CH 19

The days were getting hotter. Liao Jixiang wore a thin muslin robe as he sat with Xie Yilu on the sandy ground under the shade of a tree. Between them was a chessboard drawn in the sand by small branches, with a few pebbles serving as chess pieces. They were competing with each other.

For all this time, Xie Yilu kept stealing glances at him, his gaze lingering and distressed. How could Liao Jixiang not notice it? Yet he endured, gently flicking the pebbles with his fingertips.

“Your leg…” Xie Yilu finally spoke up. Not daring to look at Liao Jixiang’s face, Xie Yilu could only stare at his chest. Perhaps because of how thin and fine the fabric was, the sunlight came filtered through the leaves above and shined through the Liao Jixiang’s robe, revealing a patch of fair, pink skin underneath.

Liao Jixiang didn’t respond, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“Leg…” Xie Yilu stuttered. “How did it break?”

Liao Jixiang gave him a quick glance. “It’s not broken. Just an injured knee.” He tugged at the hem of his robe to cover his disabled left leg. “Who told you it was broken?”

Xie Yilu didn’t answer, and asked again, “Then how did it get injured?”

Liao Jixiang lowered his eyes. He didn’t seem unhappy, rather, he looked like he was unwilling to talk. Xie Yilu swallowed hard. It appeared that what those people said was true. He could feel his heart slowly sinking, deeper and deeper.

Silence. A moment later, a wind rose to rustle the treetops, bringing forth a chorus of birdsong.

“You…” Xie Yilu fixed his gaze at Liao Jixiang’s hand, which was playing chess. It was such a slender and beautiful hand, and it must had been held countless times by the Elder Master1. “Back in the palace…” Xie Yilu didn’t know how to phrase the question, “With the Elder Master… You… “

Liao Jixiang seemed to understand none of his words, as he looked back at Xie Yilu in confusion. Finally, Xie Yilu decided to get done with his question once and for all. “Did you sleep in the same bed at night?”

Almost instantly, Liao Jixiang’s face became twisted. He was somewhat stunned. But within a blink of an eye, Liao Jixiang understood where the question came from. His expression changed several times in that moment, starting with astonishment, then anger, and finally it settled into a calmness, as still as a pool of undisturbed water.

The moment Xie Yilu saw Liao Jixiang’s reaction, he came to the realisation that he had mistaken everything, that what those people gossiped wasn’t true. Apprehensively, he rushed for an apology, but Liao Jixiang expressionlessly withdrew his hand that was playing with the pebbles, and replied, “I may be incomplete, but I’m not tainted.”

Incomplete. He wasn’t referring to his leg, but rather his lower parts.

How Xie Yilu wished he could slap himself violently on the face. In an immediate attempt to make amends, he reached out to Liao Jixiang’s hand, whose owner responded with all his strength to avoid his touch. Xie Yilu was so desperately anxious, that he propped his body upwards on his knees, almost as if he was kneeling in front of Liao Jixiang. “I misspoke. I’m stupid. I deserve to die! Those people… the way they discussed it made it sound true, so I…”

“Stay away from me!” Liao Jixiang’s leg had an injury, and his hands were tightly locked in Xie Yilu’s grip, forbidding him to stand up, so all he could do was to let out his anger.

“It was Zheng Xian!” Xie Yilu pleaded subserviently. “I only believed it because it was him!”

Liao Jixiang grew even more furious upon hearing that name. “So you believe him and not me?”

Xie Yilu was taken aback. “No, no…” He became increasingly unnerved, feeling that nothing he said could ever be right. “Didn’t you two serve in the palace together? He…”

“He is nothing!” Liao Jixiang raised his voice. “He is the one relying on…” The rest of the sentence could easily be guessed by anyone, so he didn’t say it out loud. Xie Yilu understood Liao Jixiang now, that he didn’t care to put those words through his lips — just mentioning them would make him feel dirty.

Liao Jixiang’s silence emboldened Xie Yilu, so he hesitantly reached for Liao Jixiang’s shoulder. Still enraged, Liao Jixiang shoved him away, and he happened to push Xie Yilu right on his left ribs. “Si2…” Xie Yilu gasped in pain – it was where Ruan Dian beat yesterday.

