediently stopped moving. The crown on his hair was rubbed askew, and half of his ear exposed between the black strands was glowing bright red.

They say it is easy to change a country, but it is difficult to change one’s nature. Yun Qingci personally could testify to it. At first, when he was reborn, he wanted to draw a clear line with Li Ying and treat him indifferently, but then he failed. Right now he absolutely wanted to avoid taking the initiative and stick to Li Ying again just because of his two or three words, and he failed again.

Now that his hand was caught, Yun Qingci wanted it not to count, but at the same time he refused to give up. He secretly decided that Li Ying was obviously the one who took the initiative to seduce him, and he would simply pretend to be a chaste and a strong man when things happened.

As soon as he made up his mind, Li Ying suddenly leaned forward; Yun Qingci’s body arched and his hair crown fell on the pillow. He subconsciously held his breath.

Li Ying’s thin fingers intertwined into his hair; he held the back of Yun Qingci’s head and kissed his lips.

Yun Qingci’s love was always too strong, and his hatred was also too strong. When loving Li Ying, he was completely devoted, and when hating him, he felt like evicecrating him and hanging his entrails to dry in the sun.

After Li Ying found out that Yun Qingci was also from the previous life, he felt desperate many times, fearing that in this life, for them to return to the past would be difficult if not impossible. Unless Yun Qingci recovered from the suffering he had experienced, he would never forgive him.

He envisioned many endings for himself and Yun Qingci in this life, and in each one they fought till their last breath.

The candlelight swayed, and the tip of Li Ying’s nose rubbed Yun Qingci’s cheek, then followed down to his neck.

He came here to love Yun Qingci, not to torture him or cause him pain.

He wanted to learn to love like Yun Qingci had loved him, no matter whether others would understand him or not. He knew that even if the whole world thought he was crazy, Yun Qingci would definitely understand him. But in those days when Yun Qingci was asleep, he was suddenly hit hard.

He discovered that seeing Yun Qingci just lie there, not saying anything, not laughing, was far more painful than cutting his flesh and bones.

He would rather Yun Qingci never look back at him again but live his life healthy, happy and bright.

So he promised his teacher, he promised to let go, and promised to leave.

But Yun Qingci found his way back.

Li Ying’s nose brushed Lord Empress’s lips and touched his collarbone.

At first, he thought that Yun Qingci refused to let him go because he had not avenged his grievances enough. Only when Yun Qingci told him, he realized that Yun Qingci had gone back to his previous life and seen that putrid him.

Yun Qingci finally decided to forgive him.

Li Ying knew why he would come back. Yun Qingci was willing to wipe out everything and go find him because he found out that Li Ying in his previous life was too tragic and pitiful.

Li Ying didn’t mind letting Yun Qingci, who hated him, know those things; but he did mind letting Yun Qingci, who loved him, know the price he paid.

Did Yun Qingci know that he had fallen in love with a disgusting carrion?

He had no way to find out.

He didn’t dare to ask.

But there was no doubt that he was unwilling to let Yun Qingci go. Even if he was destined to be abandoned in the end, until Yun Qingci said it, he would pretend that nothing had happened.

A white foot poked out of the closed curtain, its toes curling up tightly and then spreading open.

“Ah Ying, huh…”

Accompanied by a low cry, the foot retracted and kicked up, staying still in the air for a short while.

Spring always seems warm at first but felt cold later. Cold wind blew at night and the flowers on the branches wilted, frozen, their petals scattered revealing the yellow pistils.

Yun Qingci’s feet were caught and stuffed back under the warm quilt. He closed his eyes and laid in Li Ying’s arms contentedly.

Li Ying tucked away a strand of Yun Qingci’s hair sticking to his sweaty cheek, dropped a kiss on his  forehead, then hugged him tightly and closed his eyes, his expression faintly tired.

Yun Qingci pressed against him, wrapped his arm to measure his waist and called in a soft, hoarse voice: “Ah Ying.” 

“Hmm?” 

“You have lost too much weight, so you have to make up for it quickly.” Yun Qingci didn’t feel sleepy and was ready to take inventory and give constructive opinions: “I will go tomorrow… no, I can’t go. Send the chef from the imperial dining room, we’ll meet outside. I will discuss with him how to feed you.” 

Li Ying’s voice was very soft: “Do you dislike me?” 

Yun Qingci raised his face to look at him, his eyes shining. He separated his thumb and index finger solemnly and said, “This little bit.” 

Li Ying leaned over to kiss him. Yun Qingci shrank his head, smiled teasingly and then pushed him hard, saying, “Okay, okay, I don’t dislike you very much.” 

His cheeks were so tender. Li Ying looked at him for a few moments, his heart slowly tightening. He felt that he would never see enough.

“Isn’t it for your own good? You were in pain and couldn’t sleep before, you were already very haggard. And then, you took care of me… I need to repay you somehow.” 

“No need to repay.” 

“Huh?” 

“No need to repay.” Li Ying said, “You being fine, it’s enough.”

Yun Qingci’s heart thudded a few times in uncertainty.

He pursed his mouth, touched his chest and said to Li Ying: “You, don’t think that if you say good things to me, I will be moved. I, I will learn my lessons from the past… I won’t pour out all my heart for you.” 

Yun Qingci looked at his previous life and thought, after all, he and Li Ying were two extremes. One of them chose reason over feelings, and the other one chose feelings over reason. Although he promised to make up with Li Ying, he would never put all his joys and sorrows on him again unreservedly.

He lowered his head and whispered, “In the future, I will treat you well within my ability. You can also treat me well within your ability, as before. Trying to repay is natural… People are selfish, and it is normal to want to repay.” 

