CH 10

Ah Qin, I’m In Pain (Phantom Pain + the County Princess is starting to obsess)

With the authorization of her master, Ming Qin, who is presently on sick leave, promptly searches for Murong Yan.

On the day of the winter solstice, despite the windy and snowy weather, Ming Qin courageously ventures to the East Market with a bamboo bucket and ascends the Hidden Moon Tower with delight.

Given that Brother Jiang’s mushroom and chicken soup is exceptional, it’s crucial for the County Princess to consume more of it to nourish her body on such a frigid day.

Despite the slipperiness of the brickwork and the frostbite on her fingers caused by the cold of the waxing moon, Ming Qin’s spirits remained as cheerful as a sunny day.

Upon entering the room, she noticed that the usually smiling figure on the couch was absent.

Instead, a muted grunt emanated from the depths of the room, sounding subdued and forced, like a noise emitted from clenched teeth beneath the covers.

Filled with panic, Ming Qin’s heart raced, causing her to drop the items in her grasp as she hurriedly made her way to the bed.

“County Princess!” she exclaimed.

Lifting the quilt, Ming Qin noticed that Murong Yan was curled up, holding the bottom of her right leg with her hands.

Shaking with fear, she experienced a chill that caused sweat to trickle down her body. Her hair was moist against her cheeks and neck, and her lips had turned white, while the corners of her eyes were tinged with a reddish hue.

It was a pitiful sight.

Ming Qin affectionately tousled the hair on Murong Yan’s forehead, fully aware of the situation.

During her time at the Shadow Guard camp, Ming Qin had encountered several seniors who experienced the same condition, where their minds failed to keep pace with their bodies, despite having amputated their limbs.

Although the incisions were healing and there was no visible wound, the pain remained agonizing. The Imperial doctors were at a loss as there was no wound to treat, and thus no apparent cure for their suffering.

Phantom pain.

“County Princess! County Princess!” Ming Qin leaned in closer to her ear.

Murong Yan gazed at her with teary eyes and emitted another low-pitched groan, which lasted longer than before and was interspersed with a stifled sob.

“Ming Qin, the pain is unbearable. It hurts so much,” Murong Yan said, trembling and gasping for air, causing Ming Qin’s heart to ache as she listened.

Removing her shoes and settling on the bed, Ming Qin lifted Murong Yan and seated her on her lap. She wrapped her arm around Murong Yan’s waist and softly caressed her neck with the other hand to keep her close. “It’s not hurting, it’s not hurting,” she murmured, gently rocking her body to distract Murong Yan’s focus.

Murong Yan clutched Ming Qin’s wrist tightly around her waist, causing her fingertips to whiten due to the intensity of her grip.

Her head was nestled against Ming Qin’s collar, and she incessantly murmured with a quivering voice, “It hurts so much. It’s really painful. Ming Qin, please kill me. No more, I don’t want this. Kill me.”

Ming Qin’s body jolted in response, but she tenderly whispered into Murong Yan’s ear, “It doesn’t hurt. There’s no pain. It will be okay soon. It’s not painful.”

Ming Qin patted her hand slowly, one pat at a time.

Eventually, the sound of Murong Yan’s heavy breathing subsided.

Having regained her composure in Ming Qin’s embrace, Murong Yan lifted her head with a strained expression.

Ming Qin met Murong Yan’s gaze and smiled softly, saying, “When I was a child and in pain, my master’s mother used to hold me the same way.”

Struggling to relax her stiff fingers, Murong Yan weakly inquired, “You… Why were you in pain?”

Ming Qin responded, “It’s from training. Martial arts training is very challenging, and if you don’t perform well, you won’t receive any food, and you’ll be beaten with sticks.”

Ming Qin held Murong Yan’s hand and softly massaged her fingertips while saying, “The most challenging part of training was the torture, especially when being hit with a cowhide whip. When it hurt so much that I couldn’t sleep at night, my master’s mother would hold me like this.”

Curiously, Murong Yan inquired, “Did it help you stop feeling the pain?”

Ming Qin tilted her head and pondered for a moment before replying with a smile, “It still hurt a little, but as I grew up, the pain became more bearable.”

“Why?” Murong Yan asked.

Ming Qin recalled, “It was like one day, the pain was so bad that it seemed like my brain popped and burned, after that no matter how much I bled, it would never hurt again.”

Murong Yan looked at Ming Qin’s indifferent face, silent for a while and asked again, “What did your master’s mother call you?”

Ming Qin was taken aback by the sudden topic, but she answered truthfully, “Everyone in the camp calls me Qin Qin.”

Murong Yan adjusted her sitting posture and stared at Ming Qin thoughtfully, “Why not call me Yan Yan?”

“I… I…” Ming Qin’s face turned red and she was at a loss for words, “I was wrong, Your Highness.”

