170 Not What You Expected

170 Not What You Expected

Viper's advice actually worked. I kept my mouth shut when I went home and Bobbie didn't say anything about our previous argument. She started smiling the very next day and was soon giving me random hugs and kisses over the next few days without prompting.

It bothered me that Bobbie never apologized for endangering our family; but, apparently it was only a problem for me, so I had to be the bigger man and let it go. Even the kids were happier that we weren't fighting or were about to fight at the drop of a hat.

I also managed to put the idea into Rikki Dicker's head about investigating the dealings of the Deavor Family and to track them down. I couldn't remember much about the second movie, except that the brother and sister pair had an obsession for people with powers since they were kids and their parents had been murdered in a home invasion.

Of course, with everything gender-switched, it would be the sister that would adore the thought of superheroes making a comeback and the brother that would hate them for not showing up to save their parents after the government had banned the use of powers.

Over the next few weeks as Viper and I built the digging machine, a scandal was reported in the news about several people being arrested and some of them were caught using their powers in public while resisting arrest. It was a scandal that was blow out of proportion, which was what the news always did, and everyone was talking about it.

I did my best to not look smug when Bobbie watched the details of the story on the television and the kids looked properly chastised. It was one thing to be told it was against the law to use powers and another to see concrete proof. Thankfully, my ruse worked and my wife never found out that it was me that turned them in.

The digging machine was soon finished and we dropped the kids off at Ed Mode's place for the weekend, so Bobbie and I could have a date night. The short man was enigmatic and pretty funny, so our families had been friends for a long time.

Ed really enjoyed it when I visited and hung out with him, even though he was always busy, and I was very thankful that attitude extended to my wife and kids. I did have to promise him to have a guy's night soon to return the babysitting favor and he looked quite happy about that.

Bobbie drove us to where Viper's workshop was and we went inside the large garage to see a large transfer truck where the digging machine was being loaded into it. Bobbie whistled at the sight of the thing and Viper spent the next 20 minutes telling her all about it, like she was a proud parent sharing information about her favorite child.

I held in my laugh as they shared a motherly moment of mutual sympathy about letting a child leave the house for the first time. Rikki Dicker had no such restraint and was highly amused about the whole situation and grasped them by their collars.

“Come on, come on, come on.” Rikki's voice rasped as she easily dragged both women away from the digging machine. “We need to work out where to launch this thing without wrecking the city's infrastructure.”

We gathered around a table with various city maps on it. One was street level, one was pipes and power lines, one was sewer lines, and the last was an old mineral survey map before the city was built. It was the last one that gave us the best information for both where to launch from and where to dig to.

“We can use the old subway tunnel here on the outskirts of Fifth and Vine.” Viper said and tapped the mineral map and then the street map in the same spots. “The new lines had to be built for the heavier traffic and the single tunnel just wasn't good enough anymore.”

Bobbie nodded. “If the mineral rights map is right, there's not much there in terms of ores, so the digging machine should make short work of it if you head off this way.”

“That's my thinking, too.” Viper said and traced her finger along the best route that avoided the larger metal deposits. “It can handle digging through the thicker ores just fine. It's the occasional gem deposits that might screw things up or jam the gears.”

Bobbie nodded. “I'll let Hank handle the driving while I keep an eye out for any hazards we have to avoid.” She said and gave Viper a pointed look. “How are we supposed to see out through solid rock, anyway?”

Viper gave her a huge grin and clapped me on the back. “Hank gave me another brilliant idea about how to do that!”

Bobbie blinked her eyes several times as she processed that statement. “What do you mean?”

“We're going to use ground sonar!” Viper said, excitedly.

“Ground what? Sonar? How can that work on land?” Bobbie asked, confused. “It's only supposed to work in water!”

“I thought that, too.” Viper said and gave me a look that would have meant something different if I wasn't married. At least, I hoped it meant something different. “Let me show you how it works.”

Rikki and Bobbie watched, stunned, as Viper showed them how depth charges could be set off and the vibrations could be read and recorded through the dirt. If there was something already giving off vibrations, that could be tracked, too. The sensitivity was reduced when the digging machine was moving, so we would have to slow down to set one of them off to receive an updated map of the area in return.

“Hank was the one to give you this idea?” Bobbie asked, surprised.

“Hank has tons of ideas in that big beautiful head of his!” Viper almost shouted and gave me a hug. “He won't let me yank out his brain to mount it in a jar to keep harvesting them, though.”

Bobbie snatched me out of the other woman's arms and hugged me tightly. “I like his brain exactly where it is, thanks.”

Viper laughed and waved her away. “Don't worry about it. Rikki said the lab boys haven't been able to make their artificial amniotic fluid work for more than a few hours before it runs out of oxygen.”

Of course, I was an idiot and started talking without thinking about what it meant. “I'm sure that if you added an air purifier and pump into the bottom of the tank, the constant bubbles of air would keep a normal level of oxygen infused into the amniotic fluid.”