Yun Qingci waited for a while but did not hear an answer. He raised his eyes again to see that Li Ying kept looking at him, his gaze never leaving his face for a moment.

Yun Qingci pushed him: “Do you understand? I don’t need you to be nice to me, just be the same as before.” 

Li Ying still looked at him, nodded and said, “I understand.” 

He used to think that Yun Qingci didn’t seem to grow up and was always arrogant and wayward like a child, refusing to listen to anyone once he decided on something. He thought about forcing him to grow up, forcing him to be sensible, forcing him to stop tying him up with his infantile love.

Now, Yun Qingci died once to figure it out.

His heart suddenly felt empty.

Yun Qingci looked at him and said, “I didn’t understand why you suddenly became as extreme as me. I thought, after I died, you woke up and wanted to love me, so I didn’t want to give you a chance.” 

“But now I also want to make it clear to you. I think that maybe you are not as infatuated and repentant as you think. It was only because you experienced those twelve years of your previous life and they were inhuman and ghostly, so …” Yun Qingci mustered his courage and said, “So you didn’t want to be in debt.”

Li Ying said, “Go to sleep.” 

“Don’t be upset, I’m not bullying you, I’m just helping you figure it out. After all, if we are going to be together in the future… I don’t want you to be like me before…”

His head was pressed down by Li Ying.

“I got it.” 

Yun Qingci didn’t move again.

In fact, he knew he had a guilty conscience, and there was a paradox in his words.

If the current Li Ying didn’t really love him, it would mean that the previous Yun Qingci didn’t really love Li Ying either.

The origin of Yun Qingci’s heart knot was that he loved Li Ying so much and didn’t get the love he deserved when he was alive, so he blamed Li Ying for everything and thought that Li Ying had failed him.

But now, he wanted to live in a different way, to love Li Ying like Li Ying loved him in his previous life. Therefore, he was trying to save his face and said that he would only love him within his ability.

He was not denying Li Ying, he just didn’t want Li Ying to follow his old path; but it did seem as if he was denying Li Ying who had sacrificed himself to ten thousand snakes in his previous life.

He stretched out his arms, silently wrapped them around Li Ying’s neck and whispered, “Don’t be angry.” 

“Not angry.” Li Ying said, “Ah Ci is right.”

“How am I right?” He couldn’t even convince himself.

“Your father was worried about you because you liked me so much before.” Li Ying rubbed his head and said, “Once you’ve grown up and figured out things, you will be able to protect yourself. He must be very relieved.”

In the past, Yun Qingci was ignorant and fearless, not afraid of heaven and earth, and held his sincere heart in front of him honestly and unabashedly, as if never worried about getting hurt.

Now that he was injured once, he began to fear.

This made sense.

Normal people knew how to better protect themselves from harm, but Yun Qingci didn’t know it before.

Now that he knew, it made sense that he wanted to protect himself.

It was fine.

Yun Qingci was afraid, but he was not afraid.

Yun Qingci could be fearless because of his ignorance, but Li Ying could be fearless because of his knowledge.

He was here to love Yun Qingci. No matter what Yun Qingci said, as long as his heart was still beating, he would not stop loving him.

He would support all of Yun Qingci’s decisions and all his ideas, and was willing to let him come and go as he wished.

Yun Qingci had seen him like that, and he was willing to come back and forgive him. It was already beyond expectation.

It was not good to ask for more.

Yun Qingci was hesitating. While he felt that what his father said made sense, he also felt that the current Li Ying was more worthy of his heart. He felt that the thing that happened in his previous life would never happen again.

But then he thought that everything in the world was unpredictable.

Whatever, it’s fine, he thought sadly, let’s go to sleep.

He slept until he woke up naturally, and when he opened his eyes, Li Ying had already left.

There was a piece of rice paper at the head of the bed, saying: ‘See you at night.’

Yun Qingci picked it up and looked at it for a while; the corners of his mouth raised slightly and then he was overwhelmed with worry.

He didn’t know what kind of pain it was to be bitten by countless snakes. When he jumped off the tower that day, he didn’t actually feel any special pain, because his body was frozen and because he died quickly.

But Li Ying had to suffer all the time.

How did he go to court as usual, approve memorials as usual, discuss with the ministers as usual, and how did he escort his eldest brother all the way back from Beichen.

“Li Ying…” Yun Qingci muttered: “What should I do with you.” 

“What are you mumbling about?” 

There was a voice from outside, and Yun Qingci hurriedly stuffed the letter into his sleeve and shouted, “Dad, why didn’t you go to morning court?” ”

“In the past few days, there have been no major events in the country. Some letters impeaching the Zhang family were received. Today, His Majesty ordered the Criminal Justice Department to file a case and said that the Zhang family should be thoroughly investigated.” Prime Minister Yun sat down on the chair opposite him and said, “His Majesty didn’t come to you last night, did he?” ”

“No!” Yun Qingci said solemnly: “Don’t worry, father, I won’t see him again until the matter of separation is decided and I will drive him out if he comes.”

He raised his sleeves excitedly, and the hastily hidden rice paper floated out.

Prime Minister Yun looked at the small note on the ground, frowned and said, “What is it?” 

He got up, but Yun Qingci was one step faster, ran over and picked it up, whispering, “What can it be?”

He took the paper and unfolded it with his back to Prime Minister Yun. He glanced at it, rolled it into a ball and said with a smile: “It seems that Uncle Ding’s little grandson asked me to bring him snacks. I was afraid I wouldn’t remember which ones he wanted, so I wrote it down. I didn’t expect it to be in these clothes.” 

Prime Minister Yun stared at him suspiciously for a moment, stretched out his palm and said with a stern face: “Give it to me.”