CH 8

Joshua sighed in great embarrassment.

“Hey.”

And he said as if he was dumbfounded.

“You’d better tell me to stop doing this shit, like Grandpa and Alex the bastard. That would be better.”

There was an awkward atmosphere for a moment.

What…It was true that grandfather and Alex had a terrible dislike for Joshua’s Lorelai.

But that wasn’t simply because of the prestige of the duchy.

I looked down at the teacup without saying anything.

Duke of Prelai.

A great aristocratic family that has a high reputation in the empire that  swore firm loyalty to the imperial family,and has a strong influence on everything by knowing how to manage summons.

My grandfather, SeukaliPrelai, head of the Duke of Prelai, had two sons.

Among them, the eldest son was my father, and the second son, my uncle, ran away from home long ago because he met eyes with a commoner.

And since I was very young, the atmosphere at the Duke of Prelai’s house was very bleak.

Because when I was five years old, my mother made a late night getaway with the coachman, leaving only a note behind.

Then, while being chased by the knights, she and her coachman fell off a cliff and died.

Since then, my father, who has become a ruined man, has been unable to return after going on an unreasonable campaign to subdue monsters in the northern dukedom.

The problem is… 

‘Even when I’m still, I feel like an outsider.’

My image was reflected in the tea water in the teacup.

Pink hair, and green eyes.

I had a lovely appearance that resembled my mother’s, but I really hated my appearance from a young age. Because everyone who owned theo Prelai surname had blonde hair and red eyes.

Grandfather, father, older brothers, even Melissa,

However, the appearance was different, and since I was the only one ho had no summon, I had no choice but to feel tremendous psychological pressure.

But now that I think about it, I wasn’t the only one who was hurting in that unstable family environment. I’m not the only one abandoned by my parents.

So, Alex, Joshua, and I, all three brothers and sisters must have grown up equally messy.

“Brother.”

After a long silence, I slowly spoke first.

“I meant it when I said congratulations on your independence earlier.”

“… Uh?”

“Hey. Before I went to the academy, there was a magic tool that I secretly researched while reading magic engineering books at the Duke’s Mansion.”

For the first time in a while, Joshua’s eyes widened.

Well, it was a secret from my family that I had studied magical engineering since I was a child.

“What I mean, it was to change the color of the eyes.”

“What are you…”

As soon as he heard my words, Joshua laughed like he was full of energy.

“Did you spend all your childhood studying stuff like that, shutting yourself in your room without seeing anyone?”

Silence ensued again.

Even if we didn’t say it openly, we thought the same anyway.

I live ignoring it, but I can never forget my mother’s infidelity.

Because of that, I hated being alone and different from my family.

The fact that I couldn’t summon a summoned beast alone was too already painful.

I had to constantly doubt if I was really a Prelai

There was a method of paternity test, maybe I might have felt comfortable if I had been openly kicked out of the writer Prelai.

However, at thatrate, I would live in an ambiguous position for the rest of my life, not knowing whether or not I am really my father’s daughter. I left the empire because I didn’t like it.

Joshua, who was silent for a moment, barely spoke.

“What kind of useless thing…”

Even so, he couldn’t speak any more.

“Right. It was useless.”

I looked at him quietly and said calmly.

“But regardless of whether people behind me say that I am a disgrace to Prelai, anyway, it’s true that I have a talent for magical engineering, so I even got hired as a professor right before your eyes, wans I?”

Joshua looked at me suspiciously. It was as if he wanted to say something like, “What is the academy professor in that small country like?”, but held it in.

“So I don’t think it’s meaningless that my brother came all the way here.”

At my words, Joshua’s eyelashes trembled slightly.

In fact, there was a reason why grandfather and Alex were at odds with Joshua.

Joshua couldn’t accept her mother’s infidelity. As for how serious it was, he hated affairs so much that he couldn’t stand them.

I don’t remember very well, but originally,  but my father and mother had always been very fond of each other,. To the extent that even after seeing the dead bodies of the mother and the coachman, father could not accept the reality.

Joshua also knew how close his parents were, so se was shocked and said that he was very distressed.

The nanny who couldn’t see it said, ‘It’s not that special. It’s surprisingly common.’

And Joshua’s background investigation into social circles with a mindset of ‘Is this really all like that?’ unexpectedly suited him very well… 

In the end, <Lorelai>, which started with the mindset of ‘let’s expose all those adulterous trash’, did too well.

