CH 72

There are nights when I’m unable to sleep.

I was supposed to be tired after my outing today, but for some reason, my eyes were not. Looking out the window without looking at anything in particular, I gently stroked the glass with my fingertips and felt a chill.

The season was already approaching winter, and my lack of achievement made me wonder if I could change the future.

This room adjacent to my office is like a private parlor, with a door leading to my bedroom and a door leading to Mika’s bedroom, which is smaller. I wanted to sit on the sofa for a bit, so I thought I’d come out here.

But, perhaps I wanted Mika to notice me, such weak feelings began to appear in my mind.

I sighed a little as I lifted my eyebrows, which were about to droop, with my fingertips.

While looking at the window pane that turned white with my breath, I decided to sit on the sofa for the time being.

(Patriel…I don’t think he’s a bad person.)

I thought about his behavior during the day. If he had shown some kind of bad manners, I might have been able to make up my mind about him. But, Mika still insisted that I shouldn’t trust him too much, and I didn’t know what to do.

I ended up glancing at the door to Mika’s bedroom as if I clung onto it, then shook my head hurriedly.

(No! I can’t! I can’t rely on Mika for everything.)

It was even pointed out to me to by the Night King, who I thought was the son of Duke Marcotte. A deep sigh escaped my mouth again.

However, at that moment…

There was a clicking sound, and the door toward the office opened. I looked up at the source of the sound. Standing there was…

“Huh? Nagi, what’re you doing this late?”

“……What? Mika?”

Mika stood there, with a winter coat. I just froze, unable to catch up with my thoughts. When we entered each of our bedrooms earlier, Mika had already changed into his loungewear, and I thought he was already asleep.

Mika walked toward me with a long wool coat slung over his shoulder, as if he had gotten hot in the hallway on the way here. The clothes peeking out from under his coat were for outdoor use.

Sitting next to me on the sofa, Mika bent down like he was peering at me.

“What’s wrong? You had trouble sleeping?”

I shivered at the coldness of his fingers gently placed on my chin.

“Ah, sorry, was it cold?”

“…”

“Can I wash up my body for a bit and come back again? If you get sleepy, go to your room and get some proper sleep.”

“Yeah…got it.”

Mika, perhaps noticing my reaction, immediately retracted his finger and walked straight to his bedroom. I was still unable to move, just frozen in a daze. An unpleasant feeling was slowly spreading through my chest, like black ink staining a blank sheet of paper.

I have no right to feel this way. I knew that much, but still, I ended up thinking about it.

(Whose…perfume scent is that? Where had he been at this hour?)

The light scent of elegant lily flowers that I smelled left me at a loss as to what to do.

The time was already around midnight. But indeed, I can understand that if Mika, who is with me at all hours of the day, wanted to meet someone personally, it would be at a time like this.

But…!

My chest hurt like it was squeezed tight.

(Had he been doing this all the time, and I just didn’t notice? He had disappeared like this?)

Certainly, Mika often knew information that I didn’t, and I often wondered when he investigated those stuff, which is probably why he was out in the middle of the night like this. Maybe today, too, he just went to investigate something.

Maybe it was just because it was nighttime.

But somehow, I felt like Mika looked more mature, like a man I didn’t know, and my heart ached. On the contrary, I felt ashamed, frustrated, and wanted to run away, remembering how unreliable I had been a while ago, how I had almost peeked at Mika’s door because I was feeling helpless.

(Damn it…how embarrassing. I’m starting to hate myself.)

But I’m a man. I won’t cry. This much is fine.

I thought of that so many times, but my body remained frozen and motionless, and I ended up sitting there in a daze.

A few moments later, there was a tiny clunk, Mika had just placed a steaming cup on the low table. Then, with a cloth to wipe the water off on his shoulder, he sat down next to me as if it were a matter of course.

Along with the warm steam, the aroma of almonds and honey reached my nose.

“Marie told me this can help when you have trouble sleeping.”

It’s not Mika’s fault, not that there’s anything wrong with him, and not that there’s anything wrong happening to him! But when I looked at Mika, who smiled at me as if nothing had happened, I couldn’t help but furrow my brows.

Still, when I thought that he had gone to the trouble of heating some almond milk and bringing it to me, I couldn’t keep being grumpy, so I squeezed out a few words of thanks with a pouty face.

“……Thanks.”

“Huh, why are you angry? Well, you’re welcome, I guess?”

I didn’t even know why I was angry.

This is the kind of thing I should have been prepared for when I appointed Mika as my knight. I gently opened my mouth and swallowed a little bit of the hot liquid.

(I know. There’s nothing wrong with Mika. He did nothing wrong.)