“What’s wrong?” Liao Jixiang realised that something was off.

“Nothing.” Xie Yilu tried to conceal it.

“That’s not nothing.” Liao Jixiang stopped avoiding Xie Yilu, instead, he leaned closer, like a cat climbing onto his lap, exuding a peculiar reclusive tenderness. Suddenly, his fingertips landed softly on Xie Yilu’s Adam’s apple. That warm sensation was so overwhelming that Xie Yilu couldn’t even bear to take a breath. Gradually, Xie Yilu’s collar was pulled wide open. Liao Jixiang was just like a gentle lover, evoking an impulse in Xie Yilu, which he shouldn’t have possessed.

There was a large patch of bruise under his ribs. Liao Jixiang’s expression looked like he was about to commit murder. “Who did this?”

“No one… ” Xie Yilu’s gaze darted uneasily.

Yet Liao Jixiang could see through his thoughts. “My men?”

Xie Yilu struggled to remain silent, but how could he resist when he was under this domineering man? A single displeased look from Liao Jixiang was enough to make him confess, “It was Ruan Dian… Thankfully, we ran into Jin Tang, who intervened and let me go.”

“Didn’t you say you were with me?” Liao Jixiang chuckled, as if Ruan Dian had done him a favour by punishing Xie Yilu. All the previous unhappiness dissipated, like a cloudless sunny sky fresh after the rain. What Liao Jixiang said was intended as a joke, yet Xie Yilu remained tense. The word “with” made his imagination run wild, and he stammered in shame and embarrassment, “N-No. How could I? I remember what you s-said… that I can’t tell people.”

After his laughter subsided, Liao Jixiang fell silent again. “Zheng Xian…” His voice was soft, like he was whispering the sweet nothings. “Don’t you get too close to him.”

Xie Yilu’s eyes followed him from up close, as if he was observing a cloud or a drop of dew, or, perhaps, an elusive dream. He liked it when Liao Jixiang uttered things like that – as if Liao Jixiang was jealous, as if he had a feeling of sourness and displeasure in his heart.

“Have no worries.” Liao Jixiang stroked the long hair hanging beside his own cheek, “If you want to return to Beijing, I can make arrangements too.”

Xie Yilu was stunned. The thought of returning to Beijing had never crossed his mind, and he had certainly never considered going back by exploiting Liao Jixiang or Zheng Xian’s connections. At this very moment, he didn’t even want to go back at all. Yet he was too ashamed to admit it.

“You just need to wait a little longer,” Liao Jixiang lowered his head. “Wait until the Elder Master is not as busy,” which didn’t sound true at all, as it felt ever so careless and insincere. He continued, “Wait until I figure out how to do…”

He didn’t say it out loud, that he wanted Xie Yilu’s company for just a little longer, but Xie Yilu understood him too well. “Suppose I’m gone, what will you do?” he asked.

Liao Jixiang lifted his head, his sudden movement betraying a hint of panic. “What do you mean by ‘what will I do’?” He dared not make eye contact with Xie Yilu, and continued, “I’ve come this far over all these years. Do I look like I lack the company of you?”

Definitely. Xie Yilu thought to himself. You definitely lack my company. “Then I won’t go back,” he asserted.

Liao Jixiang seemed to shiver for a second, which was barely noticeable. “Beijing is still a better choice for you. Your family is in Beijing, your future is in Beijing, and your heart is also in Bei…”

“My heart is here.” Xie Yilu interrupted, staring at him with extreme intensity, so much so that Liao Jixiang was beginning to feel uncomfortable, so he tried to start another subject, “Let’s not talk about that for now. Regarding what happened at Yong Society3 that day…”

Suddenly, Xie Yilu grabbed his hand again. This time, his movement was so particularly flustered and forceful, that Liao Jixiang was beginning to feel pain. Xie Yilu must have had his head above the clouds, as he was returning to the same old question. “The Elder Master… Did he really never touch you?”

