Volume 1 - CH 25

Have any one of you out there loved a girl, and wished with all your heart for her to be yours?

I think everyone definitely has.

In his eyes, she was always so cute, every smile and laugh seemed to make the whole world more colorful and vibrant.

She was outstanding, praised and celebrated by many people. She attracted the eyes of everyone, had countless followers…. And he was the dullest boy, the most normal out of all.

No, he couldn't even be counted as a chaser. He could only watch from a distance without a word; smiling for her joy, and weeping for her despair.

He looked at himself in the mirror. His looks were average, his grades were average, his sports were average. Compared to the shining girl, he fell completely out of proportion.

"I should just give up. I'll definitely get rejected, anyway."

He told himself.

Then, he'll willingly become a spare tire, forever brushing shoulders against hers. If he was lucky, maybe he'll even become some sort of scapegoat at the end.

Next, he'll nurse his pain by staying at home, playing games, watching anime, reading web novels. He'll search for some mental comfort among the virtual world, hidden behind screens and rooms of servers.

He'll see the "anime" dimension, where every male protagonist was just as dense and lightheaded as he was. Without lifting a finger, girls spring at him one by one. He opens a harem, and becomes a winner at life.

He becomes happy, as if he also became the same winner as them.

He sinks into his imaginary world, unable to lift his head. He blows by the primes of his life, and the beautiful girl that he long since forgotten.

….

What a depressing story.

Do you know why Japan has a serious problem with their young generation? It's because the young people who should be full of dreams and ambition are too heavily affected by virtual facades, making their attempts to find love incredibly out of touch with reality.

As a part of the world's most populated country, why do we watch the island-country's shonen* anime, searching a cure for our failed romances, and not learn from our culture's superb literature, finding a way to keep pressing at life?

*Another word for Japan is "Island Country", or 岛国. Shonen means teenage, a type of genre aimed towards a young audience.

Even though I'm a high-school student with no experience in love whatsoever, I feel like I've derived a mature, sure-fire method for snagging a girl. This came from years of watching all sorts of television drama, and ancient novel literature.

Before anything, I would like to ask the protagonist of the tragic story a few questions.

"Are you daring to flirt with a stranger you find on the street?"

"Are you daring to kick a girl's foot in the library?"

"Are you daring to yank a girl's ponytail in class?"

If you answer "no" to all of the above, then don't talk to me about your looks, your grades, your sports, and whether she's in your "league" or not.

To love someone, you need to chase after her bravely. Don't think about anything that doesn't affect you.

There was once someone who shared a bit of his philosophy:

"If you love her, you better go rape her; if you're not willing to go to prison for her, what's the point of saying you love her?"

Although that view is a bit too extreme, the basic foundation is my path of romance.

Of course, there are only certain ways to pick up girls. In our civilized society, we cannot do anything illegal. Here, I'm only using this line as a reference, not encouraging you all to go commit felonies.

I remember a very action-packed village love drama that aired in my country. One scene has a lot of meaning to it, we'll use it as an example.

….

One afternoon, Uncle Li got home from work, and was extremely tired. He found his wife crying and wailing, refusing to make dinner.

"Wife, what're you doing, what's wrong?"

Uncle Li didn't get to eat dinner, and was completely exhausted. His heart was filled with frustration, and scolded.

"Everything's wrong, you went to flirt with that little bitch from the other village again!"

His wife started to throw a bigger tantrum.

It turned out that Uncle Li's neighboring village had a widow and orphaned son. Without a man, their days were hard and cruel. Uncle Li couldn't let that pass, so he went to their place to help out.

The widow was attractive, invoking envy from all the village women. Seeing that Uncle Li came by to help, they gossiped behind his back, and the rumors spread to Uncle Li's wife through the grapevine.

Uncle Li was really helping them out of good heart, but his wife didn't believe one word of it. She even threatened to hang herself.

"Hong, listen to me! I really don't have anything to do with her!"

Uncle Li finally understood what was going on, and tried to persuade her.

"I'm not listening; I'm not listening…."

His wife only cried more and more, not taking in anything he said.

Uncle Li didn't know how to make food, so he could only wolf down some stale bread and onions.

He was a true Shandong* man, with a straightforward personality and no sense of details whatsoever. After eating, he didn't even rinse his mouth, and started furiously kissing his wife. Then, he lifted up her squirming body, and carried her straight into the bedroom.

