CH 44

Chapter 44: The boy’s feeling.

When my consciousness start fading, I have a dream. 

It is memory of my past life. I will experience again what I’ve done, in the form of a dream.

The house where I was born has always produced excellent people. 

Exercise, science, medicine, politics, economics, education, archeology …… Anyway anyway, a house that has always sent people to the top. That is Kuon’s family. 

Kuon’s family is moving the world. Recognition in the world. It is the world. That’s where I lived. 

And Kuon was a house not accept anything other than “excellent”. 

There are only two things that are ‘excellent’ or ‘un-usable’. 

It was only those ‘excellent’ one are being recognized as human beings, the others were not.

And I am a member of Kuon’s family, a human being never called‘excellent’.

Whether you are ‘excellent’ or ‘un-usable’ the family still allow you to live normal when you are still a child.

It’s not i’m bad at anything, attually I’m quite good at it, but of course I’m not ‘excellent’ at anything. I was like that. 

If there is something that is superior, that was my robust body in the Kugon family who are all merely consanguineous marriage and have a weak constitution.

Move your body, sit down and learn. 

There is no excess and deficiency in anything.

It was early for my parents to give up on such a child like me. 

That last day they visited. I remember the day when my life was finished well. 

There were quite a lot of “caretakers” visited my room on that day. 

“Young lord, can you come over here?” (お坊っちゃま: O bōtchama = how servant call a young lord)

“Do you mind if I change clothes? As you can see, I’m awfully sleepy, I’m still in bed clothes.” 

“No. Go as you are without holding anything” 

“Okay, I understand.”

While I felt a sense of incompetence in my bed’s temperature, I went out of there. 

It is a bit strange that everyone is watching me with caution, I laugh a little.

I understood the meaning that they came here. So even if I do not look like that, I will not run away. 

I followed them, saying, “I’m all right,” to the followers who have strange faces. 

The surroundings are protected by strong guards, or they are blocked, and they are taken me to a room that I has never been in. It’s like I’m escorted by them rather than to follow them.

I knew this place. 

It is because it was a place that anyone could enter, anyone who was treated as ‘human beings’. 

It is my first time to step in, but I knew about this place for a long time. 

This is “garbage dumping place”. When a Kuon’s family child reach a certain age and still ‘un-usable’, they will be kept here forever.

… It is normal.

Underground of the mansion. That room separated by iron grates was a space that seemed to be unexpectedly comfortable. 

Because I had never seen it before, I thought how bad the environment is, but it is more ordinary space than I imagined. 

There are chairs and desks, and beds are placed. There were items that look like cooking areas in the back. Flooring is flooring, walls are white wallpaper. 

Perhaps this room is more comfortable than and my room. That is the evaluation I gave when I first saw the scenery behind iron grates at that time.

“Is there a bath and a toilet?” 

“Of course.”

Haregi-san takes out the key ring from his bosom, and opens the door of iron grates.

It is not similar to the ordinary scenery that lies ahead, there was a high sound that the metal rubbed. 

While I’m frowning my face with annoying sounds, Haregi-san open the door and gives me a word of encouragement.

“Please, get in young lord”

The size of the entrance is enough to pass without having to lower head. I enter inside as prompted.

“If you need something, please tell us” 

“Yes, I understand” 

“… Young lord, are not you wondering?”

“About what?” 

“About the treatment that you are receiving. That is ‘dead’ now, why did you still calm …?”

Until I came here, Haregi-san who was doing business with expressionless face more than usual was distorted.

It is not question of hate or anger that comes to the Haregi-san’s face.

On the other hand, it is easy for me to answer. It was just one word.

“Because it is the Kuon’s family” 

“……Is that it?” 

“Yes, there are no people in doubt about throwing away things that you can not use?” 

“You parent isn’t see you off or say anything, just ‘kill’ you!? And you accept it without even expressing it, what kind of child are you !? Until now, there was not such a child in Kuon’s family! So I… this is how they … !”

“You brought a lot of guards so that I can not run away?”

Everything is understood. 

I wonder what will become of people who can not do anything like me, what kind of reactions have been taken by people who have been here before. 

Everyone at the Kuon’s family did not give anything to what they would throw away.

Because I know everything, I have no surprises, anger, no sorrow. 

I know that resistance is in vain. I also know not to cover it. 

Because I know that myself, “I can not become a part of the Kuon’s family”. 

That’s why it seems wonderful for Haregi-san to have a doubt expression.

Until now, other children has made meaningless resistance. And still, for the one who took us “defective items” here to feel strange.

“It’s all about understanding, isn’t it okay to just accept it?” 

“… …!”

At this time, I still remember well that the line of sight directed to me changed from me obviously. 

Because the fear has filled the doubt that came up to that point in an instant.

“… Maybe you are the most damaged one in the house of Kuon, aren’t you?” 

“Well, I think it was because I was broken and I could not be use, so I was sent here.” 

“In that sense …… No, let’s stop it … I got frightened by the young lord, in a sense, even more than the family’s head, so I will leave it here.”

Kachan (SFX) and the door are closed and locked immediately.

While listening to a lot of footsteps going away I was thinking about the future. 

I do not need to learn anymore, I do not need to study. Nothing to do as an obligation has disappeared. 

Because I am already a ‘dead’ child.

“… for now, should I try to sleep?”

I did not come up with things to do, I decided to take a nap.

…… Do I have any hobby?

While sinking my body in the bed, I closed my eyes considering such a thing. 

My consciousness of my dream is end, and my consciousness of reality comes to mind. 

Along with the end of my dreams, my memory went down.