CH 1

When asked what was the most beautiful building in the capital, Belfern, everyone cited the Royal Palace of the Ferentra Kingdom as the first, the Merpine Central Temple as the second, and the Klein theatre as the third.

Standing tall in the middle of the capital, the huge theatre became the most famous theatre in the Kingdom in less than three years after it was built.

Performances were held every day at the Klein theatre, drawing thousands of spectators.

Soon, a singer they were so passionate about appeared on the widest and most splendid stage in the theatre.

Amber Arcas.

There was no one in the capital who didn’t know her name.

According to those who came to see the performance, her singing was indescribably beautiful, and she was dazzlingly radiant on stage.

They said that once they heard her sing, they couldn’t bear to forget that voice and would come back to the theatre again and again.

The voice of an angel. Like a pure white soprano.

Like a butterfly plucking her wings from her chrysalis, Amber Arcas was born as a rural commoner and overcame all kinds of hardships and adversity to become the best prima donna in the Kingdom.

The story of a woman who gave up being loved by all audiences in the world.

That was the end of my second life.

***

“You worked as a maid in Haron?”

“Yes. At Lord O’Brien’s castle.”

“Hmm.”

A middle-aged woman with interweaving grey hair glanced me up and down.

“Maids in noble houses are high-class personnel. It would have been better if you had a letter of recommendation.”

“I had to rush out, so I couldn’t go through formal retirement procedures.”

“How old are you now?”

“Twenty years old.”

“You have 5 years of experience.”

“Yes.”

The woman stared at the resume with a dry gaze and said, “Why did you come to the capital?”

“Because I have something I want to do.”

“Being a worker at a dressmaker’s shop?”

“That’s not it. But it won’t interfere with my work.”

The conversation was interrupted once, followed by a long silence. Soon she nodded her head.

“Your salary will be paid minus the rent. If that’s okay with you, you can work.”

“Thank you, Madam.”

I answered calmly, without a hint of joy.

“Call me Sierra.”

“Yes, Mrs. Sierra.”

“Then, start working tomorrow. Go upstairs and unpack. I heard you arrived today.”

After saying those words, Mrs. Sierra rose from her seat. I also followed her, carrying my small suitcase.

Mrs. Sierra’s dressmaker’s shop was a two-story building, the first floor was a shop and the second floor was her house. She started talking to me in a softer tone as I became a full-time employee.

“It just so happened that I needed a hand. If you were a maid, you would understand. I’m the busiest when the seasons change.”

“Yes.”

“No matter how many employees there were, it might be a bit inconvenient since it’s the first boarding house. But since it was used as a guest room, it should be fine. Let me know if you need anything.”

The guest room she guided me to was a fairly large room with only the necessary furniture neatly placed.

As I put my bag down next to the bed, she stood by the door and closed it after telling me to rest.

Left alone, I let out a long sigh and opened the window. Along with the cold wind, the bustling streets of the capital unfolded at a glance.

The wide roadside was filled with people, and the cries of the merchants, lined up with goods, called for customers. A wagon galloped down the dirt road.

And a gigantic building outlined in the distance.

It was a sight of the capital that I had longed to see for 30 years.

***

At the age of thirty, I fell ill and died.

At the age of 20, I was abandoned by the love I thought would last forever and got married at the insistence of my mother.

At the time, my mother was firm as if marriage was the only answer, but if I had known that my life was all about getting sick and dying while working, I would have acted a little differently.

Everyone said it was a miserable life. They said they felt sorry for me.

The life of a woman who was born in a rural estate and lived there all her life was not unusual or uncommon.

Everywhere in this world, there were women who met the wrong man, wrong husband, and their lives were turned upside down, and if their bodies were piled up, they would reach the sky, beyond the clouds. 

No one asked me if I regretted it.

That’s how peasants are. That’s how everyone lives.

Being born is something not under your control.

I’ve had several opportunities. There was a choice that I regret to the point of weighing down my heart.

‘If only I could go back then. If only I could go back.’

I let out a small laugh.

There was no point in thinking like that. It was a completely failed life because there was no turning back.

I had closed my eyes for the last time to my husband, who was holding my hand in tears of regret. It had been a long time since I was ready to humbly accept my eternal rest.

So I closed her eyes with resignation and exhaled my last breath.

It was then.

“Amber, are you okay?”

‘What?’

I raised my head. As a result, the tears in my eyes flowed down in torrents.

Before I had time to panic at the sudden tears, the man standing in front of me carefully stroked my cheek.

“Oh, sorry, Amber. Don’t cry. I’m so sorry.”

And then he pulled me and hugged me.

At that moment, I took a deep breath. A familiar scent tickled my nose in the dark.

A scent like dried sunlight. 

The scent of sheets bathed in sunlight.

