46 [46]

00. The article.

Raymond Sayertes. Karen thinks of the male lead.

Raymond entered a military school when he was the same age as Karen now. Two years later, I joined the battlefield. Raymond's country was not at war, but it happens sometimes. Things like sending troops to other countries to save face.

"But I'm honored."

It's an honorable war. Karen listened to his story, which sounded like a faraway story. I consoled and wept at the story.

However, you get sick and tired of hearing good stories a few times. Karen got bored after 10 years.

It's in the book for Karen anyway. It wasn't even about Karen. The war was beyond that high white mountain range, and it was only a tragedy to make Raymond. Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a brave knight. A story that is closer than a legend or a myth, but farther than the sermon of weekly worship.

It would be better if there were dragons and demons. Like the old knights, it was not fun to take a gun, not a spear or a knife, and knock down a person who did not topple a dragon. In the end, it was less interesting than the story in the fairy tale book.

"I wanted to be in love. True love."

Raymond sometimes got up panting at night....

"What do you think, Isela?"

Karen asked while cleaning Isela's body. Isela had no answer. Karen doesn't mind the fact at all. Karen got some comfort from receiving this new doll.

Although it was a plant-like Isella that was more unresponsive than Tom, she was more meaningful to Karen than Tom in many ways, so it is a rare item in her own way.

"It would be worth seeing if you and Sir Raymond were a couple. The two of you are having a wedding, and you'll be satisfied with the color."

“…….”

"Come to think of it, both of them are blond. Lord Raymond has a very good hair because he rolled on the battlefield. It's amazing. Oh, it must be because men have short hair. Women have long hair, so it's hard to manage....”

Karen puts her hand in Isela's scalp to make bubbles.

"...Lord Raymond."

I think about him.

Karen has been thinking about him ever since. Sir Raymond apparently avoided the time alone. In fact, Karen had so much work to do, so it was most of the time she was with Isella to organize her thoughts.

"It looks like you've got gold on your hair. It was a bit annoying. When I asked what kind of product I use, you said, "I don't put anything on." You know, with an embarrassing face? But how can a man do that? This is why... I hope it's a trend for women to cut their hair short. I heard that there are quite a few short-haired women in countries beyond the mountain range....”

As Karen spoke, she imagined herself and the ladies with short hair like men. It seemed too unrealistic. It's not a war, but there are a lot of women with short hair.

"It's going to be a little bit weird. When bobbed hair becomes popular, later... Baldness would be in fashion."

Laugh and pour hot water on Isela's head.

"Icella, have you ever played with dolls? I don't remember if I did it. I don't know. I don't remember...It's been so long since I started working as a kid. You must have done a lot. There are still many dolls in your room. They were all high-end. The dollhouse was a great antique. He restored the mansion 300 years ago. The details are really great, too. The interior is modern, so it really looks like a noble house. The paintings made small copies of the famous paintings, even on the bookshelf... I didn't know it was really written and even drawn. I think we should put it in an advantage as a work of art, not for the purpose of holding it to the child."

“…….”

"I took out some thread. I'm sorry I didn't get your permission. But I'm curious how far the doll's bare body can be realized. I've been curious for a while, but I didn't get a chance. I was touching it before, and Miss Isela ripped her hair... Well, it hurt a little. Anyway, it was detailed, but it didn't go that far. Of course, hoo hoo hoo."

Karen thought of the dolls inside. It was a cliche that he himself was like a doll in it, but it is a universal appreciation that is cliché. You and Raymond and Isela are all dolls playing in someone's hands. I meet, break up, and love as the situation moves.

When I saw the male soldier doll with blue glass, I thought of Raymond. Even his clothes resembled Raymond's uniform, so I remembered him more and more. It was a reproduction of the clothes of an actual article, so it was possible.

"The eye color is a little different. You look a lot like Lord Raymond. He's a regular handsome guy, so he's kind of typical. He's like a doll. He has clear features, tall skin, and a nice body."

So Karen thought he would be the male lead. Now I don't even know if I really read the book. Karen was giving more power to hypotheses about mental illness that actually originated from her mother after her father's death. The theory is that Katherine believed that she came from outside the book and injected her daughter Karen with such delusion.

And Nancy and Duran made themselves insane under the active sympathy of the lord.

"It's funny that you're assuming yourself this way. What do you call it, a madman doesn't recognize himself as a madman, so isn't it funny that if you suspect him as a madman, he's not a madman. What's so meaningful about your personal doubts? Do you know how many hundreds, hundreds, thousands, and tens of thousands of thoughts a day? What do you think is the same as the philosophers' idea? How do you put the standard of the general public and the light people's thinking together? Philosophers aren't crazy. How can I guarantee it...I mean, I... I'm not crazy because of my mother... How can we prove it?"