Liao Jixiang was about to get angry, yet Xie Yilu held his hand so devoutly, and he pleaded like a sincere worshipper. “Don’t get angry. I beg you, I beg you…” He pulled at him almost aggressively, as if trying to force something out of him. “Did he ever… hold you like this, or touch you on your…”

“Only you do this,” Liao Jixiang withdrew his hand feeling uneasy, and reproached, “and it feels weird.”

So he found it weird, too. Xie Yilu dared not make any further movements, and behaved like a young pupil who had just been slapped on his palm4, his head hanging low. He heard Liao Jixiang’s displeased words. “Don’t you assume that just because I’ve had a cut down there, I don’t understand anything.”

Silence ensued. A dreadfully long and awkward silence. Xie Yilu boiled in his torment of anxiety until Liao Jixiang tugged on his sleeve and said, “Help me up. Let’s go back.”

On that night, Xie Yilu had a dream. An erotic dream.

Hot everywhere. And there was a warm body in his arms. He saw a back under him, white as snowflakes, with lustrous long black hair soaked in sweat, sticky on that back. The hair itched Xie Yilu’s chest, and became entangled in his mouth. He spat it out, and moved his waist in harder thrusts.

This is a dream about Beijing. He thought. His home, and his long-parted wife. Surely this is a dream, and that’s why he was plunging in so presumptuously. When he was awake, he was never such a lascivious man.

“Does it hurt?” He asked. Ever since he was a teenager, he was the one with the larger hardness among his peers. He was always careful with her. Never dared to be so frantic.

No response from between his arms. So he sank his lower parts in there as deep as he could, so deep that he moaned from the almost unbearable pleasure. His hand felt for her from the pelvis and went up. She was skinnier, her ribs were almost fleshless. Her waist was so tiny, and her ribs that narrow. Then he felt for her breast, and abruptly paused – that region was flat, with only a pair of pointed nipples.

As if trying to confirm, his hand lingered there, squeezing and rubbing, again and again. And then he went hurriedly upwards, to touch the cheek. The cheek was wet through and through, full of tears.

He clasped that jaw in his hand and forced that face around. Thin double eyelids. And a Bodhisattva5-like mouth biting tightly. It was Liao Jixiang.

Unable to tell whether he felt fear or ecstasy, he let out a sudden cry. His spirit almost departed from his body.

Xie Yilu sat up from the bed all of a sudden, his eyes wide opened, staring blankly at the solid darkness in front of him in the middle of the night. His quilt was drenched in heavy sweat, so he threw it off his body. In between his thighs was something steaming warm, sticking wetly to his skin.

Hi! Thanks again for reading my translation! I can’t believe we’ve already made this far:D I’m soooo happy!! 

We’re finally seeing a little smut content of Da Dang;) and please be assured that we’ll see so much more of it once these two confess their feelings! There’s also no need to worry about Xie Yilu’s wife, as this will be addressed in a few chapters.

If you enjoy the story and wish to know my updates, or discuss the plot with me, feel free to join my Discord here!

The original word here is 老祖宗, Laozuzong, which is literally translated to “the elder ancestor”. This term is a reverent title towards older and powerful eunuchs. As eunuchs cannot father any biological children, it is common for young eunuchs to seek the protection of a powerful eunuch by becoming their “adopted son/grandson”. It pleases an eunuch to have as many “adopted offspring” as possible. Therefore, the elder eunuch is referred to as “the elder ancestor”. Since the “adopted sons/grandsons” still need to work for the elder eunuch and be filial to him, I took the liberty to translate 老祖宗 as “the Elder Master”.  

Si, 嘶, is an onomatopoeia, it resembles the sound people make in pain as they breath in with their mouth opened and their teeth clenched.  

Yong Society, or Yong She, 咏社, is a society established by officials. Note: officials refer to the ‘real men’ working in the ministry. These officials often hate eunuchs and despise them. This society is standing on the opposite end of the eunuch’s party. 

In ancient China, and even some regions now, teachers would punish the disobedient pupils by slapping his palm with a ruler. 

Bodhisattva refers to someone who has generated bodhicitta, a spontaneous wish and compassionate mind to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings. The original Chinese term here is Pusa, 菩萨.