I desperately told myself so, but the wrinkles between my eyebrows only deepened.

Mika stared at me from the side and laughed out loud at my “funny face”, and it made me feel an unpleasant boiling in my stomach. As I felt frustrated, but, huh? I thought that something was weird.

He heard from Marie about the almond milk? I wonder what it is. Something about it bothered me. But when I remembered about Marie, Mika usually called her “Miss Marie”. For some reason, I also remembered that he always looked at her as if she were very dear, and I got a little irritated again.

However, if I’m even concerned with the way he’s looking at Marie, that must mean my thoughts are too much… As I thought of that, I forced those thoughts out of my head.

I kept silent while drinking the almond milk, then Mika told me.

“And so? Why do you have trouble sleeping today?”

“Nothing, really. I just do. There’s no particular reason.”

“Huh? Is that so? It must be because of Patriel.”

“……”

Sometimes I think that Mika can read my thoughts.

I mean, he doesn’t have to ask if he already knows what I’m thinking about. But in the end, this meddlesome childhood friend eventually ran his mouth.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to do everything. You better think about who you want to save.”

“I know. But! Patriel, he’s a good person…”

After listening to Mika’s words, it was just as I thought. I knew he’d definitely nail me like this.

When it comes to Patriel, Mika was consistent in his attitude.

Mika, who heard about the future from Vivienne, did not oppose me on two points: that I want to save Brother Seth, and that I also want to prevent Vivienne’s execution.

Besides, perhaps Mika had heard that I, his lord, might be executed, and was working to stop it as his top priority.

I also don’t think it would be possible for me to save everyone when I haven’t achieved anything yet. But even so…!

“I want to at least save the people I get involved with…That’s all.”

I panicked as my true feelings escaped my mouth, but it was too late.

My heart jumped when Mika, who was resting his cheek on his leg, stared at me from slightly below.

“Nagi. I’m not sure yet, but I think it’d be difficult to save someone who has been entrusted by Baroness Tessier to destroy evidence of a dangerous weapon and has become so deeply involved in the situation that he immediately complies. I’d rather you get away from that guy right now than get hurt, not to talk about expanding your influence.”

“…How is Gillian Faure’s health?”

“Right, just as you instructed. They sent someone from the first prince’s faction to assist him, and I think things are improving a little bit.”

“Could Patriel be…umm,”

I still couldn’t give up, so I tried to ask Mika.

Mika seemed to see right through what I was trying to say and told me in a fed-up expression.

“No such thing. Since then… I’ve been watching Baroness Tessier since the summer, but I haven’t observed her using her fascination magic on anyone other than His Highness Vincent. I think there’s no doubt that her unique magic has a limitation that can only be used on one person.”

His accurate guess of what I meant to say made me stop moving for a moment. But soon after, I put my mouth to the cup again while saying, “Is that so,” quietly.

The warm liquid flowed down my throat and slid down my body. And yet, my fingertips still felt the coldness of the window that I had just touched.

When I placed the cup on the saucer, it made a little clinking sound.

As if he had timed it perfectly, Mika’s right hand gently rested on my left hand, which was resting on my knee.

I could feel Mika’s body heat, a little warmer than before, perhaps because he had bathed in hot water.

I asked Mika with my gaze while thinking, “What is it?”, then Mika’s eyes softened.

“What I want is just for you to be alive, that’s all.”

“…Mika.”

“I want you to be happy.”

I think it was a strange way to say it.

I’m sure I wouldn’t be happy. But I’m sure those who I need to make happy would be able to do so.

My heart ached again, remembering the scent that Mika had carried earlier.

(If the day comes when I don’t care about such things, maybe it could be possible for me to be happy…)

If I can survive into the future five years from now, will I be able to experience more things in my peaceful life? And maybe one day I will feel happy.

Feeling a throbbing pain in my chest, all I could get out of my mouth were prickly words to bluff.

“Well, if I’m going to be executed one day, you’ll probably get executed too.”

“Haha, that’s true.”

But I still want to do everything I can.

Mika is always against it, but I might be able to even stop Patriel somehow. I want to keep that hope alive.

As Mika squeezed my hand, I looked at him with a questioning look, wondering how long this guy was going to hold my hand. Whether he noticed me or not, Mika continued as if nothing had happened.

“Are you going to dance with someone again at the New Year’s Eve ball?”

“No, I won’t dance. If I danced only with Vivienne so many times, that would be a bad thing. In the first place, even Brother Vincent won’t be able to flat-out refuse her, can he? She’s been really something lately.”

“Is that so? I actually don’t keep track of Miss Vivienne’s movements that much…”

“Well, if that’s the case…”