CH 33

The weather was getting colder at night, many stalls had closed and people had left. During the day, it was warmer to squeeze around, but now there were no crowds. The spring market was full of breeze and the temperature went even lower. It really shortened people’s breath.

Lin Chengyu put an extra piece of clothing on Jiang Xiao, but the other person thought it was troublesome to take it on just to put it aside later, so he refused to wear it.

As long as Jiang Xiao spoke sternly, Lin Chengyu didn’t even dare to vent his anger. He had no choice but to help Jiang Xiao quickly tidy up the goods, so that Jiang Xiao could go home earlier and get warmer.

After counting the quantity of the goods, Jiang Xiao counted the money there and checked twice. He felt there was something wrong, counted them again, then thought of something. He pulled out around five or six hundred-yuan bills on the spot and put them in front of Lin Chengyu.

A hundred yuan bill was still green these days.

“The calculation doesn’t match, did you put the money in?” Jiang Xiao said, “Don’t think I won’t know.”

The unit price of the things in Jiang Xiao’s stall was not expensive. Most of the things were a few tens of yuan and this amount of money was still valuable these days. Customers have to carefully consider the items that exceeded the price of 50 yuan. It was impossible for Jiang Xiao to settle every penny during the day. He might not remember all of them, but he still had a little impression of not taking out a hundred yuan in change that much.

Lin Chengyu was stubborn at first and refused to admit it, but this time Jiang Xiao’s calculation was very clear and irrefutable, so he was forced to admit it again.

Originally, he wanted to stuff more but was afraid that the amount of money would be too much to be so obvious.

…Next time he would try to stuff smaller denominations.

Jiang Xiao asked him to take it back, but Lin Chengyu refused to accept it. “Xiao Xiao, even when we first met, we both didn’t care about money, did we?”

Jiang Xiao wanted to rely on himself to start from scratch. He had an independent personality, thus he would certainly be disgusted if Lin Chengyu decided everything for him. Lin Chengyu would not interfere and actually would support him, but giving Jiang Xiao money and hoping that he would not work so hard, was not in conflict with this.

“My money was originally your money,” Lin Chengyu sneaked his hand to hold Jiang Xiao’s hands again. “It has always been.”

Jiang Xiao’s hands were too cold, so Lin Chengyu circled his arms around Jiang Xiao’s to warm him up, trying to make him feel better. Then he heard Jiang Xiao ask him, “…So, did you do this because of guilt?”

Jiang Xiao really couldn’t understand the change in Lin Chengyu’s attitude. This person obviously didn’t care about him in his previous life, and his nature was just like this, so he wouldn’t change immediately just because he was reborn.

“Previously, I came so easily that you could waste me carelessly. What you can’t get now was actually the best thing you could ever have. Is that what you mean?” Jiang Xiao stared at him when he said these words, his eyes were vivid, like a lamp illuminating people’s heart on a snowy night.

“No.” Lin Chengyu immediately denied it and said seriously, “It’s because I like you, because I love you, I…”

He looked into Jiang Xiao’s eyes and couldn’t continue to say what was going on in his heart. It wasn’t because he felt guilty about what he said, but he couldn’t find any evidence to prove that he once loved Jiang Xiao too.

Love was never something they ever talked about.

Jiang Xiao stuffed the withdrawn money into Lin Chengyu’s pocket. He was silent for a while, then suddenly lowered his head and smiled. He suddenly talk about something else, “In my previous life, my mother passed away about three years later.”

Lin Chengyu’s heart tightened and he squeezed his hands tighter.

“Don’t worry, after I came back, she was in much better health. The illness started from the heart and it didn’t stop worsening year after year. So, I will take care of it carefully and she will live a long life in the future,” Jiang Xiao changed the past which made his heart hurt. Now that he mentioned this matter again, he felt calm and there was a trace of rejoicing, so he laughed, “In my previous life, I was confused when I was in middle school. My mother asked me for two things before she passed. I always remember them in my heart, always earnestly implement them, and dare not be reckless or nonchalant.”

After Lin Chengyu listened carefully, he felt a little excited. After being reborn, Jiang Xiao seldom talked to him.

Seeing Lin Chengyu paused for a while, he continued, “Firstly, she said that life is a mirror and it will be returned to me, no matter how I treat people. If I treat others badly, thinking that I was protecting myself, in the end, I would have to suffer. She knew that my nature wasn’t bad, but I have to change what should be changed. No matter how life is in the future, I must treat people sincerely, learn to cherish those I like and don’t be malicious if I hate someone. Even if it hurts, learn to be kind to others. This way, even if I am alone in the future, it will not be too bad.”

There was no need for Jiang Xiao to prove this point, Lin Chengyu also knew that he had indeed performed well. Jiang Xiao had a lively and sincere personality. After getting along with him for a long time, everyone would praise him for being so warm.

“Secondly, work hard on the things that are worth fighting hard for. I must learn to fight for myself and improve what I have, but I must clearly see that it should not be for my own. If I have to let go of something, I should let go. Short-term pain will be worse than long-term pain, but it would stop any losses in time so that I don’t get entangled.” Jiang Xiao said, “This second point, I dare not say that I have completely achieved it.”

Because of Lin Chengyu, he was indeed paranoid.

The two of them weren’t suitable at all, didn’t know if it was because they didn’t see clearly, or because they saw it clearly but were not willing to let go. Ultimately, they were either in pain for fifteen years, or ended up lonely.

