CH 50

Ego

“Why do you think I continue to make a living on battlefields? I’ve already paid off my debt. My parents’ house was bought back with the advance payment from this job. Even so, I still haven’t quit being a mercenary. Do you know why?”

Kisei asks in a quiet and gentle voice.

With tears in her eyes, Schleer tries to think of an answer. However, she couldn’t find any. Surely, it isn’t about money. Rather, she notices that he’s the type that couldn’t care less about such a thing. Even though they haven’t known each other that long, she can tell that much.

“…….I don’t know.”

Schleer replied with a shaky voice. Seeing that, Kisei took out tissue paper from a pocket in his flight jacket and handed it to her with a bitter smile.

Schleering received the tissue and sloppily blew her nose into it.

“To be completely honest, the reason I continue working as a mercenary is that it’s the only job that can satisfy my ego.”

“Ego……?”

“Yes. I guess you can call it selfish desire too.”

Hearing an unexpected answer, Schleer stays silent. The word desire should be able to paint a vivid picture for her but she still doesn’t understand him. He doesn’t seem to be the type to fight for greed after all.

“I’ve said this many times before. I hate seeing people die. I’ve told you right, I can see the manifestation of human emotions through the [[I-con]] system.”

Said Kisei as he looked out the window. Schleer on the other hand takes that chance to quietly blow her nose again.

“Since it’s a kill or be killed situation, everyone desperately fights with their lives on the line. Everyone is desperate to live. The emotions that I feel on the battlefield…….they are strong, intense, and honestly very fascinating.”

“But……”

Is that not a cruel hobby? That’s what she’s about to say but the expression on Kirei’s face was so calm that Schleer couldn’t bring herself to continue.

“When people die on the battlefield, those intense emotions will disappear in an instant. Don’t you think that it is a waste? The heated feelings inside people’s hearts, the weight behind them, everything would immediately turn to nothing in just a moment you know? I can not allow that.”

Returning his gaze to Schleer, Kisei smiled a little.

“Being a mercenary has its perks. Even if I don’t kill anyone, no one can give me any trouble if I do my job right. No matter what absurd methods I use, I can silent everyone as long as I can keep producing results. A person belonging to an organization can not afford that kind of freedom.”

“So, Kisei-san is saying that you fight because you don’t want people to die?”

“That’s right, I want to save as many lives as possible. I’m strong so the more I fight, the fewer people will have to die. Besides, if I keep incapacitating the enemy’s vessels without killing the pilots, the damage to my ally would lessen too right?”

Someone that’s not on Kisei’s level of skills would never be able to live up to such an ideal. Still, the fact stands that he did manage to turn the tide of battle all by himself. Only outsiders would be able to shamelessly complain about his method.

“Even so……..you pushed yourself too far. It was like you were fighting to save your enemy at the cost of yourself. To be honest, I couldn’t stand to see it.”

Schleer squeezed out her voice to say that. She still remembers Kisei’s reaction when they sank an enemy ship. It clearly impacted him a lot. Not to mention how he launched an attack on the enemy main fleet all by himself. Although he won in the end, his body couldn’t keep up with the output of his striker and was on the verge of dying.

“You……someone with your mindset and body is not suitable for fighting…….I can’t allow you to…..”

Schleer herself knew best how empty her words sounded. Even if she put her all into it, she would not get anywhere near Kisei’s level. Thinking so, tears flood her eyes.

“I know that but it’s not something that I can stop doing. It is my ego at work here after all.”

Instead of comforting her, Kisei smiles. The reason he didn’t try to do such a thing is that he thought it would only be disrespectful to her to try comforting her now.

“Your Highness, you should pour your heart out here as well. What exactly do you want to do? What do you seek out of fighting? If you can be sincere with me about this then I will be very grateful. Whatever it is, I will accept it.”

“………”

For a while, Schleer thought about how to answer.

“I want to be someone who can protect you.”

“No, not that.”

Kisei immediately cut her off, making Schleer’s eyes wide open in surprise.

“Don’t dress it up. It can be dirty, it can be ugly! If it’s truly something you desire then you mustn’t look away! You have to be true to yourself. If you run away from yourself, you will run away all your life. It is something that you need to accept and face it head-on.”

Schleer shut her mouth and closed her eyes. She then took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

“I……I want to show you that I’m strong. I want you to say [Wow! You’re so cool! Please marry me!], that’s truly what I want…….!”

She’s aware that she just made a ridiculously pathetic remark. If you say such a thing out loud even a hundred years of love would get cold. Thinking that Kisei might be disappointed by her answer, Schleer sneaks a look at him. However, all she saw was a big smile on his face.

“That’s it! That answer is as good as any! Isn’t it fine, having that kind of goal?”

“B, But.”

“No but. You are way better than someone who acts all high and mighty while unable to accept themself…….No matter what gets your ego going, someone who is true to themself is way stronger than someone who’s not. After all, as long as you know what you truly want, the harder you will strive to obtain it.”

Kisei leaned over and pat Schleer on the shoulder.

“Since you started accepting what you truly want, you are a little stronger now, Your Highness.”

“I…..am?”

Schleer muttered. Before she knew it, her tears had already stopped.

“That’s right. As a person, you have to take small steps to get stronger. To achieve your goals, whatever it may be, you need the ability to overcome your obstacles after all.”

Hearing his words, Schleer tried to say something to Kisei. However, earlier than she could, the sliding door to their private room was vigorously opened.

“I’ve heard something interesting!”

With a loud echoing voice, a tall blonde woman in a jet-black military uniform appeared in front of them.

It’s Valentina.

“Wh, wh……! Why are you here……!”

TLN: And she appeared!!!

Well, since it’s Ch.50, I guess we’re already 1/6 of the way already huh…..