Viper, Bobbie, and Rikki stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

I then realized I had probably just ensured a lot of human experimentation to see if different parts could survive living in a jar of amniotic fluid. “Uh, forget I said anything.”

The old woman's raspy voice was the first to speak. “No, I don't think I can.” Rikki said and gave me a searching look. “I thought Viper was joking about you being a genius.”

“I kind of was.” Viper said, her voice soft. She was also giving me a similar look.

“But, I'm not a genius.” I said in my defense.

The doctor stood up straight and took the stethoscope out of his ears and hung it around his neck. “Mister Parr, I heard from your friend Viper that you like people being upfront and honest with you, so I won't beat around the bush.” He said and folded his hands in front of his waist. “I have good news and bad news to tell you. Which do you want to hear first?”

“The bad news.” I said and the nurse winced.

The doctor sighed. “Your left eye was crushed and the orbital socket shattered. That alone wouldn't have been too bad, since we can make some very nice prosthetics these days and there are thousands of people that live with monocular sight without trouble.”

“Like a Cyclopsss?” I asked and the doctor smiled sadly as the nurse made a distressed sound.

“The trouble happened when several blood clots travelled directly to your brain and caused a large blockage.” He said and unfolded his hands to put one on my shoulder. “You had a massive stroke and have been unconscious for two months.”

I blinked my only working eye at him and thought about the timeline I had been working towards. He must have see something on my face, because he patted my shoulder.

“Your mission was completed successfully and nothing untoward happened.” He said and I relaxed. “Back to the bad news, you have lost feeling in most of your left side and your lungs and organs are only working at about 60%. Because of your physiology, a lot of our techniques to fix some of the damage didn't work.”

I didn't care about that, since I had potions to help. I was sure they could regrow my eye, too. Hopefully. I've never had to do that before and I didn't know for sure. “Isss that allll?”

The doctor and nurse exchanged worried looks.

“Jussst ssspillll it.” I said, getting frustrated and eager to get out of here.

“As I said, your left side has lost feeling and that includes a particular area used for reproduction.” The doctor said and the nurse turned away and wouldn't look at me.

“What'ss the goood neewsss?” I asked, unconcerned. I couldn't reproduce without spending the points anyway.

“You're not a vegetable or a completely different person. After suffering severe brain damage, personality shifts are quite common as the victim's priorities change.”

I blinked my eye at him and thought about that. “How can yooou tellll?” I asked and then realized what he called me. “I'mm a victimm?”

“You're cognizant and you're following the conversation, so I'm reasonably sure you're going to be fine. As for the victim part...” The doctor stopped talking and looked over at the door to my room.

“The only reason your wife wasn't arrested and thrown in jail for assaulting you with her powers and nearly killing you, was because of your children and as a favor to me.” An old woman's voice said.

“Rikki?” I asked and stretched my right eye up and looked over towards the door.

“Hello, Hank.” Rikki Dicker greeted me and walked over into my normal line of sight.

I dropped my eye back into my head. “What happened?”

“We had to go ahead with the mission, even with you out of commission, so Viper and Miss Incredible followed the plan to find the target.” Rikki said. “Your innovation for ground sonar worked even better than we thought and they found the Underminer's main lair without any trouble at all. They disabled his enormous digging machine that looks like garbage when compared to the one you and Viper designed and built.”

I immediately heard what he didn't say. “Bobbie did something to the Underminer, didn't she?”

Rikki sighed and rubbed a hand on her forehead. “She blamed him for causing what happened between you and didn't hold back at all.”

I closed my sole eye and sighed as well.

“We sent several follow-up teams through the tunnel the digger made and dismantled everything the Underminer had built. We took it all and filled the entire cavern with concrete to stop it from collapsing or causing a sinkhole or something.” Rikki said.

I opened my eye and looked at her. “What happens now?”

Rikki looked at the doctor and the man nodded, so she reached down and picked up my left foot and pulled on it to stretch it like taffy, and turned it around a few times, and pretended to tie my ankle in a knot before she let it go. The four of us watched it as it very slowly started to retract and I didn't feel anything at all.

“Fuck.” I said and she nodded. I wasn't going to be walking anywhere until I healed myself up, assuming I could. Like the doctor said, my physiology was quite different than a normal person and regular procedures didn't work on me.

Rikki patted my right foot. “Viper's looking forward to having you stay over, so it's not all bad.”

My sole eye widened and I opened my mouth to speak, only nothing came out.

“Your wife tried visiting you a few times. The last time she did, you kind of woke up at the sound of her voice as she yelled at you to wake up. You were completely incoherent and half-paralyzed, so it wasn't a pretty sight as you flailed around.” The doctor said and the nurse nodded. “She started crying and apologized before she left.”

“And never came back.” The nurse added.

I looked at their sad faces and sighed. My chance at relaxing with a happy family in a fun and easy superhero world had disappeared after a single punch to the face. I really miss having my Blessing of Fortune active. I definitely needed to do something about that as soon as possible.