I was able to know Joshua’s heart in detail, which I did not even pay attention to in the original work.

“I hate my father too. Of course, I know he suffered a lot mentally because of his mother’s infidelity, I know!”

This is because Joshua was so drunk that he messed up a sentence in front of grandfather.

“However, when you went to a dangerous area from which you could not come back against people’s disapproval, you didn’t think about your children at all.”

His grandfather said nothing.

It is because he is very reticent, and it was also grandfather who suggested to his father to subdue the monsters in the north, saying, “Change your mood.”

Of course, I didn’t expect to go that far into the danger zone, but… 

“No, how can parents, after having three children, be so irresponsible?”

Anyway, grandfather and Alex didn’t approve of Joshua’s work.

Others thought it was just because they couldn’t keep the dignity of the aristocratic family, but the reality was more complicated. Both of them judged that Joshua was doing this because he couldn’t get over his old wounds.

Grandfather and Alex’s opinion was, “Please get out of here and live your life.” This is because they thought that my father who could not “get out of here and live his life” until the end was enough.

t/n: didnt know how to exactly phrase it but it means  that one person who couldnt move on was more than enough

“The beginning may have been futile. But brother also came this far because he has aptitude and ability, right? My thoughts are different from grandfather and Alex.”

I shrugged.

“Even if I started from a meaningless past, if I keep going, that is my path.”

Joshua became slightly solemn.

Seeing his face made me feel strangely sad, so I began to warmly comfort Joshua from the bottom of my heart.

“In that sense, I will continue to support the prosperity of that trashy gossip magazine.”

“….”

“Even if you live like an adolescent child for the rest of you life and put a spike in grandfather’s heart, your income will still be overflowing anyway.”

I didn’t forget to add compliments and blessings to boost his self-esteem.

“Then it’s also worth celebrating that gained a crazy taste for big luxury items with the logo. All self-understanding is good, right?”

Um, did I say too much nonsense?

But it was just… After going back to before I died, I felt like I had a disease that made me want to say everything I wanted to say.

“Then, i’ll leave.”

Something was awkward, so I stood up right away, but suddenly Joshua grabbed me.

“Kiana!”

And he gave me the cushion that I said earlier, ‘This is very comfortable’.

“They say riding a carriage is hard.”

“… Uh?”

“Put this on and go. Then it will be better.”

I didn’t say anything and blinked with an absurd face while hugging the cushion, and Joshua said abruptly.

“You gave me a vase too. That’s just the payback! Give and Take!”

I let out a sigh at Joshua’s reply. And as if I knew Joshua’s heart, I smiled shyly and tried to communicate.

“My brother lives a very tiring life. If you want to give, you can just say you want to give, right? Apparently, he was moved by the fact that his mean little sister, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time, said a warm word to him, so he must be kind to her.”

“… ”

“Anyway, then I’ll really go.”

“… Yeah, get out.”

Joshua put the teacup down and stood up.

I tilted my head and asked.

“Aren’t you going to drop me off?”

“Why do I have to? I’m going to exercise.”

I replied mockingly.

“What is exercise? walking exercise? breathing exercises? I’ll really leave… ”

It was when I tried to have real communication with Joshua once again.

Joshua cut me off quickly.

“And get it right. The shame of Prelai is me, not youokay?”

“… Uh?”

“That’s because it’s not determined by the color of your eyes, but by your stupidity. Of course you’re screwed too, but you’re less than me.”

What.

“But regardless of whether people behind me say that I am a disgrace to Prelai, anyway, it’s true that I have a talent for magical engineering, so I even got hired as a professor right before your eyes, wasn’t I?”

Are you doing this now because I called myself ‘the disgrace of Prelai’ earlier?

I stood there for a moment, staring blankly at Joshua.

“Why can’t you say anything?”

And it would have been perfect if he had stopped there and went out cool, but Joshua added one more word, drunked with his cool self.

“Does your heart react first because you are moved? Are you falling down and not being able to speak properly?”

What do you mean with that? That was a statement I really couldn’t stand.

I looked at Joshua, sighed once, and replied.

“You have to react with your brain first so your heart sinks.”

“… ”

“The brain comes first.”

“… ”

Perhaps speechless, Joshua turned around and murmured.

“If only magic engineering was ruined.”

Because when I was five years old, my mother made a late night getaway with the coachman, leaving only a note behind.