CH 28

Second Past

“Tell me, Ann.”

December 23rd. It was the morning that little Prince Frederick’s birthday banquet was scheduled. There was surely not enough time to hurriedly wash up and decorate. But Ambria Belvard calmly faced her young daughter.

“……Why did you stab Thomas with a knife?”

Ann detected a faint tremor in her mother’s voice.

“What in the world did the servant who takes care of the stable and pulls the carriage do wrong to you?”

And Ann looked for an understandable emotion in her mother’s eyes. Like when she would play with her tutor, collecting alphabets to make words. But it wasn’t easy.

“I heard it from the servants.”

Ambria was true to the role of a good mother. She had thoughtful eyes that preferred understanding to blame.

Not a trace of disappointment, fear, or anger —— showed no trace of negativity.

“You suddenly burst out of the playroom at dawn and stabbed Thomas in the thigh with a knife. The young man was injured. He bled.”

“Thomas has done nothing wrong to me.”

Ann waited for her mother to finish before opening her mouth. She had learned that was common courtesy.

“But he did wrong to Mary.”

Fourteen-year-old Mary was Ann’s closest maid.

“I saw Thomas touching Mary’s body in the hallway last night and again last night.”

Ann recalled a man and woman who were fighting each other.

“I don’t know what it was, but Mary didn’t want it. She tried to push him away.”

Thomas drove Mary up the wall with his large body. At that moment, his face was ugly beyond words. Ann felt like she wanted to scrub it with soap and wash it off.

“Mary had that look. It’s the look mother taught me to have if I was sad.”

“Is that true?”

Her mother’s eyes shook in a slightly different way than before.

“Thomas said, ‘Tomorrow is the end of your whining.’ While  mother was distracted by the royal palace, and Mary…..”

Ann tilted her head. She had heard the innuendo, but it was too vulgar an expression for a ten-year-old girl to understand.

“Did you attack Thomas to protect Mary?”

She could have just nodded. But that was not exactly the right expression. And she promised her mother that she would always be honest.

“I like Mary. She’s always sweet, and she brings me bread soaked in milk every night.”

Ann said.

“It makes me feel strange when Mary looks sad. It bothers me and is uncomfortable. So I decided that in order to keep Mary from looking sad, I would have to get rid of Thomas.”

“….get rid of?”

Ambria blinked as if she needed time to understand her daughter’s words.

“Then why didn’t you attack Thomas the moment Mary looked sad? Why did you decide to remove him this morning?”

“Because if I had jumped on him head-on right then and there, I would have lost.”

Ann furrowed her brow as if asking why a wise mother would ask a stupid question.

“There’s a size difference.”

Her mother sucked in a breath as if she finally understood.

“… You mean you deliberately waited and ambushed him?”

Ann nodded unconcernedly.

“Usually 10 year olds don’t do that kind of calculation…” 

Ambria stopped speaking and only her lips quivered.

“What were you thinking when you stabbed Thomas?”

“I was thinking of failing.”

Ann replied somewhat nervously.

“I read in a book that people have a big vein in their thighs. I wanted to stab it. But I was too short and weak to aim properly.”

Eventually, her eyes flashed.

“I couldn’t accomplish what I wanted. But next time….”

“Next time, you tell me first, Ann.”

Ambria cut off Ann’s words in a hurry.

“When you think you should get rid of someone….”

She swallowed and mimicked Ann’s words. As if trying to convince her that she understood her.

“Tell me the reason first before you take action.”

“Why?”

“An ordinary person doesn’t want to kill someone immediately just because they do something wrong.”

Ambria explained nervously.

“It’s—it’s the wrong impulse.”

But it was obvious that her mother did not know how to explain,

“Am I not normal? Wasn’t it right?”

This left Ann in a state of confusion.

“Am I a witch?”

“No!”

Ambria was too startled to hear it, as there had been virulent rumors about the witch trials among the maids lately.

“It’s because you’re just a child.”

Ambria said.

“You just don’t really know how to distinguish socially acceptable behavior from non-social behavior yet. And the Creator gave me the right to make the distinction on her behalf.”

“Is it not permissible to remove Thomas?”

Ann did not understand.

But she could at least pretend to follow the direction her mother was leading. Perhaps that direction was the next best thing that Ambria had chosen after compromising and giving up over her beliefs, which was highly probable.

“Yes, that’s right. God alone has the power to judge the sins of man. The doctrines and laws were created to act on behalf of that will.”

Ambria said.

“If you do something that’s not allowed…your head will hang from the gallows.”

She seemed to say it deliberately and strongly to shock her. Being an innocent child, Ann was slightly frightened, clutching her hands.

“It’s going to hurt a lot, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t want to be hurt.”

Ann went silent for a moment.

“Then should I have put up with it without removing Thomas even if it bothers me?”

“No. I said if you tell me first what’s on your mind, I will find another way to remove him.”

