CH 23

I’m Sorry, Yan Yan (Phantom Pain)

On a crisp night as summer turned to autumn, Ming Qin finally arrived back in the capital city.

After such a long time away, the internal struggles that had once plagued her had faded from her mind. As soon as she had finished reporting to her master, she quickly changed into fresh clothes and hurried towards the Hidden Moon Tower, heedless of her senior brother’s calls.

“I’m back!” she called out joyfully as she elegantly flipped through the open window and landed inside.

Excitement coursing through her, she eagerly scanned the room for Murong Yan’s familiar form.

“…Ah Qin? Is that you?”

A faint whisper and the rustling of sheets could be heard from the bed. Murong Yan hastily threw back the covers and attempted to rise, but her body, now without its prosthetic, caused her to lose balance and topple forward. She was caught in the arms of the person she had been longing for day and night before she could regain her bearings.

Ming Qin joyfully held the woman in her embrace and was about to speak, but noticed that Murong Yan’s forehead was damp with sweat and her body trembled intermittently. Murong Yan clung tightly to Ming Qin’s waist, her forehead pressed against her lover’s shoulder as if trying to merge their bodies into one.

“Is the pain back again?” Ming Qin’s expression turned concerned, and she sat down on the bed, gently trying to soothe the woman’s discomfort.

“Yes,” Murong Yan muttered softly.

Despite experiencing few episodes since the beginning of spring, these past few days have been unbearable for Murong Yan. It seemed like the pain, like a hallucination, chose to torment her when she was alone in the capital without Ming Qin. The excruciating pain that penetrated deep into her bones could only be endured by gritting her teeth and relying on herself, just like before.

She had thought that it was her unbearable pain that led to the delusion of hearing Ming Qin’s voice, until she was actually embracing the person in front of her and feeling the warmth of her body. Murong Yan realized that it wasn’t a dream.

“Ah Qin,” Murong Yan lifted her head, and her eyes were filled with tears. The two were close enough that their breaths intertwined. “It hurts so much. I need Ah Qin to comfort me.”

“Okay.”

Ming Qin, who never denied the person before her, felt her heart soften. She allowed Murong Yan to sit in front of her and whispered softly in her ear, “Yan Yan, don’t be afraid. It will stop hurting soon.”

One arm held her tightly, while the other gently patted the woman’s back, trying to divert her attention. “My dear Yan Yan, don’t be afraid. I’m here.”

Murong Yan let out a muffled groan of endurance in Ming Qin’s embrace, trembling in pain throughout her body.

This phantom pain was more severe than before, and her fingers tightly pinched Ming Qin’s shoulder, leaving a trail of red blood spots wherever they went.

“Ah… Qin… Ah Qin…” Murong Yan couldn’t bear it anymore and wanted to scream, but the pain made her voice break, and she could only call out intermittently.

Murong Yan’s white robe was soaked in sweat, wetting the clean clothes of the shadow guard. Ming Qin, however, paid no attention to it. She was only anxious to think of what she could do for the person in her arms, rather than just standing there dryly, watching Murong Yan suffer alone.

Why? Why did she have to endure such pain?

Why did she have to bear all this suffering alone, while the culprit lived carefree?

It’s unfair!

Ming Qin lowered the hand that was on her waist and lifted the woman, who was holding her high, to stand up.

Ming Qin paced around the room like a parent trying to soothe a child, while her other hand continued to gently pat Murong Yan’s back in an attempt to distract her.

“Yan Yan, I’m sorry,” Ming Qin said, feeling guilty and helpless. She wished she could do something to alleviate Murong Yan’s suffering, but she was powerless.

“I can’t share your pain, I’m sorry. I wish I could help you, but I can’t. Yan Yan, I’m sorry.”

It was unclear whether her efforts were effective, but Murong Yan, despite still gasping, had enough strength to raise her neck slightly and look down at Ming Qin.

As she met Murong Yan’s gaze, Ming Qin’s throat tightened and her lips trembled. “This is so unfair… Yan Yan. Everything is too cruel to you… I’m sorry… Yan Yan,” she whispered.

“I’m sor…ugh…”

This time, Ming Qin watched as Murong Yan leaned down and captured her lips, silencing her with a kiss that was no longer gentle, but rather possessive and passionate, lingering long after the initial contact.

Despite feeling suffocated, Murong Yan remained on Ming Qin’s lips until the very last moment before pulling away.

She gasped with tears in her eyes and looked at Ming Qin, and once she caught her breath, she said in a trembling voice, “Even if the whole world owed me an apology… Ah Qin, you don’t owe me anything…”

“You are the last person… who needs to say sorry to me…”

With those words, Murong Yan once again pressed herself against Ming Qin.

Unlike before, it was not gentle restraint, but rather a fierce embrace, as if there was no tomorrow, swallowing up all her annoying groans and painful moans.

Ming Qin complied, allowing the woman to nibble and bite at her.

As she tasted the mix of sweetness and bitterness, she couldn’t distinguish whether it was the result of Murong Yan’s tears or her own pent-up frustration. Regardless, she swallowed it all, hoping to ease the pain for the person before her.