Karen needed that conviction above all. If anyone repeats life like himself, will this pain disappear? Will this pain disappear if anyone repeats life like himself? It is certain that there will be less pain. But it was too much to endure in this world where nothing was certain.

"…or if I die, it's over.”

Karen squeezed Isella's head with a towel and squeezed the water out. And I put on some perfume. I applied Argan oil to my hair and put hot water underneath and stung the steam.

"With all this work done, it would be worthwhile for the person who touches it if the hair was improved a little bit...Come on, Isela."

“…….”

"I hope this will make you feel better.

Karen sighed as she watched Isella's hair, which was a bit dirty.

Then take out the rose water and put it on Isela's face.

"Is it true that this is a concentration of 30,000 roses?"

“…….”

"Well, I'm sure you won't be fooled in places like this...Maybe."

“…….”

"I know you're jealous of me for your appearance."

Karen stood up for a moment and tapped on her shoulder.

"Oh, my whole body aches. After all, she's a maid again. Isela is a girl. Well, that doesn't mean I want to be Mr. Berdick's true daughter.”

“…….”

"Icella, do you love Lord Raymond?"

Karen was curious about that.

"Do you really love her? With all your might? Like if it wasn't him? Or do you want to get old with him and look at him and close your eyes on the same day?”

“…….”

Isela doesn't answer. Karen was curious about Isela's true feelings. My head gets complicated because of my parents. Love. What am I supposed to do? Karen knew how intense and transient the temporary emotions were.

Just as recognizing that he is a fanatic cannot be a yardstick to judge whether he is really a fanatic, so was love for Karen. Unable to know. How do you know that your love is the same as others' love? How can I be sure that Catherine's feelings of finding the answer are the same as the average person?

"In fact, love... Hmm… yeah. Well... I had a father. Not even my mother. I don't remember, but... I've only met Miss Isela's mother once. But she is prettier than her mother. This is a compliment. Anyway. My father said that love will save me. True love... You're gonna save me... from this hell. But I'm still in hell."

“…….”

"The love of parents is true love, and isn't the love of Lord Raymond and my love?"

“…….”

The sap fell with a snap. Only she and Isela exist in the quiet room.

This space is extremely peaceful.

Karen lay prostrate next to Isella, who closed her eyes.

"It wasn't much love."

"Pick," he burst into laughter. For Karen, the love of the lord was just such an ordinary love. Karen wanted to be equal. I wanted love that had the same weight as death. complete understanding and belief I wanted love that was not afraid of death.

Isela fell asleep on the top floor, the quietest place in the mansion. Pathologically white, quiet and clean space. Isela, who didn't respond, was less interesting than Tom, but Karen was satisfied with it.

"Icella... Raymond hated you. I'm sure he still hates it. There's nothing we can do about it. Since a long time ago... in 100 years, he has never loved you."

Karen thinks about it. Raymond was thoroughly a knight for her. And it was cruel to other women, including Isela. It was the same again this time. Girls don't want a kind man to anyone. a man who is only kind to himself with everything

"What if…?" Really only to me... A man who is only kind to Karen Haier...For one thing, even with a gun to the whole world, it's one of two things. Either that one is too precious."

Karen dressed Isella in a jacket.

"Or he wanted one to look important."

Did he give me false feelings? Karen thought about why Raymond was so good for her. Did he really fall in love at first sight? Is that really possible?

"…what do you say?"

Even women who only close their eyes and sleep can tell if they take care of them every day. Karen even put on makeup on Verdick's time. Berdick thought Isella was getting better.

"How about that?"

There was a big burn left on Isela's neck.

But thanks to the big chest, Karen's wounds were covered.

“…….”

Karen quietly covered Isela's face with a pillow. If you press it for a few minutes, it's over. It's still in the room. It's beautiful when the sun shines through the room. The bright and bright ward had a heaven-like silence.

"If I strangle you here....”

I picked up my pillow. The lips draw a line.

"I'm going to be cut off, right?”

She got up and opened the window. The summer breeze came into the room. I couldn't help but feel refreshed. Karen closed her eyes and opened them. It's a beautiful world.

"The weather is nice."

***

Karen knocked on Raymond's room in the middle of the night.

"…I don't think it's a lady's manners. Karen... Evans."

Raymond stammered at the end of his speech.

"This name doesn't suit you yet. If it's not important, I think it's right to meet at dinner tomorrow night."

So what am I supposed to say among at least ten people? Karen was elated by Raymond, who acted as if he had forgotten what he had said.

"May I close the door now? I hope you have a good night."

"Sir Raymond, I actually love you."

The door opened.