*Shandong is a northern province in China. Men from Shandong are known to be hard, strong, and independent, since most grew up from farmer families and poverty.

The creaking of the bed didn't stop for once that night.

The next morning, Uncle Li's wife returned to before, happily cooking breakfast for him. She never mentioned the widow again.

….

Uncle Li's victory solved a problem. Using the most basic, primitive desire from every human to express love was the most successful way to go. With this completely out-of-control situation, I fell to this last resort.

I ripped the stupid note off my elbow, grabbed the glass of juice, and drank it all in one gulp.

"Jiang Muqing, I'm here today to finish what I started!" I yelled at her.

The shoujo looked up to me in confusion.

"How could I allow a girl to confess? That's really insulting to me as a man! I'm not just any simple guy to accept whoever's thrown at me!"

She gazed at me, expressionless. Her empty pupils didn't seem to have a care in the world.

"Jiang Muqing, I love you, may we begin our relationship officially?!"

The roar of my voice seemed to shake the entire building.

The girl sneered, and opened her mouth to say something.

You must be joking; I'm not letting you pierce through my words like last time!

I lunged forward, and pinned her shoulders down on the sofa. Then I pointed my head to her slightly parted lips, and immediately kissed Jiang Muqing.

The girl's lips were so soft and moist. A smell of oranges?

Uh, please forgive me. I didn't rinse my mouth before kissing.

The girl set her head down on the sofa, letting me kiss her. I felt the temperature of her lips rise higher and higher.

From the feeling in my heart, I felt like I was licking a hot, orange lollipop. Although I was physically excited, my mind was fairly calm.

I felt a wetness on my face.

Am I crying? Impossible, I haven't cried in a very long time.

….

It was her who was crying….

"Ba-dump!" My heart jumped an extra beat.

"Ba-dump! Ba-dump!" Two extra beats.

Her eyes were unfocused. Her previously pale and composed features were now tinged with blush. Her body slumped on the sofa, chest heaving.

"Are you alright?"

I think I was a bit too harsh.

She must feel like she was bullied. I was going too fast, and too impulsive.

I didn't expect her to reach out and pull my collar when I leaned back.

She looked at me in a daze, and wiped her tears. She smiled, and spoke shyly.

"Fan, I'm so happy."

"Yep, I can see that."

I felt a surge of guilt, and laughed dryly.

"Can we continue?"

The girl stroked my neck.

Oh jeez, why did she mention this? Well, I can't back out this time, or else I'll be back at square one.

"Of course."

I raised my eyebrows, and made a naughty expression, holding her down like a famished wolf.

It should be enough with a few more kisses; although Uncle Li can do whatever he wants, I can't just go without restraint.

"Can we go on the bed? Since it's the first time, I want it to be more formal."

She shyly lowered her head.

Don't make that face to me, I'm just a normal boy! If you tempt me like that, I might actually get in trouble! To have sexual intercourse with an underage girl is a heavy felony, under criminal law! Do you want to ruin my whole life?

An idea popped into my head.

I acted as if I couldn't wait, and lifted her body up. She slung her arms around my neck.

"I'm being carried…. By Fan…."

She seemed to be happier.

Sensing that we're about to leave, the black cat jumped to Jiang Muqing's lap.

Then, I opened 212's door, taking her out of this dungeon full of "Lu Fan".

"Fan, my bedroom is over there, you're going the wrong direction!"

"Oh, I'm taking you to my own bed."

I clearly replied.

"Why not right here? It's way closer."

The girl was confused.

"Well, all boys have this process, where their first time has to be done on the bed they've slept in their whole life. That way, they can live up to their fantasies."

I couldn't believe that I said that so shamelessly.

Is there really no other excuse?

"Really?"

The girl's face was etched in suspicion.

Is that not enough for you? How far do you want me to go?

"Okay, to be honest, my right hand is telling me that I'll do better on my own bed, I want to go full on my first…"

"Ah, I see!"

This time, don't act so understanding!

"Take your keycard and house keys. Don't forget to lock the door."

I held her as she took her important belongings from the counter.

"Alright."

….

"Creak!"

The "dungeon" was finally closed by the "demon".

I gazed ahead while carrying Jiang Muqing. Sigh, I still have quite a long road ahead of me….

{END OF VOLUME 1}

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