After a while, Ming Qin felt the need to let go and leaned back to allow Murong Yan to catch her breath. Murong Yan’s tear-stained face looked puzzled as she gasped for air and whimpered.

“Ah…Qin… do you despise me…?”

Ming Qin smiled, the scent of peony filling her lips. “How could I?” she said.

“Then…kiss me, Ah Qin…” The woman’s voice was low and whimpering, as if a rejected tear was about to fall from the corner of her eye.

She was both delicate and domineering.

Ming Qin lifted the woman in her arms a little higher and tilted her head to gently kiss away her tears. She softly pressed her lips against Murong Yan’s still slightly parted ones, being extremely gentle and giving her space to breathe as if handling a fragile piece of glass.

Despite the light and restrained kisses, Murong Yan’s heart was itching for more. She wanted to resist, but her desire was too strong to ignore. She longed for the person in front of her to be more forceful, to crush and swallow everything of hers.

“Ah Qin,” Murong Yan gasped, her cheeks rosy. “Like last time.”

Ming Qin, always ready to fulfill her desires, tilted her head and kissed Murong Yan’s lips, mimicking the way Murong Yan had done before. Her tongue slipped into her mouth, gently prying open her unguarded teeth and caressing the softness inside.

Murong Yan opened her mouth, clutching Ming Qin’s neck tightly and allowing her to explore her mouth. She also held onto the strong waist of the shadow guard tightly, but found that only her right leg had become somewhat weak.

Ming Qin’s hand, which had been caressing Murong Yan’s back, now firmly grasped her right leg, securing her to her body and allowing her to effortlessly adjust her position as she pleased.

With this newfound support, Murong Yan seemed dissatisfied with the invader’s gentle approach and forcefully squeezed the person beneath her, silently protesting. She even mischievously nibbled on the softness of their mouths with her teeth.

But no matter how she acted, the powerful shadow guard never fought back.

After a while, when they parted, both of their lips were stained with a delicate watercolor tint.

“Did you like it?” Ming Qin asked, tilting her head uncertainly about whether she had done well or not.

“I enjoyed it,” Murong Yan licked her lips and affectionately rolled up her sleeves to wipe away the tears and water stains on the woman’s cheeks and lips, “but Ah Qin is too gentle.”

She was so gentle that she even cried for her own suffering.

“I’m afraid you’ll be in pain,” Ming Qin said, squinting comfortably, and then looked at her leg with concern. “Is your leg feeling better?”

Murong Yan lowered her head and checked for a moment, then nodded. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

It was quite unexpected. Murong Yan wasn’t sure if the pain had dissipated due to being too absorbed to notice or if her intense focus caused it to vanish.

After double-checking that Murong Yan was indeed okay, Ming Qin let her go and asked with a slightly embarrassed expression, “I need to step away for a moment. Should I summon a servant to help you change your clothes?”

Murong Yan lowered her head and examined herself. Her white clothes were damp from sweat, and the red fabric on her chest was faintly visible, which shook her more than if it had been entirely exposed.

Despite blushing, Murong Yan playfully said, “Ah Qin, will you assist me, please?”

“I…I…” Ming Qin stuttered before finally uttering, “I’ve never assisted anyone in changing their clothes before.”

“Shall I show you?” Murong Yan observed the nervousness in front of her and spoke softly, “Is that alright, Ah Qin?”

Ming Qin reluctantly nodded her agreement and helped her fetch a new garment under the woman’s guidance.

She wanted to close her eyes and help Murong Yan undress, but she was afraid of hurting her. So she kept glancing at her own movements. Although she had bathed with a group of shadow guards before, Ming Qin couldn’t calm down at this moment.

Holding a cloth to wipe the sweat from the person lying on the bed, the flickering light of the oil lamp was not enough to illuminate the person below. Ming Qin breathed a sigh of relief, but panicked when she met Murong Yan’s gaze fixed on her. She quickly averted her eyes.

Despite her nerves, Ming Qin was gentle in her movements, treating Murong Yan’s body as if it were a precious gem. However, her intense focus caused her to miss the affection in the woman’s eyes when she glanced up at her.

While dressing Murong Yan, Ming Qin’s fingers trembled whenever they touched the woman’s skin. She struggled to tie the belt and became increasingly anxious, sweating profusely and biting her lip in frustration.

With a mixture of indulgence and helplessness, Murong Yan finally sighed and said, “Let me do it.”

She turned around and tied the red belt around her waist herself, revealing the distinct lines of her shoulder blades. On her pure white back, the butterfly-like shoulder blades were so captivating that Ming Qin couldn’t take her eyes off them.

“Done,” Murong Yan said crisply, not wanting to bother Ming Qin any longer. She then put on a white robe for herself and turned around, only to find Ming Qin looking up at the wooden beams, counting the grain lines.

“Ah Qin?” she called out.

“Oh! Yes?” Ming Qin came back to her senses and gave a nervous smile. “Are you feeling better now?”

Murong Yan reluctantly nodded. “You have to go now.”

“Yes,” Ming Qin said, looking at the dim light outside. She put out the oil lamp and covered the person on the bed with a quilt. “I’ll be back soon.”

“I know,” the tired woman said, taking Ming Qin’s arm and pulling her close.

Gently, they shared a perfect goodnight kiss.