Ambria said.

“This is the territory I rule. I will see the error of Thomas’s ways. If the young man is really a bad man, he’ll be beaten and banished. Then he will never be able to bully the good Mary again.”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Ann nodded after much consideration.

“It’s more troublesome and tedious than just killing them, though.”

She had no idea that the one word she added would horrify her mother again.

“Life has always been troublesome and messy to begin with, Ann.”

Ambria finally smiled.

“You have to endure it to become an adult.”

“Can I be an ordinary, righteous adult, too?”

Ann asked, suddenly curious.

“You already know how to write well, and you can read ancient languages. And you’re also good at arithmetic and can calculate the stars in the sky.”

Ambria said.

“But your mind is too wild and your dancing skills are almost like God’s punishment.”

“You said it was okay last time.” Ann grumbled.

“Think of the path to adulthood as ladylike grooming and dancing.”

Ambria smiled faintly.

“You’re not quite there yet, but you’ll get better as you learn and practice.”

She added, trying to convince her.

“I’m sure… you’ll be able to do it.”

“I understand.”

Ann nodded.

“When I grow up, will you buy me a good knife for hunting?”

Then her eyes lit up innocently.

“Then I’ll put up with it, even if it bothers me.”

Ambria’s face, on the other hand, had a particularly nervous expression.

“Well, for now, let’s see how you put up with the banquet at the royal palace today.”

She gently diverted her daughter’s attention.

“You’ll be wearing a yellow velvet gown and a color-matched thin ball cape. You’ll even wear shoes with  higher heels than usual.”

“I hate yellow. And I hate shoes.”

Ann was disgusted.

“If you put up with it all, you’ll meet the lovely Prince Frederick.”

“I’m not interested in Prince Frederick.”

“Okay, but if you put up with it all, you’ll get to eat some delicious marzipan.”

“I’ll go and change right away!”

Ann ran away quickly.

They finished getting ready in a rush and set out. Lunch was eaten in the carriage. Ann ate a lot of bread and  strawberries wrapped in cheese even though her waist was tight.

Then she woke up from a nap with a sigh and found herself on the Cathedral’s famous crossing bridge.

As she turned and fixed her thin hood, which had drifted off in her sleep, Ann wondered and fidgeted at the atmosphere of the capital, which was quite different from that of Windwhistle Rock.

“They used to race boats here…”

Ambria was lost in memories. She had lived in the capital before her marriage and had made her debut in the social world, running her own business going to and from the court.

“I threw my handkerchief to signal the departure. It was a pretty close game, but my father’s boat won. His Majesty the King gave him a pair of fine leather gloves as a prize.”

She smiled an unusual smile.

“Then we all went for a picnic, but His Majesty and I snuck out alone. We sat on a big rock and swung our legs and nibbled on apples.”

Ambria said.

“But on the way down from the rock, I slipped and sprained my ankle. Because of that, I went back to the royal palace and your father had to help me the whole time.”

Ann thought this was a very strange story.

“You snuck out with His Majesty the King, but where did my father come from?”

“Your father, Jacob Belvard, was a legitimate son of the Duke of Windwhistle Rock. However, he threw his mask and followed me and His Majesty.”

Ambria laughed.

“It’s the story of young children’s first love. His Majesty the King had to marry Princess Margaret, I adored His Majesty, and your father followed me….”

“Did His Majesty not love mother?”

Ann was confused as she caught up with the awkward love triangle.

“It’s called Royal Blood. They say that royalty only marry royalty.”

Ambria said.

“It seems His Majesty the King did not love me enough to break that custom. Well, maybe he loved me enough to make Jacob Belvard help me instead in the first place.”

Ambria’s bitter smile was quickly replaced by a joke.

“Didn’t mother love father?”

Ann was once again caught up in the troublesome love triangle.

“At first I didn’t . But gradually I fell in love.”

Ambria said.

“…Your eyes are definitely your father’s legacy.”

Once again, she looked into her daughter’s bright blue eyes, into an abyss that she could not quite comprehend.

“Does this kind of story not inspire you?”

She asked, suddenly hopeful.

“Little girls dream of romance with nice princes and knights.”

“If I had to, I’d like to get married and live near the butcher’s shop.”

Ann presented her own enchanting romance.

“Then I will wake up every morning to the smell of grilling meat.”

“Well, I bet you do.”

Ambria clicked her tongue.

Soon they arrived at the royal palace. The coachman jumped down and opened the carriage door. Ambria grabbed the hem of her dress and let it down gracefully, but Ann just jumped off.

“Perhaps Mrs. Galbraith will come to meet me….”

Ambria looked around as she was accustomed to doing.

“Long time no see, Duchess of Wind Whistle Rock.

However, it was not the woman’s voice that caught her ear. It was a sweet low tone of a man.

For a moment, Ambria was startled as if struck by lightning, and slowly turned around.

“Your Majesty…”

***