Realizing her own audacity, Murong Yan acknowledged the fact that the person in front of her was a County Princess and a member of the Royal Family, and wondered how she could address her by name, let alone a nickname.

However, observing the tense expression on Ming Qin’s face, Murong Yan quickly assured her, “I don’t mind.” She was only slightly curious.

After giving it some thought, Murong Yan couldn’t resist teasing, “How about I call you ‘Ah Qin’? Does that work?”

She had an unexplainable desire to stand out from the rest.

As Ming Qin dried the sweat from Murong Yan’s forehead and neck with a handkerchief, she felt uneasy hearing this, “Your Highness can call me whatever you like.”

“Is that so?” Murong Yan noticed the discomfort on Ming Qin’s face and found it amusing. She added with a hint of mischief, “Then I’ll let you call me Yan Yan too.”

Ming Qin was under the impression that everything was going well until the woman in her arms clenched her teeth and her body trembled violently once more.

Just as Murong Yan was about to reach for her right leg, Ming Qin quickly pulled the woman close and allowed her to grip her shoulder with her hand.

The woman’s nails, dyed with henna, dug deep into Ming Qin’s flesh, causing her shoulder to instantly bleed.

“It’s painful, Ah Qin. Really, really painful,” Murong Yan’s lips trembled and her eyes were red, “I can’t bear it. There’s nothing there, yet the pain is unbearable.”

“I understand, I understand,” Ming Qin comforted Murong Yan, paying no attention to the blood on her shoulder as she patted her gently.

“I can’t get used to it, Ah Qin. The pain is too much,” Murong Yan buried her head in Ming Qin’s neck, sobbing, “I can’t get used to it.”

Unexpectedly, Ming Qin felt dampness seeping through her shirt collar. The woman in her embrace hugged her tightly and whispered reassuringly, “It’s not that painful, it will be better soon. You won’t feel the pain.”

The woman’s body writhed in agony, and her voice grew louder, although it was still muffled.

Ming Qin used her thumb to press gently on Murong Yan’s lower lip as she bit down uncontrollably. She then inserted her thumb between Murong Yan’s teeth, allowing her to bite down hard while using her other fingers to stroke her cheek gently.

“Good girl Yan Yan. It doesn’t hurt. Don’t be afraid, it will get better soon,” she reassured Murong Yan, who was still biting her lip.

Ming Qin rubbed her lips against Murong Yan’s forehead instinctively and said, “I’m here with you, Yan Yan. I’m here.”

Ming Qin’s heart ached as she looked at Murong Yan, who was suffering in front of her.

She felt helpless and tormented while anxiously waiting, and could only pat her gently and murmur words of comfort into her ear, hoping to ease her pain.

As she continued to softly speak, she noticed that Murong Yan’s tense body slowly began to relax, as if her words were actually helping.

After a moment had passed, Murong Yan’s body went limp, her eyes closed as she weakly panted. Her forehead was no longer sweating, and she felt cold against Ming Qin’s shoulder.

Gently, Ming Qin shifted her body and helped Murong Yan wipe away the water marks at the corners of her eyes.

Despite Murong Yan’s hands clinging tightly to her shoulders, Ming Qin didn’t let go, unwilling to use her strength.

The quilt enveloped them and the bedspread was lowered.

As Ming Qin gazed upon Murong Yan’s peaceful sleeping face, her tightened hold around the woman loosened, perhaps due to the exhaustion from the previously tense moments, or the tranquility of the slumbering figure in her embrace. Unknowingly, Ming Qin drifted off to sleep.

By the time Murong Yan opened her eyes, darkness had fallen.

By the faint light from the charcoal oil lamp, she looked up and saw Ming Qin nodding her head and dozing off at once.

Liar.

Murong Yan thought to herself.

Even when held it still hurts.

What a big liar.

As she felt the warmth enveloping her and the tight embrace around her, Murong Yan ran her fingertips over the bruise on Ming Qin’s shoulder with a sense of guilt.

Yet, the pressure did seem to provide some relief despite the pain.

Her own phantom pains would always come back, and every winter the cold seemed to intensify her symptoms. She had to endure days of unbearable pain, gritting her teeth until the flare-up subsided.

As Murong Yan reflected on her peaceful slumber, her fingers traced the strands of hair on Ming Qin’s forehead.

Being held in her embrace and hearing her soothing whispers was all it took to escape the looming threat of death.

It was nothing short of a miracle.

Thinking of this, Murong Yan smiled sweetly and slowly tilted her head.

Whether or not it was destined to be my miracle, it was you who barged in unreasonably in the first place.

Murong Yan thought as she turned to embrace Ming Qin tightly, her breaths coming in short gasps as she rested her chin on her shoulder.

Now, there is no chance for you to leave.