I reflexively pushed him away.

“…Young Master?”

In my dream, the face I had met came into my eyes blurry. I blinked once, and tears started to flow again, and only then did I see my face clearly.

Levistan O’Brien. 

The face I had painted for 10 years, was in front of my eyes.

‘Memories…?’

I could only draw that conclusion. I just stared blankly at him in confusion, when he opened his mouth with a mournful expression.

“I think it will be difficult to keep what I said I would take you to the capital.”

And at that moment, I immediately realized what time this situation was. And what he’s going to say next.

“My father knows about our relationship.”

‘As expected.’

Once I realised the situation, the tears stopped flowing.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

‘That day 10 years ago.’

The day I was abandoned. The day he said he couldn’t take me to the capital he promised because of his father’s opposition. The day before he left for the capital.

“So what? You’re going to leave me behind because Master said no?”

A dry voice, like a line from a play, flowed from my mouth. He frowned and lowered his head, as if he thought I was shocked.

After a while, his tears fell on my skirt.

“I’m really sorry. I love you, Amber. I’m serious about this. Indeed, I am…”

Overtaken by emotion, he was speechless. 

Here’s what I would have said…

“Please don’t do this, Young Master. My mother is going to marry me to Carlton. Please don’t abandon me. You know I can’t live without you. Please, I beg you.”

However, knowing the future, I said this arbitrarily.

“Okay.”

Then Levistan’s shoulder, which had been shaking thinly, paused. I swallowed the laughter that escaped me.

“Then it can’t be helped, Young Master. Goodbye.”

And I got up from his seat.

His face was tear-stained as he looked up at me with a dazed look. Even so, it was still beautiful and lovely.

I gently touched his cheek. This face I once deeply loved. This face that I couldn’t bear to hate even when I was on the verge of death.

There was something I wanted to say every time he appeared in my dreams. It was a word that stuck in my throat and never came out.

It only came out of my mouth so easily after I faced the truth, the future.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

I thought I’d wake up from my illusion with the last word. 

Now show another scene, or stand under God’s judgment, really out of breath.

But the silence gradually grew longer. No matter how long I waited, the man in front of me did not disappear. From then on, I felt something strange.

10 years ago, Lord’s Castle, Levistan’s room.

Then I lowered my head and checked my appearance. An old maid’s uniform and a perfectly fine body beneath it.

There was no shaking of the two legs standing upright, and there was no chest pain that had been terribly clinging for two years.

It was all natural. Ten years ago, I was healthy without a single sore spot. The problem was that the feeling was too raw. As if it were real now.

‘No way.’

When I thought that, I heard Levistan’s voice, who had similarly come to his senses.

“Amber, you… what did you just say…?”

My heartbeat thumped in my ears. I hesitated and took a step back, then turned around and ran out of his room.

I heard his voice calling my name from afar, but I didn’t stop and ran down the dark hallway.

I was familiar with all the scenery passing by quickly. Without getting lost, I headed straight for the back door where the servants came and went.

When I opened the door roughly and arrived at the backyard, the cool night air touched my heated cheeks. I stopped running and stood tall.

Still…

The illusion of the past showed no signs of ending.

If this was a dream or an illusion, I had to wake up at this point. The heavy breathing and the frantic beating of my heart were letting me know that I was alive.

It was like reality.

Goosebumps appeared on both arms. One possibility other than a dream came to mind.

If the past 10 years ago became reality.

I closed my eyes and took a slow breath.

It’s been a while since I ran this fast. The freshness of the wind that I had forgotten for a while filled my healthy lungs.

Soon I opened my eyes again. Even so, I was still standing in the backyard of the Lord’s castle.

“Amber.”

I turned to the voice of the person who followed belatedly.

“Young master.”

There was a big moon above his head. His dishevelled dark brown hair was clearly visible. Even the wavering dark green eyes.

“I’m going to the capital, too.”

His expression contorted at my words. It was funny and I laughed lowly.

“Don’t worry. I don’t ask you to take me. I’m going alone.”

“Amber, I understand the shock is great. Calm down first.”

He took a step closer and I took a step back. I was calmer now than ever. Maybe it was the moment I wanted so much.

“The reason I can’t go to the capital is that I’m the Young Master’s lover. Yes?”

He opened his mouth to make an excuse, then closed it again. What can he say? Confused emotions were evident on his face.

“Then I just don’t want to be your lover.”

I no longer loved Levistan O’Brien.

My love was over at this moment ten years ago. The return of time did not bring back the emotions that disappeared.

On the other hand, the desire for life was slowly rising in me.

If God took pity on me and gave me another chance instead of ending my life like this, all I had to do was one thing.

Not to be left on this land as his lover.

Rather than abandoning me, I will leave this place and fly far away.

And to live fully as me. For myself.