146 [146]

"Of course."

"Then please cancel the coming-of-age ceremony. They don't need anything.”

Karen, they're your relatives...I'll give you important help in the future."

"It hasn't helped me so far."

“…….”

The lord was speechless. Karen stared at the lord. In fact, he doesn't believe. But he thinks he believes in himself. The lord's face was wrinkled.

"First of all, I'll write to Duran that I'll postpone it for a while. But I can't stop him from coming back here this time. Because the next lord is Duran, he has to learn a lot from me."

"I want everything postponed. And I don't want to see Duran's face."

"But he has to come here. Even if I don't marry you."

"Then I want to go somewhere else in the meantime."

"Carran!"

The lord called Karen urgently.

Karen knew she was driving her father too far from the first day, so she decided to step back. First of all, there is no engagement with Duran.

"Okay, but I'm not going to be engaged to Dulan, and I won't attend the ceremony."

"…carren, I've already spoken to my relatives. If you have to attend....”

"Daddy, I've died so many times."

Karen said slowly again, emphasizing slowly. Young-ju said she believes it with her own mouth, so she should pretend to believe it.

"And the relatives had no help, no effect. I want to live a more faithful life now."

“…….”

The lord couldn't beat Karen.

Karen now knows how to deal with the lord. In fact, it hasn't been long since I had such a deep conversation with him. Karen has learned how to treat her father since she admitted that Young-ju was her real parent and spoke to him about killing people. Young-joo was a man who couldn't beat her child and pushed her over.

"It's because you really love her."

"Yeah, I guess so.”

Nancy gave Karen a hard time when Karen answered back.

"But you must be very upset because you loved her and prepared a big birthday with Dulan."

"It's Nancy. It's Nancy. First of all, the birthday party was too much for my family. And Duran... It was the worst choice."

Nancy asked Karen as she braid her hair again.

"I understand Dulan is a little off. But it's true that you've found stability thanks to him."

"Is it meaningful to be drugged and stable?"

"Sometimes that helps a lot."

Nancy was one person until she came into the house hypnotically, so it was natural to side with Dulan. What she and Duran did to Karen was essentially similar. But Karen was both hoping to eat bullets together.

"I've already fed you a few times, so I'll take it."

"What?"

"There's something like that.”

Small, shiny, shiny thing. And Karen told Nancy that she had her hair fixed and put decorations on it.

"And you, if you need money, just tell me. I'll give you that much separately. But it's never someone else's... Especially don't touch the guest's stuff."

"Oh, how can you say that?"

Nancy protested in a perplexed voice, but Karen clapped her finger and ignored it. Nancy was a daring thief who once stole Isela's necklace.

"By the way, lady, why are you working so hard at decorating? No one's visiting today."

"I want to go out."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. Let's go down to town first.”

Nancy kept shaking her head to see if Karen, who was moving in a hurry, didn't understand, but Karen just laughed. She doesn't know she's been in custody for nearly a year.

***

It felt strange to move so enthusiastically from the very next day after he came back. Because there was really nothing to do at this time. I always had to struggle with pain when I started to die again. Karen, who has lived a life of preparedness for death more than 100 times each time, lost her energy due to a sense of desperate helplessness.

I met Duran on a big event called Coming-of-Age Ceremony, then Icella, then Raymond. It was not easy to see anything else because sequential encounters and things always happened in one's life. Really trivial things didn't catch my eye.

Karen opened the carriage window.

"The air is still cold."

Nancy stopped Karen, but Karen shook her head. It was stuffy. The cold air of early spring came in through the open window. And when the shaking scenery caught my eye, it was fun just by itself. It's really hard to be stuck in a mansion all year.

'Actually, I was fine before.'

Karen thinks of herself decades ago and 100 years ago when she did all sorts of things. But at the time, he was literally bent on finding the number of cases. And the self that had just revived was devastated by the despair of living again.

The world was so different just by the fact that Raymond remembered.

Acknowledging that it was not a book but a real world, he could live his life. So Karen decided not to let it go for a day.

"…so what should I do this time?’

Karen thought of the coin she threw away. Like this or that, the weight of life was equal. But this time, he melted the coin.

"…is it a waste?"

"What?"

You haven't cleaned the fireplace yet, have you?

"I don't know what you're talking about all of a sudden."

Nancy asked in bewildermentally. Karen spoke again slowly.

"I put something in the fireplace. If you have anything left, take it."

"What? What did you put in?”

"Gold money."

"Yes? Why would you... Lady... My lord, I don't have that much money."

Nancy opened her eyes round. Karen laughed because the expression was funny. And spoke slowly.