“Lin Chengyu, I will also give you these two things,” Jiang Xiao looked up at him, “One must be honest, one must see oneself clearly, so stop wishing for things you can’t get, or you will regret it sooner or later.” Jiang Xiao drew his hand back.

“But the only thing I regret is that I didn’t find out that I love you so much earlier!” What Lin Chengyu was afraid of was to deal with an ancient well without waves; after seeing through the mundane world, there were no more waves.

He suppressed the uneasiness in his heart and hugged the person in front of him. Jiang Xiao was exposed to the harsh wind and cold outside and it was always cold to hold him. However, he couldn’t get warm no matter what. “Xiao Xiao, ever since I woke up, I felt that I begged for this life. After you left, I lived in too much agony.”

He didn’t know how to describe the pain to Jiang Xiao, the wound was so painful that he couldn’t live without it.

Obviously, before he left, he thought Jiang Xiao was fine, but after he came back, the other person was gone and didn’t even see him for the last time. He didn’t know how this happened. Jiang Xiao’s friends knew a few things, but they didn’t look for him, they refuse to say anything, and some of them even deliberately obstructed him. He exhausted all kinds of connections and searched for half a year until he found Jiang Xiao’s grave.

Seeing the grave did not give him relief. Instead, it gave him more anguish.

That kind of remorse was heart-wrenching, every second felt like a year. With Jiang Xiao, life seemed like life, but without him, life was like walking on a sharp knife. He wished he could die, but felt that it was too easy to die. He didn’t know what to do when he saw himself. He was so exhausted that he couldn’t live anymore.

When he opened his eyes again, he found that the world had restarted. This seemed to be a sweet dream that he could never have dreamed of, so it felt right for Jiang Xiao to speak scathingly to him when they met again.

“I want to make up to you, protect you, and treat you well, and we… we can be together again.” Lin Chengyu said and then added in a low voice, “It’s okay if you don’t love me, but I want to protect you. I want to love you properly, Xiao Xiao. This is the meaning of my rebirth.”

Jiang Xiao broke away from his arms. He was not angry but looked at Lin Chengyu with pity in his eyes. “We’re all people who have died once. That kind of pain is a one-time experience. I couldn’t see clearly in my previous life, but now I finally understand it after living through it.” Jiang Xiao sighed, “It’s just that you are still deeply involved in it and you don’t understand it.”

There were many things that couldn’t be explained clearly in a few words. He calmly talked to Lin Chengyu about these things and did not try to deal with them carelessly like before. He really wanted him to let go and also let him go.

“Lin Chengyu, if I’m a bit cruel and bad-hearted, I can use your guilt to do a lot of things. You can’t say that I’m bad then, because I’m just repaying grievances equally. I’m justified. But I didn’t do it, because I remember my mom’s instructions. I can’t do it, but you can’t insert your feet too.” Jiang Xiao said, then said to himself, “Forget it, if you haven’t really suffered, it’s useless to say it.”

For example, when he was in Class 15, many people were curious to see him suddenly start studying. Almost everyone came to ask why. Jiang Xiao told everyone that if he didn’t work hard now, he would have to suffer ten times for it in the future, then it would be too late for him to regret it. Except for Ye Yingying, it was useless when he said the same words, but the painting book sparked interest in his heart, so he worked really hard.

Those were weak words and Lin Chengyu had never heard it. Only when he understood himself, he could really understand the meaning.

“You spend it yourself, I’m going back, don’t follow me.” Jiang Xiao didn’t want to stay here anymore. Before leaving, he left Lin Chengyu with the last sentence of the day, ‘If there is no conclusion, more involvement would produce more mistakes’.

It was an ill-fated relationship, the account would never be clean.

On his way home, Lin Chengyu was still behind him, following him all the way. Jiang Xiao didn’t want to get along with him. When he was busy setting up the stall, he didn’t have time to care who was standing next to him, but every time he had free time and there were only the two of them, he was easily drawn to the old things and he turned to be a gloomy adult again.

He was now a middle school student, his mother was her, he had classmates and a pile of schoolwork. It was already hard for him to do it all over again, so he deserved to live freely.

After returning home, Xia Wanwan prepared supper for him. He always had no time at the stall, so he just ate casually and was hungry when he got home.

Watching him eating wontons, Xia Wanwan couldn’t help but stroked her son’s hair and sighed, “Was it hard on you? How about I don’t go to work tomorrow, okay?”

She had promised to come with Jiang Xiao earlier today. Now she really couldn’t go back on her word and thought in her heart that she was really useless. Her salary was low and she couldn’t make a lot of money, otherwise, she wouldn’t need such a young child to carefully plan these things.

Jiang Xiao glanced at her and knew what she was thinking.

“Someone helped me, so it’s nothing hard,” Jiang Xiao smiled at her, “Mom, don’t worry about this, if you have time at home, just read some books and I will feel at ease.”

Xia Wanwan wants to go on to take the accountant certificate and Jiang Xiao has also looked into it. CPA was not so easy, but it was always a good thing to have a serious goal in life.

When Jiang Xiao mentioned that someone was helping him, it made her think of that boy, who was by her son’s side again for some reason.

“He…” When she opened her mouth, she didn’t know what to say, after all, she didn’t even know Lin Chengyu’s name.

“Mom, trust me,” Jiang Xiao finished eating that bowl of wontons. He rubbed his belly, smiled, and brought the topic behind him, “I will take care of everything.”