Chapter 246 - I'm here for you

Murong Yu lay down on the couch with his hands crossed in front of his face. "Do you mind turning off the light? It's a little annoying." 

His head was still pounding, but the medicines that he just took was a strong one, and they were kicking in. He just needed more time before he could sit vertically without feeling as if the world were spinning around. 

"Alright." Xiao Zhihao nodded and went to turn off the switch. Once he turned off, he wanted to leave, but Murong Yu called him back. 

"Come sit by my side, Zhihao."

Xiao Zhihao sighed and went over to the couch. He sat on the single-seater couch next to Murong Yu and asked, "What do you want?" 

"I've heard. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. How are you feeling now?" 

Xiao Zhihao crossed his legs and looked away from Murong Yu as he replied briskly, "Fine."

"Really? Your face is telling me otherwise." 

"This has nothing to do with that." 

"You know you can talk to me if you want to," Murong Yu said. "I won't judge if you want to cry."

"I'm not going to cry in front of you." 

Murong Yu grinned. "A big man, aren't you?" 

"I'm leaving." Xiao Zhihao stood up irritably. 

Before he could leave, however, Murong Yu said, "It's not good to bottle your emotions in. Think about how your mother is feeling, to see you like this."

"She would never know about this. I don't intend to let her know, and," Xiao Zhihao glared at Murong Yu and warned, "if I were you, I wouldn't say anything as well." 

Murong Yu laughed, "You and her are the same."

Xiao Zhihao's hand was on the doorknob when he turned around and said, "Do you know my mother? Why do you always talk as if you know her?"

"I didn't say I'm talking about your mother."

"So, who is 'her' then?"

"An old friend of mine."

"Stop comparing me with someone else." Xiao Zhihao's lips twitched and he turned the doorknob. "I'm leaving!" 

"You know, I didn't cry when I was your age." 

One of Xiao Zhihao's legs was already out of the door when he heard Murong Yu's words. He was about to take another step when Murong Yu added in a soft voice, "I wish I did though."

"What are you talking about?"

Murong Yu peeked out from under his crossed hands for a second before closing his eyes again. "I know what you're feeling now..."

"How would you know..." Xiao Zhihao scoffed. 

"Do you think you're the only one who suffered a loss in this world at your age?" 

Xiao Zhihao clenched his fists and gritted, "Of course not!"

"Close the damn door and sit down. Since you don't want to talk, then I'll talk."

Xiao Zhihao sneered, "What makes you think I want to listen to you talk?" 

"This is an order," Murong Yu said nonchalantly. "Besides, if you don't want to talk to me, I can always talk to your mother. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to me." 

Xiao Zhihao cursed before slamming the door shut. He then sat back down on the single-seater couch. "What the f*ck do you want to talk about?" 

"You know... When I lost my mother, I was around your age... Come to think of it, I was probably slightly younger."

Xiao Zhihao did not say anything else, so Murong Yu continued, "I didn't cry back then. My mother was murdered by someone."

Xiao Zhihao's eyes widened slightly at that. "Murdered?" 

"Yeah... And her murderer was someone I knew. I couldn't do anything. I was too weak, and I didn't have any power to retaliate. So, yeah, I know what you're feeling. You're blaming yourself right now, didn't you? The principal told me that your friend, the one who passed away recently, was a dear friend who grew up with you. I think he got it from your mother..."

Murong Yu groaned as he pushed him up so that he was in a sitting position. When he was finally sitting up, he leaned back into the couch and took a few seconds break before saying, "You left your friend alone, didn't you?" 

Xiao Zhihao's trembling lips betrayed him, and he immediately turned his head around to hide his face from his teacher. 

Seeing that, Murong Yu continued animatedly, "And you kept thinking to yourself... 'If I were there, I could have prevented it' or 'Why did I leave her alone' or 'I should have been there no matter what' or 'I should have known' or-"

"Shut up!" Xiao Zhihao snapped as he glared at Murong Yu. His eyes were showing hints of bloodshot, and he had an urge to just run away, but for some reason, his legs refused to leave.  

