CH 77

Chapter 77: Why Is It So Hard To Reveal The Depth Of My Feelings? When My Yearning For You Is So Obvious?

In pain, Qi Ci took his hand away. At that moment, Bian Zhonghua regained consciousness and hurried to apologize: “I’m sorry, I….”

However, he couldn’t continue.

“It’s alright. You have fun, I’ll go back first.” Qi Ci forced a smile, shook his sore hand, and walked towards the inn.

Qi Ci wanted nothing more than to get away from this place as soon as possible, so he lowered his head, and walked out of the alley. However, the scene of Bian Zhonghua being surrounded by a group of beautiful women went straight into his mind. After suddenly feeling a burst of heartache and sadness, Qi Ci could barely breathe, so he had to stand still and beat his chest in annoyance.

“What’s wrong, does your chest hurt?”

A familiar voice sounded in his ears, startling Qi Ci. As soon as he turned around, he found Bian Zhonghua standing behind him.

“Why are you—why didn’t you go?” Qi Ci stammered.

Bian Zhonghua said helplessly: “Even though I’ve been giving you a meaningful glance for a while, you didn’t notice at all.”

“Huh?” Qi Ci was stunned.

“Even if you haven’t noticed what I meant, don’t you feel how weird this place is?” Bian Zhonghua asked.

“We-weird?”

“Not to mention that they don’t care if the customer doesn’t have money, it’s already weird enough that every woman in that place looks exceptionally beautiful,” Bian Zhonghua said.

Qi Ci was so focused on Bian Zhonghua just now that he didn’t notice these things. Now, when he thought about it, the atmosphere there felt indeed quite strange.

“There’s a strong evil aura coming from that woman dressed in a dark reddish-purple dress.” Bian Zhonghua spread his hands and explained the reason why he wanted to go in and sit down.

“So that was it!” Qi Ci suddenly realized. “What now?”

“We’ve already come out. If we go in again, it could arouse their suspicion. We’d better go back to the inn for now.” Bian Zhonghua smiled gently.

Qi Ci immediately began to feel ashamed for not realizing any of this. However, Qi Ci also didn’t notice how deep Bian Zhonghua’s gaze had gotten, and that his dark eyes were no longer smiling. As they walked towards the inn, Bian Zhonghua asked all of a sudden, seemingly carelessly: “You said just now that you had someone you like, was that an excuse?”

Qi Ci paused, muttered something unintelligible, and then firmly shook his head at Bian Zhonghua: “It wasn’t an excuse!”

There was a voice inside Qi Ci that was screaming, roaring, and growling: ‘If Bian Zhonghua asks me who the person I like is, I will say it!!’

‘I shall put all the eggs in the basket1, regardless of the consequences!’

Qi Ci summoned up all of his courage to make such a decision, as his hands clenched tightly out of nervousness and anxiety. He squeezed his finger bones so fiercely, they even began to tremble painfully.

Bian Zhonghua also paused due to Qi Ci’s reply. 

Qi Ci wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but he felt that Bian Zhonghua looked somewhat tense, reluctant, and uncomfortable.

However, Bian Zhonghua didn’t ask anything after that.

Qi Ci’s impulsiveness cooled down little by little, while blind and disorderly conjectures rushed one after the other into his mind: ‘In the end, Bian Zhonghua doesn’t care about who’s in my heart. I was too full of myself.’ 

The two of them returned to the inn in complete silence, and since it was already late at night, they went their separate ways to rest.

Fearing that Bian Zhonghua might notice something weird on him, Qi Ci suppressed his disappointment. After saying ‘good night’ to Bian Zhonghua, Qi Ci hurried to his room.

“Wait!” Bian Zhonghua suddenly called out to him.

Qi Ci turned back and looked at Bian Zhonghua completely confused.

For a moment, their gazes collided in the air, looking at each other tentatively, feeling both at a loss and fearful. They were afraid to take a step forward, afraid that things will no longer be the same. Finally, Bian Zhonghua opened his mouth: “You, you….like….”

Qi Ci suddenly held his breath, while his heart began to beat like a drum and his bones seemed to creak from standing so stiffly. At that moment, a thought surged up again from the depths of his heart, shouting and roaring: ‘If he asks me who I like, I’ll say it!’