"You said you didn't believe me, but there was actually a coin I used as evidence before I died. It's a small gold coin. If I die with it in my hand, it will come back to life. So I've been there all this time, and I've died. I've got a number on it.”

But I don't need it anymore. Evidence is not a coin, it's not one thing like that. Now I'm waiting for Lord Raymond, my male lead. Karen muttered, feeling the wind like that. But Nancy looked at her again when she didn't answer.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Well, that's important in its own way, isn't it?"

"Yes… but it doesn't matter anymore. Why is your face so serious?"

Nancy looked down at her hand without looking at Karen with a complex face.

"Actually, miss... I don't know if I can say this. I just got a letter from Mr. Dulan."

"To me?"

"No, it's mine. And she told me to check if there were any coins with numbers on them. But... I don't know...Lady, are you sure you live again? I honestly don't believe it. But…"

Nancy had some fear in her face. Karen was familiar with the face. It was the feeling I always felt when I looked in the mirror. It was a fear of the unknown.

***

What on earth is Duran?

What does he want? Karen couldn't understand Duran and she didn't want to. What he wanted was not an understandable area for Karen. He didn't want gold and silver, and his marriage to Karen was not the answer. But he was shaking Karen's past, present and future so deeply.

Yes, in his previous life, Duran asked Nancy about the coins.

Karen thought about the past she didn't remember. For some time, he held a gold coin. It was a consolation to himself. It was proof that he was going to live again, to keep his mind on it. It was a testament to the reality, the repetitive life that others should believe in, even if they don't. think of the figures engraved on the gold coin

I must have lost my coin in the middle. Why do I....

Karen thought. Did he really put a coin in every moment of death? The memory of the time when the insanity of death was vague. Didn't you lose your coin last time? And he couldn't even hold a coin when he was killed consecutively by Bowen. Last time he died in Raymond's arms.

"…why do I have a gold coin this time?”

Karen doesn't even remember how she got her hands on the coin. And I didn't even think deeply about it. The gold coin itself was nothing special, as it continued to hold, erase, and engrave. Karen only assumed that she had just grabbed a gold coin on the market and used it as evidence. And even that was Dulan's calculation?

Karen murmured to Nancy.

"When you see it, you decide to tell Duran."

"Yes... if there are numbers on it, I told him to tell me.”

"When?"

"Not long ago, about two days ago. But lady, this is really... Are you all right?"

Karen always groomed herself, washed and fed Nancy. She was always with her, so it wasn't strange what she knew. But what does Duran know? I was frustrated that no answer came out even if I tortured or married.

But for the first time, you can change something.

Karen stared at Nancy. Her expression seemed uncomfortable, but it didn't seem to betray her. The countless pasts that killed Nancy, killed Nancy, and talked to each other. There are stories that only come out after such a past.

"But I didn't know it would be so confusing from day one….”

"…what should I do?”

Karen said to Nancy.

Last time, he told Nancy to tell her that there was a coin. Then we should make a different choice this time.

"First of all, don't send Dulan any answers. Just say you don't know. Nothing came out of my hand. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I got it."

Nancy nodded her head. When I saw it, I felt a little relieved. Then he turned his eyes out of the window again. It was early spring. It was the season of the beginning where nothing had yet been done.

Maybe this will change first. Just like everything changed when you started killing. Then how should I live this time? At that time, he threw a coin to choose a good path and an evil path, but what path would be good to live this time? I decided to live a more relaxed life, but I felt suffocated to think that the coin might have originated from Duran.

But Karen decided to do exactly what she had decided in her last life.

"Nancy, as I said before, if you have a piece of gold left, you have it."

"Really?"

In the meantime, Nancy's voice secretly showed joy. Karen grinned.

"Yeah. It's going to be hard to get paid for by the fire, but it's still going to be worth the gold.

"Yes. But what's wrong with you? You're doing something you've never done before."

"I told you I'd buy it many times.”

"Oh, yes... I did. Anyway, I'm fine."

"Yes."

Karen sat down and watched Nancy smile with anticipation. I thought this life would be quite fun. Duran has been planning everything for a long time. However, he will eventually fail. It was a near-confident hope.

"I'm going to live a nice life this time."

Karen thought of the gold coin she threw at the fire. I don't need gold coins. It was burned to the ground. It is oneself to choose. And Karen decided as soon as she opened her eyes in the garden.

"When you fall in love, you become brave."

"Really? It's worth reading your love story to the lady."

"Yes."

Karen nodded her head.

"It really is."

Karen was going to live a good life.

For her knight who shined more than gold.

Those who call it romantic to walk in hell together are defeatists. Love is not like that. We don't fall into the book together. I want to give a better life as a gift. When Raymond came down to her, Karen wanted to give him his life back.