Murong Yu leaned forward and continued, "Guess what? You were not there, and you had indeed left her alone to the point that she was killed! And you didn't even know it until later on!" 

"Shut up!" Xiao Zhihao roared and charged toward Murong Yu. He had a knee placed next to Murong Yu's thigh and a hand on Murong Yu's shoulder. With a raised fist, Xiao Zhihao snarled, "I don't want to hear any more shit coming out from your mouth! Stop it!" 

His heart was racing, and his blood was boiling, and the more Murong Yu talked about it, the angrier he felt... Because it was the truth. 

Xiao Zhihao could not stop blaming himself. He kept thinking that if he had bothered to give her a call more often, that if he had paid more attention to her, then he would know that her messages were different from before and that it was someone else who was impersonating as her. 

Murong Yu looked at Xiao Zhihao's fist for a second before looking back at the boy's angry face. He then grinned and taunted, "Even if you hit me, you can't change the fact that you were not there!"  

Xiao Zhihao yelled and slammed a fist... into the wall behind Murong Yu, and an inch away from the Murong Yu's face.

PAP!

His fist that connected with the wall was trembling from the pain, but Xiao Zhihao swallowed his pain as he hissed angrily, "Stop it."

"You can shout at me, but things still won't change. Your friend is dead!"

"Argh!" Xiao Zhihao kept punching the same spot on the wall over and over again. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" he screamed with every punch. When he finally stopped, tears were lining in his eyes as he said with a trembling voice, "Stop it... Please..."

Murong Yu looked up at the boy's face, which was right above his, and he said gently, "Your mother is afraid of hurting your feelings, but I'm not. You need to accept the fact that what's done was done and there's nothing you can do to change it."

He then took Xiao Zhihao's fist away from the wall, which to Murong Yu's slight surprise, had a dent and some bloodstain in it now. He did not realize how much strength the boy had in his fist until now. 

When Xiao Zhihao finally sat down next to Murong Yu, his head hung low and tears were falling down his cheeks. Looking at the boy's pained expression, Murong Yu said softly, "You didn't do anything wrong, Zhihao. You didn't abandon her. You just weren't there... but you know what, you can't always be there for someone 24/7."

"I... I could have done something," Xiao Zhihao cried softly into his hands. "I should have been able to tell... Then she wouldn't need to be there in the cold, alone... for so many days..."

Murong Yu placed a hand behind Xiao Zhihao's head and gently pulled it toward him so that Xiao Zhihao could lean against his shoulder. "Cry and grieve if you want to... If you're anything like me, I'm sure you didn't really grieve properly previously. I won't tell anyone..."

Xiao Zhihao shook his head weakly against Murong Yu's shoulder. "I-I can't."

"No matter what age you're at, it's a painful experience to lose someone dear to you. But if you were to break down because of this, you won't be able to be strong enough to protect others," Murong Yu said sternly as he patted Xiao Zhihao's back. "Don't listen to others. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Cry now, and bounce back stronger than before."

After a moment of silence, Xiao Zhihao's body trembled as he finally let it all out. 

"She... She had so many things planned... There were so many things she wanted to do..." Xiao Zhihao cried as he grabbed onto Murong Yu's shirt. "I-I promised her... I was going to sing for her... I was going to take her to a concert... I-I loved her... What am I supposed to do now?" 

"I didn't even get to say how I felt toward her..." His body trembled even harder as he said this.  

"There there..." Murong Yu consoled him by patting his back. His shirt was covered with tears, but he did not care. All he had ever wanted was to have a family, and ever since he met Xiao Lei, he wanted to have a family with her.

But he couldn't. 

And his time was running out. 

So, he said in a gentle voice, the words that he wanted to say to Xiao Lei but had never managed to say it.

"I'm here for you..."