“You like….” Bian Zhonghua hesitated for a long time, but he finally sighed. “Do you like white kueh2? I just saw it for sale on the road. Should I buy some tomorrow morning for you to try?”

Qi Ci: “….”

Bian Zhonghua: “….”

Qi Ci finally responded: “Do you think it’ll taste delicious?”

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Bian Zhonghua froze, but then managed to say: “The one in the east street in the Capital tastes good. I don’t know what the white kueh here will taste like.”

Qi Ci: “Then we should taste it tomorrow morning.”

Bian Zhonghua’s fluttering gaze suddenly fixed on one place, asking himself: ‘Why is it so hard to reveal the depth of my feelings? When my yearning for you is so obvious? Why am I so afraid to risk it all?’

After taking a deep breath, Bian Zhonghua raised the corners of his mouth in a smile, smiling brightly at Qi Ci as he said: “Has your injury recovered?”

“Ah? My injury?” Qi Ci touched his forehead without noticing, which was still wrapped with a white cloth. “It’s alright now.”

“I’ve heard that a few dozen miles away from this town, there’s a village of blossoming apricot trees, famous for the wine made there by every household in the village. We will pass by that village tomorrow night, so why don’t we just settle there and try the good wine?” Bian Zhonghua looked at Qi Ci with smiling eyes. “It’s just…. I have something to tell you.”

“Sure.” Although confused, Qi Ci hastily agreed.

After waving their goodbyes, they went to their respective rooms.

Finally alone, his mind was filled with confusing thoughts. Bian Zhonghua remembered the moment he asked Qi Ci if he had used ‘liking someone’ as an excuse, and when Qi Ci confirmed so firmly that it wasn’t an excuse, Bian Zhonghua felt a burst of annoyance in his heart.

With such annoyance contaminating his mind, Bian Zhonghua wanted to find something to distract himself.

However, there was nothing for him to do in the middle of the night.

Therefore, Bian Zhonghua went out to look for trouble….

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…

This night was a merry one, while the moonlight fell on the bluestone slabs of the street. When Bian Zhonghua arrived at the red-light district again, he couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows.

It was the same place, but it looked calm and lonely now….because there was no one inside the brothel anymore. The lanterns hanging from the left and right sides of the eaves in front of the vermilion lacquered doors were also glowing with an eerie green light, like the cold presence of a ghost.

The vermilion lacquered door was wide open, but it was completely dark inside. So dark it looked like it could devour anything that came near.

Bian Zhonghua chuckled as he walked inside: “Am I welcome or not?”

As soon as he stepped into the brothel, the two vermillion lacquered doors slammed shut, and the red candles suddenly lit up at every corner. Bian Zhonghua was only able to see himself standing in an empty room, with a carved wooden door pointing directly opposite him.

Suddenly, the sound of a woman’s laughter was heard both far and near, in every corner of the room, haunting the surroundings incessantly.

Bian Zhonghua summoned the shining blade from his sleeve, and as he played with it on his fingertips, he said slowly: “I never thought this lady would be so shy to not even be willing to come out and greet me?”

Accompanied by a charming laugh, a cold and clear voice was heard: “You and I are no enemies. I’ve never harmed anyone’s life. I’ve simply settled here to give people the pleasure they desire in exchange for their Yang Qi3, nothing more than to cultivate. Why bother me?”

“Why is the lady blaming me now?” Bian Zhonghua said carelessly, “When did I say that I wanted to trouble you?”

“Then what’s Gongzi’s purpose to visit at this hour?”

“I heard this lady here has a ‘Burning With Love and Passion’ incense. You see, my friend lent me one before, so I came here to ask you for one, so I can repay his kindness.” Bian Zhonghua smiled.

As soon as Bian Zhonghua said this, a burst of laughter, like pearls falling on a jade plate4, was heard all over: “In that case, Gongzi should know how precious that incense is. If this Gongzi wants to take it, he only needs to push open the wooden door in front of you. However, I kindly advise this Gongzi, the things behind that wooden door not only can collect Yang Qi, but can also kill people.”

Bian Zhonghua didn’t hesitate. He simply raised the corners of his mouth in a smile and pushed open the door.