Chapter 545 - OVERLAPPING IMAGES

AFTER a few seconds, the Gatekeeper's eyes were slowly filled with determination.  Although his pallor was still pale, he no longer looked like he was about to die from excessive heartache.  Obviously, what Shen Ji Yun said was very effective.

"I'm sorry for letting you see something unsightly," the Gatekeeper started.  "After your last visit, it made me remember a lot of the past.  All the memories I had with my wife.  And I was once again overcome with grief.  I couldn't control the sadness that had been filling inside me every day.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, no wonder I passed out and became sick. 

"And then after you told me what really happened to Finnea, everything inside me just shut down.  The sadness in me turned into hate and anger.  Then I realized, no matter how angry I get, no matter how strong my hate is, it could never bring her back again.  And I just- I just wanted to see her.  I wanted to be with her even just for a second."

The Gatekeeper raised his hand and clutched his chest.  "I tried so hard to fix this thing inside me that had been shattered by her death.  But the only way I could do that was to slowly forget her.  And I couldn't.  The closest thing to that was to lock away those memories in the deepest crevice of my brain.  For a while, I thought what I did was enough.

"But then, the moment I found that clue that could reveal why she died, those memories just came flooding in.  It was like another round of painful torture.  When I saw you and the Lord Qilin, I couldn't resist the urge to ask for your help.  Not because I want closure for what happened to Finnea, but because I wanted to know the identity of the person who did that to her.  So, I could take my revenge.  Hoping that it would quell this despair.

"But even with that motivation, I still found myself wasting away my life.  And then now, I found out that the person who did this to my wife was already dead.  Then where could this hatred go?  Who would bear it?"

[Mashter, the Gatekeeper is too pitiful.]  - Eclipse suddenly said, burying his fluffy head on Luo Yan's chest.

He couldn't really blame him though for thinking that way.  Even Dusk remarkably didn't contradict the little fox this time. 

The anguish in the Gatekeeper's voice almost made Luo Yan stepped back.  If he didn't know that the other was an NPC, he would probably be very sympathetic to him right now and would immediately offer words of comfort.  But because he knew the other's identity as an NPC, the first thing he thought was what would be the right keywords to push this narrative forward?

Man, he suddenly felt a bit heartless.  He could only blame those programmers for designing these NPCs too perfectly.

The Gatekeeper then continued on as he raised his head and said, "But what the Lord Qilin said was correct.  I have a good kid.  Filli should be enough of a reason for me to continue living."  Then he slowly stood up from the bed, even though it was quite obvious that it was taking a toll on his body.  He then bowed respectfully to Shen Ji Yun.  "Thank you, Lord Qilin, for opening up my clouded mind."

Shen Ji Yun walked over and helped the other from his bowing posture. 

He wasn't actually planning on comforting this NPC or saying those words.  But when the Gatekeeper started to look life less as if the world ended, a particular image overlapped with the other – that of his mother. 

After his father died, his mother fully immersed herself in her grief.  She tried to live in her make-believe world – a world where his father was still there with them.  And when he tried to do anything that would break that world, she would get violent.  She would hurt herself and even him in the process. 

The first time he was slapped, he didn't feel the stinging sensation on his cheek.  What he could only see was the woman in front of him with disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes.  Then his young mind wondered for the first time – who was this woman and where was his mother?

He realized that the mother he loved was slowly slipping away from him.  Even at his age at that time, he knew that if he did not do something, he would also lose her just like how he lost his father. 

So, he tried everything to bring her back to reality.  To become her anchor.  But all he got in return were bruises and emotional wounds that even until now still hadn't healed. 

But he didn't want to give up.  Until that incident happened that forced him to face the truth – he couldn't save his mother from her own despair.  That was probably the first time he realized how weak and powerless he was. 

And so, he accepted the helping hand his uncle reached out to him.  That was when he learned that sometimes all you could do was to give up.  Because not doing so would only make you hate that very important person. 

Shen Ji Yun looked at the NPC in front of him.  He wondered if his mother had been strong enough, if she chose her son over her own misery, would things turn out differently for the both of them?  Could they at least live as normal mother and son?

Maybe they could have a normal meal with each other, talk about nonsensical things, share how their day had been, simple things like that.  Maybe her mother could even smile at him. 

He no longer remembered her smiling face.  All he could remember were those eyes filled with nothing.  Eyes that couldn't even be bothered to look at him, really look at him.

A bitter smile unknowingly crossed his lips.  What's the use of thinking about these things?  No matter how many what ifs he had, he could no longer change the past.  There was only the future.  And that, he was sure to not do anything he would regret.

Suddenly, he felt something soft grasping his own hand.  When he gazed down, he saw Luo Yan looking up at him with worry in those blue eyes dusted in gold.